Zathura: A Space Adventure

Danny:
I'm hungry. Can you make me some macaroni-and-cheese?

Walter:
Don't know how.

Danny:
but, I'm hungry; what *do* you know how to make?

Walter:
Water.

Danny:
Zorgons are the lizardmen. They eat meat and we are MEAT!

Walter:
[to robot] Get me a juice box, BIATCH!

Walter:
...and then the card comes out...

Danny:
Oh, the card. The card. The card. The...

Danny:
THE CARD!

Danny, Walter:
THE CARD!

Danny:
[after seeing what the Zorgons did to the living room] My gerbil was in there.

Lisa:
You guys actually set the house on fire?

Danny:
You wished for two of me?

Walter:
[of the Zorgons] What do they eat?

Astronaut:
Meat.

Danny:
That's good.

Astronaut:
Dude, you're meat.

Walter:
What are you doing?

Danny:
Making mac-and-cheese.

Walter:
There's no water, dummy, we're in outer space. [Danny turns the water on] Why're you doing that?

Danny:
Beacuse I'm hungry and I know you're not goiong to take care of me.

Walter:
Don't bother; the gas won't work.

Danny:
[turns the stove on] Any more advice?

Danny:
Does cryonic mean ice?

Danny:
Wow! Outer space!

Walter:
No... it's just nighttime.

Danny:
I don't know, Walter... it never looked so *close* before.

Danny:
Your're gonna leave us alone in this creepy old house?

Dad:
It's not creepy, it's old.

Walter:
I like mom's better.

Dad:
Well, so did she and now it's hers.

Astronaut:
Are you telling me to leave?

Walter:
Well, once you're finished eating... yeah.

Astronaut:
Well, he spun me...

Astronaut:
[points at Danny]

Astronaut:
...so he has to decide.

Walter:
[pulls out card] Well I'm Fleet Admiral, and I'm telling you to hit the road.

Astronaut:
Oh... I'm sorry... I didn't know. Oh, you know what...

Astronaut:
[pulls out a card]

Astronaut:
I'm Fleet Admiral too! It's just a card, bugnuts!

Astronaut:
[points to Danny] He spun me!

[repeated line]

Walter:
You're such a baby!

Walter:
[reads card] Meteorites. Take evasive action.

Danny:
What does that mean?

Walter:
I don't know, it just says "Meteorites. Take evas...

[meteorite shoots through card]

Danny:
[reads card] Rest... on... standing... astroturf...

Walter:
What?

Danny:
Rest on standing astroturf!

Walter:
Gimme that.

Walter:
[reads card] Rescue stranded astronaut!

Danny:
Wanna play Stratego?

Walter:
No, you always cheat at board games.

Danny:
But you can't even cheat at Stratego!

Walter:
Trust me, you'll find a way.

Walter:
[reads game instructions] "Zathura: Attention space-adventurers, Zathura awaits. Do you have what it takes to navigate the galaxy? It's not for the faint of heart, for once you embark upon your journey there's no turning back until Zathura's reached. Pieces reset at the end of each game. Play again and again for differnt adventures."

Danny:
It's just a goat. It's just a goat. It's just a goat.

[sees it has four eyes]

Danny:
It's not a goat. It's not a goat. It's not a goat. It's not a goat. It's not a goat.

Dad:
By the way, it makes me uncomfortable when you say "hooking up".

Lisa:
Why? It's not like it means anything.

Dad:
Hope it doesn't.

Lisa:
It doesn't. It's just an expression.

Dad:
Hope it is.

Lisa:
It is! God, when should never have rented Thirteen.

Danny:
[throws glove at Walter] You're such a dick!

Walter:
I wish the astronaut had his brother back.

Danny:
[when a tiny meteor shatters the urn above their fireplace] Grandma!

Danny:
A card came out!

Walter:
Fascinating!

Danny:
[Running around in circles as meteors bombard the living room] Take evasive action! Take evasive action!

Danny:
God, I suck!

[repeated line]

Lisa:
I'll never leave you.

Walter:
Don't push that button.

Danny:
[game says "Flunk Space Academy, go back 1 space] I'm not even going to comment on that.

[repeated line]

Robot:
Alien life form. Must destroy.

Lisa:
Lisa is upstairs!

Danny:
Why'd you wish for a football? You could've wished us out of here!

Walter:
I was under a lot of pressure! He was yelling at me! [meaning the Astronaut]

Danny:
[turns around] Why were you yelling?

Astronaut:
[sits on the bed] OK guys. Here's the thing: I've played this game before. OK? I played it with my own brother 15 years ago.

Walter:
You're a player?

Astronaut:
Yeah. Just like you guys. We were fighting a lot back then. And when the game started, it got even worse. Every time we spun, we got madder and madder at one another. And then I landed on the Star Space, the same one that Walter just landed on. I was *so* mad at him that when the star passed... I made my wish.

Walter:
What'd you wish for?

Astronaut:
I wished that my brother had never been born.

Danny:
Oh my god. [Walter looks at Danny, then at the Astronaut]

Astronaut:
As soon as I did, it felt horrible. I thought, you know if I could spin again maybe I, I could land on another Star Space and wish him back but, the game wouldn't let me. So it wasn't my turn. Walter, there are some games you can't play alone.

Dad:
I have to work.

Walter:
But it's Saturday!

Dad:
Tell me about it.

Walter:
[about Zorgons] What do they eat?

Astronaut:
Meat.

Danny:
That's good.

Astronaut:
Dude. You're meat.

Astronaut:
No matter how good an idea seems like when you're angry, it never is.

[first lines]

Dad:
[playing catch] Oh, man. That's it. Nice grab. Oh, yeah.

Dad:
All right, Danny, your turn.

Walter:
What? l didn't get my full turn!

Dad:
Yeah you did. I counted. That was 25. That's what we said.

Walter:
That's not fair!

Dad:
lt's exactly fair. Come on, Danny. Time for your turn, then l gotta work for an hour.

Danny:
[getting into place] You know, you're not the only one who gets a turn.

Walter:
[miming] "The only one who gets a turn."

Danny:
I don't think we should play that game anymore.

Astronaut:
I passed through a time sphincter to get here. You realize how difficult that is?

Walter:
What's a time sphincter?

Astronaut:
A wormhole, about yay big. [forming a zero with his fingers] You squeeze through there and tell me you're not hungry enough to eat a carpet shark.

Danny:
It's a black hole! Zathura is a black hole!

[last lines]

Lisa:
We never speak of this. Okay? Never happened.

Walter:
Never happened. Still think l have gorgeous eyes?

Danny:
Walter!

Walter:
What?