Chuck, Season 2

Casey:
[Colt is dangling Chuck out a window] Let the geek go!

Sarah:
Wait! Not out the window.

Casey:
Aren't we picky?

Chuck:
You want to go on a date some time? I mean a date without aliases, and spy gear, and a mission.

Sarah:
Like a real date?

Chuck:
Yeah.

Sarah:
Chuck, I-I'm still a CIA agent. And there are a hundred reasons why I shouldn't do that.

Chuck:
What do you have to lose? In a week, you're going to be undercover somewhere in some place like Jakarta, in a knife fight with some evil doer and in that exact moment you're going to wish you would have spent one last night of fun with me.

Sarah:
...Okay.

Sarah:
What about me?

Chuck:
[chuckles] You're really going to make me say it aren't you?

[Sarah smiles]

Chuck:
Wow, okay. Fine. All right we'll play it your way...A girl like you, or more appropriately, a woman like you. Considering the fact that you could probably kick the ass of everyone in this joint. And a-a smart one at that. Not to mention, cool...and extremely beautiful. And-and...you can stop me any time with the compliments if they're becoming...you know

Sarah:
No, that was, uh, very...sweet.

Chuck:
"Sweet?" Golly gee, thanks for making me feel like I'm 8.

Sarah:
[slight chuckle] Well, you're not so bad yourself.

Chuck:
[sarcastically] Please, I'm fantastic.

Sarah:
[seriously] Yeah. You are.

Chuck:
What exactly are you doing?

Colt:
I'm stretching. Getting limber.

Chuck:
Why are you doing that?

Colt:
So I won't pull a muscle when I break your neck. Maybe you should get limber too.

[Casey catches Chuck's hand after Colt drops him off of a building and swings him to safety]

Chuck:
You...You...

Casey:
Yeah, I know, I catch you when you fall. It's touching, really.

Chuck:
No no, I love you!

Casey:
Keep it in your pants, Bartowski.

Sarah:
Okay, look, the sooner we get the Cipher back and the sooner you can have the Intersect removed, and the sooner you can be free to live whatever life you choose with whomever you choose.

Chuck:
What are you saying?

Sarah:
I'm saying that you can have everything that you've always wanted.

Chuck:
Let me see the file.

Ellie:
What we need to be is more like Chuck and Sarah.

Chuck:
Excuse me?

Ellie:
Every time you see her your eyes light up. I mean, How do you keep that spark alive?

Chuck:
I-I, you know-I don't think I should be getting involved in-

Awesome:
Come on, what's the secret bro?

Chuck:
You know what, we-we kinda just, you know, we pretend like we're not really dating, which is weird I know, but it-it-it forces me to have win her over again and again...and again.

Ellie:
That is so sweet.

Chuck:
Well, it may not be the steamiest, but we probably have the strangest relationship in Los Angeles.

Sarah:
Doubt that. Morgan's still dating, right?

Chuck:
Good point.

Roan:
[preparing Chuck to seduce an enemy agent] We need to talk about protection.

Chuck:
I really don't think it's going to get that far, Roan.

Roan:
I mean a gun. Do you know why she's called the "black widow?"

Chuck:
Because she's African-American, and her husband died?

Chuck:
So how can you just sit there and watch them die?

Roan:
Because I'm not in love with one of the agents.

Chuck:
I'm not...I care about them. I care about both of them. Besides we heard what she said, okay? To her, I'm just an asset.

Roan:
No. You're not...Trust me. The lady doth protest too much. But Charles, you have to ask yourself is she worth dying for?

Chuck:
Yes.

Roan:
Poor boy. Lesson number one for being a spy: never fall in love.

Chuck:
Well then I guess I'm not much of a spy.

Chuck:
Buddy, what've I told you about direct confrontation with the Mighty Jocks, Mitt specifically?

Morgan:
Run with my tail between my legs and go get John Casey.

Chuck:
So uh...staying with Sarah, huh?

Bryce:
Protecting our cover. How are things between you guys?

Chuck:
They're good. Good good good. Solid. Why, did she say something?

Bryce:
No it's just, she's a beautiful girl, pretending to be your girlfriend. I was afraid you'd let the lines get blurred and fall for her.

Chuck:
[scoffs] What me, fall for Sarah? Please.

Lester:
I'm too young, upwardly mobile, and handsome to die.

Fulcrum Agent:
Okay, let's try this one more time. The microchip. Please. The microchip now!

Bryce:
Release the kid first.

Chuck:
Kid? Honestly, we were born in the same year!

Chuck:
Look, we both know how I feel about you so I'm just going to shoot straight. Sarah, you're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. You're beautiful, you're smart, you laugh at all of my stupid jokes and have a horrible habit of constantly saving my life. The truth is, you're everything that I thought I ever wanted and more. And for the last few days all I could think about is our future together. About what it's going to be like once I finally get the Intersect out of my head; we can be together for real, no fake relationships, no covers, no lies. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that you and I can never have a future together. I fooled myself into thinking that we could but the truth is: we can't. Because even if we had a real relationship it would never really be real. I'd still never know anything about you, your real name, your home town, your first love, anything. And I want more than that. I want to be able to call you at the end of a bad day and tell you about some funny thing Morgan did and not find out I can't but I can't cause you're off be somewhere in Paraguay quelling a revolution with a fork. I'm a normal guy who wants a normal life. And as amazing as you are, Sarah Walker, we both know that you will never be normal.

Sarah:
You know, someday when the Intersect is out of your head and you have the life that you always wanted, you'll forget all about me.

Chuck:
I seriously doubt that.

Chuck:
[watching Lester's sales policy in action] That's gonna end badly.

Morgan:
I know. I know, Chuck. That's part of the fun.

Sarah:
Back off, Chuck! You have as much information as is pertinent to this assignment!

Chuck:
So "Jenni" with an "i" or would that be-

[Sarah takes the pencil Chuck's holding]

Sarah:
All Jenny's boyfriend needs to know is that Jenny hates questions about her past!

[Throws the pencil at a picture of Chuck and Sarah, embedding it in Chuck's picture]

Sarah:
You got that?

Chuck I'm good. Yeah, I'm good.

Casey:
[to Chuck after Sarah spills wine on Chuck's pants] Not the first American tax dollars wasted on a man's lap.

Chuck:
Who's going to tell Ratner about his wife?

Casey:
That's why love is for suckers.

Chuck:
Where's Sarah?

Casey:
Sucker.

Mark Ratner:
See, I'm just a guy who likes math, you know, and somehow I got a beautiful girl like that to fall in love with me. I have to pinch myself sometimes. It's like I'm dreaming. Aw, forget it, Agent Carmichael. I mean, how can I expect a cool guy like you to understand?

Chuck:
You know what, Mark? Sometimes the nerd gets the girl.

Sarah:
Okay, fine, I'll answer one question about my past. You've earned that much.

Chuck:
...No thanks...I don't need to know more, not about who you were. 'Cause as much as you don't think so, I know who you are: a girl I'd like to share a cheeseburger with...Should I get a knife? I'll get a knife.

Sarah:
That won't be necessary.

[Sarah rolls up one of pants legs, pulls out a knife and gives it to Chuck]

Chuck:
That's awesome! And a little disturbing.

Emmett:
Let's start out simple: why do you belong at the Buy More?

Jeff:
I satisfy a quota. My dad's part Indian. The cool kind of Indian, though, not like Lester.

Chuck:
Hey, sis? The world's not gonna end today. [Ellie walks out of earshot] I have very reliable sources.

Chuck:
The guy who created Missile Command commands actual missiles?

Chuck:
Oh, and I'm gonna need to borrow your girlfriend.

Morgan:
Oh, dude she's all yours.

Chuck:
Morgan! Hey, ah, buddy, do-do we carry any Rush CDs in the store?

Morgan:
No need. I got them all in my Zune.

Chuck:
You have a Zune?

Morgan:
Are you kidding me? No, no. I'll grab my iPod.

Man:
Is there a problem? [Chuck hides under desk]

Chuck:
Can you tell me if the attractive, brown eyed, slightly egg headed brunette with an extremely cold heart is still here?

Man:
She's here; why, who is she?

Chuck:
Jill Roberts, my ex-girlfriend. She broke my heart. I need-I need a diversion; would-would it be a terrible imposition for you to pull the fire alarm?

Jill:
Hi, I'm Dr Jill Roberts. Is there someone who can help me with the tech requirements for my lecture?

Man:
Under the desk.

Chuck:
When you say "reconnect" you mean send her an email or invite her to be my new Facebook friend, right?

General Beckman:
Call her at her hotel and make a date! See if you flash on anything she says or anyone you meet.

Chuck:
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, a date with my ex? No, General, that-that is a terrible idea. You see she broke my heart; she destroyed me; she took all of my confidence, my mojo!

Casey:
You had mojo?

Chuck:
I was on my way, oh, and by the way she slept with Bryce Larkin.

Casey:
Huh. Who hasn't? [looks at Sarah]

Sarah:
Look, Chuck. I know Jill hurt you, but maybe seeing her will give you the closure that you've always wanted. You have done a lot for the CIA and we're going to make you look good.

Casey:
Look on the bright side, now you can get your mojo back!

Chuck:
Sticky clutch. [nervous laugh] Remind me to have my assistant have that fixed.

Jill:
I think the valet is up a little further.

Chuck:
Beautiful night for walk, huh? Shall we?

Jill:
Who is it?

Chuck:
It's the lying, yet well meaning fool who rented a Ferrari last night...

Casey:
Ten bucks says she doesn't open the door for him!

Sarah:
Make it twenty and you're on.

Jill:
I don't want to talk to you Chuck!

Chuck:
Okay, well, then I'll do all the talking. I know this may come as a shock to you but I'm here to do something totally crazy and tell you the truth. I still work at the Buy More, and, uh, I still live with my sister and I still have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I guess I just wanted you to think that I was someone special. So, in order to accomplish that I went out and got a new suit and rented a car that I clearly have no idea how to drive because from the second I saw you again I knew that I hadn't gotten over you yet, Jill.

Jill:
Really? You haven't gotten over me?

Chuck:
No...

Jill:
Get in here. [Casey pays up bet]

Casey:
No no no, I served my country with honor Bartowski! Please...let me die with dignity!

Sarah:
[Chuck's stuck in the airvent] What are you doing up there?

Chuck:
Help! [Falls to the floor]

Casey:
Shh. It's the F.B.I, they're dumb, not deaf.

Chuck:
Thanks.

Chuck:
Wait. So not only did we not get the FULCRUM list, but Jill's never going to speak to me again because she caught me naked rinsing off fruit punch on another woman.

Casey:
Common spy problem.

Chuck:
Really?

Jeff:
I don't rat. Only thing my mother taught me from the joint. If you want answers, talk to the Injun

Lester:
Injun is a highly derogatory word referring to Native Americans, not East Indians, you cretin!

Jeff:
Grab a shiv and make your move.

Lester:
We should run now. He's in "prison mode".

Chuck:
[stops making out with Jill because of the surveillance] Buy More, tomorrow.

Jill:
What time?

Chuck:
Take the latent heat of aquatic fusion...

Jill:
Is that in calories per gram?

Chuck:
Of course. [seductive voice] And then subtract the atomic number of thallium, got it? [Jill nods] Okay, I'll see you then!

Casey:
[growls] Nerd code!

Jill:
Thank you for saving my life. Sorry for not trusting you with Chuck.

Sarah:
You want to pay me back? Don't hurt him again.

Jill:
I won't. I wouldn't. I care about Chuck.

Sarah:
Me, too. It's my job to protect him...from anything.

Chuck:
Excuse me. I'm sorry, General. But who in my life isn't a spy? My sister? My best friend? Should I just start asking people that when I first meet them, "Hi I'd like the extra value meal, and while we're on the topic, do you covertly work for a government espionage faction?"

Chuck:
[Text message to Sarah and Casey] I also unlocked your door. Taking them to Buy More. Unleash the Casey.

Chuck:
You should know I wanted to help you. I was going to let you get away. But you were about to kill Sarah and made the decision for me. You're under arrest, Jill. And I'm breaking up with you.

Chuck:
I'm just too trusting. Ever since I was a kid, I really wanted to believe what everyone else told me, you know? I'm just getting used to this new job, with the spying and lying.

Sarah:
Don't get used to it. What makes you special is that you're not like every other spy. You're a good guy and you want to help people. Leave the deception to me.

Chuck:
I'm glad I have you.

Sarah:
Yeah, we're better as a team.

Chuck:
[to Ellie] And I realized that Jill, Stanford and Bryce, that's a story from my past...But my new story is you, and Sarah, and these freakin' yahoos. And sometimes it can be a really fun story.

Casey:
Sure thing, Chuck. I'll just call all the criminals and rogue spies and let them know to hold on a sec because Chuck Bartowski needs some time to sort out his lady feelings.

Casey:
[to Chuck] If my primary objective wasn't to protect you, I'd kill you.

Casey:
Beckman was out of line pulling me off this mission.

Sarah:
I agree with her. You're too emotionally involved.

Casey:
This from the agent that can't keep her chocolate out of Bartowski's peanut butter.

Sarah:
Whatever my feelings may be for Chuck I never knowingly endangered the asset. You let your anger toward Bennett cloud your judgment.

Casey:
Finally you admit that you do have feelings for the nerd.

Sarah:
No, all I will admit to is having feelings.

Chuck:
Look. Look, I get how you're feeling man. I totally get how you're feeling. You're-you're feeling betrayed by someone that you really care about.

Casey:
You're damaging my calm, Chuck.

Chuck:
You've spent so much of your life pushing people away. Lashing out with hurtful words and-and-and punches. But-but I know why you do it. You do it because you're scared.

Casey:
WHAT?

Chuck:
Scared. Scared to be known. Scared that if we see who you are, we'd actually care about you.

Casey:
Shut up, Chuck!

Sarah:
Yeah, shut up, Chuck. You're making him mad.

Chuck:
[shushes Sarah] Underneath that extremely terrifying exterior lies a man who deeply, deeply feels. You-you care. You care about us. You care about me. Admit you feel all warm and mushy about me. Go ahead, say it; you love me, John Casey.

Casey:
I'm going to kill you!

[Lunges for Chuck]

Chuck:
Wait, wait, wait! Hold on. No! Not me.

[points to Bennett]

Chuck:
Him!

Chuck:
[mimicking Casey's voice] Well thanks for saving my life today, Chuck.

Chuck:
Any time, Casey. Yeah, you know what you're my friend.

Chuck:
[mimicking Casey's voice] Yeah, you know what, you're my friend too.

Chuck:
That's really kind of you, Casey. Have a good night.

Casey:
[seriously] Thank you. [closes door]

Chuck:
I think that you should know that the much much much older gentleman that you are having dinner with right now is a very bad man Sarah.

Sarah:
Chuck-

Chuck:
Let me finish. The guy is a total loser, all right? Absolute bottom feeding scum of the Earth. Have I mentioned considerably older man!

Jack:
[from behind] All true, but I'm a hell of a dancer.

Sarah:
Chuck, I'd like you to meet my dad, Jack Burton. Dad, this is my boyfriend, Chuck.

Chuck:
[Chuck clears his throat] A real pleasure, sir.

Sarah:
[about her father] Chuck, you're attributing good intentions to him because you're a good person.

Chuck:
Well, he must've done something right: you turned out pretty good.

Awesome:
I lent him that money to get an apartment, not blow it on some stupid car!

Anna:
WHAT? That money was for our apartment?! I'm gonna kill him!

Awesome:
Get in line, Anna!

Awesome:
[to Morgan] You have exactly one day to get my money back to me or I pluck you from head to toe.

Anna:
Start with the groin. He won't be using that region for a while.

Sarah:
Why did you put the money in Chuck's account?

Jack:
I needed to put it somewhere because I didn't trust Cop Face.

Sarah:
But you trusted Chuck.

Jack:
I read people. That's the only real talent I got. One thing I know is that kid would never betray you. I made a $10 million bet that he loved you...Turns out I was right.

Chuck:
We have a cover date tomorrow, Christmas at the Bartowski's.

Sarah:
Oh. Wow. Thanks for the invitation Chuck but I don't do Christmas.

Chuck:
I'm sorry. I think you just said "You don't do Christmas."

Sarah:
Look, I would rather not get into it.

Chuck:
But it's, it's Christmas. Look I'm not buying the whole Scrooge act. Okay. Underneath that spy cover is a regular person, just like the rest of us. I mean honestly, how weird could Christmas have been for you?

Sarah:
Christmas at the Burton household meant the annual Salvation Army con job.

Chuck:
Okay. Well, so-Okay, you're a little different than the rest of us. but Christmas at the Bartowski's means...eggnog, pj's, a fake gas fireplace and that's right, Twilight Zone marathons. I'm not taking no for an answer, Walker. So prepare to be heartwarmed.

Ned:
[talking about Casey] Hey, hey, I uh, feel terrible about shooting your friend's toe off.

Chuck:
No, no, no, that's okay. Sometimes I feel like shooting him myself.

Sarah:
Hi Chuck! Where are you?

Chuck:
DVDs. I'm in the romantic-comedy section, although for irony's sake I suppose I should probably be in hostage thrillers.

Sarah:
So um, Ned let everyone call their loved ones. That was pretty smart to call me, protect our cover.

Chuck:
Yeah, well, you are my girlfriend. Sort of.

Sarah:
So does that mean your offer still stands for Christmas?

Chuck:
See I knew you could be heartwarmed. I actually, um...I have something for you. I was gonna give it to you tomorrow, but considering the circumstances I kind of want to give it to you today.

Sarah:
Chuck, we're gonna get out of here. We'll be fine, I-

[Chuck pulls out a bracelet]

Sarah:
promise. Wow. That's beautiful.

Chuck:
It's good luck. It was my mom's charm bracelet. My dad gave it to her when Ellie was born.

[Chuck puts it on Sarah's wrist]

Sarah:
Oh Chuck, I can't take this. This is something real. Something you should give to a real girlfriend.

Chuck:
...I know.

Mauser:
You may have beaten me, Agent Walker. But FULCRUM's won. I know that Chuck Bartowski's the Intersect.

Sarah:
Chuck's secret is safe! And you're going straight to a CIA detention facility never to be seen or heard from again.

Mauser:
You go right ahead, Agent Walker. Arrest me. But say "Good-bye" to Chuck. You see I'm not like those other FULCRUM agents. They'll do whatever it takes to find me. And when they do, every FULCRUM agent we have is gonna know Chuck's the Intersect. It's going to be the end of his pathetic existence. So take me in, Agent Walker, I'm ready to go.

[Pause. Sarah lowers her weapon. Long pause. Sarah shoots Mauser]

Morgan:
Let me ask you something. What do you do when you see your girlfriend do something so horrific, it gets permanently burned into your brain?

Chuck:
...I don't know buddy. But I know exactly what you mean.

Chuck:
Sarah? [Chuck is dreaming that Sarah rises from his bed in black lingerie]

Sarah Yes Chuck.

Chuck:
This is a dream.

Sarah:
No, it isn't.

Chuck:
C'mon, who are we kidding here? This is clearly my subconscious at work. On behalf of my conscious self, I'd like to apologize. I'm normally far more respectful of women, even in my dreams. It's just that anxiety and fear can, um ahem, really affect your dream life.

Sarah:
And what are you afraid of?

Chuck:
I watched you kill that FULCRUM agent in cold blood, Sarah. I am... I am not like you. Okay? I might have all these government secrets in my brain, but that does not make me a real spy. I, I need to tell you this in reality, not in my dream.

Sarah:
Chuck...this isn't a dream.

Chuck:
What is it?

Sarah:
It's a nightmare!

Chuck:
[Chuck wakes up screaming] That's not the way that dream was suppose to go.

Chuck:
How much tranquilizer did you use?

Casey:
It's a high grade at a heavy dose. Mr. Martin should be out for 12 to 24 hours.

Tyler Martin:
[Starts to wake up] Jet lag is brutal.

Chuck:
Rock star metabolism.

Tyler Martin:
All the better for seeing you, darling. Hello [Casey tranqs him again] I feel like a daffodil.

Casey:
Time for the road trip.

Chuck:
Road trip? Wait, whoa whoa whoa whoa where are you going?

Casey:
Buy More parking lot camera has a match on the car the suspect drove this morning.

Chuck:
What about Tyler here?

Casey:
Hmm? Oh, check his mouth every twenty minutes. Make sure he doesn't choke on his own tongue.

Chuck:
Hang on a second. You're-you're gonna go and you want me to stay here and be on tongue-watch duty?

Sarah:
Well, you don't have plans, do you?

Chuck:
Would it be so crazy if I did have plans? Plans that involved something other than fixing a computer or playing hot potato with a thermite grenade?

Casey:
Yes.

Sarah:
You know, Chuck, Casey is right. You could've gotten yourself killed. What exactly were you thinking?

Chuck:
What was I thinking? I'll tell you what I was thinking. I was thinking like I wasn't a spy. Okay. I was trying to have a little bit of fun. And I knew the second I called you two, it would all be over!

Sarah:
But Chuck, you are a spy. And you should know better than to put yourself in a dangerous situation where I can't protect you!

Chuck:
Is it really so wrong for me to want a night off? I was having a really good time, too, until the assassins stole my pants and tried to kill me. I've earned it. I deserve it.

[Casey shoots him with a tranquilizer dart]

Chuck:
I'm losing consciousness.

[Chuck falls to floor unconscious]

Sarah:
CASEY!

Casey:
My ears couldn't take it. Either that or I shoot him.

Tyler Martin:
I hear you're the bro to talk to to get more of those tasty tranq darts.

Casey:
Philistine.

Sarah:
If there is something bothering you, then please tell me. I know part of your job is to keep all these secrets in your head but you're not suppose to keep them from me.

Chuck:
Yeah I know, I know...I saw you shoot that FULCRUM agent on Christmas Eve. After they took over the Buy More. And when I asked you about it...

Sarah:
I lied.

Chuck:
Yeah.

Sarah:
Chuck, I have to protect you.

Chuck:
I know that. I...I...I know that you do. You were protecting me, you were protecting all of us. He had threatened my family, my friends, and you were just doing your job. I get that but... Sarah, the guy was unarmed. And, and you just...

Sarah:
I did what I had to do. He knew who you really were. Your whole family was in danger. And I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget you never asked for all of this.

Chuck:
That part I'm not sure I'll ever get used to.

Morgan:
Gentlemen, I think that I speak for all of us when I say that the only reason that I took this job at the Buy More was to do as little work as humanly possible.

[Jeff and Lester nod]

Morgan:
And the big man, he made that dream a reality.

Lester:
That man's an inspiration to slackers everywhere.

Jeff:
Until his old lady dumped him.

Morgan:
We're screwed! I mean, we're screwed now that he has nothing to live for except for work.

Jeff:
Yeah, but how do we get Mrs. Big Mike to take him back?

Lester:
How do you mend a broken heart?

Emmett:
You mean, how do we get him laid? I'm sorry to interrupt this little meeting of the minds but you're not the only ones who find this new regime insufferable. It's obvious that our rotund leader is channeling his sexual energies into the Buy More. In my opinion your only hope...

Morgan:
Is to channel him back into sex. Yeah, it's brilliant, Emmett. But where do we find Big Mike a ridiculous, out of his league hottie?

Lester:
Someone to suck his...will to work out of him.

Jeff:
Not at a Bennigan's Bar.

Lester:
Sometimes that fruit hangs a little too low.

Emmett:
Where do you meet people where you don't have to pay for sex?

Chuck:
Well, gotta run. You know how it is...the old ball and chain.

Sylvia:
Listen Charles, I just live right across the street. So...call me, when the honeymoon's over. I've got a chain too.

[ Chuck moves away back to Sarah]

Sarah:
Well?

Chuck:
No flashes, no nothing. I think our neighbors are clean. Except for that lady across the street. She's got a dirty mouth.

Sylvia:
Mr. Carmichael, I didn't expect you to come so quickly.

Chuck:
Charles Carmichael always comes quickly.

[awkward pause]

Casey:
[over watch-phone] Real smooth, Bartowski.

Chuck:
Casey, I'm handcuffed.

Casey:
Relax, handcuffs are a cinch.

Chuck:
Really?

Casey:
Yeah, there's a bone in your thumb. Tiny bone. Real easy to break. What you're gonna wanna do is you're gonna wanna apply torsional pressure until it snaps.

Chuck:
I'm not going to break my bone!

Casey:
Well in that case, you are screwed.

Ellie:
Well, what happened? What went wrong?

Chuck:
I guess something that's been wrong from the start. You know?

Ellie:
Are...you guys aren't breaking up, are you?

Chuck:
No, no, no, no, no. Trust me. Sarah's not going anywhere.

Ellie:
Chuck, I guess I, I don't, I don't know what you're saying exactly.

Chuck:
Look El, I know how much you love Sarah. And I know how much you love the idea of us, and us moving forward with you and Devon, but we're not anything like you guys.

Ellie:
But you guys seem so perfect.

Chuck:
Yeah, I know. I guess, but being in that house with her, it was so close to being perfect. The way I had always pictured it would be. Then I realized what was wrong with that picture...And it was us. Sarah and I are never going to be anything more than we are now right now. And you know what? I'm okay with that.

Jeff:
Does it shock you that 80% of my encounters with women have been completely without their knowledge?

Chuck:
Honestly, I'm more surprised by the other 20%, Jeff. Look, buddy, I know you're going through a tough time, but I don't feel comfortable stalking another human being.

Morgan:
Dude, it's not stalking, okay? It's caring enough about someone to learn things about them they won't tell you themselves.

Chuck:
Which is stalking.

Chuck:
I can't betray my best friend. How come nobody gets that?

Casey:
Hmm. Semper Fidelis. Means always faithful in the Marines. In civilian life, means putting your friend's well being above your own. I-I salute you for that, Bartowski. [Casey gives Chuck a small salute] Well done.

Chuck:
Yeah, that's, Thanks, Casey. Yeah. Semper Fi. Semper Fi! You know it's a pretty upside down world when this guy's the one picking up the emotional nuances around here.

[Casey winks at Sarah]

Lester:
What was that about?

Chuck:
I'm helping Ellie and Awesome find a band for their wedding.

Lester:
Then this, sir, is your lucky day.

Jeff:
We'll handle it from here.

Chuck:
You're going to help me find a band?

Lester:
No-no-no, you misunderstand. You found your band. It is WE. [points to himself and Jeff] We'll play your sister's big day.

Chuck:
Um wait, wait a minute, you guys have a band?

Jeff:
Jeff...

Lester:
...Lester...

Jeff and Lester:
JEFFSTER!!

Chuck:
That seems very fitting.

Jeff:
Originally, we were going to go with the name "Jester," but we didn't want people to associate us with a couple of fools.

Chuck:
Obviously not.

Sarah:
No, I get it; he's your best friend.

Chuck:
You know you say that, but I don't think you have a clue what it means. Look, Sarah, I don't have parents. I mean not really. I don't really talk about it because that's the way things are now. But it wasn't always this way. Morgan was there the first day that my mom took off. He didn't say much. Because honestly what is a fifth grader supposed to say? But we sat there and split a cherry cheesecake and played Legend of Zelda all night long. And my dad, well that's-that's a whole other story. But Morgan was there for that too. Morgan is more than just my best friend. He's my family. Before you got here, and long after you've gone, Morgan is my family.

Sarah:
...Last night we failed to learn the contents of the Triad's container. And now we don't know what kind of drugs or weapons are floating around in the city. And while I appreciate your friendship with Morgan, losing sight of that container endangers many people's best friends, not just yours, Chuck.

Sarah:
I wanted to apologize. I could have been more sensitive before about your friendship with Morgan. It's just-it's difficult. I don't really have anyone in my life like that who cares about me.

Chuck:
Yeah, you do.

Morgan:
Uh, why on God's green Earth would he ever ever break up with Sarah?

Awesome:
Ask Ellie, it was her idea.

Morgan:
Really?

Ellie:
What? He said that he didn't think she was the one.

Morgan:
[Morgan sighs] There are a few precious things I know anything about in this world. Chuck's one of them. Believe me, Sarah's the one.

Ellie:
How do you know?

Morgan:
How do I know? It's all over the kid's face. When Chuck is around Sarah, he is the Chuck that we always dreamed of, all right? The-the Chuck that has the potential to do anything in the world.

Chuck:
Ooh! Ugh! Oh my God! This is unbearable! My back is killing me, my wrists are chafing!

Cole:
This is going to get ugly. What level is his pain tolerance?

Sarah:
I'd say about 1 out of 10.

Chuck:
A what? A one? I'd say I'm at least at an 8.

Sarah:
Chuck, the torture hasn't even started yet.

Chuck:
This is the pre-torture? Okay, okay, put me down for a 1.

Casey:
What happened?

Chuck:
Well I...fainted and hit my head on the ground.

Casey:
Real brave Bartowski.

Chuck:
Hey! I fainted on purpose. That was my move. You know I'm terrified of needles.

Casey:
So your move was to faint and his was to endure torture.

Chuck:
We have different methods.

Chuck:
Ellie, Awesome, I have made a very important decision. I am moving out...

Ellie:
[Ellie gasps] Yes!

Chuck:
And moving in with Morgan.

Ellie:
NO!

Sarah:
Chuck, he knows you're the Intersect. We have to go into 24-hour protective detail until further notice.

Chuck:
What exactly does that mean?

Sarah:
It means we can't break up. And we have to move in together.

[Noticing Ellie, Awesome and Morgan]

Sarah:
Well, Ellie's watching; we'd better sell it.

[They hug]

Chuck:
Are you sure about this? I mean he's a really tough guy. Maybe he won't talk.

Sarah:
Chuck, everyone talks.

Lester:
Morgan. All you have to do is convince Anna that moving in with you is a bad idea.

Morgan:
Okay, but how am I gonna...

Lester:
Shhh, Bubeleh, you've come to the right place. Repulsion is our business.

Jeff:
And business is good.

Sarah:
We work for the government, Dr. Busgang.

Perseus:
So do I. Tell them, Duncan. We work for the CIA.

Casey:
The men you work for are terrorists.

[Casey gets slammed against the wall by two agents]

Casey:
Hey!

Duncan:
Terrorist? We're patriots. Howard, you're a patriot.

Casey:
You're spies who've turn your back on your country!

Duncan:
You couldn't have it more wrong. Who do you think we are? We do what needs to be done to preserve this nations rightful place in the world. Someday you'll thank us. Well, not you, you'll be dead.

General Beckman:
Mr. Barker, I understand you were hurt protecting Agent Walker. I'm told you showed great courage.

Cole:
Just doing my job, General. Actually, it was Chuck who showed great courage on this mission. He was also injured in the line of duty.

Casey:
He got clipped by a windowsill. It's as pathetic as it sounds.

Morgan:
I want to make sure that she [Anna] loves me for me and not...other things.

Chuck:
[to Jeff and Lester] Excuse us. [aside to Morgan] Are you crazy? What other things could she possibly be loving you for? I mean honestly, buddy, you know that I love you, but-but you're lucky to have a girl in your life who loves you for you, even though you are in fact you.

Morgan:
...Fair.

Chuck:
If you don't stop testing her, she's gonna choose to be with someone else. And then you will have realized, and unfortunately too late, that you lost the catch of a lifetime. [Chuck walks away]

Lester:
Counter point. She's not the catch of a lifetime. She's a scheming tart who will harvest your organs and sell them to the highest bidder.

Chuck:
Sarah, I'm not gonna move in with you...Because I can't...And you know why I can't...I'm crazy about you. And-and I always have been. But, you know, having a fake relationship, that's one thing. But living together is...I mean everyday and being around each other and-and...and that's why I can't do it. And I hope you understand.

Sarah:
I do.

Chuck:
Thank you.

[Starts to leave then stops]

Chuck:
Oh and, uh, just so you know, I am going to get this thing out of my head, one day. I will. And when I do, I'm going to live the life I want with the girl I love. Because I'm not going to let this thing rob me of that. I won't.

Barkley:
We're the flagship store, we should get those computers-

Big Mike:
Flagship of my ass; now get out of here, Barkley.

Vincent:
You have one chance. Drop your guns.

Chuck:
Uh, sir. They don't have any guns. I personally put this mission together, and I forbade them from packing.

Vincent:
Why would you do that?

Chuck:
I don't know. I just, you know-I think guns make things too easy. I like my spies to be tough. Look, you're not going to shoot anyone, right?

Vincent:
It would be unprofessional not to.

Chuck:
What? You're coming here?

General Beckman:
Hopefully I won't have to shut down Operation Bartowski because of one foolish mistake. But if FULCRUM knows who you really are, pack your bags, Chuck; you're leaving with me. Tell your family and friends...tell them nothing.

Sarah:
Chuck Bartowski has risked his life for this country. But he's not a spy and he knows it.

General Beckman:
He's a spy until I say he isn't.

Sarah:
General, Chuck knows that Orion is out there and he is not going to sit in his room and do what we say. He...

Casey:
What is it?

Sarah:
Where's Chuck?

Casey:
[Casey checks the tracking device] Watch has him in his room.

Sarah:
No. This is Chuck we're talking about. He would've come up with some excuse to come in here and meet the General in person.

General Beckman:
What?

Sarah:
Check his room.

Casey:
Walker's right. Chuck's a social butterfly by nature.

Chuck:
General, you don't want the Intersect out of my head, do you?

General Beckman:
No, I don't.

Sarah:
Ma'am, Chuck has done everything that we've asked of him.

General Beckman:
Agent Walker, you want to protect him, but play time is over. Chuck, I hesitate to say this...

Chuck:
Please, please hesitate.

General Beckman:
We are in the midst of a secret war with FULCRUM. And I believe the outcome of this fight will rest squarely on your shoulders.

Casey:
Oy.

Chuck:
No. Listen to the man, he's right. I'm no spy.

General Beckman:
Do you know how many agents I've lost to FULCRUM? How powerful they are? Only this operation, only you have found a hole in their armor. See, I can't lose you, Chuck. I need you. It's time for you to become a spy.

Zamir:
Are you his doctor?

Chuck:
Of course. Am I not wearing a doctor's coat? Who else would I be if not one of this man's doctors?

Zamir:
Doctor, I am Harry Lime's private physician, Dr. Muhammad Zamir.

[they shake hands]

Chuck:
Ah, Doctor.

Zamir:
Doctor.

Chuck:
Doctor.

Zamir:
Doctor.

Chuck:
And, doctor.

Zamir:
Nurse, would you excuse us for a moment, please? I'd like to consult the doctor privately, please.

Chuck:
Yes, yes, we will be discussing doctor things that only doctors understand, please go. [whispers to Alex] Please don't go.

Alex:
Be right outside... doctor.

Sarah:
[Holding up Chuck's cellphone] I found this when I went to say goodbye to Chuck.

Alex:
Which directly disobeyed an order. You were fired for exactly this reason.

Sarah:
Then there's nothing stopping me from kicking your ass.

Chuck:
Oh my God, I'm bleeding. Oh my God I'm bleeding, oh my God I'm bleeding.

Zamir:
Come on.

Chuck:
I'm bleeding, I'm bleeding. I'm sorry, I get a little woozy at the sight of blood.

Zamir:
A surgeon is afraid of blood?

Chuck:
I know, a little ironic, right?

Casey:
Hey. Chuck, turn off the gas you idiot. You inhale too much of that stuff it'll kill you.

Chuck:
We're gonna die.

[Chuck and Zamir laugh]

Chuck:
We're gonna die.

Alex:
[Grabbing the walkie talkie] Open this door right now!

Chuck:
No. Look, I'm not listening to you. Okay?

Alex:
This isn't working. I can't risk this going any further. I'm getting the nitro.

[Starts to leave]

Sarah:
Forrest, we can do this your way or we can actually save the asset.

General Beckman:
Agent Walker, despite your heroism, you have directly disobeyed several orders...

Chuck:
Wait, General, um, I'm sorry but, but isn't the most important part of being my handler making sure I stay alive?

Sarah:
It's okay, Chuck.

Casey:
No, it's not.

[Everyone looks at Casey]

Casey:
Let him finish.

Chuck:
Thanks...Um, General. What I'm trying to say is that I-I think that maybe because my relationship with Sarah is so...you know, we're-we're-we're close. We care about each other. That's-that's what I'm trying to say. And-and I know it's not protocol or whatever but it's those feelings that wound up saving my life.

Chuck:
[to Sarah and Casey dressed as nerds] Either this is a mission or you two are very good at hiding your hobbies.

Sarah:
Where's Chuck?

Casey:
In a world of pain.

Chuck:
I can't believe this. My father invented the intersect.

Stephen:
Well, that's not true. I didn't invent all of it. Just the really cool stuff. Come on. All right, now I can understand how this could complicate a few things.

Chuck:
What? Complicate a few things; Dad, I saw you die. I saw you explode in a helicopter.

Stephen:
Well, I see how I could have given you that impression. I had to die quite a few times, one of the perils of being Orion.

Stephen:
What you are gonna see are a bunch of encoded images that will cancel out the ones that you originally uploaded.

Chuck:
Wait. Are you saying that you are gonna overwrite my brain?

Stephen:
That's a good way of putting it. Yes.

Roark:
Put him on the helicopter. Kill his CIA agent.

Stephen:
He's my son.

Roark:
He's your son? Congratulations! That's great! I had no idea...Kill his son.

Stephen:
I'll-I'll build anything you want, give FULCRUM their intersect. But my son walks away from here.

Vincent:
You'll build it either way.

Stephen:
You going to torture me? After 10 years away from my family, my son walks away!

Roark:
Alright, alright. I'm not a monster...Maybe a little bit of a monster. Today's his lucky day. Shotgun on the chopper. Let's go.

Bernie:
Are you wired?

Chuck:
No we're not.

Bernie:
[aims his gun at Chuck's face] Are you wired?

Chuck:
Yes, yes we are.

. . .

Bergey:
Are you wearing a wire?

Chuck:
That's preposterous.

Bergey:
[his thugs aim their weapons at Chuck] Are you wearing a wire?

Chuck:
Yes, yes I am.

Wally Roberts:
[to Sarah and Casey] And you are?

Sarah:
I'm, uh, Chuck's cousin, Sarah. And this is my boyfriend John.

Wally Roberts:
Talk about beauty and the beast, huh? You must be loaded.

[Casey feigns a laugh]

Chuck:
I'm sorry. They're sending you back to prison.

Jill:
Well, it's not your fault. At least I got to see my family one last time. I'm sorry I couldn't help you Chuck.

Chuck:
It's okay. I'm sorry about your Uncle Bernie. I had no idea the Morgan was so lethal.

Jill:
I'm glad you haven't lost your sense of humor. They changed me. Promise me that you won't let them change you.

Chuck:
I'll do my best.

Jill:
I liked wearing this. Even if it was just for a few hours. [takes off engagement ring] They were never gonna let me go even if we found your dad, were they? NSA, Fulcrum, CIA, they're all the same. They all lie. They're not gonna let you go either, Chuck. Watch your back.

Casey:
Permission to drop the twerp into a deep dark hole, General?

General Beckman:
Granted.

Casey:
Huh?

General Beckman:
It's over, the Human Intersect Project has become too hard to control. I can't afford to wonder anymore if the team or Chuck Bartowski is a liability.

Sarah:
What are you saying, General?

General Beckman:
I'm shutting down this project. Chuck's going into lockdown. He'll be taken to Washington, and put into a secure facility once-and-for-all.

Casey:
Operation Moron is over?

Chuck:
I owe you an apology.

Sarah:
Why?

Chuck:
I was beginning to think that I couldn't trust you anymore, Sarah. That maybe Jill was right. That the CIA was never gonna let me go, that they would always put their best interests ahead of mine...But not you. You've always looked out for me. Thank you.

Sarah:
[pause. Sarah hugs Chuck and whispers in his ear] Take off your watch.

Chuck:
Why?

Sarah:
Because it's all a lie. Your dad is still out there. Beckman sent me to get you to bring you back to Castle. They're going to take you underground. We have to run.

Chuck:
[Sarah has just taken him on the run] You're disobeying orders for me? You're committing treason, Sarah; you could go to jail.

Sarah:
I know.

Chuck:
So ah, as you can see, just the one bed. A little presumptuous I guess. Should I have asked for separate rooms?

Sarah:
No, It's fine. As long as we're on the lam, I can't let you out of my sight. I'm gonna take a shower.

Chuck:
I'm gonna assume that whole out-of-sight thing doesn't really apply right now.

Casey:
Going somewhere Bartowski?

Chuck:
No. No. We came back here for you because Fulcrum's here.

Casey:
Well then we better get out of here.

Chuck:
I'm not leaving without Sarah.

Casey:
You drive or I end you.

Chuck:
End me? Oh yeah, how are you going to do that? You don't have a gun.

Casey:
Don't think I could kill you using my thumb or my elbow? Nerd bludgeoned by radiator.

Chuck:
You can't kill me with that radiator. It is far to confined in this car for you to get the appropriate torque.

Casey:
Strangle you with my handcuff chain.

Chuck:
Yeah. Yeah. You could probably do that.

Awesome:
You're a spy, Chuck?

Chuck:
Yeah, more or less, yeah.

Awesome:
Whoa...Wow!...this is...awesome!

Chuck:
What? No gun for me?

Sarah:
Nope. You get to stay in the car.

Chuck:
C'mon, the whole "stay in the car" thing, aren't we past this? I think I'm perfectly capable of handling myself on a mission.

Casey:
[holds Chuck at gun point] You were saying, Agent Imbecile? Drop it, Walker.

Sarah:
You drop it.

Chuck:
Sarah, don't! Don't, I've come this far; if he's gonna stop me he's gonna have to kill me.

Casey:
Beckman called in an air strike. It'll be here in less than 20 minutes.

Chuck:
What!? Casey, my father is here! You said you would rescue him; you gave me your word. I thought that would've meant something. I guess I have a lot to learn.

Casey:
Yeah, that's right you do. You made three crucial mistakes, Bartowski: you didn't realize you were being trailed for the last half hour, you didn't bring nearly enough fire power, and you didn't ask me to join.

Chuck:
...Casey, would you like to help us rescue my father?

Casey:
I think your father has served our country honorably and deserves to attend his daughter's wedding.

Sarah:
Is that a "yes"?

Casey:
One condition: he stays in the car.

Sarah:
Agreed.

Chuck:
Done. Hey, hey the team's back together again! Group hug!

Casey:
One more step it'll be your last. No hugs!

Chuck:
In the car I go.

Chuck:
Hey, I was wondering if you, uh, you wanted to come to my sister's rehearsal dinner?

Casey:
The Intersect's out, Bartowski. You don't need my help anymore.

Chuck:
I'm not asking you as the asset. I'm asking you as a friend.[Casey closes door] Okay, well I tried.

Casey:
[Reopens door with jacket on and holding cigars] Open bar, I hope. I'll go warm up the vic.

General Beckman:
Chuck, what are your plans for the future?

Chuck:
I was gonna get a good champagne buzz going on at my sister's wedding followed by a nice extra-long slow dance with my date. Vocationally speaking? Oh, that? No, nothing. Nothing lined up just yet.

General Beckman:
How would you feel about working on the new Intersect project? Your government has been building its own Intersect. You've shown real promise. We'd like you to be an analyst. Your country is calling you, Mr. Bartowski.

Chuck:
Uh, well then I think my country might have the wrong number. 'Cause I'm just Chuck Bartowski, not a hero.

Chuck:
See? Guys can hug.

Casey:
Not if they don't have their man parts.

Chuck:
That's a good point.

Chuck:
I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait any longer. Okay? Everyone keeps asking me what I'm going to do with my future. And the truth is I don't have a clue. All I do know is that I want you to be in it.

Sarah:
Please, I really have to tell you-

Chuck:
No. No guns. No lies. Just us. Just like I've always wanted. I've recently come into a little bit of money. So, any place you want to go. Any place at all, as long as it's sunny with little umbrella drinks. What I'm getting at here is...Sarah Walker will you do me the honor...of taking a vacation with me?

Sarah:
Chuck, I'm leaving in the morning. The details are classified. But I'm working on the new Intersect Project with Bryce.

Bryce:
The cube can't fall into the wrong hands. I made a promise to Orion.

Chuck:
You knew?

Bryce:
That was the deal. Your dad knew I protected you at Stanford. I was the only spy he would trust.

Chuck:
I can't believe you've known this whole time.

Bryce:
He wanted to keep you out of this. But I knew you could handle the Intersect. I knew Sarah would find you. Most importantly, you deserved to know the truth about your father. He's a hero...Now let's go get your sister married.

Chuck:
Guys...I know Kung Fu.