The King of Queens, Season 1

[An argument between Arthur and Carrie]

Arthur:
I've got two words for you: I'm staying right here!

Carrie:
That's four words.

Arthur:
Well, here's four more words for you: screw you!

Carrie:
That's two words.

Doug:
Arthur maybe you should stop saying how many words you are going to use in advance.

Arthur:
Yeah, once you do that you're pretty much locked in, huh?

[Arthur's house is on fire]

Arthur:
I wonder if it's too late to get insurance.

Doug:
So, you want to move back in, huh? That would be real convenient for you, wouldn't it? You leave for a few days, you bounce around the outside world for a while like that bird who's "cuckoo for coca puffs," and you just waltz back in. You know what, Arthur? Take my basement back. It's yours. You know what? Fine. Take it. And while you're at it, why don't you-- why don't you take the TV, too? And-- and the foosball table, and, uh, hey, the couch. It's yours. It's all yours. Uh, hey, my mustard-strained jets blanket, huh? Oh, and-- and my baseball encyclopedia, oh and my x-rated video with the label, "bad news bears go to Japan," so Carrie won't notice it!

Doug:
Take it all, Arthur! Hey, what else can I get for you? Hey, do you want the flooring? 'Cause I could rip up the carpet. Come on, what else can I give you? How 'bout my kidneys? Come on, I have two! WHAT THE HELL?! TAKE 'EM BOTH, ARTHUR!! God, why should I have anything, right? ALL I DO IS GO TO WORK EVERY DAY AND PAY MY MORTGAGE ON TIME! AND WHEN IT'S NOT ON TIME, IT'S CERTAINLY WITHIN THE GRACE PERIOD!! BUT I GUESS THAT MEANS NOTHING!!! NOTHING!!! And you know what? That's fine. I'll just be a GUY GOING THROUGH LIFE WITH NO BASEMENT AND NO KIDNEYS!!!