Downton Abbey, Series 1

Lady Edith:
[About the Titanic] I thought it was supposed to be unsinkable.

Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham:
Every mountain is unclimbable until someone climbs it; so every ship is unsinkable until it sinks.

Lady Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
I'm very sorry about poor Patrick, of course. He was a nice boy.

Cora Crawley, Lady Grantham:
We were all so fond of him...

Lady Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
But I never cared for James. He was too like his mother, and a nastier woman never drew breath.

Cora Crawley, Lady Grantham:
Are we to be friends, then?

Lady Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
We are allies, my dear, which can be a good deal more effective.

Lord Grantham:
You do seem very well informed on this family's private affairs. But you ought, perhaps, to know that I do not intend to fight the entail--not any part of it.

Duke of Crowborough:
You can't be serious.

Lord Grantham:
It pains me to say it, but I am.

Duke of Crowborough:
You'll give up your entire estate--your wife's money into the bargain--to a perfect stranger? You won't even put up a fight?

Lord Grantham:
I hope he proves to be perfect, but I rather doubt it.

Duke of Crowborough:
A very odd thing to joke about.

Lord Grantham:
No odder than this conversation.

Daisy:
Seems like a lot of food, when you think they're all in mourning.

Mrs. Patmore:
Nothing makes you hungrier or more tired than grief. When my sister died, God rest her soul, I ate my way through four plates of sandwiches at one sitting and slept round the clock.

Daisy:
Did it make you feel better?

Mrs. Patmore:
Not much, but it passed the time.

Matthew Crawley:
Mother, Lord Grantham has made the unwelcome discovery that his heir is a middle class lawyer, and the son of a middle class doctor.

Isobel Crawley:
Upper middle class!

Lady Grantham:
It's a cottage hospital, of course, but quite well equipped.

Isobel Crawley:
Who pays for it?

Lady Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
Oh, good, let's talk about money.

Lord Grantham:
My father gave the building and an endowment to run it. In a way, he set up his own memorial.

Isobel Crawley:
But how splendid!

Lord Grantham:
And Mr. Lloyd George's new insurance measures will help.

Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
Please don't speak that man's name; we are about to eat.

Lord Grantham:
[About Matthew Crawley, Lord Grantham's new heir] I thought you didn't like him?

Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
So what? I have plenty of friends I don't like.

Lord Grantham:
You do not love the place yet.

Matthew Crawley:
Well, obviously, it's...

Lord Grantham:
No, you don't love it. You see a million bricks that may crumble, a thousand gutters and pipes that may block and leak, and stone that will crack in the frost.

Matthew Crawley:
But you don't?

Lord Grantham:
I see my life's work.

Lord Grantham:
You do know I mean to involve you in the running of the estate?

Matthew:
Oh, don't worry, there are plenty of hours in the day. And of course I'll have the weekend.

Lord Grantham:
We'll discuss this later, we mustn't bore the ladies.

Violet:
What is a weekend?

Mrs. Patmore:
Daisy! What's happened to you? I said you could go for a drink of water, not a trip up the Nile!

John Bates:
You can change your life if you want to. Sometimes you have to be hard on yourself, but you can change it completely. I know.

Mrs. Hughes:
Mr. Bates, what's the matter?

John Bates:
Nothing, not a thing. I'm fine.

Mrs. Hughes:
Let me help you.

John Bates:
I'm perfectly alright. Thank you, Mrs. Hughes.

Mrs. Hughes:
Are you sure? You're as white as a sheet.

John Bates:
It's my wonderful complexion, inherited from my Irish mother.

Lady Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
Oh, my dears! Is it really true? I can't believe it. Last night he looked so well! Of course, it would happen to a foreigner. It's typical.

Lady Mary:
Don't be ridiculous!

Lady Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
I'm not being ridiculous. No Englishman would dream of dying in someone else's house, especially someone they didn't even know.

Lady Sibyl:
Oh, Granny, even the English aren't in control of everything.

Lady Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
Well I hope we're in control of something, if only ourselves.

Mr. Bates:
I saw this advertisement for a limp corrector. What does it do exactly?

Salesman:
It corrects limps.

Mr. Bates:
Does it work?

Salesman:
Well, as I make it and I advertise it, is it likely I'd say no?

Lord Grantham:
You are my darling daughter, and I love you, hard as it is for an Englishman to say the words...If I had made my own fortune and bought Downton for myself, it should be yours without question. But I did not. My fortune is the work of others, who labored to build a great dynasty. Do I have the right to destroy their work, or impoverish that dynasty? I am a custodian, my dear, not an owner. I must strive to be worthy of the task I have been set.

Daisy:
I was only trying to help.

Mrs. Patmore:
Oh, Judas was only trying to help I suppose, when he brought the Roman soldiers to the Garden!

Lady Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
You are quite wonderful, the way you see room for improvement wherever you look. I never knew such reforming zeal.

Isobel Crawley:
I take that as a compliment.

Lady Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
I must have said it wrong.

Lady Mary:
How many times am I to be ordered to marry the man sitting next to me at dinner?

Lady Grantham:
As many times as it takes.

Anna:
I love you, Mr Bates. I know it's not ladylike to say it, but I'm not a lady, and I don't pretend to be.

Mr. Bates:
You are a lady to me. And I never knew a finer one.

Carson:
Gwen, may I ask why you are sitting on Lady Sybil's bed?

Gwen:
Well, you see, I had a turn, like a burst of sickness, just sudden-like. I had to sit down.

Anna:
It's true.

Carson:
Well, you'd better go and lie down. I'll tell Mrs. Hughes.

Gwen:
No, I don't need to interrupt her morning. I'm sure I'll be fine if I could just put my feet up.

Carson:
How many bedrooms have you still got to do?

Anna:
Just one. Lady Edith's.

Carson:
And you can manage on your own.

Anna:
Well, she's no use to man or beast in that state. Go on. Shoo.

Carson:
Daisy, may I ask why you are holding Lady Sybil's biscuit jar?

Daisy:
Em...I was just...Polishing it...Before I put it back.

Carson:
See that you do.

Branson:
Politicians often can't recognize the changes that are inevitable.

Lady Mary:
I was only going to say that Sibyl is entitled to her opinions.

Lady Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
No, she isn't until she is married--then her husband will tell her what her opinions are.

Lord Grantham:
Poor old Edith; we never seem to talk about her.

Lady Grantham:
I'm afraid Edith will be the one to care for us in our old age.

Lord Grantham:
What a ghastly prospect.

Lady Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
My poor niece never uses one word when twenty will do.

Branson:
I may be a socialist, but I'm not a lunatic.

Lady Mary:
I'm not sure Papa knows the difference.

Lady Rosamond:
There's nothing like an English summer, is there?

Lady Mary:
Except an English winter.

Lady Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
We can't have him assassinated. I suppose.

[The newly installed telephone is ringing]

Mrs. Patmore:
Oh my Lord, listen to that! It's like the cry of the banshee! [Branson walks in]

Branson:
That's Mr. Carson's telephone ringing. [the phone rings again] Is someone going to answer it?

Mrs. Patmore:
I wouldn't touch that thing with a ten foot pole!

Branson:
Well, I will then.

Lady Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
Well, Rosamund, I'm afraid your meddling has cost Mary the only decent offer she'll ever get.

Lady Rosamund:
I'm sorry, Mama, but you know me. I have to say what I think.

Lady Violet Crawley, the Dowager Countess:
Why? Nobody else does.

Carson:
I know you have spirit, my lady, and that's what counts. It's all that counts in the end.