Zombies on Broadway

Jerry Miles:
You see, we're doing some research work on zombies, and he said you could help us.

Dr. Paul Renault:
The fool! I know nothing about zombies. I came here to study a strange coconut blight.

Mike Streger:
Coconut blight? He said it was a banana blight.

Dr. Paul Renault:
Oh, Joseph is color blind.

Gus:
I got an idea, boss.

Ace Miller:
Brother, I need an idea to get out of this jam.

Gus:
The cops find these two guys' bodies with a note pinned on 'em sayin' they committed suicide on account of they were so ashamed because they couldn't deliver a real zombie.

Ace Miller:
Hey, that's a possibility!

Ace Miller:
You do not resign and you do not quit and that guy Walker does not make a monk out of me to the tune of eighty grand! Now get this - you either produce a real zombie on opening night, or I take Gus's idea.

Prof. Hopkins:
Do you know what zombies are?

Mike Streger:
No, I don't.

Jerry Miles:
I'm not too sure.

Prof. Hopkins:
They are the living dead!

Worthington:
[Panicking] Oh, me, oh, my!

Prof. Hopkins:
Worthington, come back here!

Worthington:
Then please don't say that livin' dead stuff, boss. I'm one of the livin' livin', but you givin' me the feelin' that if I stayed here, I'm goin' to be one of the dead dead.

Prof. Hopkins:
His name was Dr. Renault, Dr. Paul Renault. Over twenty-five years ago, he went to the only place where zombies were known to exist - on the island of San Sebastian, one of the smaller Virgin Islands, but I haven't heard from him since.

Mike Streger:
Oh, we don't want to disturb him, do we Jerry?

Prof. Hopkins:
I don't know if he's alive or dead, but if he's alive, he can tell you what you want to know. Go to San Sebastian - Paul can help you.

Jerry Miles:
What's this Paul like... if he's alive?

Prof. Hopkins:
A great scientist. Yes, some people say he is crazy. I don't think he is crazy... well, ah, not very crazy, anyway.

[pointing to a tropical island]

Ship's captain:
San Sebastian.

Mike Streger:
Is it a nice place?

Ship's captain:
To an undertaker, a cemetary is a nice place.

Dr. Paul Renault:
Oh, what is wrong, what is wrong? How can the natives do with their silly voodoo what I cannot accomplish by scientific means?

Joseph:
Perhaps because a zombie is something of the devil, not of science, Professor.

Dr. Paul Renault:
Nonsense. Nonsense! You have seen what I am able to do; you have seen me create a zombie. If only I could keep them in that state. If only they didn't die; return to normal in a short period...

Jean LaDance:
Hey, we're lucky! There's a full moon tonight. Listen! Those voodoo drums - that's the death beat you hear. We'll have to hurry.

Jerry Miles:
Wait a minute. How will we know a zombie if we see one?

Jean LaDance:
If you see a corpse walking around... that's a zombie.

Joseph:
It seems a waste to make a beautiful girl a zombie.

Dr. Paul Renault:
She'll be just as nice to look at... and if this formula works, her beauty will be preserved indefinitely.

Jerry Miles:
Professor, I don't understand it. Professor Hopkins said you made a great study of zombies.

Dr. Paul Renault:
Professor Hopkins always was strange. Some people say he was crazy, but I don't think he was crazy... not very crazy, anyway.

Dr. Paul Renault:
There's no need to be afraid; the serum is entirely painless. Oh, you probably saw your friend and you wondered what was wrong with him. There's no harm in telling you now... he's in a state of suspended animation - that is, he is capable of functioning only under thought suggestions not his own. Or more simply... he is a *zombie*. In a few moments, you, too, will be one.

Mike Streger:
I guess I better think of something, huh?

Jerry Miles:
No! That's what caused all the trouble before. You had to think of a zombie? You couldn't say a two-headed boy or an African pinhead?

Mike Streger:
Where could you get those?

Jerry Miles:
Well, a pinhead would have been easy. I don't know where to start lookin' for a zombie.