America's Next Top Model, Cycle 16

Tyra Banks:
[spoofing stereotypical contestant] I'm 19 years old and my favorite designer is Hello Kitty. I would do anything, anything, anything to become America's Next Top Model-except cut my hair.

Tyra:
[spoofing stereotypical contestant] I want this. My name is [pointing to letters tattoed on arm] Angora Nylandra Tafatia Michaels. I'm not here to make friends.

Jay Manuel:
[referring to "sexiness" of contestant Monique Weingart] You might be bringin' the wrong crowd to the table.

J. Alexander:
Or the right crowd, if you ask me. Go on, baby!

Tyra:
[pretending that this season's contestants have been eliminated] So, unfortunately, you guys have to go home now. But you don't have to go far. [pushes button to reveal this season's "model house"] Because you're home!

Dominique Waldrup:
Today we were inside of this big-ass bubble, lookin' like a f***in' gerbil.

André Leon Talley:
[to Tyra, referring to contesant Molly O'Connell's choice of wardrobe for the first judging] Would you go to your first go-see with your midriff showing like that?

Tyra:
I wouldn't go to my last go-see with my midriff- [trails off amidst laughter]

Nigel Barker:
Nicole isn't truly present in this shot-and the mouth, you know, it's too tight. [unintelligible] sort of cat's bottom. [purses his lips to illustrate]

[after contestant Ondrei Edwards has voluntarily quit the competition during the judging session, the judges have just finished deliberating over who will be formally eliminated, her or another contestant]

Tyra Banks:
We've reached a decision.

André Leon Talley:
We've reached a decision.

Nigel Barker:
No, we haven't!

André:
Yes, we have!

Nigel:
No, we have not!

Tyra:
Yes, we have!

Nigel:
No, we haven't!

Tyra:
[alluding to the uncertainty over whether another contestant will actually be eliminated this week] Twelve beautiful girls stand before me-and who knows how many photos I have in my hands.

[the contestants address the camera after learning what styles will be given in the coming "makeovers" but not who will get which each style]

Monique Weingart:
[whining] I just really like my hair, and I don't want to cut it.

Jaclyn Poole:
I don't want blond. Please don't give me blond hair!

Brittani Kline:
I really, really, really, really, really, really want the red hair!

Sara Longoria:
[on feeling less attractive than the other contestants after getting made over with "manly short brown spikes"] I feel like dirty Sméagol in the corner, like, trying not to be jealous.

[Note:
"panel" is the judging session after which someone is eliminated]

Sara:
[to camera] I am always nervous about panel. I shake like a little housebroken Chihuahua.

Tyra Banks:
[on the need to upstage the other girl in a two-model shot] So many models that when they get to a certain level, they're like, "I don't do doubles. I don't do doubles." I never said no to a double; I just said, "Back up, bitch."

André Leon Talley:
[praising the swan-like neck extension of the models in a photo] And both Kasia and Molly have taken us to the level of swandom!

Jay:
[after Dominique falls during the plastic bubble runway challenge] Girl down!

Dominique:
[in confessional] I'm like, "You know what? We're about to end this bitch with a bang!" So, I was like, "Voila!" Like, "I'm out this bitch!"

Jaclyn Poole:
Oh my gosh! They tricked us! I see my picture over there and all the other girls' pictures and I'm one of those fourteen girls and I couldn't believe it!

Mikaela:
I'm obsessed with Jaclyn!

Angelia:
I am ready to work it! I am America’s Next Top Model! Recognize my face and get used to it!

Jaclyn Poole:
[to Alexandria as she critiques her walk] I feel like you're my mother.

Angelia:
I feel like I didn’t get a chance to show that I know how to work it.

Jaclyn Poole:
These aren't like killer bees are they? They're trained, right?

Alexandria:
[notices her bowl of raw chicken] What's this? This was supposed to be in the fridge. Was this in the fridge?

Monique:
Yeah, but for, like, days.

Dalya:
If you're not gonna eat it right away, it needs to go in a freezer bag, and...

Alexandria:
Um, I'm sorry. Please don't talk to me like that.

Dalya:
We're just saying that...

Alexandria:
I know that! I don't need a lesson about chicken!

Dalya:
'Cause raw chicken does not belong in a bowl that we eat cereal in. It needs to go in a plastic baggy.

Alexandria:
I know about chicken. I cook...Dalya! [in confessional] Being 21, I know how to do things and I'm like, "No, I don't need you, missy to be pointing at my face and telling me how to wrap a damn chicken." I completely know and understand that you're supposed to wrap chicken before you put it in the fridge. No reason to get in front of me like that! [sees Dalya walking upstairs] Okay, walk away.

Dalya:
That shit right there is annoying.

Alexandria:
Don't talk to me like that!

Dalya:
I did not talk to you, Alex!

Alexandria:
You did!

Dalya:
How you talk to me is annoying! [in confessional] Alexandria is crazy loud. I don't like confronting, 'cause I've confronted my mother all my life, and it...doesn't vibe well with me.

Monique:
We were just showing you that it was in there.

Alexandria:
I know. But the way she came out, she's like, "Okay, ladies. Um, the thing with raw chicken is, um, you have to wrap it!" I know that! I cook!

Jaclyn:
[in confessional] I am scared to get into a conflict with Alexandria because she could whoop my butt. I'm just gonna stay back, and I-I'd rather just shut my mouth and...watch because I'm a watcher. I don't like to fight.

Dalya:
Are you like some kind of mother or something? Like, you're not the mom! You're not the elder, you're not someone...who's superior.

Jaclyn Poole:
[in confessional about Alexandria] Alexandria, the way she handled herself and treated the people in the salon made me just want to go... "Yell at her for it!" because she just thinks she runs everything.

Jaclyn Poole:
[after getting her hair curled] I expected straight hair, just because I have curly hair, but this is fine with me.

J. Alexander:
Now, you realize that once you leave this chair, there's a razor back there. Did you know that? [Jaclyn shakes her head] How do you feel about that?

Jaclyn Poole:
[looking scared] ...Okay.

J. Alexander:
Psyche! [he and Jaclyn laugh]

Molly:
[expressing her anger over her "Diana Ross" weave in confessional] My hair is disgusting! My whole head hurts, my ass hurts! I sat in the chair for six hours!

Dominique:
[in confessional about Alexandria] Alexandria, she's always "Oh my gosh! My hair!"

Jaclyn Poole:
I was trying to shake my fake booty! They gave me a fake booty!

André Leon Talley:
They what?

Tyra Banks:
They put a booty in your booty?!

Jaclyn Poole:
[to Tyra Banks] Oh yes they did!

Tyra Banks:
Show me how you shook it. Turn around right now and work it! Work it! Yes! Oooh! You just dropped your pencil. Yeah, girl! Whoo! There you go!

Tyra Banks:
The next name that I am going to call... [flips over Jacyln Poole's photo and shakes her hips as Jaclyn Poole comes down to collect her photo] Work it! Work! Yes! Work the booty! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Oooh! Oops! Oops! Oops! Oops! [everyone else laughs] Yes! Yeah and you're still in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Booty Shaker!

Jaclyn Poole:
[to Tyra Banks] Thank you so much!

Tyra Banks:
[to Jacyln Poole] You're welcome!

Tyra Banks:
The next name that I am going to call... [flips over Brittani's photo] Brittani. [Brittani comes down to collect her photo] So you take some amazing photos but in this commercial, you shrunk.

Brittani:
[in confessional] I was getting my makeup touched up, and of course, Alexandria had to come over.

Jay:
Oh, that's sweet. 'Cause you're like very motherly. She's coming to check on her, I'm like, "Oh, she can take my job! I can go home 'cause I got a headache anyway!" [in confessional] Alexandria, she was busy doing Francesco's job, she was doing my job. Then, she's like checking the lighting. I swear, the gaffers were almost nervous that Alexandria was checking out the lights!

Alexandria:
Oh my gosh! Where’s my towel? There was a towel right here! Who picked it up?!

Molly:
[in confessional about Alexandria] Alexandria, she’s such a psycho! She snaps at absolutely nothing!

Alexandria:
I’m sorry that if I'm yelling but I really don't give a damn! I haven't said more than two words to anyone since we've gone home!

Hannah:
Are you kidding me? You just said, like, a whole...monologue!

Alexandria:
Great vocabulary!

Hannah:
Well, thank you!

Alexandria:
You're welcome!

Mikaela:
Wasn't there an entire conversation at panel tonight? Like, "Stop being a diva, stop acting like you own everything." And then, she comes home and starts fighting. [laughs]

Monique:
[in confessional about how everyone else feels about Alexandria] I guarantee everyone goes in the confessional room and bitches about Alexandria because she's getting on everyone's nerves.

Brittani:
[in confessional about Alexandria] She's like obnoxious, controlling...

Hannah:
[in confessional about Alexandria] I feel like maybe she's bipolar.

Kasia:
[in confessional about Alexandria] Severe psychological issues...

Jaclyn:
[in confessional about Alexandria] I'm kind of scared of her.

Monique:
[in confessional about Alexandria] Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Monique:
[deciding to read Alexandria's diary while Alexandria is on the phone] I wonder how she feels about all of us, honestly. Should we look at her diary right now?

Brittani:
What? No.

Hannah:
No, that's dirty!

Brittani:
If you're gonna do it, you better hurry your ass up. [girls laugh as Monique runs into Alexandria's room]

Monique:
We have to know if she likes us or not. [opens Alexandria's diary] Oh my God! It's bad, it's bad!

Hannah:
We're all sitting in the living room area, minus Alexandria, and Monique is reading Lex's diary.

Monique:
She said this! "I don't even know how to feel right now." Sad smiley.

Kasia:
This is terrible!

Monique:
She doesn't know how she comes off to us...

Molly:
That's, like, worse.

Monique:
...and she's like, "Why am I a loner?" It's like, why are you such a raging bitch?

Molly:
It's so confusing to me.

Jaclyn:
[in confessional about Monique, Alexandria and Molly] Monique, Alexandria and Molly, they are fighting like dogs and cats! I mean I'm so glad I was not on that team!

[Monique, Alexandria and Molly are getting frustrated with one another during a team challenge]

Monique:
[to Alexandria and Molly] Should we all hug or something? Do a three-way kiss? Like, what's gonna make you feel happier?

Molly:
Or an orgy?

Monique:
[in confessional] We're meeting these people and I just wanted to be like "Can you go now because I don't want to talk you anymore."

Miss. J Alexander:
[to Monique, Mikaela, Molly, Alexandria and Hannah after Kasia won and chose Jaclyn and Brittani to participate in the prize] And for the girls who didn't make it which is basically the losers you girls get to clean up the fan mess and she is not happy!

Monique:
[in confessional about Kasia] I saw Kasia the whole time. We were both in the conversations! So I don't understand how she even... why she won?!

Kasia:
[to Monique, Mikaela, Molly, Alexandria and Hannah whilst leaving with Jaclyn and Brittani] Love you! Haha!

Monique:
[to Mikaela, Molly, Alexandria and Hannah] Kiss my ass! [Mikaela, Molly, Alexandria and Hannah start cleaning up] This is joke! Okay?!

Mikaela:
[to Monique, Molly, Alexandria and Hannah] Let's just do it. This will be over soon if we hustle.

Hannah:
[in confessional about Monique] Monique, she was just scuffing her heels! [Monique curses] Just had the worst attitude about it!

Monique:
[to Mikaela, Molly, Alexandria and Hannah] I'm sick of my life!

Hannah:
[to Monique] Life is so hard right now, Monique!

Monique:
[to Mikaela, Molly, Alexandria and Hannah] You know what?! Kiss my ass!

Jaclyn Poole:
Get me dirty!

Tyra Banks:
[to Mikaela] You put your energy in your mouth instead of in your eyes. But, you did a lot of fantastic eyes in your film, but what happens when you don't do it all the time, if you get a shot when you're not doing it because the other girls look good, so we have to find something where everybody looks good. That's a lesson.

Tyra Banks:
[to Monique] I loved every minute of you being in this competition because your body reminds me of me back in the day. I represented that. You have that body and you have a stunning, stunning face, and it's up to you to not sail in the middle though. You have to stand out.

Monique:
[in confessional after getting eliminated] I'm just really shocked right now like I didn't really see it coming. I've been feeling myself skating along in the middle and it's really been peeving me off. I've been really trying to fully go after it but I don't know. There's something inside me that's just holding back a little bit. I don't know exactly what that was but I don't want to go home yet. It really sucks.

Molly:
[in confessional about Alexandria] Drives me nuts with every single thing. I'm so sick and tired of her. I'm ready for her to go home and then we'll be okay.

Brittani:
[to Nigel Barker] I don’t think, I just do.

Nigel Barker:
[to Jaclyn Poole] What are you thinking about right now?

Jaclyn Poole:
[to Nigel Barker] Beating the crap out of breast cancer!

Brittani:
[to Molly, Kasia, Mikaela, Jaclyn and Hannah about Alexandria winning the Ford Warriors in Pink Challenge] You picked the ugliest person here as far as their soul, and that they're embodying something that means so much. She's so fake! It's wrong and it upsets me!

Molly:
Dumbest decision I've ever seen in my life.

Brittani:
I just want someone who deserves it. Someone that's a good person.

Kasia:
[to Brittani] Any other person.

Brittani:
Any other person. I would have been so happy for.

Alexandria:
[to Brittani] I can hear you!

Brittani:
[to Alexandria] I don't care if you can hear me!

Alexandria:
[to Brittani] That's really rude!

Brittani:
[to Alexandria] It should have came out like ten weeks ago! You should have went home last night instead of Monique!

Molly:
[to Alexandria in approval to Brittani's comments] Yep. We all agree.

Alexandria:
[to Brittani] Then don't be fake when you're asking me how I'm doing.

Brittani:
[to Alexandria] I'm not being fake when I ask you that! I'm being nice...

Alexandria:
[to Brittani] No, you're not. You want me to go home!

Brittani:
[to Alexandria] ...because this whole time I did not want to be mean to you and say, "Hey Alexandria! You're fake!"

Alexandria:
[to Brittani] No, I'm not. You are.

Brittani:
[to Alexandria] I'm fake because I'm nice?

Alexandria:
[to Brittani] You're not nice. That's not nice. The way you're talking to me is not nice either.

Brittani:
[to Alexandria] And so then every one of these girls here is fake too because they're nice to you because we don't want to single you out? We all gave you a chance!

Alexandria:
[to Brittani] I don't care.

Brittani:
[to Alexandria] If you don't care, I want you to stop talking.

Alexandria:
[to Brittani] That's fine.

Nigel Barker:
[to Alexandria] Something interesting happened that I wanted to bring up. There was this sort of extraordinary performance between you and Brittani. What was that about?

Brittani:
We all kind of think that...as far as a role model goes, you really chose the wrong spokesperson because...we see the true Alexandria.

Nigel Barker:
Well, as far as being a role model is concerned, to be that outspoken at a photoshoot, in front of the photographer, in front of the clients by the way, Ford were there, was extremely unprofessional. There is a reason why we don't know all of Alexandria's business. It's because what you do at home...is what you do at home. So, it's worth bearing that in mind. 'Cause now, I...you know, I have a different idea about you.

Brittani:
That's fine.

Tyra Banks:
Brittani, why in front of the client?

Brittani:
I didn't confront her! I wasn't like, "Oh, you didn't deserve to win!" I didn't say that about her!

Alexandria:
Yes, you did.

Brittani:
I was talking with them, and she overheard and I...

Tyra:
But the client heard. So...

Brittani:
And I apologize if I didn't hear. We were talking quietly, and Alexandria said, like, "I'm right here, I can hear you." I understand it was the—[starts sobbing] the wrong time, and I just feel horrible...that I made myself look like a bad person, because of how I felt about her, and I'm just...so mad at myself for letting her do this to me!

Tyra:
Brittani, we're talking about role models, right?

Brittani:
[to Tyra] Yeah.

Tyra:
In terms of sportsmanship, what you have done is...probably one of the weakest things that a role model could do, no matter what you feel inside. If you think somebody else is getting something that they don't deserve, you shut your lips, especially in front of a client. This is a business. You have to respect the client, you have to respect your co-workers, and you have to respect yourself. [Brittani suddenly walks out of the judging panel crying]

Tyra:
A lot of young girls think that the opposite of fake is rudeness and just as ugly as fake is so is saying whatever is on your mind because it's the truth.

Andre Leon Talley:
Will Brittani learn?

Andre Leon Talley:
I think everyone should be given a second chance. I vote for Brittani to stay.

Eric Daman:
I vote for Brittani to stay.

Nigel Barker:
I vote for Brittani to stay.

Tyra:
I don't agree with you guys.

Tyra:
People think on America's Next Top Model, I am the only person that makes the decision.

Jaclyn Poole:
[in confessional about the Go Sees rules] The only other map that I have ever read was in world geography and Lord help me because I always got in trouble for talking in that class.

Kasia:
[in confessional about Alexandria] She does make it on time, like a champ. Just on time.

Kyle Hagler:
Hannah, the designers say your walk needs a lot of work and Brittani and Jaclyn only made it to two which just doesn't cut it.

Lana Marks:
[to Jaclyn Poole] Jaclyn, you cannot afford to miss a go-see. There's no excuse for missing that. I'm sorry. This is an opportunity of a lifetime

Tyra Banks:
[to Molly and Jaclyn in the bottom two] Molly and Jaclyn come on down. Two beautiful girls stand before me but I only have one photo in my hands and this photo represents the girl that is still in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Model and more importantly is going to Morocco. Jaclyn, you only made it to two go-sees. Only two but what could possibly save you is that you booked 100% percent of the ones that you went to and they loved your personality but it was only two and then we have Molly. Molly, you made it to four out of five. Highly commendable but once you got there, the clients said, 'Eh, I might put her in a picture. I might but I don't like that personality.' So who stays? [flips over Molly's photo] Molly. [Molly hugs Jaclyn before coming to collect her photo]

Tyra:
[to Jaclyn Poole] Miss lady. Miss. Sweetness. Are we going to go home and try to learn to read a map? It's not so much about what the map represents. Do you understand?

Jaclyn Poole:
[to Tyra] Yes. I do. It doesn't stop here.

Tyra:
[to Jaclyn Poole] Okay.

Jaclyn Poole:
[in confessional after getting eliminated] It is really sad that I don't get to participate in going abroad to Morocco but I feel so blessed that I got this opportunity. I didn't know anything coming into this competition and I've gotten so much out of it. So, this is the beginning of a career for me and if anyone's looking out for a tall brunette with a loud, squeaky, fun voice and a big personality, then that's your girl right here. [leaves panel]

Molly:
[cradling her old weave] I birthed a little child today. I'm gonna send this home, and have them make a sweater out of it, maybe.

Molly:
We figured we were going to another go-see, and we're all just like, "Please let us go sleep, dammit!"