Ed, Edd n Eddy, Season 3

Eddy:
See? This is Mommy's note, and my exact copy. Pretty good, huh? He'll never tell the difference.

Ed:
That is so lame, Eddy.

Eddy:
And you're like a human photocopier, right, Mr. Perfecto?

Ed:
Dare to compare. [Shows Eddy an identical sticky note to the one written by Edd's parents.]

Eddy:
Will you ever cease to amaze me, Ed?

Ed:
Yes, I will.

[As one of Ed and Eddy's sticky note pranks, Edd has to get a cup of sugar from the Kanker sisters]

Edd:
Hello? Oh, I-I was going to-

Marie:
Ask me for a date?

May:
Sweep me off my feet?

Lee:
Stand in line, girls.

Edd:
[sweating and giggling nervously] Oh yes... C-could I trouble you for a cup of sugar?

Marie:
He wants to share condiments.

May:
We're so alike.

Marie:
[punching May] Back off, bowser.

Lee:
Marie! Grab him before he runs away!

Eddy:
[watching from behind a junked car with Ed] This is better than cable.

Edd:
[as the Kankers hug him] Ladies, please!

May:
We're ladies.

Lee:
He said please.

Marie:
Let's kiss him.

Edd:
Kiss? No, not that!

Eddy:
And I thought today was gonna be a write-off. Get it? Write off? [the cup flies overhead] I can't stand it! [collapses with laughter]

[Edd crawls by, hiding inside his hat]

Ed:
Oh no! They tore off Double D's head!

Edd:
IT'S THE STICKY NOTES OF THE APOCALYPSE!!! I can't go om. There's only one solution; I'll just move in with one of you.

Ed:
Move in with me! Move in with me!

Eddy:
Yeah, Lumpy could use some company.

Ed:
We can be like brothers and share the same bathroom.

Jonny:
Hey, how'd you guys get inside my wall? [to Plank] What's that? Plank says take a hike or we'll call the cops.

Eddy:
Hey, Plank. Ever took a tour of a toothpick factory?

Edd:
Eddy, manners.

Edd:
Pure fiction, Eddy. Your exaggerated tale could only be described as cockamamie.

Ed:
Tsk, tsk, tsk. I have never heard such language.

Jonny:
Boy, this story stinks. Plank and I want a real story, with stuff like octopus' gardens, silver hammers, and Mr. Kite.

Eddy:
Open a window, Jonny, and get some air.

[In Ed's story, the giant mutant Kankers fuse their heads into one]

Eddy:
[in the story] Ed, your story's getting weird.

Eddy:
I don't have a good feeling about this.

Ed:
I don't have any feeling at all.

[After falling through the earth]

Jonny:
Wow, China! Just like in the cartoons.

Ed:
Sarah! We are so doomed! Help me, guys! She will tell Mom and Mom will tell Dad and he'll say not now, I just got home from work!

Edd:
Once again, our day ends with the three of us...

Eddy:
Stuck together in some nutty way, but wait. We have a guest tonight.

Ed:
I like the way Jonny's stuck.

Jonny:
Boy, Plank, how the heck did we ever end up here? If you weren't so scared of turning into chopsticks, we'd still be in China.

Eddy:
Could somebody scrape this guy off my shoe, please?

[Edd drops Mr. Yum-Yum on the 'Q']

Ed:
Nice job, Double D. It looks just like a 'Q'.

Edd:
Excuse me? Ed, I think somewhere on the line you've lost your train of thought. Your plan is irrational, muddled, and inconsequential. [Ed munches on a dog biscuit] Is that a doggie treat?

Ed:
[mouthful] What's the rock for, Double D?

Edd:
[drops the rock on his foot] MY FOOT!!

Jonny:
Let's tickle them till they wet their pants.

Eddy:
Well, let's not jump to anything rash.

Ed:
Fools! Evil Tim has beckoned you all! For you will all pay with your brains!

Eddy:
Brains? What're we gonna do with brains?

Eddy:
What happened to the stairs??

Ed:
My parents took them down because I am grounded!!

Edd:
That's disturbing!

Eddy:
What could be more important than Master Eddy?

Ed:
COOKIE DOUGH!

Edd:
They say in order to gain knowledge, one must seek it.

Eddy:
[sarcastically] Oh, boo hoo! I hurt Rolf's stupid fish ball!

Edd:
It's not the fish ball, Eddy! You hurt Rolf's feelings!

[Jonny's head is stuck between two branches]

Edd:
Jonny, not again.

Jonny:
Yep, this happens to me a lot, Double D.

Edd:
Didn't you learn from your past mistakes? I mean, it's just common sense.

Jonny:
[long pause] I guess not. [giggles]

Kevin:
Is this thing supposed to be dead?

Eddy:
The iguana ain't dead, windbag. It's just, uh... [nudges Edd]

Edd:
Sleeping like a baby, Kevin. That'll be 25 cents.

Jonny:
[lays down a quarter] Sold!

Edd:
I'm surrounded by idiots.

Eddy:
Who's complaining?

[The Eds go on strike outside Rolf's house]

Eddy:
Rolf's a jerk! Ain't gonna work! Rolf's a jerk! Ain't gonna work! Rolf's a jerk-

Jonny:
We hate broccoli!

Eddy:
...Ain't gonna work!

Edd:
This is so embarrassing.

Kevin:
I'm gonna ask Rolf what's up.

[He tries to cross the picket line, but is tackled by Eddy]

Eddy:
Hey! You can't cross the picket line!

Kevin:
Says who?

Nazz:
Kevin!

Kevin:
Nazz?

Nazz:
According to the Workers' Rights Act, Subsection E, Paraphrase IV, Eddy is entitled to express formal protest as to wherefore must be totally respected. [Edd, Kevin, and Eddy stare at her] Babysitters gotta know this stuff. [leaves]

Kevin:
...Dorks. [leaves]

Edd:
Really, Eddy. Labor disputes like yours and Rolf's require a mediator. A referee, if you will.

Eddy:
Go blow your whistle, Mr. Referee! I got a nuisance to make outta myself.

[Rolf shows up with a goat on his shoulders.]

Rolf:
Tell Rolf the progress of the laborers, Turkey Eyes.

[He points to Edd, who has a clean and tidy work station.]

Ed:
Well, yeah. Let's see here, boss. This guy I got no problems with.

Edd:
Double D waiting for orders, Turkey Eyes, sir.

[Ed points at Eddy, who has a dirty work station and is attempting to take the chicken's temperature.]

Ed:
But then there's the sad-sack, boss. A real slowpoke, trouble with a capital 'R'.

[Eddy kicks the chicken coop and a rooster comes out and chases him.]

Eddy:
Help! I hate chickens!

Ed & Rolf:
[in unison] HEY, NINCOMPOOP!

[Both look at each other]

Rolf:
[patting Ed on the head] You've learned well, Turkey Eyes.

[Rolf leaves as Eddy continues being chased by the rooster.]

Eddy:
Stop the chicken, Ed!

Ed:
Nincompoop! I'm deducting your pay 'cause you're a nincompoop! Pretty good, huh, Double D?

[Eddy is fighting Sarah and Jimmy over the balloon]

Eddy:
Gimme that balloon, Sarah!

Sarah:
[Mocking Eddy] Gimme, Gimme never gets!

Kevin:
I'll get you, dork! After I find some ointment! Ouch!

Eddy:
What's with that? I did everything my dad does. How come he sells stuff? Maybe it's the tie.

Edd:
Well it certainly couldn't be the fact we manufactured the biker from HAND-ME-DOWN KITCHENWARE! TEN HOURS OF HARD WORK! AND FOR WHAT?!

Ed:
To fleece the masses.

Eddy:
Check's in the mail, Ed.

Eddy:
[high pitched voice] What happened to my head?!

Ed:
It is so puny!

Edd:
This is worthy of a noble prize!

Eddy:
What'd ya do to me, you quack?

Rolf:
Quack? I am Rolf.

Eddy:
You're a quack! Quack! Quack! Quack!

Rolf:
I am not a duck. I am Rolf.

Edd:
How did you know what ingredients would react in such a way as to come to this conclusion?

Rolf:
What?

Ed:
My turn for shrinkage, Rolf!

Eddy:
Fix me.

Edd:
Tell me.

Ed:
Shrink me!

Rolf:
Stay back! [makes a run for it]

Eddy:
Get him! [chasing Rolf] Wait till I get my hands on you. Fix my head, ya quack!

Ed:
He's Rolf.

Edd:
Where did you exhume this from, Ed?

Ed:
Brick-a-brack from right under my bed, Double D.

Edd:
Ed, Eddy's overzealous attempts to reform this erroneous altercation is destined to fail.

Ed:
Napkin please.

Edd:
I should've known better.

[Eddy is attempting to sell his clown scam to Jimmy]

Eddy:
Are you un- unconshi... (shows the word to Edd)

Edd:
Unconcious, Eddy.

Eddy:
Dead from the neck up?

Ed:
Could you pull my finger, Rolf?

Rolf:
No. [Ed cries]

Kevin:
Man, Nazz looks awesome today.

Jonny:
I wanna write Nazz a poem, and I hate writing.

Ed:
Double D? My tummy feels all wiggly and crawly inside.

Edd:
That's nice, Ed.

Eddy:
I feel like the Nazz on the back of my Nazz is standing on Nazz.

Edd:
That's nice, Ed.

Edd:
There's something bewitching about Nazz today. An unusual enchantment. [unwittingly steps on Ed's face as he walks off] A happening of sorts.

Eddy:
She's happening, all right. [follows Edd, also stepping on Ed's face]

Ed:
I feel like a doormat. Can it be love?

Edd:
Nazz is as graceful as a gazelle leaping through a field of buttercups...

Eddy:
Yeah... a ga-whatchamacallit...

Kevin:
[in thought] She's so radical.

Eddy:
[in thought] She can't keep her eyes off me.

Edd:
[in thought] Her hair is so clean and not fly-away at all.

Ed:
[thinking] Hello? Echo! MY NAME IS ED!

Eddy:
Nazz would love a new bike.

Ed:
Or a new toilet?

Kevin:
Not the bike, dork.

Edd:
That's it, Jimmy. Distribute your weight. Balance.

Jimmy:
That tickles!

Edd:
Yes! And now try standing.

Jimmy:
Don't let me fall!

[Jimmy eventually manages to stand up on the wooden board inside Edd's pool.]

Jimmy:
Hot diggety dog! I'm surfing!

Eddy:
Not quite there, mini-kahuna, but if you're brave enough, we at Ed's Surf School will teach you how to flip the lip, hang ten, or shave the barrel, for an additional fee, of course. [He opens a soda.]] Can you handle it?

Jimmy:
I'm stoked! Teach me! Teach me! [He starts to lose balance.] AH! Don't let go! Don't let go!

Edd:
I wouldn't think of it, Jimmy!

Jonny:
Too bad! Plank was just aching to try a new ride! [He laughs] One time Plank went on a roller coaster 119 times in a row. Whew! I chucked biscuits after that, didn't I, buddy? Why, Plank spent his whole allowance that day; a regular Rockefeller.

Eddy:
Plank gets an allowance? Have I got a ride for you.

[He grabs Plank and tosses him in he air.]

Jonny:
Plank?

Eddy:
Nice ride, huh, Plank? That'll be 25 cents.

Jonny:
Plank says you throw like a toothpick, Eddy. He won't pay for kiddie rides.

Eddy:
Well, you tell that doorstop Eddy's got a ride that will round his corners. And it's cheap, cheap, cheap.

Jonny:
Plank says your mouth runs faster than six-month-old cheese, Eddy.

Eddy:
I'll take that as a yes.

Edd:
I object. My skin is still prune from that surf school fiasco.

Eddy:
Ed, who are we to deny Plank the thrill of a lifetime? Let's get to work. [He hands Plank to Ed.] Who says money can't buy happiness?

Ed:
[to Plank] Hello, my name is Ed.

Ed:
Broccoli bad for Ed!

[Forcefully brushing Kevin's teeth.]

Ed:
Up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down.

Kevin:
Hey, Double D. Come here. I've got something for ya.

Edd:
Have mercy!

Ed:
I was in my happy place lost in the void of my mind!

Edd:
Ed, wouldn't it be fun if we had some company?

Ed:
You bet. Do you think they will like peanut butter?

Edd:
Not that is out of place in this den of dishevelment, but why is there a vehicle sitting in your brother's bedroom?

Eddy:
He keeps his snake in the trunk. [opens it] Huh. The little weasel must have escaped again.

Edd:
Escaped? Oh dear, oh dear, oh- [runs into a stuffed camel]

Eddy:
Hey, watch the camel! I said, no touching.

Ed:
[walking by in the background whilst tied to the chair] Wow, I wish I had a room like this!

[The Eds are hiding under the Kankers' trailer]

Edd:
This is becoming extremely dangerous, Eddy.

Eddy:
Let's get the stash and get out of here.

Ed:
Is that you tickling me, Eddy?

Eddy:
There you are. Oh, man, I can see it now. Mansions, yachts, friends.

[He opens the suitcase, it's full of wishbones]

Edd:
Wishbones?

[May slams the case shut and takes it]

Eddy:
I'm so confused.

Edd:
I think your brother's a whiz at pulling your leg, Eddy.

Lee:
Looks like we've adopted some groundhogs, eh, girls?

Marie:
Cute chubby-cheeked ones, too.

May:
[holding the case] Hey, I forgot where I hid these.

Ed:
I was walking on the sidewalk until I saw a bug. Hello bug. I walked up to this tree and hit my head on this branch. Sorry, it was this one. And I gazed at the stars... [Ed gazes at the stars]

Edd:
Ed, please don't do that.

Eddy:
C'mon, we're wasting time. Where'd you hide the magazines, Ed?

Ed:
Here we go; a rubber chicken. [he pulls one out of his jacket, tosses it away, and runs down the street] Hide the box, hide the box I said. [he slips on the chicken] But then I tripped! Hanging on to my pal's box of magazines, for dear life, I fell. [he falls and slides down the street] And slid into a sewer.

Eddy:
A SEWER?! [sticks his head into the sewer] My magazines are in the SEWER?!

Edd:
Seems appropriate. You realize if your magazines are in that sewer, Eddy, they'd be totally illegible, the text smeared by the damp sludge.

Eddy:
It's the pictures I'm worried about.

[Edd has pressed Ed's face between two glass plates]

Eddy:
What's with Ed's face?

Edd:
Will you just let me do this, Eddy?

[Edd is looking at germs through Ed's face with a microscope]

Edd:
Ed, there's a new invention called soap; have you heard of it?

Edd:
A moment please, read a magazine or something.

Eddy:
Read a magazine? I would if I knew where Ed hid 'em.

Edd:
Oh. You read those?

[Edd puts up a banner on Eddy's garage that reads:
WELCOME HOME, BRO while Ed holds him up]

Edd:
Careful, Ed.

Eddy:
The kids'll be eating out of my hands in no time.

Edd:
Speak of hands, Eddy, you might wanna break away from condition and actually lend a hand here. [loses balance]

Eddy:
No problem, Double D. [Clapping]

[Ed toots a party horn and Edd clings onto the garage. Kevin arrives]

Kevin:
What's with the balloons, you dorks getting married... to each other? [laughs]

Eddy:
Read the sign, giggles. My brother's coming home today.

Kevin:
No way!

Ed:
[toots the party horn] And it works for him! [Edd slips his hand off the garage and falls]

Ed:
[walking by with a Pin the Tail on the Donkey board] Who's up for "Pin the Tail on the Donkey"?

Eddy:
Shut up, Ed.

Eddy:
[seeing who he thinks is his brother] Hey bro, good to see ya. Back so soon? HONEST, IT WASN'T ME! THEY'RE ALL LYING, I SWEAR! Can I get you anything, bro, huh? Can I?

Ed:
Sarah has trusted me with the money, so fudge I must buy it with.

Edd:
How can something so bad taste so good?

Rolf:
Please ask Rolf's family and livestock to remember the son of a shepherd.

Edd:
What have I done?! I've actually created a monster!

[As Edd tries to convince Eddy to help him free the kids, the Ed monster appears]

Eddy:
What? [he takes out a jar to collect fees for freeing the kids and saliva drips into the jar] No skin off my bones. Who's first?

[Eddy notices that his jar is filled with drool and looks up to see the Ed monster looming over him. But before he can be eaten, Edd pulls him out of the way]

Eddy:
HE WANTS THE SKIN OFF MY BONES, DOUBLE D!!