Numb3rs, Season Six

Colby Granger:
Looks like you jumped the gun Charlie, nobody's been shot yet.

Charlie Eppes:
You know, in some circles I'm considered very funny.

Colby Granger:
FBI circles?

Sniper:
Don't get between Benjamin Pope and the bullet with his name on it.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
A CalSci tradition holds, that the only way, you can turn a paper in late, is to make your way through this tunnels and find the way to the professors office.

Alan Eppes:
Are you sure your compass works?

Nikki Betancourt:
Your handsome, you got a good job, there's no reason why you shouldn't have a girlfriend.

David Sinclair:
If you would take as much interest in your workload as you do in my love life, you would have caught Bin Laden and DB Cooper by now.

Alan Eppes:
What am I missing? Do I have to wait for Larry King?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
The royal astronomical society published a paper recalculating the demise of the earth and shortening it's lifespan considerably.

Charlie Eppes:
We still got another 7,59 billion years.

Charlie Eppes:
I began looking for answers in the desert. [picks up mini zen garden]

Don Eppes:
That was on Larry's desk, right?

Charlie Eppes:
He's got me babysitting it.

Girl:
[seeing a wooden crate in the middle of newhere] That's weird!

Boy:
No, that's a wooden crate. What's weird is driving way up here to find it.

Amita Ramanujan:
[comes into Charlie's office, closes the door and kisses him] This ring's got a funny effect on me.

Charlie Eppes:
You closed the door.

Amita Ramanujan:
Yes, I did.

Charlie Eppes:
Did you lock the door? [Larry comes in]

Charlie Eppes:
[talking about how they can trace a car by it's sound] Now, all we have to do is filter out L.A.'s other 11.999.999 cars.

Amita Ramanujan:
And a little luck wouldn't hurt.

Amita Ramanujan:
When you get married in India you marry the entire family.

David Sinclair:
Somebody should tell Don.

Agent Floyd:
Colby! That's my grandmother's name! Let's get going, then, shall we?

[Drags a still-in-shock Colby away]

Colby Granger:
Why do I feel like I'm in a Scooby-Doo cartoon?

Nikki Betancourt:
Jinkies, Fred, I don't know.

Amita Ramanujan:
Tal Feigenbaum is easily as good a hacker as Augie.

Charlie Eppes:
Yeah, he's probably trying to … decode the backdoor, too.

Don Eppes:
You know, what if he's not trying to hack Augie? I mean, what if he's trying to find him?

Amita Ramanujan:
IRC. Internet Relay Chat. It's how hackers talk when they don't want to be overheard.

Charlie Eppes:
It's a pretty primitive chat program.

Amita Ramanujan:
Think of it like shipping channels in the ocean. You can't see them until a boat cuts through the water leaving a wake. If two boats meet in the middle of the ocean to swap a load of illegal drugs, you have to catch them in real time, otherwise there's no evidence of the meeting left behind.

Charlie Eppes:
No names, no accounts, no records of exchange.

Don Eppes:
Well, how do they see each other?

Amita Ramanujan:
Online names.

Don Eppes:
Okay, so what, we've got "the_fist", and, and … what's Augie's?

Amita Ramanujan:
[points at the website] "00zemeister". I'll set up an alarm to alert us if either name enters an IRC channel.

Don Eppes:
Can we see what they're saying?

Amita Ramanujan:
In leetspeak. Luckily, I speak leet.

Charlie Eppes:
That's so hot!

Charlie Eppes:
All right, Feigenbaum's online!

Nikki Betancourt:
I'll get Don.

Charlie Eppes:
What are they saying?

Amita Ramanujan:
Okay. "I've got a surprise for you." "Funny, got one for you, too."

Don Eppes:
You got a trace?

Charlie Eppes:
Yeah, but they're probably bouncing around a hundred IPs. I mean, they'll be offline before we get a location.

Amita Ramanujan:
"We should meet." "Ha ha. Touch my system and it will eat your young." Okay, that was Augie.

Don Eppes:
Okay, so Feigenbaum wants to meet.

Charlie Eppes:
Augie's rewriting his code.

Amita Ramanujan:
Hey, you guys, wait. This is going to be over in a second.

Nikki Betancourt:
Can we get a screenshot?

[Amita enters a series of commands]

Amita Ramanujan:
Got it!

Nikki Betancourt:
[about one of Charlie's analogies] So the snake sits around all day and gets fat?

Ian Edgerton:
Prison is for convicted felons, aren't we skipping a step?

Nikki Betancourt:
[to Charlie about a game] So you're turning down free money, because you wanna punish me?

John Buckley:
[about their previous encounter] We had fun, didn't we? Oh, by the way, is that genius brother of yours still working with you?

Don Eppes:
This three men, that hijacked that bus used your plan.

John Buckley:
You don't think I'm in on this, do you? I'm doing seven to ten here. You think some crook is gonna take my share of 16 Mio. and put it in a cookie jar until I get out?

Alan Eppes:
I'm a traditionalist. I like to get my news like a human being.

Amita Ramanujan:
Yeah, I've seen the human being that gives this report. She makes Pamela Anderson look like a refugee.

Alan Eppes:
I know, but she reads beautifully.

Amita Ramanujan:
You know, I've been thinking about what Buckley said... about honeymooning in Costa Rica.

Charlie Eppes:
Depending on the time of year, lots of rain.

Amita Ramanujan:
We'll bring umbrellas.

Charlie Eppes:
Scorpions! They got scorpions down there that sleep in peoples shoes.

Amita Ramanujan:
So we'll wear sandals.

Charlie Eppes:
Very long flight.

Amita Ramanujan:
Not if we take separate planes. [Don enters]

Amita Ramanujan:
What do you think about Costa Rica?

Don Eppes:
Ahm, I don't know. I hear they've got a lot of scorpions.

David Sinclair:
[on stakeout with the team] So are you saying, we're here on a hunch?

Charlie Eppes:
I wouldn't call it a hunch. It's a...

Amita Ramanujan:
[whispers] An induction.

Charlie Eppes:
It's an induction!

David Sinclair:
So this whole stakeout here is based on evidence that basically guarantees we're gonna fail?

Charlie Eppes:
[about old bills] There are four in one bag. Do you guys realise what the odds are here?

Colby Granger:
No, but I'm guessing we're about to find out.

Nikki Betancourt:
What would you do if you won the lottery, Sinclair?

David Sinclair:
Well, I'd drive a nice car to work. What about you?

Nikki Betancourt:
Well, first off, I'd buy you a nicer car.

David Sinclair:
Oh yeah?

Nikki Betancourt:
Then I'd make you drive me to work.

Charlie Eppes:
[looking over Alans shoulder] Grow a ponytail?

Alan Eppes:
Yeah. I found an old wish list.

Charlie Eppes:
Who's? Steven Seagal's?

Robin Brooks:
[about Charlie] What are you gonna do about his bachelor party? The whole cliche Las Vegas stripper thing?

Don Eppes:
No! I'm thinking like golf, cigars... maybe Laguna or Torrey Pines.

Robin Brooks:
It's supposed to be his bachelor party, right? Not yours?

Don Eppes:
Well, fine... we could take him to a Stephen Hawking seminar.

Liz Warner:
[after getting shot at through their car] I wanna get my hands on that guy.

Colby Granger:
Never mind that guy. I wanna get that gun.

Charlie Eppes:
Should I be worried, that a cloning expert is feeding my fish... with spices?

Professor Russell Lazlo:
Yeah! I've glazed their food with carotenoid rich paprika. The genetically prone ones are gonna becoma a brilliant red.

Charlie Eppes:
If the poor things don't die of indigestion first.

Alan Eppes:
Hey guys! Come on back in, half time is almost over.

Professor Russell Lazlo:
Ugh, football! Survival of the witless.

Amita Ramanujan:
[after the TV gets blank] Ahm, Charlie!

Charlie Eppes:
What?

Amita Ramanujan:
The TV!

Charlei Eppes:
Ah, it's the cable, there's a... there's an intermittent where it hooks up in the garage.

Amita Ramanujan:
I know.

Charlie Eppes:
[sees the face she makes] I'll go fix it.

Larry Fleinhardt:
[turning up from under a tent in Charlie's garage] Hello Charles.

Charlie Eppes:
Larry? What are you doing here?

Larry Fleinhardt:
Ah well, given the general detritus, the tent... i'd say the answer is fairly obvious. I've been squatting.

Charlie Eppes:
He brought the class gerbil home for Christmas break. He was so cute and I was playing with him while I was conducting an experiment one day and...who knew that gerbil fur was so flammable?

Larry Fleinhardt:
In ancient india beards were held with such reverence, that they could be cut off and used as a form of payment.

Alan Eppes:
That's alright, you can stay for free.

Otto Bahnoff:
Mathematical Physics! Fun... so what's so important that you have to miss it?

Charlie Eppes:
Ah, you know Amita and I have been offered visiting professorships at Cambridge. So we decided to move the wedding date up to today.

Otto Bahnoff:
Ohohoh! [hugs Charlie]

Charlie Eppes:
Thank you!

Otto Bahnoff:
Ah, I wish I had a visiting professorship!

Don Eppes:
Are you ready?

Alan Eppes:
Are you kidding? Watching a son get married, I've been waiting for that a long time.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
"At the request of the bride and groom, I'll keep my remarks short and not technical. Well, as you all know, the four fundamental forces of physics: electromagnetism, strong nuclear interaction, weak nuclear interaction, and gravity."

Colby Granger:
"So I wonder what the technical version sounds like?"

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
"I heard that. We've been talking here about the forces that bind the universe. But what binds humans? Love. Powerful in small spaces, yet with profound effect on distance. Love defies time, outliving both its source, and its object. Love is faster than light, for light requires time in order to travel through space. But love reaches its object instantaneously. Love journeys forever, into infinity. And it's here, binding together two lives. Can we have the rings? Symbolic of eternity, and rendered in a beautiful element. Amita Ramanujan, do you take Charles Edward Eppes to be your husband?

Amita Ramanujan:
"Yes, I do."

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
"Charles Edward Eppes, do you take Amita Ramanujan to be your wife?"

Charles Eppes:
"I do."

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
"I pronounce you: husband and wife."