Entourage, Season 5

[Ari's fuming over Richard Roeper's review of Medellin and lets out steam on the staff]

Ari:
Attention everyone please! Listen up! No one mentions Richard Roeper again. Not today, not ever. By doing so, you are simply announcing that on Sunday night instead of doing your job, reading scripts, you're watching TV. The NEXT PERSON to mention Richard Roeper will be fired [annoyed with phone at Lloyd's desk] and Lloyd, you will also be fired if you don't answer THE FUCKING PHONE!!!

Lloyd:
[answers phone] Ari Gold's office?

Employee:
[talks to Ari on the way back to his office] I liked Medellin, Ari-

Ari:
Then you're a f***ing idiot.

[Enraged by Carl Ertz setting up Vince over the Danger Beach script, Turtle and Drama make a house call]

Turtle:
[sees Drama dump a large fish on the hood of Ertz' Mercedes after smashing its windshield] What are you, the Godfather?

Drama:
I'm sending a message.

Turtle:
Saying what?

Drama:
Aquaman is back! [scrambles out of the area]

[E's insistence about Nine Brave Souls being the film for Vince ticks off Ari]

Ari:
[tears off scriptwriters' letter] No indies, E! Think of it like the Holocaust - Never Again!

[Vince undergoes some career counseling with Ari]

Vince:
One bad movie and this is what happens? I mean, was I really that awful?

Ari:
Straight up, Vinnie... the movie was awful, and yes, you were awful in it, but one bad movie could be overcome. Look at Colin Farrell, he's overcome dozens of 'em, 'cause the perception of him is, he's a movie star.

Vince:
And what's the perception of me?

Ari:
That you don't give a f***! You refuse to play the game, you refuse to be a part of the process. The great ones? Even if they don't care, they pretend they do.

Vince:
[sits down] Do you think I'm a good actor, Ari?

Ari:
I did not sign you in the first place because I thought you could act. I signed you because I thought you were a movie star and you haven't acted like one in a long time.

Vince:
I'm ready to play the game Ari, whatever you say.

Ari:
That's a good start.

Vince:
[stands up] But I'm not willing to wait. I want you to send me into every person in this town who's willing to meet me. I don't care if I waste my time. I will charm the f*** out of every last one of them - filmmakers, studio execs, all of them. I will change their perception.

Ari:
Like the fire!! [high-fives Vince as he leaves room]

Vince:
[turns to Ari] You don't believe I'm a good actor?

Ari:
It remains to be seen, but Vin, I'm starting to believe you're a movie star again, [calls out to Vince as he gets out] and you know what? This town loves a comeback, and since Britney f***ed hers up, it's all you!!

[At the MGA conference room, two police officers just tied down Ari to his seat.]

Officer Nickerson:
Mr Gold, if you cooperate, we'll make this as pleasant an experience as we can for you.

[His partner, Officer Morgan suddenly plays music from his evidence kit]

Ari Gold:
Wait a minute. What is this, who are you guys?

Officer Morgan:
BHPD, Boner Patrol. [The officers take off their clothes and start dancing around Ari]

Ari:
Oh come on.

Nickerson:
You're about to get your stiff inspected.

Assistant:
Oh my God.

Ari:
Lloyd, LLOOOOYD!!! [colleagues in and out of the conference room start laughing]

TI:
[stands up and leaves] I'm out of here, Ari.

Ari:
Hold on, TI!

TI:
Call me when you're done with your entertainment.

Ari:
Lloyd, you speak their language, MAKE IT STOP!

Lloyd:
It'll be over soon Ari, just close your eyes, and think of pussy!

[Ari talks about the potential of a Benji script]

Ari:
You bet your ass it will be a good script, and I'm gonna make sure they have Miss Alaska waiting in your trailer to blow you at all times.

Drama:
Just us men and our souls. And a bag of 'shrooms.

Turtle:
Where's Arnold?

Drama:
He's right there. I've been watching him.

Turtle:
That's a rock!

Drama:
[nonplussed] Really?

Turtle:
Are you kidding me??!?!

Eric:
Wow, golf on a Wednesday, huh, Ari? In the next life I wanna come back as you.

Ari:
I wish I could return the compliment, E. But I'd rather come back as one of Michael Vick's dogs.

Drama:
[after closing the door on the trailer where an extra stands waiting in bikini] Who's that?

Turtle:
It's an extra. You're her favorite character.

Drama:
What am I supposed to do with her?

Turtle:
F*** her! What do you think?

Drama:
You think I need you to pick up extras for me to bang?

Turtle:
Well, I did have to charm about 20 of them before I found one that would say yes.

Drama:
Do you know how stupid this is?

Turtle:
I thought it'd make you happy?

Drama:
No, it doesn't make me happy. I can't have an extra in my trailer. I got sexual harassment lawsuits coming out my ass as it is.

Turtle:
I never heard about those.

Drama:
I don't tell you everything.

[Ari pays his respects to Alan Gray at his funeral]

Ari Gold:
I hate myself for the fact that until today, I still don't like you...

[Ari chances upon Vince and the gang going on a private jet while he flies to Geneva with John Ellis]

Ari Gold:
I can see that you're saving money by flying private again.

Vincent Chase:
Not our dime. It's theirs. [gestures to Dolce and Gabbana models]

Ari:
Nice dime.

Vince:
Where you headed?

Ari:
We're going to Geneva. That's Alan's boss right there. [points to John Ellis boarding the plane]

Vince:
Yeah?

Ari:
Yeah!

Vince:
Ah, you're going to Geneva for me? [Notices Ari speechless] Something wrong?

Ari:
Yeah. Listen, Vinnie, um, you're the only one in this town that I'm telling this to - I'm in a position where I can get you any job that we want for the rest of your career.

Vince:
How so?

Ari:
They're offering me Alan's position. They want me to run the studio.

Vince:
Wow.

Ari:
It just came out of the blue. What do you think?

Vince:
Ah I, I think I'd like us to finish what we started together, but...I think you gotta do what you gotta do, right?

[The gang is angry that a Frank Darabont project Josh Weinstein offered to meet them for has nothing for Vince]

Josh Weinstein:
This is not TV, Vince.

Vince:
Oh no, what is it?

Weinstein:
It's TV with Frank Darabont!

E:
Know what Josh, sandbagging us like that was a real dick move.

Weinstein:
I thought it would be more impactful if you heard it straight from Frank.

Drama:
What the hell's so wrong with going TV?

Turtle:
Nothing for David Hasselhoff or for you [to Weinstein], but for Vince, doing TV is ridiculous.

Drama:
Yeah, but for you, doing Jamie-Lynn Sigler isn't. [gang stops to finally face Weinstein]

Turtle:
Oh, here we go.

Weinstein:
You did Jamie-Lynn Sigler?

Drama:
Yeah, you believe it?

Weinstein:
Not really.

Drama:
Nobody does.

E:
Yeah, it's been a pleasure as always, Josh.

Weinstein:
Wait a minute. Just hold on a second, at least read the script. It's Frank Darabont, he's a genius. Vince, there's lots and lots of money in TV.

Vince:
I don't want to get stuck playing the same character for the next five years. I want to do movies.

Turtle:
He's still a movie star, you know.

Weinstein:
Lots of movie stars do TV. George Clooney did ER, for Chrissake.

E:
That was before he was George Clooney. No one goes back, 'cause you don't get back to movies.

Turtle:
You didn't see Leo in the Growing Pains reunion.

Weinstein:
Well, maybe it's time for you to think about that part of your life being over. Maybe you're not gonna be a movie star anymore. [pause] Look guys, I'm sorry. I'm just telling you what nobody else in this town has the balls to.

E:
[gets in Weinstein's face] Why don't you walk away, Josh? Walk away.

[Ari confronts Amanda Daniels as John Ellis also offered her the studio presidency]

Ari Gold:
Not bitter huh?

Amanda Daniels:
F*** you, Ari. You can kiss your relationship with that studio goodbye.

Ari:
No, [points to Amanda] you can kiss your motherf***ing dream job goodbye, 'cause you're right. I didn't want this job, but now I'm gonna take it just to spite you! [goes out of room and calls Lloyd] Lloyd. Yeah, call John Ellis. Tell him I'm gonna close this motherf***ing deal.

[Lloyd sees Ari study some ledgers from Andrew Klein]

Lloyd:
What are those?

Ari:
His books. Company books. Gave 'm to me to prove that he can pay me back.... What am I doing? You're Asian, you're supposed to be good with numbers. Figure out if he has any shot at paying me back, because if he doesn't, you will!

[Seeing Jason Patric steal Vince's lines, Turtle and Drama plan their own counterstrike]

Drama:
Took the opportunity to inflict a little damage.

Turtle:
What kind of damage?

Drama:
The "number two" kind!

Turtle:
You took a shit in his trailer?

Drama:
He can sue me if I forgot to flush.

Turtle:
You serious?

Drama:
Let's just say revenge is best served "a la commode."

[Babs is irritated at Ari crashing "The Most Powerful Women in Hollywood" testimonial party]

Babs:
I want an apology. Now.

Ari:
Ladies, I'm sorry I'd like to congratulate each and every one of you, but unfortunately, Barbara's cock [women gasp in shock] is all I can handle right now! Congrats again...[leaves]

[Vince and Verner Vollstedt talk about Vince's supposedly bad acting mannerisms]

Vince:
I really don't see a head tilt.

Verner:
Shall I get a protractor? It's there!

[Turtle and Jamie-Lynn Sigler have some bonding time on the road]

Jamie-Lynn Sigler:
What's your plan?

Turtle:
Plan for what?

Sigler:
Your life, do you have one?

Turtle:
It might not look it, but I've pondered a few things.

Sigler:
Oh yeah? Like what? [Turtle laughs] Oh I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put you in the spotlight like that.

Turtle:
It's okay, things haven't exactly panned out, career-wise.

Sigler:
Why don't you take over this limo business, and I'll be the driver.

Turtle:
[thinks about her offer] Hot girls driving limos...I love that. Call it "Lim-hoes."

Sigler:
[Laughs] I don't know about the name. [pinches Turtle]

Turtle:
Not sure about having a business partner who's in jail, either.

[Ari and Dana Gordon confront Verner Vollstedt over his problems in shooting Smoke Jumpers with Vince, who's present along with E]

Verner Vollstedt:
I'm not gonna take anymore of this shit.

Dana Gordon:
Oh yes, you f***ing are. Get your ass back here! [Verner walks back to her; Dana keeps pointing a finger at him] I hired you and you have a movie to finish that you are getting paid a lot of money to do and [raises voice] that's exactly what is going to f***ing happen! Do you understand me!?

Ari Gold:
I do. Anyone else turned on right now?

[Drama's cousin Ronnie has offered him a chance to invest in a bar and a call from Jamie-Lynn Sigler for Turtle has just changed his outlook]

Drama:
Hey Ronnie, you tell Phil that if this place is henceforth known as Johnny Drama's, I'm in.

Ronnie:
Yeah?

Drama:
Yeah. [stands and addresses crowd] Hey everyone, I got an announcement to make. The drinks are on me...[crowd cheers] or should I say, the drinks are on...the house! [crowd cheers louder and Drama high-fives Ronnie]

[Vince walks out of the house after Gus Van Sant politely tells him he is not needed for his latest project. E follows him]

Eric 'E' Murphy:
Vince, Vince..

Vincent Chase:
I don't wanna talk about this right now, E.

E:
It'll gonna be alright. We just turned a leaf. Things didn't go as planned, and everything's gonna turn out fine.

Vince:
[turns back to E] Really? You're sure? You're so f***ing sure, how do you really know?

E:
I just do.

Vince:
Just like you knew about this? Ari told you No, and you kept pushing. Not only did you embarrass yourself, you embarrassed me.

E:
Embarrassed you? Gus Van Sant likes you.

Vince:
Do you believe him? C'mon, he wouldn't let me audition. Who knows if he even watched the footage?

E:
Vince-

Vince:
No! We said, we swore that this year, we would listen to Ari, and guess what? Again, you didn't.

E:
What am I supposed to do? Do nothing and stand idly by in the hope that something magically appears?

Vince:
Yeah, maybe, and since you've been my manager, everything that you've pushed for has brought me to this point.

E:
You serious? I've been the one working to get you what you want when no one else cared.

Vince:
Yeah, that maybe what I needed, someone who would look out for my career and not my personal interests.

E:
I was doing both!

Vince:
Whatever it is you're doing, clearly it wasn't working. Two years ago, I was starring in movies, now people wouldn't let me audition?

E:
One person wouldn't let you audition, you gotta stay positive Vince, you know that.

Vince:
Are you serious? I've done nothing but stay positive. I've listened to everything that you wanted me to do, and now I've got a house full of people who can really see how a failure I've turned into.

E:
Vince...

Vince:
No, when we started this, we said when we started this that it will all be about the business not the friendship. It's time for a change, E.

E:
[realizes Vince's words] You're firing me?

Vince:
'Cause this isn't working.

E:
Whatever, I'm not gonna grovel. Go find someone better, 'Cause I can live with myself knowing I busted my ass and I gave everything I had to you.

Vince:
I know you did E, but it wasn't enough.

E:
Yeah, f*** you.