Letterkenny, Season 3

Squirrelly Dan:
Says he pulled a pikes, a perch, a wallseyes and a trout.

Daryl:
Is that a brook trout?

Wayne:
No, it'd be lake trout

Daryl:
Why's that?

Wayne:
'Cause we're on a fuckin' lake, Dary.

Katy:
My friends need to borrow clothes.

Wayne:
Give 'em barn clothes.

Katy:
I won't have barn clothes in the hous; they stink.

Wayne:
Guess you have to put your friends in the fuckin' barn then.

Jonesy:
Any puck bunnies getting in the way of W's come to mind?

Barts:
I once tongue-kissed a woman in line for the beer gardens at a dragon boat race, after she said she liked my team jacket. But I don't think she was a puck bunny. You little bitch. Yorkie?

Yorkie:
I once open-mouth first-based a woman I delivered a gourmet coffee gift card to, after she won at a team fundraiser raffle draw. I don't think she was a puck bunny. Scholtzy?

Scholtzy:
I once got an over-the-pants handy in the back seat of a Pontiac Bonneville, during a drive-in screening of Slap Shot. But I don't think she was a puck bunny. Pussy. Fisky?

Fisky:
I once got a rig-friggin' gherkin-slurpin' behind a gumball machine at a bubble hockey tournament, but I don't think she was a puck bunny. Boomtown?

Boomtown:
I once accidentally shit my pants while masturbating in 2010, when Crosby scored an OT to win gold, while I was simultaneously mid-orgasm. There was no one else there. But don't you think that's a good story?

Reilly:
Right, I'm just gonna go ahead and spell this right the fuck out for you, boys. The girl that you're all in love with, she's a puck bunny.

Dan:
(fart)

Wayne:
Inappropriate.

Dan:
Whys?

Wayne:
'Cause you're not exposed to fart in front of girls.

Katy:
True story.

Dan:
You're suffocatings me.

Katy:
That's a two-way street.

Shoresy:
Fuck you, Reilly. Fight me, see what happens.

Reilly:
Yeah, what's gonna happen, Shoresy?

Shoresy:
Three things, I hit you, you hit the pavement, ambulance hits 60.

Roald:
Dad? Yup, still a homo. But you're the one who named me after the author of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!

Squirrelly Dan:
I loves fishin' in Kwee-bec..

Katy:
Who doesn't love fishin' in Kay-bec?

Wayne:
Great fishin' in Kyu-bec!

Daryl:
I fuckin' hate Quebec...

Wayne:
Get this guy a fucking Puppers.

Daryl:
I still don't know what the fuck you're saying, but other than Georges St-Pierre, every Frenchman is a fuckin' pussy! So youse better simmer down and I mean right now!

Jean-Guy:
(in French) Go fuckin' listen to Bryan Adams in Saskatoon. You're a fuckin' loser!

Daryl:
Well, why don't you go to a poutine festival in the Thetford Mines?

Jean-Carl:
(in French) Go have a fuckin' rodeo in Moose Jaw, cowboy!

Dan:
Why don't you go canoe in the Three Rivers, you inbred fur traders?

Jean-Pierre:
Go eat a Nanaimo Bar in Kamloops. Manger la merde!

Rosie:
It's not easy telling a guy you don't want to see him because you want to stay in and read.

Katy:
Let's test this theory. Dary, say you asked Bonnie McMurray out on a date and she says I'm going to stay in and read.

Daryl:
She up to somethin'.

Katy:
Dan?

Dan:
Oh, she's definitely up to something.

Katy:
Wayne?

Wayne:
Must be a pretty good book. Must be like… The Road.

Reilly:
Boys, I wake up in the middle of the night dry-heaving at the amount of bush in this room.

Jonesy:
We thought tummy-stick hedgehogs were extinct, boys.

Reilly:
Shave your fuckin' junk hair, boys.

Jonesy:
It's disgusting, boys.

Reilly:
And Shorsey is the guiltiest of 'em all!

Shorsey:
(farts)

Jonesy:
Reilly will be your bush inspector.

Reilly:
And Jonesy will be your associate bush inspector.

Wayne:
What's the stupidest thing you ever heard in your life?

Daryl:
I would like to say, but it's impolite to talk politics at the breakfast table.

Squirrelly Dan:
I'd also likes to say, but it's impolite to talk religions at the breakfast table.

Reilly:
Is that fuckin' joker wearing number 99, bud?

Jonesy:
This is our chance to make it up to Gretz, bud.

Reilly:
Hey, 99, you fuckin' loser.

Jonesy:
Are you fuckin' serious nines?

Reilly:
How dare you wear that number, you piece of shit!

Jonesy:
That's the Great One's number, you fuckin' donkey.

Reilly:
Think you're Gretzky, you piece of shit?

Jonesy:
Gretz probably smashed your mom in the '80s, bud.

Reilly:
I'll get the white tape out and turn those double nines into double zeros. You're a fucking nobody.

Jonesy:
Fuckin' serious nines?

Reilly:
When's Mess get here, bud, you're fuckin' hilarious.

Jonesy:
When's McSorley get here, you fuckin' plug?

Reilly:
Suck my knob! What a fucking piece of work, bud.

Jonesy:
Piece of shit.

Reilly:
The fucking audacity.

Daryl:
Woolwich Taffy Cone Harvest I.P.A. from Wellesley, Ontario. Boastful, yet reserved. Opinionated. Selective. Elmira maple syrup, Skinner Farms smoked bacon. [sips] Hmm, tastes like a tragedy occurred while making breakfast.

Jonesy:
I haven't smashed a pumpkin on someone's doorstep since grade nine, boys.

Reilly:
I haven't stuffed an egg up a tailpipe since grade eight, boys.

Jonesy:
I haven't silly-stringed a car since grade seven.

Reilly:
I haven't TP'd a tree since grade six.

Dan:
Yeah, but do's youse have an ablibi?

Jonesy:
We definitely have ablibis.

Reilly:
I'm glad you asked about ablibi.

Jonesy:
We've prepared a PowerPoint presentation.