MythBusters, 2003

Adam:
[holding up a can of hairspray] MythBusters hairspray: it's what I use to keep my 'do in line. [smiles at the camera]

Adam:
We made something blow up! (claps his hands and laughs like an idiot)

Jamie:
(to Adam) You're a nice guy and all, but sometimes you can be a bull in a china shop.

Adam:
I'm not gonna respond to that. (Incidentally, the expression "bull in a china shop" was busted in a later episode)

[One of the MythBusters' experiments has just burst into flames with Adam nearby.]

Adam:
[feels his face] I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm fine. Am I missing... an eyebrow? I am missing an eyebrow, aren't I?

Jamie:
Yeah, you lost a lot of hair out there:

Adam:
You're f***ing kidding me!

Adam:
So did you ever have customers come in and say "Could you sell me something different, this causes too much static shock when I wear it?"

Lingerie Store Owner:
No, but they've said "This causes too much shock!".

Adam:
You think we can build some panty friction in the bed here?

Jamie:
Well, that's what it's for, isn't it?

Jamie:
Jamie wants big boom.

Adam:
Is gasoline flammable? You'll find out after this!

[The MythBusters, despite repeated attempts to ignite gas fumes inside their large test box, are unable to do so.]

Adam:
[exasperated] Ah...how hard can it be to blow up a room full of gasoline??

[After a lengthy session of shattering CDs, Adam and Jamie examine the shards embedded in a ballistic gelatin torso placed near the test rig.]

Jamie:
Any day we create that much shrapnel is a good day.

Adam:
God-damn barrel! It didn't do squat! [Adam examines the barrel] What is this? [Pause] This barrel is too damn strong!

[After Buster is broken in the course of the test]

Adam:
We broke a crash test dummy, man! I think that's a red letter day! [Holds up Buster's arm in triumph] Yeah!!!

[Adam works on a skeleton to use for a test dummy.]

Adam:
I'll always miss my old skeleton. It's too bad. He got his head blown off…with a Mannlicher-Carcano rifle.

Adam:
It just goes to show, do not grab the third rail with both hands and piss on it from 3 inches away! [kneels down on the rail, mimicking a drunk person] Oh man, wait a second, I gotta take a wee. Woo! That'll never make it on the show. [Which is ironic because it did make it on the show.]

[The test dummy's legs (which Adam was supposed to glue, but he used tape instead) start leaking gel.]

Adam:
It's leaking from…everywhere.

Jamie:
We didn't glue that at all, huh?

Adam:
No, I didn't.

Adam:
Total crapola. This is a complete and utter disaster.

[Adam starts fooling around with the cellophane tape.]

Jamie:
Oh, stop playing and let's do this.

Adam:
[about the cellophane] That's such a good sound!

Adam:
I wouldn't say Jamie's an evil genius…I'm not sure he's evil, and I'm not sure he's a genius.

Jamie:
This is right up there with one of the weirder things that we've had to do; trying to put a dead chicken in a tanning booth? Umm, hello?!?

(Concerning the results of Jamie's "super-microwave", which has apparently done exactly the opposite of what it was intended to do)

Adam:
You've made a refrigerator!

Jamie:
I've always enjoyed seeing Adam in pain.

[The MythBusters' modified nail gun fires prematurely, breaking a fluorescent light.]

Jamie:
Uhh...whoops! [giggles] We should get outta here, that's mercury vapor there.

Adam:
Go ahead, shoot me in the ass. C'mon, I can take it!

[Adam describes what will happen to Jamie, who will be buried alive inside a coffin.]

Adam:
So, the next step is to load this up on our forklift, lower it down into our makeshift above-ground grave, fill it with earth, and monitor Jamie until he…begs for mercy.

[Jamie is about to be buried]

Jamie:
Farewell, cruel world!

Adam:
[laughs] Bye-bye, Heinieman.

[Jamie is polishing a chrome car bumper with cola and aluminum foil]

Jamie:
I'm not sure exactly what the aluminum foil does with this.

Adam:
[in his "super geek" voice] Well, I think it, uh, ionizes the cola particles and, uh, brings the rust to the surface!

Jamie:
That's aluminum foil.

Adam:
What did I say?

Jamie:
You said tinfoil.

Adam:
Whatever; keep scrubbing, Cinderella!

Adam:
Cola's goin' down!

[After Adam goes through troubles making the first vacuform mold of a head.]

Adam:
All right. Let's go do another nine.

[During the course of the experiment, Adam placed a particularly large "piercing" into a ballistics gel head. Back at the table, later:
]

Adam:
We did get a strike right to the doorknob, but, c'mon, who wears a doorknob?

Jamie:
I'm making a cannonball out of granite…or a mess.

Adam:
Remember, children, MythBusters has hired a licensed pyrotechnician to help us blow stuff up. You should never try anything like this unless you have your own television show.

Adam:
(Adam is using a chainsaw) I'm not doing anything that the Pakish wouldn't have done if they had had a chainsaw.

Jamie:
Adam, the police officer said you need to drink more.

Adam:
You know, my doctor was also telling me that I'm not getting enough tar...so I need to start smoking again!

Adam:
I'm lit. It's like one in the afternoon, and I'm lit.

Adam:
So we've had 13 drinks over 3 hours. I know I'm drunk, but I can't even remotely tell that you're drunk. It's kind of annoying. I wanna see you put a lampshade on your head or something.

Jamie:
[giggles] Sorry, bub!

Adam:
Your best bet is to probably hold your nose, literally, and just take a big bite outta this onion.

Police Officer:
[to Adam] He's doing fine. You just sit over there and be quiet. It's rough enough to have one of you here. But having two...

Adam:
[laughing] Of course I'm causing trouble.

Adam:
But there's always two parts to a MythBusters story: there's replicating the myth, and then there's duplicating the result.

Adam:
(about escaping from Alcatraz) THIS is SO COOL!!!!

Adam:
(pounding Alcatraz escape raft loudly) Wait, was that a guard? (Pause) No! (continues to pound raft)

[Adam and Jamie are checking out ducklings.]

Jamie:
Adam, don't let their looks deceive you; these are actually quite deadly.

Roger Schwenke:
We need to attach [a tie-clip microphone] to the duck.

Jamie:
Duck tape.

[Jamie is trying to get a duck to quack.]

Jamie:
Don't mess with me, duck.

Jamie:
[to Bob the duck] Don't give me any beak.

[Jamie is trying to silently make a duck quack]:

Adam:
It's like he's trying to collect a loan from the duck. Duck loan collection agency! [in stereotypical mobster voice] I wanna talk to you about some outstanding feed.

Jamie:
Quack, damn you!

[Having busted the myth, Adam and Jamie are about to release the ducks into the bay. One of the ducks quacks loudly.]

Adam:
Where were all those quacks when we needed them?