Grey's Anatomy, Season 10

Webber:
[voice over] When you become an intern, there is a ceremony where you get your white coat. Like magic, you are a doctor. My parents came to my white coat ceremony, I can still picture them, so happy...so proud. They say your life flashes before your eyes right before you die, you see things in your life, the important moments --the moments that tested you, the moments that made you who you are. I don't know about my life flashes before me, I was thinking about my white coat... it's the moment my life started, same fitting should be on me when it ends

Meredith:
You know what I was thinking before you guys came in here? [sighs] I was thinking that I wish my mother were here to see my kids. I was wondering if she'd make a good grandmother. But you know what that is? It's delusional thinking. Because my mother would make a horrible grandmother, because she was a horrible mother. So... I'm delusional and hormonal. And I can't trust my delusional thoughts. I have to rely on the labs. So we need to run the lactate again, and if it's above 6, we're going to do the surgery. And if it's not, we're not. [Cristina, Owen & Bailey nod in agreement]

Webber:
[voice over] We're all gonna die. We don't get much say on how or when, but we do get to decide how we are gonna live. So do it, decide. Is this the life you want to live? Is this the person you want to love? Is this the best you can be? Can you be stronger? kinder? more compassionate? Decide. Breathe in...Breathe out...and decide.

Webber:
[voice over] The waiting can kill you. You make a decision and then the world has to turn. The consequences unfold, out of your hands. There's only one thing that seems clear, in those quiet moments while you wait, whatever you chose was wrong.

Webber:
[voice over] We just wanna survive the storm. We pray,"Please God, just get me to the other side". We never imagine what it'll be like when we get there. What if, when the storm passes, nothing's left? I always said I could handle anything. I was wrong. I was wrong about a lot of things. But I was right about one thing, I was right about this.

Meredith:
[voice over] There's this playground game that kids play. They lock hands and on the count of three they try to snap their fingers off. You hold on as long as you can, or at least longer than the other guy. The game doesn't end until someone says stop, gives up, cries mercy. It isn't a fun game.

Meredith:
[voice over] In the game of mercy, when one kid cries out, the other one listens and the pain stops. Don't you wish it was that easy now? That's not a game anymore, and we're not kids. You can cry mercy all you want but nobody's listening. It's just you screaming into a void.

Meredith:
[voice over] As anyone who's ever had their tonsils out can tell you, surgery isn't cheap. It takes a lot of money to keep the hospital's doors open. And when the funds run out, it's on us to get out there and raise some more. Which means it's time to put on make up. It's time to dress up right. It's time to get things started on The Muppet Show... Crap, sorry. I've been watching a lot of children's television lately. But you get the idea.

Meredith:
[about Richard] If he wants to suffer, then maybe we let him.

Bailey:
Oh, so you're gonna let him die because he hurt your feelings?

Meredith:
There isn't anything that he can say to me that I haven't heard from my mother a thousand times. I'm bulletproof. But we can force all the treatment on him we want. It won't make a difference if he decides he does not want to fight for himself. Maybe he just needs to see what it feels like to hit bottom.

Cristina:
How's, uh Derek liking maternity leave?

Meredith:
He's on paternity leave.

Cristina:
Yeah, okay.

Meredith:
We have a deal. I don't work. Neither does he. It's working out well.

Callie:
I live in your house. You're bored out of your minds. [Cristina looks at her] Yeah, they've got all this pent-up surgical energy and now everything's a competition.

Cristina:
[listens to Meredith and Owen whine about having to attend the fundraiser] Listen to you two. This is not that difficult. Just be charming. Use the same skills you would if you were picking someone up at a bar. [glances at Meredith] I know you know how to do that.

Meredith:
[voice over] Overture. Curtain. Lights. This is it. The night of nights. No more rehearsing and nursing a part. We know every part by heart. Tonight, what heights we'll hit. On with the show. This is it.

Meredith:
[voice over] Here's what I learned my first day at medical school. Think long and hard before choosing to become a surgeon. It takes 100% commitment. You have to be on your A game every single time you walk into that OR. When patients are lying on your table, completely at your mercy, they need to know that when you make that first cut you know what you're doing. No other specialty requires the time, the focus, the complete dedication... Except maybe being a mom.

Bailey:
You stole my liver?

Meredith:
Uh come on. I deserve this. I've been on the bench for months.

Bailey:
You deserve nothing.

Meredith:
I named my son after you. [singsong] You can't be mad at me.

Bailey:
Your son is the devil's spawn. He drinks the milk of a liver thief!

Meredith:
[voice over] What if your focus splits? What if you can't be all in? Are you left with nothing at all? Maybe you just need to find a different path. Here's what's horrifying, what if you can't give 100%? Maybe you just need to go back to the beginning and start all over again.

Derek:
[voice over] Researchers are currently working on a map of the human brain. It may be the most complex map ever created. Billions of neurons making trillions of connections. At first glance, they seem completely random. But there's nothing random about them. All these connections have to happen in a specific pattern. It is designed for a function. These connections determine everything about us. What we love, what we hate, what we say, what we do. [speaking] Every action we take.

Meredith:
I have a career and a family, and I'm going to do both. What I don't have time for is for you to tell me that I can't.

Cristina:
I never said that.

Meredith:
You know, I was always there for you, for whatever you needed, and now this is when I need you, and you're supposed to help me. And instead, last week you pushed me aside because I had a baby. You don't have time for me now? Because you don't have time for people who want things that you don't want.

Derek:
[to Meredith] Spending time with the kids is not a consolation prize. It is the prize.

Derek:
[voice over] We are just starting to learn the extent of the brain's connections. How far they reach, how deep they go. But we know that every connection matters. Every connection is crucial. And when one is broken, it usually means some damage has been done. This system of connections tells us to act and choose and behave. Sometimes seemingly against our own will. But it is not random at all. It is the map of who we are. We will work to understand ourselves, solve the puzzle. How all the connections work and all the pieces fit.

Meredith:
[voice over] Every Halloween we make a choice about what kind of costume we are going to wear. Something sexy, maybe you'll be someone scary. Or you could be a superhero which is what I'm trying to be this year.

Meredith:
[voice over] Halloween is not for the faint of heart, there's a surprise around every corner. Some of the surprises are good and some of the surprises are bad. What's important is you can't let the fear of the surprise stop you from getting dressed up and wandering up to a stranger's house to ask the question, "So what'll it be? Trick? Or Treat?".

Meredith:
[voice over] Glioma, fibroma, blastoma. Whatever the tumor, people assume you approach it the same way. You find its hiding place in the body and open the patient up and you cut it the hell out. But you're not just fighting the one tumor, you're actually at war with over a billion cells.

Meredith:
[voice over] So, how do you beat the odds when it's one against a billion? You stand strong, keep pushing yourself past all rational limits and never let yourself give up. But the truth of the matter is, despite how hard you try and fight to stay in control, when it's all said and done, sometimes you're just outnumbered.

Callie:
[voice over] Doctors never mean to screw up. They make a bad call and the unthinkable happens. It's not like we do it on purpose, it's not like we want to hurt anyone but sometimes we do. Sometimes we make mistakes... and when we blow it, we're sorry. Not that being sorry really matters, not anymore. No apology in the world matters now.

Callie:
[voice over] We've all done things we aren't proud of. I understand that. I know nobody's perfect. But how do you live with it? How do you get up every morning and face the world knowing you could have done better?... That you should have done better. Is being sorry enough? Can an apology actually heal our wounds, ease our pain? Can it undo the hurt that we've caused?

Meredith:
[voice over] The body is an infinitely complex mass of interacting systems. People like to think doctors see it all clearly. But it's not always obvious what's a hiccup in the system and what's full on medical disaster. We figure that out in our first year of residency. We spend the rest of our careers lying about it.

Meredith:
[voice over] It's just a cold. Muscle through it. It'll pass. Nothing's really wrong. We're doctors, we'd know if something was wrong. We'll be fine. Nothing's wrong.

Meredith:
[voice over] Every doctor has a dirty little secret. We're all competitive science geeks. In grade school, we made the biggest and best volcanoes, which erupted actual fake molten lava. In junior high, we spent hours laboring over our rat mazes. So that one day, we'd be the person who changed the face of medicine forever.

Meredith:
[voice over] Sometimes, the key to making progress is to recognize how to take that very first step. Then you start your journey. You hope for the best and you stick with it, day in, day out. Even if you're tired, even if you want to walk away, you don't. Because you are a pioneer. But nobody ever said it'd be easy.

Meredith:
[voice over] Failure is an inevitability. Every scientist was told ”No” over and over. The ones we remember the ones who changed our lives. The Curies, the Salks, the Barnards… They are the ones who wouldn’t take “No” for an answer.

[At April wedding standing up and stopping the ceremony]

Jackson:
I love you. I always have. I love everything about you - even the things I don't like, I love. And I want you with me. I love you and I think that you love me, too. Do you?

Meredith:
[voice over] Failure is inevitable, Unavoidable. But failure should never get the last word. You have to hold on to what you want. You have to not take “No” for an answer, and take what’s coming to you. Never give in. Never give up. Stand up. Stand up and take it.

Meredith:
[voice over] Every day, a surgeon makes decisions that can go one of two ways, Either very good or very, very, very bad. The problem is, the epically great decisions and the epically bad ones look exactly the same when you’re making them.

Cristina:
how was I supposed to pretend that what just happened wasn't the coolest thing I'd ever seen? You know, I've always been on the fence about Kepner, but now I'm not just a friend, I'm a fan.

April:
How do we explain that we just destroyed two perfectly lovely people so that we could... what, date?!

Jackson:
Okay, the best solution is never to speak to any of them ever again.

April:
Or...?

Jackson:
Or we get married. I...

April:
Because that's easier to explain.

Jackson:
No. No, 'cause you're right, all right? I don't want to just date. April, I want the whole damn thing. I... We can get to lake Tahoe in 13 hours.

April:
How do you know that?

Jackson:
Do you want to get into that right now?

April:
No.

Jackson:
No, you don't want to get into that or, no, you don't want to get married?

April:
Yes. Yes!

Meredith:
[voice over] Looking back it's easy to see when a mistake has been made. But if we use our best judgement and listen to our hearts we're more likely to see that we chose wisely and avoid the deepest most painful regret of them all, the regret that comes from letting something amazing pass you by.

Meredith:
[voice over] Cancer is a biological bully, always picking a fight, and it’ll sneak up on you. It’ll wait until the body feels safe, until it feels healthy and strong. That’s when cancer will move on in and get bigger and bigger. The body never even sees it coming, because cancer is the master of surprises.

Meredith:
[voice over] You can try to hide from a bully, but hiding won’t work for long. You have to fight back. And if you’re lucky enough to get out alive before you put your guard back up, ready to fight the next one.

Meredith:
[voice over] You know your tailbone? It used to be a tail. That pink part in the corner of your eye? It used to be a third eyelid. The appendix used to help us digest tough foods. Now it does nothing. The story of our evolution is the story of what we leave behind, what we’ve discarded. Our bodies only hang on to the things we absolutely need. The things we no longer have use for, we give up, we let go.

Meredith:
[voice over] Why does it feel so good to get rid of things? To unload, to let go. Maybe because when we see how little we actually need to survive, it makes us realize how powerful we actually are to strip down to only what we need, to hang on only to what we can't do without, what we need, not just to survive, but to thrive.

Meredith:
[voice over] There’s a stage you go through in childbirth and it’s the toughest part. It’s called the transition stage. You’ve been pushing so hard and so long. You’re exhausted, spent and there’s nothing to show for all of your effort. During this transition stage, it feels like you can’t go on but it’s because you’re very nearly there.

Meredith:
[voice over] Transition is movement from one part of a life to a whole new one. And it can feel like one long, scary, dark tunnel. But you have to come out the other side. Because what’s been waiting there, might be glorious.

Cristina:
[voice over] Do you know who you are? Do you know what’s happened to you? Do you want to live this way? All it takes is one person, one patient, one moment to change your life forever. It can change your perspective, color your thinking. One moment that forces you to re-evaluate everything you think you know. Do you know who you are? Do you know what’s happened to you? Do you want to live this way?

Cristina:
[voice over] If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that it only takes one person, one patient, one moment to change your life forever, to change your perspective, color your thinking. To force you to re-evaluate everything you think you know. To make you ask yourself the toughest questions: Do you know who you are? Do you know what’s happened to you? Do you want to live this way?

Meredith:
[voice over] The average person touches their face about eighteen times every waking hour. That leaves you susceptible to infection about one hundred times a day. Infection has a nasty habit of taking advantage of our everyday behaviours. It spreads by touching doors, desks, elevator buttons, pens, sharing cups, even money. All we can do is try our best to prevent it from spreading because once it's out there, the infection usually wins.

[Meredith walks into Derek's office to find him reciting his speech to baby Bailey, who is in his car seat]

Meredith:
I went up to daycare to find my son missing.

Derek:
Yeah, I needed an audience. Look, sit down. Let me go over this again with you, okay?

Meredith:
Oh, no, no, no. I've heard that speech so many times I could do it myself. Stop boring our son.

Derek:
Is it boring? I have 50 scientists from around the world coming here today. It's got to be charming. It's a big deal.

Meredith:
I know it's a big deal, which is why I will get out of your way.

Derek:
Mm-hmm.

Meredith:
Mm-hmm. [takes car seat] And I'm taking my son with me because I don't want his first word to be hypothalamus. [kisses Derek]

Derek:
There are worse first words.

Meredith:
[worriedly] Are you okay?

Derek:
Uh, if you can speak Estonian. My translator called in sick.

Meredith:
You don't look good. Are you getting this thing?

Derek:
I don't get sick. It's an unspoken rule.

Leah Murphy:
Spoken. Twice today.

Meredith:
[voice over] It's a known fact that doctors make the worst patients. We ignore our symptoms until we're face down on the ground. We like to think we're a different species to our patients but none of us are invincible. Eventually we have to face the fact that we're human and that, sometimes, even the mightiest of us need help.

Meredith:
[voice over] My Mom didn't think she would win, she thought it was a popularity contest, and she wasn't popular. She was a woman and a fellow, and her arrogance could rub people the wrong way. She hadn't allowed herself to imagine the possibility of winning, because she wanted it too much. And when they called my mom's name, she was genuinely shocked. It was validation of all her hard work and sacrifice. She came home and told me she didn't win the Harper Avery. She earned it.

Meredith:
[voice over] Surgery is a solo act. We step up at the table with a scalpel in our hands and we go it alone. The isolation can start to define you. Because even though you are surrounded by teams... what it really comes down to is your training, your choices, your wits.. your hands, your stitch.

Meredith:
[voice over] Over the past 20 years, one of the most valuable tools a doctor has is the algorithm. Your patient's main complaint goes into a box...and then the formula helps you decide what to do next. But what happens when a problem doesn't fix into a box? Well...you are suddenly on your own, unexpectedly, with about a thousand paths to choose from.

Meredith:
[looks at a scan Derek is analyzing] Is that a spinal schwannoma?

Derek:
It is.

Meredith:
Extended into the retropleural space?

Derek:
Mm-hmm.

Meredith:
[excitedly] Is that for me?

Derek:
[smirks] We're overdue for a date. OR 3, you in fresh scrubs, me in a ferry-boat scrub cap. You in?

Meredith:
Well, this could take hours. What about the kids?

Derek:
Amy's with them.

Meredith:
We have a babysitter named Amy?

Derek:
Amy, my sister.

Meredith:
The junkie?

Derek:
She's a recovering addict, and she loves kids.

Meredith:
I've only been gone a day.

Derek:
The tumor involves the great vessels.

Meredith:
[smiles] I know what you're doing.

Derek:
[smiles] Mm-hmm.

Meredith:
And it's working.

Derek:
Mm-hmm.

Meredith:
[voice over] So, what do you do? How do you decide when you're left in the dark? How do you make sure you are not making the worst mistake in somebody's life? You close your eyes...you block out everyone and everything around you, and pray the voice inside you is right. Because once you decided...you can't ever go back.

Meredith:
[voice over] Sometimes you just need to get out of town. Get a new perspective. but you can't always see that you need a new perspective because you, well need a new perspective to see that. It's complicated.

Derek:
I'm Dr. Shepherd.

Amelia:
And so am I. His sister.

Derek:
Mm.

Amelia:
Good-looking doctors run in the family.

Derek:
Okay, I will take care of twin A. Amy will take care of twin B.

Amelia:
Dr. Shepherd.

Derek:
What?

Amelia:
No, I mean my name is "Dr. Shepherd". You said "Amy" and that makes me sound like some sorority girl tagging along on your brain surgery when, in fact, I am your co-surgeon.

Derek:
Okay. I apologize.

Arizona:
[reads a patient file] Ooh, "Raynbow". I'm gonna add that to my list of baby names.

April:
Really?

Arizona:
Yep, right after Bubba, Toolio, and Agamemnon.

April:
Agamemnon? That-that is that's-that's pretty.

Arizona:
[chuckles] No, it's not. It's child abuse. But Callie keeps shooting down all the cute names I suggest so my new strategy is to bury the cute names in a sea of terrible ones.

Meredith:
You do remember how hard it was to find the money to keep this place going. The foundation was our Hail Mary, and you saved us. We have to find a way to make it work with them.

Richard:
I was there the night your mother won her first Harper Avery. I wasn't with her. I-I was sitting in the back.

Meredith:
Because my father was with her?

Richard:
That award was our gold standard. It was the measure of our success. It was everything we worked for. And I had to be there to see the look on her face. She was radiant. Catherine made it meaningless with this. She cheapened it. She cheapened our goals. She cheapened her memory. I can't stand that.

Meredith:
[voice over] Open your eyes, what do you see? More possibilities? Does your new view give you more hope? That's the goal, although it doesn't always work out that way. Sometimes a shift in perspective just makes you see what you've lost.

Meredith:
[voice over] Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Emergency rooms are kept in business by people who've learned that lesson the hard way. Skydivers, bullriders, people whose bold ideas often result in broken bones and smushed spleens. Surgeons are trained to deal with the fallout of the bold ideas, we pick up the pieces and do our best to fit them back together.

Meredith:
[voice over] The thing about the bold moves, they're terrifying. Could end in nothing but tears and broken bones. And that's exactly what makes them so damned exciting.

Cristina:
[voice over] Whenever we think we know the future, even for a second, it changes. Sometimes the future changes quickly and completely, and we're left with only the choice of what to do next. We can choose to be afraid of it. Just stand there trembling, not moving. Assuming the worst that can happen. Or we step forward into the unknown, and assume it will be brilliant.

Stephanie:
Just finished an aneurysm clip with Dr. Shepherd.

Shane:
Shepherd or Shepherdess?

Stephanie:
Shepherdess.

Amelia:
"Shepherdess"? Really?

Shane:
Uh, sorry. It's just very confusing.

Amelia:
I kind of like it, Shepherdess.

Stephanie:
Oh, well, before, it was just "Shepherd's little sister."

Amelia:
Edwards, do you like working on neuro? Don't ever say that to me again.

Cristina:
Did more come in?

Meredith:
No it's slowing down, what are you still doing here? What time is your flight?

Cristina:
I can't leave Mer, they just bombed Seattle.

Meredith:
No they didn't, no one did, it was an accident. Gas-made. So no different than a train derailment or a ferry boat crash. So you can go.

Cristina:
When I heard it was the mall, you know what I thought of? I thought of that time me and Callie played hooky and we bought all the furniture for the fire house.

Meredith:
What time is your plane?

Cristina:
Two hours, but Link has got a heart and I have to do that first.

Meredith:
No you don't, the new head of cardio can do that, you don't have the time.. plus you'll have to re scrub so there's that! [touching Cristina's clean arms]

Cristina:
Meredith!

Meredith:
You have been stalling for two weeks!

Cristina:
I have to finish something here. Nothing feels finished. None of it feels finished. Owen and I, we split over something that hasn't even happened, and we never even split up. And you and I are not finished, George is dead and Izzie is gone, and it's supposed to be me, you, and Alex, and now nothing is finished. I am not finished!

Meredith:
You don't feel finished because this isn't the end for you. There is no finish line, there is no end point. You just have to go.

Cristina:
I know, I know. and I keep trying to but I don't know how to just do it. You gotta help me Mer.

Meredith:
Let's go. Okay?

Cristina:
Okay.

Cristina:
[to Meredith] Text me, and don't let Owen get all dark and twisty. Take care of him, and Alex, take care of Alex. He needs to be mocked at least once a day, or he'll be insufferable. Don't get on any little tiny planes that can crash, or stick your hand in a body cavity that has a bomb in it, or offer your life to a gunman. Don't do that! Don't be a hero... you're my person... I need you alive. You make me brave. Okay, now we dance it out.

...

Cristina:
[about Derek] You are a gifted surgeon with an extraordinary mind, don't let what he wants eclipse what you need. He is very dreamy, but he's not the sun, you are.

Derek:
I took the job.

Meredith:
And you were supposed to be stepping back! You said "Take this year and make it count. And I'll make sure you can do it." And you lied!

Derek:
I'm sorry. I lied. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Meredith:
So you got this thing and I gave up that piece, and I found a way to make it work, with my job, my kids, and my research with less help from you and I did it!

Derek:
You're not a victim. I'm killing myself as much as you are!

Meredith:
And then you wanted more and more pieces! And now this is just too much. You can't just drag us away so I can live in your shadow!

Derek:
You have a job, you could be working in James Madison.

Meredith:
Right, and that's how my father got his first job here. They wanted my mom, so she had to call the University and pulled some strings and find something for Thatcher to do! It's all how the trailing starts.

Derek:
This isn't like that.

Meredith:
This is exactly that! And it's not what I signed up for.

Derek:
You know, you're being selfish!

Meredith:
Well, I have to be, Derek, because you believe that your career is more important than mine.

Derek:
Well, at this moment in time it is!

Meredith:
No, not in this moment, always! You will always be that hot-shot doctor and I will always be that young intern that fell in love with you.

Derek:
That's how you see yourself. That's your problem, I can't do anything to fix that.

Meredith:
That's not how I see myself; that is the issue here!

Derek:
D.C., you can do your surgeries, you can do your research, you can do the portal veins, there is nothing here that you can't do there.

Meredith:
But I don't want to! We're not just talking about my job Derek, We're talking about my life. I grew up here, I made my family here, I helped rebuild the hospital here that has my sister's name on it, my mother's name, my name! I live here, my life is here, I'm staying here. I don't want to leave.

Derek:
You're asking me to choose between this job and my family?

Meredith:
I am simply saying I am not going anywhere. I am staying here.