Law & Order, Season 7

Ross:
I believe in monsters and things that go bump in the night, Jack. May they rot in Hell, along with their attorneys.

McCoy:
[about Kincaid's death] You know, a few weeks before it happened, she told me she wanted to quit. I persuaded her to stay.

Briscoe:
Yeah, well... I could have walked past that bar.

McCoy:
With all due respect, your honor, when you change the rules of the game in the middle of a trial...

Judge Marks:
You're done, Mr. McCoy!

McCoy:
...there ought to be at least the appearance of impartiality!

Judge Marks:
Officer, place Mr. McCoy under arrest for contempt of this court!

McCoy:
I move for an adjournment so that the People may appeal your honor's ruling!

Judge Marks:
Denied! Cuff him!

[the court officers slap the cuffs on McCoy and escort him out of the courtroom]

[Schiff finds McCoy in a holding cell with 3 other men]

Schiff:
Nice.

McCoy:
Adam. [to his cellmates] Mr. Barton, Mr. Jasperson, Mr. Montoya-- Mr. Schiff.

Schiff:
We're in a good mood, aren't we?

McCoy:
All except Mr. Jasperson. He was just convicted of murder.

Mr. Jasperson:
Yeah, and it was bull. I'm gonna be gettin' outta here soon.

Schiff:
Young man, sit down.

Briscoe:
Give me another club soda. And put it in a dirty glass.

Curtis:
5 of us are watching and Flynn's the only one to see Morales reach for his gun.

Briscoe:
Hey, Sonny Liston got knocked on his ass by a punch nobody saw.

[Hellman has just ruined Briscoe's ex-lover's reputation in court]

Briscoe:
You get off on that, Judge? Humiliating innocent people?

Judge Hellman:
Are you upset because your corroborating witness is a liar and a slut?

Briscoe:
You sick son of a bitch!

[Briscoe advances on Hellman, whose aides restrain him]

Judge Hellman:
What the hell do you think you're doing?

Briscoe:
You and Flynn deserve each other. I hope you both rot in hell.

Ross:
Freedom of the press isn't free, Mr Bailey, but turning over your mailing list won't cost you a cent.

Bailey:
I can't believe this: it's extortion.

Ross:
It's leverage.

Schiff:
A manic-depressive commits suicide - Somebody call Ripley's.

Briscoe:
[about Max Schaeffer] If he did kill Webber, he's walkin' around with 50 grand traveling money in his pocket.

Lt. Van Buren:
You think he's gonna run out on his grandson the same way the father did?

Curtis:
You know, when we saw the kid, he was playin' a video game.

Briscoe:
Yeah?

Curtis:
A new PlayStation.

Lt. Van Buren:
CD drive?

Curtis:
Yeah, with, like, 6 games.

Lt. Van Buren:
Ooh. Crash Bandicoot?

Briscoe:
Uh, excuse me, young parents. My kids' idea of high technology was Barbie's convertible.

Curtis:
No, Lennie. We're talkin' 'bout 5, $600 worth of video game here.

Lt. Van Buren:
Yeah. Who bought it for him, and when?

Curtis:
How many child support payments did you ever miss, Lennie?

Briscoe:
My ex just kept my checkbook. If I ever forgot, she knew how to forge my signature.

McCoy:
We already got the father.

Ross:
But she's guilty too.

McCoy:
We put her in jail, her son dies alone.

Ross:
Everybody's got a sad story.

McCoy:
It won't be an easy case to make. Webber's dead. Her father won't talk.

Ross:
We can look for other evidence.

McCoy:
You feel burned?

Ross:
You feel sorry for her?

McCoy:
Call me a sentimental fool. [pause] There's no statute of limitations on murder. We'll keep it. Right on top of the pile.

McCoy:
A murder goes unpunished, it's bad for business.

Curtis:
What exactly is your relationship to Kate?

Arbaugh:
I'm her philosophical and spiritual exploration guide. And I feed the dogs.

McCoy:
Either you lied on the stand, Mr Bergeen, or you lied to the police. There's about 5 felonies we can charge you with. Do you really want to go to jail? [pause] Tell us the truth!

Bergreen:
The truth is, I love my daughters. Both of them!

McCoy:
We'll see how much they love you.

Curtis:
Hey, didn't you learn anything from Mister Rogers? A policeman is your best friend.

Books:
My people need unity far more than truth.

McCoy:
What they need is justice.

Books:
What that is depends on which end of the bullwhip you're on.

DeBakey:
Well thanks, Jack. You just conceded there was no affair - I hope the jury was listening!

McCoy:
I hope your client's wife was listening; were you, Mrs. Shepard?

Shepard:
Hey, she doesn't have to talk to you...

McCoy:
She can if she wants to!

Schiff:
Gotta be tough, finding out you married your stalker.

[at arraignment]

Clerk:
Docket number 454320. People vs. Michael L. McDugan. Charged with murder in the second degree and assault in the first degree.

Crazy Mike:
What, they're sayin' it's murder?

Judge Silver:
Let's get your plea first, Mr. McDugan.

Crazy Mike:
I'm not guilty!

Ross:
The People ask bail of half a million, your honor.

Attorney:
That's way outta line, your honor. This is at best an assault case.

Ross:
The defendant terrorized a 28-year-old woman in the dead of night on a bridge ramp, and with depraved indifference, caused her death.

Attorney:
The deceased jumped off a bridge on her own. Period.

Ross:
She jumped to get away from Mr. McDugan. He didn't have to push her.

Attorney:
She chose to die, your honor. My client isn't accountable for the actions of a disturbed individual.

Judge Silver:
Miss Ross, it sounds like you're conceding Mr. McDugan didn't push her.

Ross:
He may not have physically pushed her, your honor, but he...

Judge Silver:
But what? He levitated her? Thank your lucky stars I'm not the trial judge. Bail is 100,000. [bangs gavel]

Curtis:
She left me, Lennie! She took the kids and split. She wants me out of the house.

Briscoe:
Why? What happened?

Curtis:
I broke my vows with this girl in the park. Just a one-time thing.

Briscoe:
How'd Deborah find out?

Curtis:
I told her.

Briscoe:
Your second mistake.

McCoy:
I remember how I felt when I realized my father was a son of a bitch. I can't imagine what it's like to realize you raised one.

Ross:
Where would you go if you needed a hitman?

Curtis:
[grinning at Briscoe] I'd find an old cop, preferably one with a lot of alimony.

McCoy:
Sometimes you have to make deals with the Devil.

Ross:
Just as long as you don't get your eyebrows singed.

Schiff:
[referring to the victim and his wife] He was 74; she was 22?

McCoy:
Why, Adam? You want to know if she has a sister?

Darcy:
You are as dumb as a bag of hair.

Ross:
Laney Stevens filed her appeal.

Schiff:
She's hoping they'll erect a statue for her on 12th Avenue.

McCoy:
Even prostitutes deserve a patron saint.

Ross:
It makes me wonder if they convicted her because we made our case or because she's a prostitute.

McCoy:
They convicted her. I don't care why.

Stieglitz:
[her closing summation] It's not often that Big Brother has to listen to your opinion. It happens every 4 years. And it happens when you have the privilege of sitting in this box. Hillary Colson shopped at Gap Kids. She goes to PTA meetings. She's also a prostitute. I don't like it anymore than you do. It disgusts me. I don't approve of serial adultery. She's endangered the lives of every member of her family in a pathetic search for what? Novelty? To fill a void in her life, maybe? I don't know. But I do know this. If this were a referendum on prostitution, I would say: "Throw her in jail and forget about the key". But it's not! That's not why she's on trial. She is on trial, because she said no to an ex-police officer armed with a Colt revolver and the will to use it! An ex-police officer. Hmm? A bully who used sex to dominate women. She said NO! And she meant it! The bill of rights does not only apply to the June Cleavers of this country. Acquit my client, and you say to Big Brother that any woman, regardless of her character, has got the right to say no, and has got the right to back it up! I'm not asking you to agree with prostitution. But I am begging you to disagree with rape.

McCoy:
[his summation] Miss Stieglitz is right. This isn't a referendum on prostitution. It isn't a referendum on rape. You're here to render a verdict on her client's credibility. She says she was raped. What's her evidence? "Keene was a bully. My husband believes me. So should you." In the meantime, she suffered no injuries, she destroyed evidence, she lied to the police. It was only when she was backed into a corner that she cried rape, that she wrapped herself in the right of self-defense. But she wasn't defending her virtue. She didn't shoot Gilbert Keene to keep from performing an act that she had willingly performed on dozens of other men. She killed him to protect a secret. You've all seen what lengths she went to, to avoid Mac Bernum, to hide her identity. Who can blame her? She didn't want to lose her husband, her family, her comfortable home. Those things, she would kill for. But those things do not justify the taking of a life! The threat of deadly physical force does, or rape does, or kidnapping, or robbery. But none of those things happened in that car. What happened in that car was a cold and calculated thing. A woman killed her blackmailer, not her rapist. That's who Gilbert Keene was. That's how he got sex. He didn't rape those other women. He blackmailed them. I don't want you to convict her because she's a prostitute. I'm asking you to convict her, because her story is a lie.

Heiss:
Who told you she had breast implants?

Briscoe:
We're the police. We know everything.

Briscoe:
[to Dr. Levine] This isn't the planet of the Barbie dolls, Doc. Your average citizen knows these ladies have pumped-up ta-tas! What we have is a decapitated body and a killer walkin' around.

[a judge in L.A. has just ruled to nullify an extradition order]

McCoy:
Speak up, Your Honor. There are some people in the Bronx who didn't hear you.

Schiff:
I want you to kick the livin' daylights outta Neal Gorton. You can dig up Thomas Dewey to help ya! You're gonna win this case. Whatever you have to do, I want a conviction!

Ross:
[looks at her watch] God. Look at the time. I gotta go.

McCoy:
We're not quite done here.

Ross:
I shouldn't have been away from Katie this long. I'm due in family court in 3 days.

McCoy:
We have to go back to Judge Callahan in 12 hours.

Ross:
I'm sorry!

McCoy:
Where are your priorities?! If Gorton gets ahold of this stuff, he'll come up with some cockamamie alternate theory of the crime. A murderer could walk free!

Ross:
And I could lose my daughter! You know what, Jack?! That's an easy decision!

McCoy:
Not for an Assistant District Attorney!

Ross:
Fine! I quit!

[she leaves the office in a huff and slams the door]

McCoy:
What's your current movie about, Mr. Newman? Talking bears?

Newman:
Yes.

McCoy:
A daring Neorealist foray into Jellystone Park? Does that fulfill your promise as an artist?

Newman:
No!

McCoy:
Heidi Ellison was keeping you from fulfilling that promise, wasn't she?

Newman:
Not just her. Do you know what kinda crap they wanted me to make?

McCoy:
But especially her. She could've let you make Madame Bovary, couldn't she?

Newman:
Yes!

McCoy:
But she didn't, did she?

Newman:
She gave me a choice. The bears or a picture about a dog who's granted 3 wishes. I couldn't believe it!

McCoy:
You couldn't believe what, Mr. Newman?

Newman:
I had an actress, a bankable actress, who was attached to Bovary. But Heidi gives her $12,000,000 to do an asteroid movie instead, because our marriage didn't work out! [jumps out of his seat and raises his sword] That vindictive bitch! I could've made something!!

[everyone in the courtroom stares at him, causing Newman to sit back down and face-palm]

McCoy:
[his closing summation] Everyone likes a good story. Eddie Newman has made a career putting stories on film. And the defense in this case has told you a very good story about a sleazy psychiatrist and a man who believed he'd committed a murder, but recently realized that he didn't. What actually happened here is less complicated and far more sordid. A bitter, angry man viciously killed his ex-wife, dismembered her while she was still alive, and then lied about it. There's no clever twist to the plot. It's just the messy, ugly truth. Mr. Gorton has appealed to what he calls reasonable doubt. But reasonable doubt is not any doubt. God has given you all the gift of common sense. Use it. [picks up Newman's sword] Eddie Newman used this weapon to hack to death, not the woman he claimed he loved, but the woman he calls a vindictive bitch. Find him guilty of murder.

[after Newman's conviction and sentencing]

McCoy:
Anybody wanna join me for a drink?

Curtis:
Not me. I'm having supper with my wife.

Briscoe:
I've got a date. She's no Lisa Lundquist, but she's all right.

McCoy:
[to the ADA] I know, dinner with Katie.

Ross:
Whenever possible. Tonight, it's possible. [leaves the office]

Schiff:
Started with a killing, ending with an execution. You got what you wanted. Take the rest of the week off.

McCoy:
It's Friday, Adam.

Schiff:
So it is. See you Monday.

Schiff:
[about McCoy's prosecution strategy] It's legally brilliant! Sure to be a hit with the public. And you have no business trying it.

Darnell:
[about his stash of violent pornography] Hey, some people like vanilla, I like Rocky Road.

Curtis:
So he walks for killing a cop but does hard time for killing a cop killer?

McCoy:
An irony he can savor for the next 25 years in Attica.

Curtis:
What if I had testified that you told us to shut up?

McCoy:
It would have hurt. At least you got to dodge the question by calling me an idiot.

Curtis:
Yeah, that helped.

Mike:
Okay, there was another guy. About halfway down the block from where I left the car. A Puerto Rican guy.

Curtis:
Yeah, that's how we solve homicides too. Nearest Puerto Rican did it.

Ricky:
Can I say how I didn't mean to do it?

Briscoe:
You mean how you only shot him 'cause he wouldn't give you his watch? Yeah, yeah. The DA'll like that.

Burke:
Women in their 40s, they're like money - you change 'em for 2 20s.

Schiff:
Nice going, you made her cry. That ought to win you points in the jury room.

McCoy:
Sure, she had a rough childhood and I feel sorry for her. And if she hadn't left her mother to bleed to death on the floor, I'd give her a great big hug.

[After the shooting, Curtis finds writing on a car window]

Curtis:
"Kill Zionists."

Briscoe:
Good thing he wasn't a better shot.

Briscoe:
[searching a suspect's apartment] Good champagne, but it's dusty.

Curtis:
And this caviar has mold.

McCoy:
[looks at Mercer's motion for suppression] Tough to suppress the fact that the car was in his fiancée's possession.

Mercer:
Well, then charge her with the carjacking.

Salva:
What?!

Mercer:
[laughs] Oh, that's a lawyer's joke, son. [to McCoy and Jamie] He's very much in love with her.

Briscoe:
There's two empty wine glasses in the sink.

Curtis:
There's two empty condom wrappers over there. The near-perfect Sunday afternoon.

Briscoe:
Yeah: I'd almost trade places with him.

McCoy:
Archer's making history. He's the first lawyer to claim a white defendant is being persecuted by the Black power structure.

Briscoe:
[searching Peterson's apartment] Nice suits, nice carpet. You could put a swimming pool in that closet.

Curtis:
Yeah Lennie, but is he happy?

Briscoe:
I'd be ecstatic.

Peterson:
Why would I kill my friend over 3% of my net worth?

Curtis:
Leverage, Peterson. It was collateral for part of one loan for the airline, that was part of your transportation holding company, which was financed up to your eyebrows. So, you pull out one brick from that wall, it comes crashing down, you gotta go back to collecting Lincoln pennies.

Peterson:
Rey, Rey, Rey, Rey! Do me a favor: go to business school for a couple of years before you explain my financing to me, OK?

[Van Buren summons Curtis to leave the room]

Curtis:
I can't talk right now - I have to go to business school.

Ross:
I don't know what to do, Jack. [McCoy smirks] What?

McCoy:
I'm enjoying the moment, fleeting as it is.

Curtis:
See what you got me into?

Briscoe:
Yeah, I got you a date with a good looking woman. I'm a real son of a bitch.

Donut shop owner:
How perfect is this? Cops talkin' to a donut guy.

Curtis:
Yeah. Tell us about the customer who came in just before the girl. The one who cleaned his hands?

Donut shop owner:
Barely a customer. He takes about 50 napkins, and then he starts to leave. Well, after I call him on it, he orders a coffee, then thinks he's a big shot, because he tips be a quarter.[hands Briscoe his wastebasket] What I lost on napkins, I barely broke even!

[Briscoe extracts the dirty napkins Mike threw out from the wastebasket and hands them to another cop]

Briscoe:
Take these down to the lab.

Cop:
Right.

Briscoe:
[to the shop owner] Did he mention his name or say where he was comin' from or goin' to?

Donut shop owner:
Nothin', except "gimme a coffee", and how if he wasn't gettin' married next week, he'd be puttin' the moves on the girl, which I thought that was outta line. But I didn't say anything, because it's not my business. My business is sellin' donuts.

Briscoe:
Thanks for clearin' that up.

Curtis:
Listen, Jane, I could really use your help.

Jane:
I told you, I never heard of this Joanie Timberman, and I just work for Miss Posner. We're not exactly girlfriends.

Curtis:
Yeah, but you see her every day. You know what's going on. I gotta say, you strike me as a very perceptive person.

Jane:
It's a good thing you're good-looking, honey, if that's the best line you can come up wth.

Briscoe:
Sadly, it is.

Ross:
It doesn't look like we're going to get a confession.

Schiff:
Why should he confess? You'll probably be arresting someone else tomorrow.