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Chanel Oberlin: Your mother changed her name from Bethany Stevens to Mary Mulligan in a feeble attempt to put the sins of her youth behind her. But I guess popping you out drove her off the deep end, because that's where her criminal record gets really interesting. She was arrested for shoplifting, petty larceny, grand larceny, drunk driving with a baby in her lap, drunk driving with a baby on top of her car, and possession of methamphetamine with intention to distribute. Obviously appalled, your douchebag father sued for custody and won. Your saint of a mother died a year later. She was driving drunk, obviously, and decided to wrap her car around a tree.Grace Gardner: That's a lie. My dad said that she died in a fire.Chanel Oberlin: Fiery car crash. He probably wanted to spare you the pain of finding out who your skank mom really was.

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    Quiz

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    What movie is this sentence taken from? "You're gonna need a bigger boat."
    A All is Lost
    B Dead Calm
    C Jaws
    D Titanic