The Newsroom, Season 2

Rebecca Halliday:
Fourteen months ago you went on the air and called the Tea Party the American Taliban.

Will:
I did.

Rebecca Halliday:
And?

Will:
The Taliban resented it.

Charlie:
Hey, money skirt!

Sloan:
The day will come when we have an HR rep who cares what goes on on this floor. And on that day, sir, I will dance upon your grave.

Charlie:
Reciting stock quotes and wearing a skirt?

Sloan:
How much time do I have to formulate a comeback?

Charlie:
That was it. The first thing out of your mouth is the comeback - you wasted yours on a question about comebacks. [pause] Fantasy football draft starts in 10 minutes.

Sloan:
I know. I'm the commissioner.

Charlie:
Your parents must be proud.

Sloan:
They are. I was elected unanimously.

Charlie:
You were unopposed - just like when you were elected class treasurer.

Sloan:
That was an important job.

Charlie:
It wasn't.

Sloan:
Why does it have to be like this?

Charlie:
Because you're a nerd and I'm a nerd and you make nerds look bad.

Sloan:
No, I make nerds look good.

Jennifer Johnson:
Excuse me.

Charlie:
He'll be out in a minute.

Jennifer Johnson:
I'll come back.

Charlie:
Do I know you?

Jennifer Johnson:
I'm Jenna Johnson. I just started as an intern.

Charlie:
You look familiar.

Will:
[emerging from bathroom] Say "Why is America the greatest country in the world?"

Jennifer Johnson:
[sighs] Why is America the greatest--

Charlie:
You're the sorority girl!

Jennifer Johnson:
That's what I'm most famous for.

Charlie:
[to Will] You hired her?

Will:
I'm benevolent.

Will:
[to Jennifer] There are eight Broadway musicals that have won the Pulitzer Prize for drama. In five minutes, I need you to name them, the composer, lyricist, librettist, and source material, if any.

Jennifer Johnson:
I need your--

Will:
Go.

[Johnson leaves]

Charlie:
You make the interns learn musical theater history?

Will:
You're welcome, America.

Will:
I don't think there's an immoral way to kill terrorists.

Mac:
There's an illegal way and we're doing it.

Will:
I don't care.

Mac:
'Cause you were taken off the 9/11 anniversary coverage?

Will:
Yes!

Mac:
I knew you were upset.

Will:
Of course I'm-- Are you kidding me? I'm flipping out! - Holy shit, Mac. What the f*** did I do?

Mac:
I know. It feels bad.

Will:
I used to be exactly the person that you wanted to see in these moments.

Mac:
I know.

Will:
I don't mean the old days. Like a year ago.

Mac:
You still are.

Will:
I remind people of the enemy? Jesus!

Mac:
Every blond-haired guy from Nebraska reminds people of Muslim extremists. There's nothing you can do.

Will:
Don't try to make me laugh.

Mac:
You can blame it all on me.

Will:
If there was a way to blame it on you, don't you think I would have done that by now? I've got Roger Daltrey screaming, "You better, you better, you bet" in my ear.

Mac:
When I was little, I asked my uncle how much a lawyer costs. He said if it's bad, 300 pounds. If it's really bad, 400 pounds. And if it's really bad and you're guilty... How much do you cost?

Rebecca Halliday:
$1,500 an hour.

Jerry Dantana:
I need to tell you a story Cyrus West told me last night after the panel.

Mac:
Cyrus West question mark? Hmm, ellipses.

Jerry Dantana:
I booked a bad guest. How long do you guys give people shit in New York?

Mac:
Ask A-Rod.

Maggie:
If it goes to voice mail after two rings, they saw your name and sent you to voice mail.

Sloan:
Really?

Maggie:
Four rings they're not there, two rings they don't wanna talk to you.

Sloan:
All right, I have to retrace my entire life now.

Neal:
Prison really changes a man. You get a lot of thinking done.

Tamara:
How long were you in there?

Neal:
About an hour. Hour and 15 minutes. It's slow time.

Mac:
Isn't it enough that they love you? They'd walk into fire for you.

Will:
For you.

Mac:
For you. I'm usually the one setting the fire.

Will:
I'm not allowed to make that suggestion on television.

Charlie:
Make it anytime you want. We're protected.

Will:
Oh, you mean the tape.

Charlie:
The tape, baby, the tape. We're like made men. We're like Joe Pesci in "Goodfellas."

Will:
He got shot.

Charlie:
Before he got shot.

Will:
Before he got shot, he wasn't a made man.

Charlie:
We're like James Caan in "The Godfather."

Will:
Also shot. Many, many times.

Charlie:
Who are we like?

Will:
Two guys who have a tape of their boss admitting to phone hacking.

Charlie:
How do these people boo a soldier? How do the candidates say nothing? And how are you a member of this party?

Will:
I'm changing it from within.

Charlie:
Like Pacino in "Scarface."

Will:
Have you ever seen any of these movies?

Charlie:
I should.

Will:
Don't mock this.

Charlie:
It's literally impossible not to.

Nina Howard:
The message said--

Will:
You don't have to say what it said.

Nina Howard:
It said--

Will:
It's all right.

Nina Howard:
It said, "Hey, Mac, it's me. Look, I'm not just saying this because I'm high. I've never stopped loving you. You were spectacular tonight." Then there's a pause and you say, "Can you believe we got Obama?"

Will:
Everyone's gonna close their eyes including me, and the person who couldn't keep their mouth shut is gonna raise their hand. That wouldn't work. That doesn't make any sense.

Will:
I sit down with her...

Charlie:
No.

Will:
I tell her exactly what happened...

Charlie:
(stretched out and kind of singsongy) Noohoohoo.

Will:
And I appeal...

Charlie:
To what?

Will:
To her God given humanity.

Charlie:
God didn't give her humanity. That's why she's a gossip columnist.

Will:
God gave us all humanity.

Charlie:
Let's look at the tape of people boo-ing a guy while he was in the middle of saving their lives.

Will:
I have no explanation for that.

Mac:
The blog isn't accomplishing what it should. And even though I can't tell you specifically what to change, I want a complete overhaul.

Neal:
I see, you're doing a topical satire of OWS.

Mac:
Well, I'm not willing to say exactly what I'm doing, because I don't want it corrupted by the media.

Maggie:
I'm Dutch.

Rebecca:
Well, then f*** you!

Mac:
Hey, how was your weekend?

Sloan:
It was good. It was good and then I saw Titanic for the first time.

Mac:
You'd never seen it before?

Sloan:
You know how I am about sad movies and the title suggested it wasn't gonna end well. But I still didn't see it coming. Mac, what is more important than the people you-- Kodak is dropping like a sack of flour. I'll never let go, Kodak. I'll never let go.

Jim:
It's been six months. You're unpredictable and moody. You're unpleasant and volatile and begging for a fight.

Maggie:
All that's on my Match.com profile.

Shep Pressman:
They've got a huge crazy problem, Charlie. Black and white can live together. Christian and Muslim. But you can't have most of the world living in the 21st century and the rest living in the eighth century. Unless they're willing to limit themselves to eighth century weapons. They've got a big f***ing crazy problem which simply is not addressed in Common Article I of the Geneva Conventions.

Will:
Well, I guess it's just us now.

General Stomtonovich:
What are you doing in my garbage cans?

Mac:
We ran over them with our rental car.

Charlie:
We're just gonna get this cleaned up.

General Stomtonovich:
Were you texting?

Mac:
No, sir. It was regular negligence.

Jim:
Listen to me, I'd like dinner to last

Neal:
You don't like to linger.

Jim:
I'm doing my lingering somewhere else tonight, so we're not ordering anything that takes a long time to prepare. We're not ordering anything well-done. We're not ordering anything cooked. It's okay with me if we don't order anything.

Neal:
It's not going to be okay with the restaurant.

Jim:
Screw the restaurant, Neal. The restaurant hasn't not seen his girlfriend in a month. The restaurant's girlfriend isn't wearing cocktail attire.

Mac:
Are you religious?

Don:
In my way.

Mac:
Me, too. I think the way you know you've broken one of God's rules is if you can't put it back together again.

Charlie:
We had a story that the US used sarin gas on a village in Pakistan and we went. Anybody would have. Most people would have gone months earlier. To not go would have been to participate in the biggest cover-up since--These were war crimes. It was a Sunday special report. Neilson tracking showed it was gonna be a monster audience--Three and a half, four million. It ended up closer to six. By 10:05, I knew we had a problem. None of it was true.

Charlie:
He says he never said they used sarin.

Mac:
It's on film.

Charlie:
He says he never said that.

Mac:
It's on film.

Charlie:
I knew this would happen.

Will:
It happens all the time. These guys get cold feet or someone at the DOD begs them to recant.

Mac:
What's he saying we did?

Charlie:
Edited him out of context.

Mac:
Did you tell him we have the raw footage?

Charlie:
Yea.

Mac:
Raw footage isn't edited out of context. It isn't edited at all.

Charlie:
I told him that.

Mac:
What did he say?

Charlie:
He said he was gonna kill me.

Will:
Did he say it the way Mac says it to me or did it seem like he meant it?

Mac:
I mean it when I say it to you.

Charlie:
He was very upset.

Mac:
Tell him I'm gonna go right now to look at the raw interview again and that he can look at it with me if he wants.

Charlie:
All right.

Will:
We knew things were gonna happen.

Charlie:
Yeah. [stepping out the door] Chemical weapons expert wants to kill me. I make the worst enemies. Seriously, I'm a perfectly nice guy.

Don:
This is the very last polling data taken before the polls open tomorrow.

Rebecca Halliday:
Who's gonna win?

Don:
The president will be reelected. But Tulsi Gabbard's gonna win in Hawaii's second. She'll be the first Samoan in Congress. And Kerry Bentivolio is gonna take the seat vacated by Thaddeus McCotter, who came out with my pick for the best resignation statement of all time. "The recent event's totalities of calumnies, indignities and deceits have weighed most heavily upon my family. Thus, acutely aware one cannot rebuild their hearth among the ruins of their US House office, for the sake of my loved ones, I must strike another match, go start anew by embracing the promotion back from public servant to sovereign citizen." Sounds like he and his friends Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are about to take a journey by sea to ask the Duke of Verona for his most kind blessing.

Rebecca Halliday:
I like you, Keefer.

Don:
My trust in Maggie has nothing to do with anything but the right things.

Jennifer Johnson:
Piers Morgan and Rihanna had a Twitter fight about her haircut.

Neal:
I'll give you $100 if you go pitch that to Will.

Will:
How much of what you're saying do you believe right now?

Charlie:
60%

Will:
I thought it was in the mid-80s. You pulled it off.

Charlie:
Experience.

Charlie:
We're gonna resign, Leona. It's what has to happen now. Elliot Hirsch, Sloan Sabbith, Terry Smith, Dayside ACN, ACN. We understand the integrity of the news is more important--

Leona Lansing:
Than one individual. That is beautiful. Not as beautiful as Daniel Craig.

Charlie:
Leona.

Leona Lansing:
I'd have sent my plane.

Charlie:
We're not f***ing around.

Leona Lansing:
You will resign when I fire you out of petty malice and not before.

Charlie:
Our trust numbers are--

Leona Lansing:
Yeah, they're bad.

Charlie:
They're fatal.

Will:
Firing Jerry was obviously the right thing to do, but it wasn't enough and we've known that for two months. Charlie and I have to go.

Leona Lansing:
And Twiggy over here?

Mac:
It was my fault.

Leona Lansing:
McMac. Can I call you McMac? Doesn't matter, I'm gonna anyway, McMac. Your head's up your ass.

Mac:
Mrs. Lansing.

Leona Lansing:
Guy comes in here into my hizzy-- guy comes in here, cooks an interview, no remorse. It goes on air. You, I don't know what you'd do to Sherlock Holmes this thing. I wouldn't be able to figure it out and I'm the smartest person in the room.

Will:
Well, I wouldn't go that--

Leona Lansing:
Oh, shut the f*** up, you Daniel Craig wannabe.

Will:
I don't want to be Daniel Craig.

Leona Lansing:
Well, you should want to be Daniel Craig. Everybody should.

Will:
Leona, are you stoned?

Leona Lansing:
[catching sight of her own reflection in a window] You know, my makeup lasts a long time.

Will:
Oh, jeez.

Mac:
Mrs. Lansing.

Leona Lansing:
No, no, please, call me-- Continue to call me Mrs. Lansing.

Will:
Leona--

Leona Lansing:
Guy comes into my house which I love. Which I bet you guys didn't know. But I love it. I love ACN. You don't make me a nickel and you cause headaches for the divisions that do, but you make me-- You make me so proud. God, guy comes in here, cooks an interview, and this ends up with-- 'Cause he's unemployable he gets a $5 million settlement and the three of you leave? Oh, I don't think so. And McMac. That's a name that's really starting to grow on me. She doesn't have to go. Nobody's ever heard of her. But she's going to do the honorable thing. And what's expected of me, huh? Not to do the honorable thing? What's expected of me? No, I do not accept your resignations! And Jerry Dantana's not gonna get one f***ing dollar! I got some kick-ass courtroom outfits.

Will:
You have to accept our resignations and you have to settle. He'll take it to trial and win. There was an institutional failure and he was the only one fired.

Rebecca Halliday:
Then you'll need a good lawyer. Lee, don't accept their resignations.

Leona Lansing:
I already wasn't accepting their resignations, Becca. Don't horn in on my honorable thing. God, I mean, can't a lady have--

Charlie:
[in desperation] Leona, we don't have the trust of the public anymore!

Leona Lansing:
Get it back!

Charlie:
If a news outlet doesn't have credibility, it doesn't matter what else it has. That's a fact. There are people here from Jane Barrow, Terry Smith, everyone at the DC bureau to Sloan Sabbith, Elliot Hirsch, everyone on Dayside, these people don't deserve to have a piano strapped to their back. Their credibility shouldn't-- (to Rebecca) When did you arrive here?

Rebecca:
I'm stealthy.

Charlie:
I think it's commendable and pretty shocking that you want to do something just because it's the right thing to do, but it's not the right thing to do.

Reese:
I know.

Charlie:
What do you mean?

Reese:
I think you were responsible for a massive f***up. I think Will was the face of a massive f***up. I think firing a mid-level producer appears to be an abdication of responsibility. Now we're gonna have to read about Jim and Maggie and Don and Jim and Maggie and Don and Maggie and Mac and Will and did Sloan punch a guy in the face?

Charlie:
Yeah.

Rebecca:
The train, she is wrecked.

Charlie:
Why are you gleeful?

Rebecca:
I'm on the right team for once and I get really paid.

Charlie:
Are you saying you agree?

Reese:
I think your resignation should be accepted immediately and we should write Dantana a check and get to the business of rebooting this once respected brand.

Charlie:
Then why don't you?

Reese:
[sheepishly] My mom says I can't.

Maggie:
There's a difference between being tough and wanting to be. You and Mac are tough. Don's tough. I want to be.

Jim:
You are.

Maggie:
You know when I first noticed you?

Jim:
When I ran into the room and got tackled by Mac's luggage? Did you know--

Maggie:
No. It was funny, but I didn't notice you until later. There was a beep. It was an iNews alert. But it was yellow.

[Flashback]

Jim:
You've got a news alert.

[Current]

Maggie:
Nobody was paying attention to it.

Jim:
It was yellow.

Maggie:
You clicked on it anyway. You couldn't help yourself.

Jim:
You ran back into the building.

Maggie:
He's dead and I'm alive.

Jim:
That's what I'd keep in mind.

Taylor:
It's after midnight now and I feel like I can ask a question.

Sloan:
Sure.

Taylor:
I meant to Will.

Will:
Yes.

Taylor:
Who did you vote for today?

Will:
You know I'm not answering that.

Taylor:
I thought you might because you revealed your party affiliation on the air last year.

Will:
I did. I identified myself as a Republican because I thought it was fair to give to the viewer given the commentary I was delivering.

Taylor:
A commentary that ended with you calling the Tea Party the American Taliban.

Will:
Yes.

Taylor:
And in the body of the commentary - was a blistering indictment of Republicans.

Will:
Exactly the opposite. It was a blistering indictment of people who aren't Republicans.

Taylor:
Well, who's to say who is and who isn't?

Will:
On that night, I did.

Taylor:
I want to remind you you asked me to pursue this area.

Will:
I understand.

Taylor:
And I'm wondering, with all respect, do you call yourself a Republican so you can make a claim to credibility when you attack the GOP?

Will:
No, I call myself a Republican 'cause I am one. I believe in market solutions and I believe in common sense realities and the necessity to defend ourselves against a dangerous world and that's about it. Problem is now I have to be homophobic. I have to count the number of times people go to church. I have to deny facts and think scientific research is a long con. I have to think poor people are getting a sweet ride. And I have to have such a stunning inferiority complex that I fear education and intellect in the 21st century. But most of all, the biggest new requirement, really the only requirement, is that I have to hate Democrats. And I have to hate Chris Christie for not spitting on the president when he got off Air Force One. The two-party system is crucial to the whole operation. There's honor in being the loyal opposition. And I'm a Republican for the same reasons you are. So I hope your voice gets louder in the next four years.

Taylor:
Well, I don't like losing, so count on it.

Charlie:
You ever read Jedediah Purdy, For Common Things?

Will:
No.

Charlie:
He talks about cynical times. People having terminal irony with a studied refusal to hope or care openly. Does that sound like us?

Will:
No.

Charlie:
No. Have you asked yourself tonight why we never reported the Petraeus story?

Will:
The Petraeus?

Charlie:
Remember? David Petraeus is resigning on Thursday.

Will:
We didn't report it.

Charlie:
That's funny.

Will:
I forgot. Yeah.

Charlie:
It's because we never made the trade. The decision was that the other story had information voters needed, the Petraeus story didn't. Not that many voters. It would have affected maybe a few thousand, tops. In one district, one seat. As opposed to breaking two days early what will be a giant story. Breaking it in front of an Election Night audience. And the decision to decline the trade was made instantly and unanimously. Don pushed back reflexively, but he came around in seven seconds. Don. We've come a long way. I'm not resigning. And neither are you. What, are we out of our f***ing minds? Dantana doctored the tape. That's what happened, Will. We know the truth and the mob doesn't. When did we decide it was an institutional failure? We waited 11 months. We know people who would have gone after the second red team meeting or even the first. You agree with what I'm saying?

Will:
I believe, except for the things we did wrong, we did everything right. And I can't live with Mac taking the blame for--

Charlie:
We'll get the audience's trust back. Like Leona said, we're gonna overcome the terminal irony. And the laundry list of embarrassing things in the complaint? I've got to tell you, I'm not embarrassed. The Zimmerman tape, Jim going to New Hampshire, Sloan punching a guy in arbitrage-- I actually like that one. [pause, he notices Will is staring off into space] I can't tell what you're thinking. [pause] Will? It's gotten strange now. Are you able to hear me speaking? She--

Will:
Except for the things she did wrong, she did everything right, too. The rest was me.

Will:
There's a story about a little kid who keeps shredding paper and his parents take him to all kinds of doctors to get him to stop shredding paper. And finally they take him to the most expensive doctor in the world who turns to the kid and he says, "Kid, if you stop shredding paper, your parents will stop dragging you to doctors." And the kid turns to his parents and says, "Why didn't you just say so?"

Mac:
Well, all right, then.

Will:
The point of the story is that the kid could make himself happy by just stopping. I think that's the point. I don't know. I've been trying to figure it out. But I didn't return it. Because I'm in love with you.

Mac:
What did you say?

Will:
And because of-- Will you marry me?

Mac:
Wait.

Will:
I said will you marry me? And before that, I said I'm in love with you. That's-- that's-- That's what I'm getting at. I feel like I can do this so much better if I can have a second.

Mac:
What in the f*** is happening right now?

Will:
If-- if I-- I don't ever want to not be-- No. I love you. I'm gonna go back to that. And will you marry me? And let me just say I really think you should. I think you should say yes. But no matter what you say, there's no chance I am ever gonna hurt you again. And no matter what you say, I'm gonna be in love with you for the rest of my life. There's no way out of that. That's just a physical law of the universe. You own me. No matter what you say--

Mac:
Yes.

Will:
I will never stop--

Mac:
Yes.

Mac:
I'm saying yes.

Will:
You're saying yes?

Mac:
Yes.

Will:
Thank God.

Mac:
Took you long enough.

[Announcing to the office their new engagement]

Will:
I'd like to present the future Mrs. Mackensie Morgan McHale McA- that's not going to work.