Stargate Atlantis, Season 4

[after the explosion, Ronon got a shard of glass in his shoulder]

Ronon:
Pull it out now.

Doctor:
I can't do that, it may have punctured an artery.

Ronon:
Pull...it...out.

Doctor:
Yeah, yeah I get it you're a tough guy. If you want to take it out yourself...

[Ronon attempts to remove the glass]

Doctor:
Are you crazy!?

Dr. McKay:
It's like the video game 'Asteroids'.

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
Whatever works for you.

McKay:
I was terrible at 'Asteroids'! I think I actually scored zero once.

Sheppard:
Well, there's only one way to go, and that's up.

McKay:
I told you I wasn't good at 'Asteroids'!

Lt. Col Sheppard:
How's it going?

Dr. McKay:
Well I would be making a lot more progress if 'Timmy Torture' over here wasn't trying to kill me every two seconds.

Dr. Zelenka:
I wasn't trying to kill him.

Dr. Lee:
Space is quite vast...

Col. Ellis:
You don't say?

McKay:
We're coming into re-entry.

Dr. Lee:
You mean entry. You see, we haven't actually entered the pl...

Col. Carter:
Bill!

McKay:
Now, you want to land this city gently, like a leaf, kissing the surface of a pond!

[Sheppard is in the control chair, trying to land Atlantis on M35-117, and crash lands in the ocean.]

McKay:
Nice kissing!

[Teyla is going through Dr.Weir's things in her office]:

Ronon:
Who do you think is going to replace her?

Teyla:
I don't know. [pause]

Ronon:
Whoever it is, they're going to have tough shoes to fill.

Teyla:
Yes.

[Ronon puts his hand on her shoulder, and she holds it as she fights back tears]:

Sheppard:
With all this commotion, I never got the chance to congratulate you.

[He glances at Samantha Carter's waist, and Carter looks confused]:

Sheppard:
Your promotion; you're a full-bird Col. now.

Carter:
Oh, yes.

Sheppard:
What's that?

McKay:
It's a selection of fruits from the various worlds we trade with. I thought it'd be thoughtful.

Sheppard:
Try lame.

McKay:
[to some guy] Here, take this. And go.

McKay:
Anyway... look, I just uh, just came by to uh, welcome you to Atlantis, see how you're setting in and uh, you know, if you needed anything and uh, did I mention I was seeing someone?

Carter:
I'm sorry, what?

McKay:
I'm uh, seeing someone. Yes I only bring it up now because you're here, now, and we'll be working together a lot more and uh, you know, I just thought with our past...

Carter:
Our "past"?

McKay:
Well you know, the unrequited lust that's been hanging over our heads for what seems like forever.

Carter:
Rodney--

McKay:
I just don't want things to be awkward between the two of us, you know, uh... Kind of like they are now.

Carter:
Rodney... I'm sure we'll be fine.

Tyre:
This is it.

McKay:
Hurry up!

Ronon:
I got it.

[Ronon shoots the door control, which promptly opens the door]

Sheppard:
This thing's been way too quiet and way too easy.

McKay:
I kinda like quiet and easy. Makes for a nice change.

[Rodney attempts to open a door while Sheppard fights off a Wraith attack]

Sheppard:
Rodney, get that door open!

McKay:
Aw, to hell with it!

[Rodney fires at the door control, destroying it, with no effect on the door]

McKay:
Aw, come on, it worked for him!

[Carter and team have just released Sheppard and Teyla from the Wraith holding cell]

Sheppard:
Well, it's about time. Any longer and we'd have had to save ourselves!

[Carter gives him a look]

Sheppard:
I'm gonna recommend sending a science team when we get back.

Dr. McKay:
I am a science team.

Sheppard:
Looks like one of those toys you play with as a kid.

McKay:
Commodore 64?

Ronon:
Triple barrel shotgun?

Sheppard:
No, a kaleidoscope.

Dr. Keller:
[About her dream] It was terrifying. There you were with this disgusting alien bug crawling out of your stomach and Colonel Sheppard was acting as it was the coolest thing he'd ever seen.

Ronon:
It sounds like that movie.

Keller:
Yeah, Alien. Have you seen it?

Teyla:
Colonel Sheppard speaks of it often.

McKay:
I remember the first time I saw it. Certainly did not think it was cool.

Dr. Heightmeyer:
Now based on what's been described to me, the personification of Colonel Sheppard in everyone's dreams, is behaving much like a sociopath.

Sheppard:
Did I have a goatee?

[Sheppard and McKay are in McKay's dream, rowing towards Atlantis]

Sheppard:
You know? This really isn't as strange as you made me believe.

McKay:
Oh yeah? What about that?!

[McKay points to a clown that appeared behind them]

Sheppard:
...I hate clowns.

Keller:
Have you had any nightmares lately?

Rodney:
Not a night goes by. Last night I dreamt that Colonel Carter invited me to her quarters for dinner.

Teyla:
Maybe you shouldn't be telling us this, Rodney.

Keller:
Yeah, I said nightmare, not delusional male fantasy.

Rodney:
Wait and listen. Turns out she was serving lemon chicken. I mean, lemon, and the only reason she invited me to dinner was to tell me she was promoting Zelenka over me.

Ronan:
That's it?

Rodney:
Then I was eaten by a whale. Don't ask how that happened.

[Two Travelers want Sheppard to fly the ship forward]

Sheppard:
Sure about that?

Travelers Scientist:
That's why we're here. You fly the ship and I record the inputs, so I can replicate them.

Sheppard:
Okay, but...

Travelers Guard:
Enough. [draws his gun] Fly the damn ship.

Sheppard:
Right. I was just gonna say: "You said 'start by moving the ship forward' when you should've said 'start by initializing the inertial dampeners'."

[Sheppard moves forward without the dampeners, knocking out the guards as they hit the door]

[Larrin walks into Sheppard's cell]

Sheppard:
What's going on?

[Larrin punches him]

Sheppard:
Ow! What was that for?

[Larrin punches him again]

Sheppard:
Stop that!

Larrin:
I'll stop, if you'll stop lying! You broadcasted a signal, didn't you?

Sheppard:
Yes.

[Larrin punches him again]

Sheppard:
You said you'd stop!

Sheppard:
Sure you wanna go through with this? If you don't make it, I'll feel responsible and, well I really don't need the guilt.

Larrin:
I'll be fine as long as you don't shoot too early. I'm sure that's not the first time you've heard that from a woman.

Sheppard:
On the other hand, I might be able to live with it!

[A Wraith is about to feed on Larrin, when he notices Sheppard pointing a gun to his head.]

Sheppard:
I can see you just fed, which means that your regenerating abilities are at maximum. But I seriously doubt you can grow a new head.

McKay:
No, there's something you're not telling us - she was hot, wasn't she?

Sheppard:
I don't know what you're talking about.

McKay:
Aw, I knew it. That is so typical.

Sheppard:
She had me beat Rodney! She threatened to kill me several times. It wasn't like we were hanging out in the spa together.

McKay:
Whatever. All that I know is that every time I get taken captive, it's the Wraith. Just once, I would like to be taken prisoner by the sexy alien.

Sheppard:
Well, you may still have a chance.

Ronon:
What do you mean?

Sheppard:
She's still out there...

[Teyla rolls her eyes]

Keller:
Dr Brown. I see you've brought my number one patient.

McKay:
What? Oh, no, we're not here for me this time.

McKay:
It started suddenly, and then it just stopped.

Keller:
Okay, well, I appreciate you telling me.

McKay:
Aren't you gonna do anything?

Keller:
To be honest, I don't see how it's relevant.

McKay:
Well, it's a new symptom. I thought it just might be important.

Keller:
I don't see how a tingling sensation in your knees relates to this condition, especially since you're the only one experiencing it.

Sheppard:
You showing any signs?

McKay:
Headache.

Sheppard:
Yeah, same here.

McKay:
Five bucks says you start losing your memories first.

Sheppard:
Rodney!

[Rodney is starting to forget things]

Teyla [to Dr. McKay]:
What is the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter?

McKay:
Well, that's pi, it's 3.14159265 etc, etc... Oh, t-that doesn't count, that's easy.

Teyla:
You are a scientist, Rodney, that is what you care about, that is what you will hang on to the longest.

McKay:
Right, right, so... [pause] Wait a minute, doesn't that make me a really bad person?

Teyla:
It makes you the type of person who is going to save all our lives.

[Everyone in Atlantis has lost their memory, apart from Teyla and Ronon. Ronon tells Lorne to take out a polaroid from his vest pocket, upon which is written "Colonel John Sheppard. He is your commanding officer. Trust him!"]

Sheppard:
That's right, I'm your Commanding officer, so you should do what I say.

Maj. Lorne:
Yes, sir. What are our orders?

[Sheppard, confused for a moment, turns to Ronon]

Sheppard:
Do what he says.

Keller:
Ibuprofen. Helps with the pain and swelling.

Teyla:
Yes, Dr. McKay uses them frequently, along with antihistamines, antacids, motion-sickness pills…

Keller:
You forgot the prescription I wrote him for restless leg syndrome.

[Teyla has caught a squid-looking creature for dinner]

Teyla:
The taste leaves much to be desired but it will sustain you.

Keller:
[grimacing] Oh, no thanks. I'm not hungry.

Teyla:
You should eat.

Keller:
[to herself] This was my least favourite part of 'Survivor'.

Ronon:
[About the Bola Kai] Don't worry. They're primitive. We can handle them.

McKay:
Define 'primitive'.

Ronon:
Clubs and arrows.

McKay:
Hey, arrows can hurt!

Ronon:
Only if you're stupid enough to get hit in the ass with one.

Nabel:
You're a doctor, a healer, not a killer.

Keller:
You're right, I am a healer. But first I need something to heal. [shoots him in the knee]

[regarding psychic powers]

McKay:
Well, gee, let me think. Umm, no. Look, in a mechanical, Newtonian universe, not a problem. I mean, you know enough variables, you can predict the outcome; but quantum physics blows that out of the water.

Carter:
You have had more experience with the Wraith than just about anyone, and in particular with this Wraith. You have a history.

Sheppard:
Well, it's not like we're dating.

Todd:
I believe among your people it is customary to shake hands.

[Todd offers his right hand to Col. Carter. Everyone in the room points their guns at the Wraith. He begins to laugh and waves his hand disparagingly.]

Todd:
Just a little Wraith humour. [laughs]

Ronon:
That's it? That's your superweapon?

McKay:
Well, what were you expecting?

Ronon:
A big gun? Something that goes boom?

Sheppard:
Have you learned any new information yet?

Agent Barrett:
No, not yet. The NID is liaising with CSIS [pronounced see-sis] on the ground. They are expecting us.

Sheppard:
C-what now?

McKay:
Canadian Security Intelligence Services. They're kind of like your CIA.

Sheppard:
[sarcastically] CSIS, that's the best you guys can do, huh?

Jeannie:
I can't believe I am betting my life on your sense of direction!

McKay:
What are you talking about?! I've got an excellent sense of direction!

Jeannie:
Oh, really? Remember when we went to West Edmonton Mall and Dad had to call the police to find you?

McKay:
That mall was huge!

Jeannie:
There were maps every seven metres!

McKay:
Misleading ones!

Jeannie:
[about Katie Brown] So, are you gonna marry her?

McKay:
I don't know.

Jeannie:
You've been dating over a year now.

McKay:
[irritated] I'm aware of that, thank you!

Jeannie:
You think you're gonna find someone better?

McKay:
No, it's not that.

Jeannie:
[laughing] 'Cause you're not!

[Ronon is eating in the commissary, looking on in boredom as Walter rambles until Sheppard enters]

Ronon:
[hopeful] Tell me you have something!

Sheppard:
Devlin Medical Technologies.

Ronon:
That means...

Sheppard:
You've got somebody to point your gun at.

Ronon:
[enthused] Sweet!

Jeannie:
And I'm gonna hold this over your head, for like - forever.

McKay:
Oh, that's totally fair.

Jeannie:
Like, you're gonna eat a lot of vegetarian food ... and not complain about it.

McKay:
Sure, sure.

Jeannie:
And you're gonna read Madison three stories instead of her usual two.

McKay:
Right.

Jeannie:
You're gonna buy me a car.

McKay:
Let's not get out of control here...

Jeannie:
A nice car. Hybrid.

Replicator John:
Have we made any progress?

Replicator Rodney:
Yeah, the Gate's not working.

Replicator John:
I think we figured that much last week when you broke it.

Sheppard:
[upon seeing his clone] Great. The last time I came face to face with myself I ended up kicking my own ass.

Replicator Rodney:
[excited] Humanity is about to benefit from the world's greatest mind - times two.

McKay:
Can you imagine?

Replicator John:
I'm trying not to.

Replicator John:
Wait a minute. we can't go back to Atlantis because we're a security risk.

Sheppard:
He - I have a point.

McKay:
[To Sheppard] If this works, we should be able to track every Aurora-class Replicator ship in the galaxy in realtime.

[A few ships show up on the screen, each one accompanied by an audible blip]

McKay:
Well, that's not so bad. I guess the Wraith have really taken a toll.

[More blips, the number of ships doubles]

McKay:
On the other hand, my duplicate did say they were building more...

[More blips, still more ships appear]

McKay:
A lot more.

[The screen fades out. After a beat, more blips are heard]

McKay:
Oh, crap...

[the Apollo and Daedalus have arrived at Atlantis]

McKay:
Both ships at the same time. This is a first.

Carter:
Well, it's the first time we've needed them.

[Sheppherd and Rodney both give her a pointed look]

Carter:
[embarrassed] Well, since I've been here...

Col. Caldwell:
Colonel.

Col. Ellis:
Colonel.

[They turn to Carter]

Col. Caldwell:
Colonel.

Col. Carter:
Colonels.

[They turn to Sheppard]

Col. Ellis:
Colonel.

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
Colonels.

Dr. McKay:
[grimacing] Seriously?

McKay:
Look, you don't know me. This is when I'm at my best. This is when I shine: impossible deadlines! Did I ever tell you about the time I once got a damaged Ancient hyperdrive system online moments before me and my crew were incinerated by a supervolcano?

Todd:
[sighing and rolling eyes] Yes. You have.

McKay:
Ellis is gonna love this. I don't get it. We tried reconfiguring your stand-down code; we tried programming the nanites to turn themselves off. Something should've worked.

Todd:
: They are a very complex and ingenious design.

McKay:
Yeah, well, I thought I was ingeniouser.

[Todd looks at Rodney and starts to say something, but is cut off]

McKay:
Yes, I know it's not a word, Mr. Helpful.

McKay:
I mean, it'll take them some time to adapt, to figure out how to function within the new parameters.

Carter:
How much time?

McKay:
Well, I mean, I hate to speculate.

Sheppard:
Oh? Since when?

Zelenka:
I must say, Rodney, this is quite an ingenious idea.

McKay:
[smug] Were you expecting anything less?

Zelenka:
[hesitant] Well...

McKay:
Well what?

Zelenka:
Well, you have been in a bit of a rut lately.

McKay:
[indignant] I have not!

Zelenka:
OK, well, like a dry spot, maybe.

McKay:
That is not true.

Zelenka:
OK...

McKay:
It is not!

Zelenka:
I'm all yours. What would you like to try now?

McKay:
Actually, unencumbered by the continual need to explain things to you, I've actually made remarkable progress.

Zelenka:
Oh, really?

McKay:
Mmm. [they start walking into the lab] The systems the Ancients had in place were designed to create fully functional humanoid replicants, right?

Zelenka:
[suddenly pensive] ...yes.

McKay:
Well, turns out that trying to create something much simpler is - ironically - much more difficult. In the end I was forced to compromise.

Zelenka:
Wait, you're not suggesting that...

McKay:
Ah, I know it wasn't part of the plan but it was either this or nothing.

[Arriving at the Ancient table, Rodney gestures to...]

FRAN:
[smiling warmly at Radek] Hello.

Zelenka:
[somewhere between shock, horror, and awe] ...oh, my.

[McKay is describing his plan of eliminating the Replicators]

Dr. McKay:
[casually] Whole planet will be destroyed in the process.

Larrin:
You don't mess around, do you?

[aboard the Daedalus approaching the Replicator homeworld]

FRAN:
This is quite exciting.

McKay:
It's a bit nerve-wracking, yeah.

FRAN:
I quite look forward to it.

McKay:
...you do?

FRAN:
Yes. One always wishes to achieve one's purpose.

McKay:
Right. And you're...okay with this?

FRAN:
Of course. Why would I not be? It's my reason for being.

McKay:
Well, you know, you're going to...cease to be.

FRAN:
[matter-of-factly] Yes.

McKay:
Well, I just...I just imagined you'd rather keep being than, uh ... uh, than not.

[Zelenka, in the background, edges away looking uncomfortable]

FRAN:
Surely you're not worried for me, Doctor?

McKay:
Worried? No, of course not. That would be silly.

FRAN:
Yes. It would.

[McKay nods and steps away, whispering to Zelenka]

McKay:
Should never have given it speech...

Dr. McKay:
[About to be 'almost' fed on by a Wraith Queen] Great, in my entire life I was never chosen first. And now fate decides to restore the balance.

[referring to Ronon's latest injury]

Keller:
Another sparring accident?

Ronon:
Actually... I slipped in the shower.

Keller:
Really?

Ronon:
No, sparring accident. [grins]

Keller:
This is the third time this week I've had to patch you up... You know, there are a lot of other ways you could spend your free time.

Ronon:
Not as much fun though.

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
[Typing in Rodney's password, who thinks Sheppard can't remember it] 16431879196842. See, it doesn't take a genius.

Teyla:
I-it doesn't?

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
1643 is the year Isaac Newton was born. 1879, Einstein. And 1968...

Teyla:
The year Rodney was born.

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
Never underestimate the size of that man's ego.

Teyla:
Weren't there other numbers?

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
42.

Teyla:
What is that?

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
It's the ultimate answer to the great question of life, the universe and everything.

[Teyla stares at him blankly.]

[Ronon and Dr. Keller tried to blow a door open with an oxygen tank, like in Jaws. The door stays shut.]

Ronon:
A lot stronger than a shark.

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
[to Rodney] More searching, less complaining.

Dr. McKay:
Sorry, I'm hungry. When I'm hungry, I get cranky.

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
And when you get cranky, you get hit.

Dr. McKay:
Okay, okay....

[Talking over the radio]:

Genii:
Theoron come in.

[pause]:

Genii:
Theoron come in.

Dr. Mckay:
If we don't respond, they're gonna investigate.

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
[disguising his voice badly] Theoron here.

Genii:
What's your status?

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
Good.

Genii:
Elaborate.

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
Real good.

[after unveiling a painting depicting a heroic McKay and a cowering Sheppard]

Dr. McKay:
Yeah, pretty much how I remember it.

Ronon:
I watched it last night. There was hardly any fighting.

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
It's not about fighting.

Ronon:
Then why's it called Blades of Glory?

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
It is about skate blades.

Ronon:
And this is a real sport? Men and women dancing around on ice?

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
Unfortunately.

Ronon:
Your planet's weird.

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
You can say that again.

[Referring to Ava Dixon]

Ronon Dex:
So, um, what happened to the rest of her?

Dr. Lee:
Oh, uh, they deactivated the bond between her nanites, effectively breaking her into base elements.

[Ronon looks at Sheppard in confusion]

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
They scrapped her.

[Ronon smiles faintly]

[talking to two young boys]

Col. Carter:
If you help us, we'll get you whatever you want.

McKay:
Oh yes, good, great idea, yes.

Col. Carter:
Thanks.

McKay:
Maybe you should show them your…

Col. Carter:
Excuse me?

McKay:
I was once a 10-year old boy too, I know what gets their attention.

Col. Carter:
McKay…

McKay:
What, you want to get out of here or not?

Col. Carter:
I think we can reason with them without resorting to that, thank you.

McKay:
If you say so. (looks hopefully at Keller)

Dr. Keller:
Whoa whoa whoa, wait wait, don't pull me up!

McKay:
What?! Why?

Dr. Keller:
I see LIGHT!!

McKay:
No no no no no! Don't go toward the light! You want to stay in the land of the living!!

[Ronon and Teal'c are fighting in front of a cheering crowd. Carter walks up and approaches Sheppard.]

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
Colonel, wanna place a bet?

Col. Carter:
What's going on here?

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
Just a friendly sparring match.

Col. Carter:
It looks anything but friendly.

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
No, it's good for them. They're just blowing off some steam.

Col. Carter:
How long have they been at it?

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
About an hour or so.

Col. Carter:
An hour?

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
Not even taking any breaks.

Col. Carter:
They are now.

[On seeing one of the SGC's dead personnel]

Ronon:
He was fed on by the Wraith. That's not a good way to go.

Teal'c:
Indeed.

Ronon:
You say that a lot.

Teal'c:
What?

Ronon:
"Indeed".

Teal'c:
Do I?

Ronon:
Yeah.

Teal'c:
I had not noticed.

[After the station's self-destruct sequence is triggered]

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
Rodney?

Dr. McKay:
We've made a terrible mistake -- we never should have revived Kavanagh!

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
He turned on the self-destruct?!

Dr. Kavanagh:
[defensively] Not on purpose!

[After using Ronon's gun to kill a Wraith]

Teal'c:
[examining the gun] I would very much like to have a weapon such as this.

Ronon:
[taking the gun from Teal'c] Yeah. Get in line.

Teyla:
I knew you would doubt me. I should not have said anything.

Dr. McKay:
Hey, I've been cocooned inside an alien spacecraft; I've had another person living inside me; I've encountered not one, but two different versions of myself, so who am I to judge? If you say it was a vision, then I believe it was a vision.

[jump cut to McKay and Sheppard walking to the control room]

Dr. McKay:
I seriously doubt it was a vision.

Teyla:
I purchased the pendant from an artisan in Croya, the village we are about to visit. Among the Athosians, it's quite common to present such gifts as expressions of admiration and respect.

Ronon:
[to McKay] Hey. Maybe I'll pick you something up while we're there.

Dr. McKay:
Really?

Ronon:
No.

[On M2S-181, Teyla and Lorne's team walk through the market.]

Maj. Lorne:
[nostalgically] Kind of reminds me of the flea markets they used to have back home. Every Sunday, stroll down to the Bay area, find pretty much anything you wanted. [He looks at a few of the more "shady" stalls.] And a lot of things you didn't.

[Teyla and Lorne are interrogating a trader who has been selling Athosian jewelry. He is bound in a chair in a dark room but it still refusing to talk.]

Maj. Lorne:
[doing the bad-cop routine] I don't give a damn about your trade secrets. We wanna know where you got this stuff.

Trader:
And if I don't tell you, what are you gonna do? I recognise those uniforms; I've heard the stories. People from Atlantis - do-gooders of the galaxy. You wouldn't hurt me.

Teyla:
[steps out of the shadows of the room] I am wearing no uniform.

Trader:
[noticing her obvious pregnancy] A pregnant woman! How intimidating!

[Teyla takes a branch, presses it to the man's chest, and shoves him and his chair over. He lands with a thud.]

Teyla:
I will inform the villagers that you are a Wraith-worshipper and let them determine their own justice.

Todd:
[after Sheppard's team points weapons at two Wraith guards moving a Wraith corpse] Ah, don't mind them. They're just here to help with the clean-up.

Todd:
Obviously there is more you want from me, or you would not have come.

Ronon:
Maybe we just came to kill ya.

Todd:
[unafraid] Did you?

Sheppard:
Unfortunately, no.

Todd:
Well, there's always next time.

Sheppard:
Rodney?

Dr. McKay:
One of our people - Teyla - was taken by a Dart today.

Todd:
[flippantly] I suppose she's already made some lucky Wraith a very tasty meal.

[John, Rodney and Ronon step into a doorway, aiming their weapons ... and stop and stare in total disbelief at what they see. A man is sitting on a bunk inside the room, dressed in a grey prison outfit. He sighs in relief at the sight of them.]

Dr. Beckett:
Finally. It's about bloody time. [standing up] What took you so long?

Todd:
[after Sheppard has refused to help him] You always say that- but you always come around.

Dr. Beckett:
Aye, you're damned right it is! First you tell me I'm not the only Carson Beckett, and then you tell me the other one died in a horrible explosion! [suddenly coming to a realization] Oh my God! My mother! You didn't tell her, did you?

Dr. McKay:
Well...yeah.

Dr. Beckett:
Good Lord!

Dr. Beckett:
[after Sheppard assists him in putting on his pack] Thank you. I must be a wee bit rusty.

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
You're not rusty, Doc. You were just never very good at this.

Dr. Beckett:
Fair enough!

Beckett, McKay and Keller are in the infirmary and Keller had just told Beckett that he's a clone and needs to take a weekly injection to keep his internal organs from shutting down, one they don't have in Atlantis.

Dr. Beckett:
My Lord. No wonder I've felt like a dog's breakfast ever since I got here.

(Note:
This is probably a hint to David Hewlett's movie, A Dog's Breakfast, in which Paul McGillion participated)

Dr. McKay:
[before freezing Beckett in stasis] You know, I was toying with the idea of programming dreams into these things. Interested? I could have you fishing in the Highlands...with a couple of tall blonde massage therapists?

Dr. Beckett:
No, Rodney. I'll be fine.

Sheppard:
You're telling me I just traveled forty eight thousand years into the future in ten seconds?

McKay:
I know - it is kind of cool when you think about it, isn't it?

Sheppard:
Surfing a thirty foot wave in Waimea is cool. Dating a supermodel is cool. This is not cool!

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
The city has solar-powered generators, right?

Dr. McKay:
Yes, which would come in very handy if we were trying to power a couple of electric golf carts.

Todd:
[explaining his plan to destroy Michael's facility] I was going to write an elaborate program designed to slowly create a fatal error in the primary capacitor, but I doubt there'll be time for that now.

Ronon:
I was just gonna blow it up.

Todd:
[exasperated] Naturally.

Dr. McKay:
[voiceover] I was down in the Infirmary, having suffered a, uh, well, pretty serious injury.

Dr. Keller:
[in the past, talking to Rodney on a bed in the infirmary] It's a splinter.

Dr. McKay:
Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

Dr. McKay:
Look, um, I know you've already been debriefed about the future events - all the things we were hoping to avoid - but there's just one more thing I need to know.

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
What?

Dr. McKay:
Did I still have hair?

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
[pausing] No.

(Sheppard has returned to Atlantis to find the city abandoned and powerless, and that the ocean has been replaced by sand dunes as far as the eye can see).

Lt. Col. Sheppard:
(as he desperately waves his hands over control panels trying to activate anything) Okay, this is either the most elaborate pratical joke of all time, or I'm in serious trouble here.