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Hamish: These are without doubt the most catastrophic set of accounts I've seen in 50 years. Enjoy. Oh, the page for thickos, otherwise known as the Executive Summary, is on page 5.

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    "Nowadays you can go anywhere in the world in a few hours, and nothing is fabulous any more."
    A J. K. Rowling
    B Roald Dahl
    C Johnny Depp
    D Tom Cruise