Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy, Season 3

[Ed falls into a hole Rolf has dug]

Rolf:
[to Eddy] Your village idiot has fallen in Rolf's hole. A celebration, I say!

Eddy:
Eh, sure, why not?

Eddy:
See? This is Mommies note, and my exact copy. Pretty good, huh? He'll never tell the difference!

Ed:
That is so lame, Eddy.

Eddy:
And you're like a human photocopier, right, Mr. Perfecto?

Ed:
Dare to compare! [Shows Eddy an identical sticky note to the one written by Edd's parents.]

Eddy:
Will you ever cease to amaze me, Ed?

Ed:
Yes I will.

Ed:
We can be like brothers and share the same bathroom!

Ed:
Don't make me use this! [Holds up a measuring cup]

Lee:
What are you going to do? Bake us a cake?

[Ed shoves the Kankers' heads into the cup, then runs away]

Ed:
Wait for me, Eddy!

Eddy:
I have a bad feeling about this.

Ed:
I don't have any feeling at all.

Jonny:
Wow. China, just like in the cartoons!

[The Eds try to escape Sarah using bubble gum, but Edd can't keep up with the chewing]

Ed:
Have mercy, child from the netherworld!

Edd:
Ed, Where's the 'X'?

Ed:
Uh, A, B, C, D, L, M, N, O, G. Don't you know your alphabet, Double-D?

Kevin:
Where's Mister Yum-Yum?

Eddy:
Mister Yum-Yum? Who, Ed?

Eddy:
A comedian, huh?

Eddy:
What happened to the stairs??

Ed:
My parents took them down because I am grounded!!

Edd:
That's disturbing!

Eddy:
What could be more important than "Master Eddy"?

Ed:
COOKIE DOUGH!

Edd:
They say, in order to gain knowledge, one must seek it.

[Jonny's head is stuck between two branches]

Edd:
Jonny, not again!

Jonny:
Yep, this happens to me a lot, Double D.

Edd:
Didn't you learn from your past mistakes? I mean, it's just common sense.

Jonny:
[long pause] I guess not! [giggles]

Kevin:
Is this thing supposed to be dead?

Eddy:
The iguana ain't dead, windbag. It's just, uhh... [nudges Edd]

Edd:
...Sleeping like a baby, Kevin. That'll be 25 cents!

Jonny [lays down a quarter]:
SOLD!

Edd [stares at the quarter]:
I'm surrounded by idiots.

Eddy:
Who's complaining?

Ed:
Pink belly!

Kevin:
This is so stupid.

Nazz:
Come on, Kevin, don't you want to win that jawbreaker?

Kevin:
What for? I got a garage full of jawbreakers, rememeber?

Nazz:
....This is stupid.

[Ed tries to peel the potato and Rolf slaps him several times.]

Rolf:
NINCOMPOOP! MUST I HOLD YOUR HAND?!

Ed:
Nope. Went before we got here, boss.

Eddy:
Rolf's a jerk! Ain't gonna work! Rolf's a jerk! Ain't gonna work! Rolf's a jerk-

Jonny:
We hate broccoli!

Eddy:
.....Ain't gonna work!

[Rolf shows up with a goat on his shoulders.]

Rolf:
Tell Rolf the progress of the laborers, Turkey Eyes.

[He points to Edd, who has a clean and tidy work station.]

Ed:
Well, yeah. Let's see here, boss. This guy I got no problems with.

Edd:
"Double D waiting for orders, Turkey Eyes, sir."

[Ed points at Eddy, who has a dirty work station and is attempting to take the chicken's temperature.]

Ed:
But then there's the sad-sack, boss. A real slowpoke, trouble with a capital 'R'.

[Eddy kicks the chicken coop in frustration and a rooster comes out and chases him.]

Eddy:
Help! I hate chickens!

Ed & Rolf:
[in unison] HEY, NINCOMPOOP!

[Both look at each other, surprised.]

Rolf:
[patting Ed on the head] You've learned well, Turkey Eyes.

[Rolf leaves as Eddy continues being chased by the rooster.]

Eddy:
Stop the chicken, Ed!

Ed:
Nincompoop! I'm deducting your pay 'cause you're a nincompoop! Pretty good, huh, Double D?

[Eddy is fighting Sarah and Jimmy over the balloon]

Eddy:
Gimme that balloon, Sarah!

Sarah:
[Mocking Eddy] "Gimme, Gimme" never gets!

Edd:
There. Are you happy now, Eddy?

Eddy:
No. I WANTED TO POP IT!

Kevin:
I'll get you, dork! After I find some ointment! Ouch!

Eddy:
What's with that? I did everything my dad does! How come he sells stuff? Maybe it's the tie!

Edd:
Well it certainly couldn't be the fact we manufactured the biker from HAND-ME-DOWN KITCHENWARE! TEN HOURS OF HARD WORK! AND FOR WHAT?

Ed:
To fleece the masses!

Eddy:
Check's in the mail, Ed.

Eddy:
(high pitched voice) WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HEAD?!

Ed:
It is so puny!

Edd:
This is worthy of a noble prize!

Eddy:
WHAT'CHA DO TA ME YOU QUACK?!?

Rolf:
Quack? I am Rolf.

Eddy:
YOU'RE A QUACK! QUACK! QUACK!!

Ed:
My turn for shrinkage, Rolf!

Eddy:
FIX ME!!!

Edd:
Tell me!

Ed:
Shrink me!

[Ed shows Edd and Eddy some disgusting objects, as a weapon to use on Kevin]

Edd:
Ed, are you aware that you have a turtle on your head?

Ed:
Yep.

Edd:
Where did you exhume this from, Ed?

Ed:
Brick-a-brack from under my bed, Double D.

[Eddy is attempting to sell his clown scam to Jimmy]

Eddy:
Are you un- unconshi... (shows the word to Edd)

Edd:
Unconcious, Eddy.

Eddy:
Dead from the neck up?

Eddy:
Ed! How many times does two go into three?! Think!

[Ed is examining the 2-PAK Jawbreakers. Night falls. Eddy and Edd are sleeping while Ed is still examining the 2-PAK Jawbreakers. Then morning came.]

Ed:
We are three, and you are two!

Eddy:
Should we tell him?

Edd:
He's a big boy, Eddy.

Kevin [in thought]:
She's so radical!

Eddy [in thought]:
She can't keep her eyes off me!

Edd [in thought]:
Her hair is so clean... And not fly-away at all!

Ed [thinking and echoing]:
Hello? Echo! MY NAME IS ED!

Eddy Nazz would love a new bike.

Ed Or a new toilet?!

Edd:
That's it, Jimmy. Distribute your weight. Balance.

Jimmy:
That tickles!

Edd:
Yes! And now try standing.

Jimmy:
Don't let me fall!

[Jimmy eventually manages to stand up on the wooden board inside Edd's pool.]

Jimmy:
Hot diggety dog! I'm surfing!

Eddy:
Not quite there, mini-kahuna, but if you're brave enough, we at Ed's Surf School will teach you how to flip the lip, hang ten, or shave the barrel, for an additional fee, of course. [He opens a soda.]] Can you handle it?

Jimmy:
I'm stoked! Teach me! Teach me! [He starts to lose balance.] AH! Don't let go! Don't let go!

Edd:
I wouldn't think of it, Jimmy!

Jonny:
You guys have more fun than a barrel full of monkeys! What's that, Plank? You want to surf, too? Why, you'd swell up bigger than a breadbox!

Jonny:
Too bad! Plank was just aching to try a new ride! [He laughs.]] One time Plank went on a roller coaster 119 times in a row. Whew! I chucked biscuits after that, didn't I, buddy? Why, Plank spent his whole allowance that day; a regular Rockefeller.

Eddy:
Plank gets an allowance?! Have I got a ride for you!

[He grabs Plank and tosses him in he air.]

Jonny:
Plank?

Eddy:
Nice ride, huh, Plank? That'll be 25 cents!

Jonny:
Plank says you throw like a toothpick, Eddy! He won't pay for kiddie rides!

Eddy:
Well, you tell that doorstop Eddy's got a ride that will round his corners! And it's cheap, cheap, cheap!

Jonny:
Plank says your mouth runs faster than six-month-old cheese, Eddy!

Eddy:
I'll take that as a yes!

'Edd:
I object! My skin is still prune from that surf school fiasco!

Eddy:
Ed, who are we to deny Plank the thrill of a lifetime? Let's get to work. [He hands Plank to Ed.] Who says money can't buy happiness?

Ed:
[to Plank] Hello! My name is Ed!

Ed and Eddy:
[chanting] FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD!

Ed:
I was in my happy place lost in the void of my mind!

Edd:
Not that is out of place in this "Den of Dishevelment", but why is there a vehicle sitting in your brother's bedroom?

Eddy:
He keeps his snake in the trunk. [opens the trunk and there's nothing but junk inside] Huh. The little weasel must have escaped again.

Edd:
[terrified] Escaped?! Oh dear! Oh dear! Oh- [runs into a model camel]

Eddy:
Hey, watch the camel! I said, "No touching!"

Ed:
[in the background walking, while tied to the chair] Wow, I wish I had a room like this!

Ed:
I was walking on the sidewalk until I saw a bug. Hello bug. I walked up to this tree and hit my head on this branch. Ow! Sorry, it was this one. Ow! And I gazed at the stars [Ed gazes at the stars]

Edd:
Ed, don't do that.

Ed:
And then I fell into the sewer.

Eddy:
A SEWER!?! [sticks his head into the sewer] My precious magazines fell in the sewer?

Ed:
Sarah has trusted me with the money, so fudge I must buy it with!

Rolf:
Please ask Rolf's family and livestock to remember the son of a shepherd.

Edd:
What have I done?! I've actually created a monster!

Rolf:
[Sees a rubber glove with cotton glued on it] Why someone glue fluff to this rubber glove? Is the world coming to an end?

Edd:
If I were you, I'd write a book. A biography of sorts.

Eddy:
You don't get out much, do you?

Ed:
If I were me, I'd make a home movie.

Eddy:
That's it! Double D, you can be cameraman.

Edd:
But Eddy, we need a-

Eddy:
I'll be exec. producer, exec. director and, of course, the star.

Edd:
We need a-

Eddy:
Ed can be....Ed.

Edd:
As I was saying, we need a-

Ed:
[throwing a camcorder into Edd's hands] Camera, stat.

Edd:
Edd, why do you keep a camera in your dryer?

Ed:
What?

Ed:
Boy, Eddy, you deserve a shake for that.

Edd:
I must say; if I were your brother, I'd be very impressed.

Ed:
[having just tried to eat the camera] I can't wait to see that part, Double D!

Edd:
Yes, well, let's nod and say we did, Ed.

[Edd is videotaping Eddy in the junkyard]

Edd:
No backs to the camera please. It's rude, you know.

Eddy:
Shut up and roll! Remember this place, bro? The junkyard; your old hangout? All the kids are chicken to come here.