'Allo 'Allo!, Series 1

[René is trying to work out who is working for the Resistance]

René:
Are you one of them?

Lt. Gruber:
It was very lonely on the Russian front.

LeClerc:
Is he one of us?

René:
No, he is one of them!

Gruber:
Please, do not tell everybody!

[The British airmen are cycling along the left side of a road on the way to Nouvion dressed as onion sellers]

Carstairs:
Pretty place France, don’t you think so, Fairfax? Napoleon planted all these trees, you know?

Fairfax:
Wonder when he had time to fight any battles?

Carstairs:
He didn’t do it personally, fathead. He had them planted to keep the sun off his troops while they were marching up and down... Do you notice that when ever we pass these peasant people they seem to stare at us in a rather odd way?

Fairfax:
Maybe, because you’re driving a girl's bicycle.

Carstairs:
Perhaps we’re doing something wrong. [A car drives by and almost crushes into them]

Carstairs:
Fairfax, I think I’ve cracked it. We’re riding on the wrong side of the road!

[Colonel Von Strohm and Captain Geering are admiring their newly stolen treasures]

Geering:
It is not much to look at, Herr Colonel.

Colonel:
Hans, you ignorant peasant, this is probably the first cuckoo-clock ever made. Absolutely priceless. Und this, this is the Fallen Madonna by Van Klomp, which will be worth a fortune after the war.

Geering:
Is it wise to have it in your office?

Colonel:
Who can see it apart from Helga?

Geering:
Come to think of it, it looks a little like Helga.

Colonel:
You too?