Kath & Kim, Series 2

Kim:
Oh, give it a bone, Mum.

Kath:
I would, Kim, but you already ate it.

Kim:
For your information, I do have a date. A STICKY DATE!

Kath:
Oh, don't be foul, Kim!

Kath:
What country are you from, Imran? Hmm, mustn't have heard me.

Kim:
Lucky him.

Kath:
Eyes Wide Shut, that was a funny film! Actually I might get that out on DVD...yeah...get me out on myself...

Kath:
"Kimmie, look at me. Look at me please. Look at me, look at me. Now, I have one word for you: feng shui."

Kim:
"What?"

Kath:
"You've got your back to the door. It means your enemies can come in at any time and clock you on the head!"

Kim:
"Someone's gonna clock you on the head in a minute."

Kath:
"What was that Kim?"

Kim:
"Nothing, just said we need a clock by the bed."

Kim:
"I was thinking of going with monogamy."

Kath:
"Oh no, Kim, monogamy's very old fashioned. You just want a veneer of monogamy. That's all people care about these days."

Kim:
What I think? I'll tell you what I think. I think you can stick the A.I.S right up your A.I.S.E.

Kim:
"Mum, look at me. Don't I look like Rachel Hunter?"

Kath:
"Err yeh love... *scratches eyelid*... you look like some sort of Hunter."

Kim:
If it's not Dotti or Witchery, don't talk to me.

Kim:
"Watch and learn, Brett, I'm gonna work the room."

[glances around]

Kim:
"Kelly, empty glasses here - NOT A GOOD LOOK!"

[Kim is slightly bumped by one of Brett's co-workers]

Kim [swiftly turning around]:
"I could have you sacked for that!"

Kim:
"Ohhh, so you're the famous Jarred I've heard all about."

Jarred (smiling):
"All good, I hope."

Kim:
"No... I'll have a cardonnay (pronounced kar-doe-nay) thanks Jarred."

Kim (yoghurt dripping from her mouth down her top):
"I'm corporate, I could entertain those dickheads anyday."

Kim:
"I have them eating putty out of my hand!"

Kath:
(talking on the phone) Oh yes hello Trish? Yes, yes it’s Kath Day Knight, Um look yeah my phone line is down, well there’s something wrong with the phone and I need to be urgently contactable by my local florist at present.

Sharon:
"IT'S HIDEOUS! IT'S UNNATURAL! GOD'S A BASTARD!" (Kim and Sharon both scream)

Kim:
(Sharon crying like a baby) "She's crying all the time and she's very windy."

Sharon:
(sobbing) "They didn't have Passiona so I had to get a Solo instead."

Kim:
"I'm hungry. I want something healthy."

Sharon:
"What about some fruit, Kimmy?"

Kim:
"Good idea. Can you get me a Cherry Ripe? Jumbo size."

Kim:
"IT HUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRTS!"