Adventure Time, Season 5

Prismo:
Did you guys see that? You know there was a ghost wearing a dead guy. That might be the nastiest thing I've ever seen. N-n-n-n-nasty! Nasty jazz! Nas-

Jake:
Hey, hey! Easy, buddy! That's our friend, Billy! He got possessed by the Lich!

Prismo:
Oh, sorry! Sorry, I didn't mean nothin' by it! I mean, I have a lot of nasty friends, and my uncle was nasty. I'm basically honorary nasty.

Big Destiny:
Huh? What is this? Are you tellin' me what to wear, Trammy?

Trammy:
No, boss! You look good!

Big Destiny:
You think I should reinvent my style, and put a stupid thing on my head!!?

Trammy:
No, man!! You tell us what to wear!

Big Destiny:
Otherwise you would dress like an idiot!! Bam! Crown shorts!

Prismo:
Actually, it depends on the wish I granted him.

Finn:
Wish?

Prismo:
Yeah, he wished for the extinction of all life and I did it. Guess it changed his timeline or something?

Finn:
WHAT!!?? OH GLOB!!

Simon:
"The crown... go get it..."

Marceline:
I know you're not really talking to me... I'm not crazy!

Simon:
"Get the crown... Go get it!! "

Marceline:
Ugh...

Simon:
"GET THE CROWN, MARCELINE!! GO GET IT!! "

Marceline:
I can't! My knees...

Simon:
"Well, that's really disappointing, I must say. I'm just... Whatever, you're really letting me down right now."

Marceline:
Okay, alright. [prip]

Finn:
I wish... the Lich... never.. even EVER existed...

Lich:
I wish... for the extinction of all li-i- ..for Finn and Jake to go back home to Ooo. Huh!? No wait! That's not what I wished for-!

Prismo:
Sorry guy, you only get one wish. Hey Jake. Did you see that? Monkey's paw.

Ice King:
Now honey, I told you. You could take the sign off when you tell me where you hid Daddy's crown jewels.

Gunter:
Wenk.

Ice King:
Gunter! ..Huh? [the jewels fly him away] Ooh wowzers!

Finn/Jake:
OhwhatagodboyamI!

Jake:
Little Jack Horner Sat on a corner Eating a Christmas pie He put in his thumb And pulled out a plum And said, "What a good boy am I!"

Ice King:
Ahhh, sweetie, this is bliss. Feels so math to finally be normal. Hah, not like those two freaks. [points to Finn and Jake sticking their thumbs in a snowman] What are they doin' over there? Anyway, I- Ohh, who's that?

[He looks at his other foot and there is a winking face on it]

Ice King:
Oh. Oh my.

Finn:
[deep breath] POOPED.

Finn:
So it's not good to weigh someone's qualities against your own?

Jake:
Well, no. I mean, if you feel something, you FEEL something. It's not about personality matrixals and charts - it's all about the bu-bumps in your heart! You can't stop the pumps and bumps! Pumps and bumps! Pumps and bumps!!

Finn:
PB, you hang out with Lady. C-listers, go back in the bag.

Jake:
Who's in C-list?

Finn:
Uh... Tiffany, Donny... well, he's okay. Xergiok... a buncha these guys!

Jake:
That's not very nice.

Finn:
Don't worry, man. They'll get involved eventually.

Jake:
Involved with what?

Finn:
I dunno, involved.

Jake:
No, don't play with that hack! [shreds with little IK] Ah, man! Hmm... They got good chemistry. Who'da guessed?

Finn:
Chemistry....

Jake:
I'll make a special spagot with a new sauce.

Magic Man:
I'm not coming back.

Jake:
You're up early.

Finn:
I didn't sleep.

Jake:
You stayed up all night reading trash books?

Finn:
Hm.

Jake:
Told you man, those dating books... [slurp] That stuff is mess-you-up.

Finn:
I'm not reading. I'm playing with the little wees.

Jake:
Ah, lemme see little me! Me looks so lonely. Hey Finn, pass me little Lady!

Finn:
Uh, you guys broke up.

Jake:
Wha?

Finn:
She's with someone else now.

Jake:
Who!?

Finn:
He's a cool guy. Don't worry about it.

Jake:
[shouts holo-message speaker] The puppies aren't moving!

Holo-Margaret:
PERFORM CPR, THEY MIGHT BE DEAD!!

Jake Jr.:
Dad, the manual's a BUNCHA JUNK!! Just give us a chance.

Jake:
Jake Jr.! You said your first words! "The manual's a buncha junk!" The manual's a buncha junk??

Finn:
No more Davey!

Davey:
But you love being Davey.

Finn:
I do love being Davey but being Davey caused Jake to be arrested!

Davey:
But remember that time when Davey sat in the park and saw some people walkin' around?

Finn:
Yeah, that was nice.

Davey:
And remember that time when Davey swept the floors?

Finn:
Hehehe... Yeah, that was great too. But...

Davey:
Do you really wanna go back to bein' a famous hero? Why not just be Davey? Simple man with simple goals and simple problems... You can just blend in and live the simple life.

Finn:
Yeah, blend in... Y'know, maybe I'll be Davey... just one more time. One more time...

Lemongrab:
Awake! Avast! Hold tight your buns, if buns you do hold dear, for time has come wake and run AND NOT GIVE WAY TO FEAR!!!

Tree Trunks:
What are those awful words?

Lemongrab:
I'm reading the wall. They are wall words.

Lemongrab:
Ice King, how do you taste?

Ice King:
Nice, I guess?

Lemongrab:
MILD OR SPICY!??

Ice King:
Oh, uh...

[...]

Ice King:
Kinda lonely.

Ice King:
Well that's it, show's over. I'll just die here and y'all can eat my body if you want to survive...

Lemongrab 1:
It doesn't matter anymore.

Lemongrab 2:
There is no more candy to horde. Let them keep what crumbs they find.

[sniff-sniff sniff, lick]

Lemongrab 2:
For there are no crumbs.

Lemongrabs:
MMMMNNOOOOOO CUUURRUUUMMBS!!!

Wizard:
Whomever the hat possesses gains the proportional strength of a hat! Look out, he's got the horse again!!

Finn:
Didn't Lady tell you not to use the Sassage flare?

Jake:
Yeah.

Finn:
Well, don't abuse it man, cos you're gettin'...

Jake:
I'm gettin' what?

Finn:
Cos you're getting fat.

Marshall Lee:
Don't you know I'm a villain? Every night I'm out killin', sending everyone running like children. I know why you're mad at me. I've got demon eyes, and they're looking right through your anatomy, into your deepest fears. Baby, I'm not from here, I'm from the Nightosphere. To me, you're clear, transparent. You got a thing for me, girl; it's apparent.

Finn:
I shall grant thee clemency.. if you do the splits. DO the splits!!

Skeleton:
I-I can- I can't do the s-splits.

Finn:
DO THE SPLITS THOU MILK-LEVERED MAGGOT PIE!!!

Finn:
Whoo! Hot Daniel, Flame Princess! I though you were gonna burn me alive!

FP:
No way. I'd never do that to my boyfriend.

Finn:
Huh...? Where am I?

Man:
This is the rookery, where I and my bird friends dwell!

Finn:
So are you like the Great Bird Man?

Man:
That's what they call me nowadays. But when I first met you Finn, and you Jake, you knew me as XERIGOK THE GOBLIN KING!!!

Finn & Jake:
WHAAAA!??

Simon:
I call upon the power of ice and snow! Ice winds, blow!!

Finn:
Marceline, why'd you invite Ancient Chubs to play basketball?

Jake:
Yeah!

Marceline:
Hahh... [beat] Well, he's very dear to my heart. I love him.

Jake:
..What you are talking about, Marceline?

Marceline:
We've been around for a long time. We've had a long history together, it's.. it's a long story.

Finn:
Lay it on us.

Jake:
Yeah! Lay it out, Marcy!

Ice King:
Yeah, lay down, Marceline! Go to sleep. Right, what're we talkin' about?

Simon:
Hey, little lady -- how about a ride on an old man's back, hm?

Marcy:
I can walk. I'm not a child, Simon.

Simon:
Look, sweetie, someday you'll be too big to hold. I'm as old as garlic balls if someone offered to pick me up and carry me, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Take it, we can get it.

Marcy:
Achoo! [laughing]

Simon:
Gross. You're gross.

Marcy:
You're gross, Simon!

Simon:
We're both gross, darling.

Simon:
Hey, check it out, a VHS tape. You wanna watch a movie?

Marcy:
Yeah!

[beat.]

Simon:
Man, this is a boring movie. [Marcy giggles] I like the book much better.

Simon:
Vandalism is wrong, Marcy.

Marcy:
Okay.

Simon:
Marceline, cover your ears! [kicks Clambulance] MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER!!

Simon:
Marcy, look! I-I found chicken soup! You're gonna feel awesome in a moment.

Marcy:
I'm just glad- [nom, gulp] ..you're okay.

Simon:
Do you feel awesome?

Marcy:
Mmhm. I love you, Simon.

Simon:
I love you... Gunter.

Finn:
How do we stop the computer worm, you pile of goo!!?

Ice King:
[cackling] My worm exists beyond your comprehension within the universal source code!

Finn:
STOP TALKING LIKE A NERD AND GIVE IT TO US STRAIGHT!!!

Jake:
Finn, festering's always bad, man! There's no good kind of festering!! FIIINN!!!

Finn:
This place is weird.

Roselinen:
Are you telling me that birds in your world don't poo little pillows?

Finn:
Naw, just regular poo.

Jake:
I mean, here you are chillin' with history's coolest friends building an actual pillow fort, but you just sit there sulkin'. I'm like, what gives?

Finn:
[sigh] I guess I'm just thinking about Flame Princess. I told her a joke the other day and she didn't even laugh, or anything. Guess it's over between us.

Jake:
That's it? A joke?

BMO:
Maybe she just didn't get it yet.

Finn:
Yeah right, Beemo. More like she used up all her laughs on some other guy's jokes, probably.

Finn:
Alphanumeric!

Jake:
"You're getting all hung up on imaginary problems. Stay with your new wife! You've known her longer now than any of us. You're not even sure if I ever really existed! And I'm pretty sure I didn't look like this."

Finn:
That was Flame Princess. She said she didn't get my joke until now-and that it's really funny and awesome.

BMO:
Haha, I knew it!

Jake:
Yeah, that's great, man. Now what about this dream?

Finn:
What dream?

Jake:
The dream you were just talking about?

Finn:
Huh?

Jake:
Just a second ago?

Finn:
[shrugs]

Jake:
The DREAM you just had in the pillow fort?

Finn:
Pfffbb.

BMO:
Okay, easy does it. Easy... easy...

Worm:
Hey man, it's safe in here!! You can hide in here! Oh shoot, man, uh-oh...

Finn:
Man, I wish I had my other sock. This callus is gonna junk up my good time at PB's potluck.

Jake:
Don't worry man, we're gonna have a ton of fun. We'll eat some melon, I'll get some compliments on my pretty makeup...

Finn:
You look like a target.

Jake:
I look pretty!!

BMO:
Oh, oh BMO, how'd you get so pregnant?

Who's the mother, oh who's the father?

Shh, I'll tell you if you keep it a secret

We will, we will, we will

All right, last night, an electric presence came into my room and said,

"BMO, I need your perfect body to host the human incarnation of a baby~!"

[holding their signs]

Jake:
("I'm not talking today")

Finn:
("ME TOO")

Pep But:
Where is he? Where's Braco?

Bubblegum:
I let him go, Peps. I knew he couldn't be happy without me, so I built him a robo-wife.

Pep But:
You should given him to ME!!

Finn:
Ice King, get out of Princess-

Ice King:
I'M LEAVING!!!

Tonya:
Hey boss, I wanted to-

Boss:
Shut up Tonya, I gotta see my ex-wife!

Bubblegum:
Cinnamon Bun, you can't sleep with the nightlight anymore. You're basically 30. It's starting to bum everyone out.

Cinnamon Bun:
I CAN'T HANDLE THIS DENIAL OF LIIIGHT!!!

Bubblegum:
Yeah, well...

Finn:
LSP, who robbed you?

LSP:
[drugged] It WA~S... Puh- Pete.. PE-ETE.. Sah.. SASS ASS!! Blablablahbllbhaahh....

Finn:
I got traumatised by those underpanties. This sucks.

Finn:
Hey Jake?

Jake:
What?

Finn:
Is PB straight-up naked right now?

Jake:
Dude, don't make me feel any more awkward than I already do!

Ice King:
[on tape recorder] "No way! I'm no rat! I am bound by the sacred trust of esoteric knowledge!"

PB:
"Say the password, Ice King!"

Ice King:
"You think I'll just hand you the keys to the city? I'd rather DIE."

PB:
"Say the password."

Ice King:
"OW!! MY PINKY!! Ow.. Thank you. You know, no one has touched me in months. Could you touch me again?"

PB:
"PASSWORD!! NOW!!! "

Ice King:
"AHH!! OH OWW~!!! WIZARDS RULE!! THE PASSWORD IS "WIZARDS RULE!"

Grandmaster Wizard:
Wizard prison! All of you! Wizard prison!

PB:
Rubeldubel dingeldongel-PFFT.

PB:
Now, make a fist with your brain and PUNCH against sleepytimes! SAY NOO!! NOOOO!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!! Don't go ungentle into that good night.

PB:
Raggedy Princess can make you a new Hambo in like three seconds. A Raggedy Princess can BE your new Hambo. She'd do it too. That girl has like, zero self-respect. Haha. That's mean. Don't tell her I said that.

Marceline:
..You killed him??

PB:
Don't be dense! Hambo can't even talk! Snap out of it, girl.

Marceline:
He's been with the witch this whole time! Maybe he can talk now!

Marceline:
Where are you Maja, you creep?!

PB:
Micro... and macro... the picture... becomes... clear.... aaand... Call it! Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, wait - YES.

Ice King:
Ahh! My hams!!

Flame Princess:
What did you say to me?

Ice King:
Uuh.. wha? What did I say?

Flame Princess:
[gasp!] It IS in the tone of your voice.

Ice King:
Look, just take whatever you want, okay? Take it all! It's all just prunes! Prunes and liver! Frozen, of course.

Ice King:
And I didn't get to test my new fireproof grundies.

Finn:
"Man. I need to have that dream again. I have to get Flame Princess to beat down Ice King again."

Finn:
[speeding] "Dear Ice King, you smell like stink, you're unpleasant, you're not funny, you're old, blahblahblahblah, sincerely love, Flame Princess. P.S. Let us fight!!" HAHHHRR!! "Dear Flame Princess, you're just the worst, your hair is bad, your feet smell like face cheeks, blahblahblah, let's meet up and fight, dummy, sincerely, Ice King." [checking] Hm. Flame Princess fight Ice King.

PB:
What is all that noise? Ach, mein Glöb!!

Cosmic Owl:
You blew it.

Ice King:
You blew it, man.

Finn:
Now give us back Lemonhope or prepare for mo'e pranks!

Lemongrab 1:
DUNGEON!!!!

Lemongrab 2:
Hmm... Acceptable...

Lemongrab 1:
WHAATT!!!? UNACCEPTABLE!!!!

Lemongrab 2:
Acceptable....

Lemongrab 1:
UNACCEPTABLE!!!! UNACCEPTABLE!!!!

Root Beer Guy:
[typewriting in voiceover] "I knew there was trouble. I could smell it on the hot evening breeze. Fortunately for me, trouble is my favorite thing... because I'm Joe Milkshake. I kicked down the door with one swift decisive motion".. No... "With one swift and decisive motion, I kicked down the door"- No! "The door was kicked down by me swiftly, with not many motions but a whole lot of decisiveness was used by me that was apparent to everybody."

Root Beer Guy:
Hello? I'd like to take a few minutes of your time to tell you about an amazing vitamin supplement. But first, just let me ask you: do you ever feel that no matter what you eat, you're still tired and sluggish and.. filled with nagging anxiety and doubt and....

Root Beer Guy:
Alright, you two, what were you doing last night with Princess Bubblegum!?

Finn/Jake:
Uhh... / Hmm...

Jake:
We were home last night.

Finn:
Yeah, we were doing that... thing.

Jake:
That was a great thing we were doing at home with no other witnesses.

Finn:
But we're each other's witnesses.

Finn/Jake:
[hi-fives] Yeah!

Root Beer Guy:
But I saw you!

Finn:
[leans closer at RBG] Look, man. You didn't see nothing!

Marceline:
A-one, a-two, a-one two three four...

Finn:
Wait!

Marceline:
What?

Finn:
Why're you holding your bass up high like that?

Marceline:
Mm, I get better finger action this way.

Finn:
But you look like a nerd. [...] Move it back down. It's better.

Jake:
Move the bass down.

[beat]

Finn:
A-move the bass a-down.

Jake:
Be reasonable.

Bella Noche:
And now... it will be yours.

Ice King:
And mine!

Forest Wizard:
What the blood!? Ice King!

Ice King:
Listen dudes, all I want is to be in the club and plus-up my magic, what's the problem?

Laser Wizard:
Your life is my problem.

Finn:
Do you remember anything when you were the Ice King?

Simon:
Nothing specific, just dream-like impressions.

Finn:
Do you still have impressions from all the times you flip your bricks?

Simon:
I have... bruises.

Jake:
Ehh... it's not really time travel, though. You just, y'know, move their stuff around. It didn't really manipulate time. Ice King's done it better before, with magic.

Mudscamp Elder:
Well, I enjoyed your presentation very much, Princess. Thank you for inviting me.

PB:
NO!!! For all intense in purposes, they travel back to an earlier point in their time.

Jake:
Eh, I guess, but not really. I mean, Ice King did it for real. Guy pulled his fiancee outta time from a thousand years ago using magic.

Mudscamp Elder:
Hey time, where's my fiancee, am I right? [jingle-jingle, Jake laughs]

PB:
Jake, don't deny my science! THIS is a time travel machine!

Lemongrab:
"In conclusion, no one needs to come here ever, especially Lemonhope and I ate my brother, goodbye!"

[LG's body ruptures even more worser and LG 2 comes out]

Lemongrab 2:
"SAVE US, LEMONHOPE!!! YOU'RE OUR ONLY LEMONHO-"

Bubblegum:
Young Lemonhope

Born of candy and glue

Creator of beauty,

And ugliness too.

Poor Lemonhope

I found you in the dark

You lived in the bathroom,

Now live in our hearts.

Sweet Lemonhope

Freed by hard sacrifice

To live in the kingdom

Of sugar and spice.

Lost Lemonhope

Longed for freedom above

Compassion or friendship,

Wisdom or love.

Strong Lemonhope

Risking freedom and health

Came back for his brothers

And for himself.

Safe Lemonhope

No more will you roam

Once you were lost

And now you're back home.

Finn:
"Lie on my back in the ocean." Cool. RRRRRRHNN!!! ...Why the ocean, Billy!?

Finn:
Off the dome, here we go. Unh.

I'm-a started now. I'm-a battle now.

We gonna make a rhyme, so I can rap this time.

I rap for millions...

[...]

Sesquipedalians!

Finn:
What's the thing you wanted to tell me?

Billy:
Oh, uh... You must go to the citadel. That's where your father is.

Finn:
Joshua's not alive. Me and Jake buried him behind the--

Billy:
Not Joshua! Your other dad. Dad the Human.

Finn:
What?

Billy:
Your father, Finn. He's alive! He's alive. (He's alive... He's alive...)