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Valerie Owens: [about Daisy] What would you have said to her? Susanna Kaysen: I don't know. That I was sorry. That I will never know what it was like to be her. But I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. You hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. Valerie Owens: Susanna, it's all and well and good to tell me all this; but you gotta tell some of this to your doctors. Susanna Kaysen: How the hell am I suppose to recover when I don't even understand my disease? Valerie Owens: But you do understand it. You spoke very clearly about it a second ago. But I think what you gotta do is put it down. Put it away. Put it in your notebook, but get it out of yourself. Away so you can't curl up with it anymore. Susanna Kaysen: Lisa thinks it's a gift. That it let's you see the truth. Valerie Owens: Lisa's been here for eight years. Susanna Kaysen: [crying] I'm so sorry. I was a bitch, I was a bitch. Valerie Owens: Do not drop anchor here, you understand? Susanna Kaysen: [narrating] When you don't want to feel, death seem like a dream. But seeing death, really seeing it, makes dreaming about it fucking ridiculous. Maybe, there's a moment growing up when something peels back... Maybe, maybe, we look for secrets because we can't believe our minds... [overlapping words] All I know is that there's I began to feel things again. Whatever I was, I knew that there was only one way back to the world, and that was to use the place to talk. So I saw the great and wonderful Dr. Wick three times a week, and let her hear every thought in my head.

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