True Blood, Season 1

Tara:
"Welcome to Super Save-a-Bunch."

Customer:
"Hi, I'm looking for that thick translucent plastic sheeting. The kind that they hang in front of the doors of walk in refrigerators."

Tara:
"Uh... We don't sell that here. You can try at Home Depot's.

Customer:
"I tried them already, they sent me here."

Tara:
"Aww."

Customer:
"Now I cannot believe you don't have that here. Oh, I don't even know what it's called!"

Tara:
"Sorry."

Customer:
"But you're supposed to have everything!"

Tara:
"Well we don't have that stuff. That you don't even know what it's called."

Customer:
"Your website says that this is the most well stocked store in five parishes! Now, I just drove over an hour from Martha-ville-"

Tara:
"Uh-huh. Does our website have a phone number?"

Customer:
"Well I suppose it does-"

Tara:
"So it never occurred to you before you drove an hour to pick up a phone and call us to see if we stocked whatever the hell it is you're looking for?"

Customer:
"Well I think that if a business chooses to classify it's self as-"

Tara:
"Why didn't you just find it online and have it delivered to your house? Or were you just looking for an excuse to wear them ugly ass clothes."

Customer:
"I would like to speak to your manager!"

Tara:
"Fine! WAILON! Trust me, you are not getting me fired. I am quittin. You were just the f***in catalyst and for that I otta thank you!"

Customer:
"You are a very rude young woman!"

Tara:
"Oh this ain't rude. This is uppity." [slaps Wailon across the face] "That's for pattin my ass to much! Imma get my baby daddy who just got out of prison to come and kick yo teeth in."

Wailon:
"Jesus Tara please don't do anything-"

Tara:
"Oh my god! I'm not serious you pathetic racist! I don't have a baby! Damn! I know y'all have to be stupid but do you have to be that stupid? Shit! F*** this job!"

Lafayette:
You look like a porn star with that tan and pink lipstick. You got a date?

Sookie:
No. When I wear makeup, I get bigger tips.

Lafayette:
[laughing] Yes, girl. Let's hear it! These damn rednecks are suckers for packaging.

Sookie:
And I get even bigger tips when I act like I don't have a brain in my head. But if I don't, they're all scared of me.

Lafayette:
They ain't scared of you, honey child. They're scared of what's between your legs.

Sookie:
Lafayette! That's nasty talk, I won't listen to that.

Arlene:
Do you even know what's between a woman's legs, Lafayette?

Lafayette:
I know ever man, whether straight, gay, or George motherf***in Bush is terrified of the pussy!

Sookie:
Lafayette!

Dawn:
Ooh, what are we talkin about?!

Lafayette:
Pussy.

Arlene:
Hey, listen. Not everybody is gay, okay? Not everybody wants to have sex with you.

Lafayette:
Oh, you would be surprised, Arlene. People you know... that's all I'm sayin.

Dawn:
Well, I don't wanna have sex with you.

Arlene:
Me neither.

Lafayette:
Y'all bitches don't know what you're missing. I got six gears up in these hips!

Dawn:
No, baby. You don't know what you're missing. You can watch it walk away. Make you wanna slap it?

Lafayette:
Everybody know that. Everybody been there. John been there.

Arlene:
Take these, baby. Peaches and cream.

Lafayette:
I'll give you a little cocoa. Little cocoa. Ain't that right, John? Shit.

Sookie:
Hi, what can I - what can I get for you tonight?

Bill:
Do you have any of that synthetic bottled blood?

Sookie:
No, I'm - I'm so sorry. Sam got some a year ago, but nobody ever ordered it, so it went bad. You're our first [whispers] vampire.

Bill:
Am I that obvious?

Sookie:
I knew the minute you came in. I can't believe nobody else around here seems to.

Bill:
[referring to Sam] He does.

Sookie:
Oh, don't worry about Sam, he's cool. I know for a fact he supports the vampire rights amendment.

Bill:
How progressive of him.

Sookie:
Well, anything else you drink?

Bill:
Actually, no. But you can get me a glass of red wine, so I have a reason to be here.

Sookie:
Well, whatever the reason, I'm glad you are!

Denise Rattray:
"This ain't your business you stupid cunt."

Sookie:
"Now see that just proves how low rent you really are."

Denise Rattray:
"You have any idea who you're messing with? You don't want to be on my bad side."

Sookie:
"I'm not so sure you even have another side you no count back woods trash."

Bill:
Aren't you afraid to be out here alone with a hungry vampire?

Sookie:
No.

Bill:
Vampires often turn on those who trust them, you know. We don't have human values like you.

Sookie:
A lot of humans turn on those who trust them, too. [takes out a silver chain and wraps it around her neck] I'm not a total fool.

Bill:
Oh, but you have other very juicy arteries. There is one in the groin that's a particular favorite of mine.

Sookie:
Hey, you just shut your nasty mouth, mister! You might be a vampire, but when you talk to me, you will talk to me like the lady that I am!

Bill:
You want to drink the blood they collected?

Sookie:
[disgusted] No!

Bill:
I understand it makes humans feel more healthy. Improves their sex life.

Sookie:
I am as healthy as a horse, and I have no sex life to speak of, so ... you can just keep it.

Bill:
You could always sell it.

Sookie:
[firmly] I wouldn't touch it.

Bill:
[leans in close] What are you?

Sookie:
Well, I-I'm Soo-I'm Sookie Stackhouse, and I'm a waitress. What's your name?

Bill:
Bill.

Sookie:
[giggles] Bill? I thought it might be Antoine, or Basil, or - or like Langford, maybe. But Bill? Vampire Bill! [laughs]

[Discussing hookers who specialize in vampires]

Gran:
Wonder how much one would charge for something like that?

Jason:
A thousand bucks.

Sookie:
See, now that just makes me sick.

Gran:
I know. What kind of cheap woman could ever do something like that?

Sookie:
No, it makes me sick that they're getting a thousand bucks to lay there and do nothing while I bust my ass for ten bucks an hour plus tips.

[Customer snaps his fingers to get Tara's attention for a drink]

Tara:
Uh-uh! Do - do not snap at me. I have a name. And that name is Tara. Ain't that some f***ed up shit, a black girl being named after a plantation? [laughs softly and then glares] No I don't think it's funny at all. In fact it really pisses me off that my momma was either stupid or just plain mean. Which is why you better be nice if you plan on getting a drink tonight.

Customer:
Sorry ma'am.

Sookie:
[awakes to find Bill licking at her open head wound] Do I taste different from other people?

Bill:
Yes. What are you?

Sookie:
Well, apparently I'm not dead. What I am is telepathic. I can hear people's thoughts.

Bill:
Even mine?

Sookie:
No. That's why I like you so much. I can't hear you at all. You have no idea how peaceful that is after a lifetime of blah, blah, blah.

Bill:
May I ask you a personal question?

Sookie:
Bill, you were just licking blood out of my head. I don't think it gets much more personal than that.

Bill:
There must be some people who know about your talent.

Sookie:
The people closest to me. But - we never talk about it. And I do my best to stay out of their heads. Over the years, I've learned how. I figure it's kind of unethical to listen in to my family, my friends, my boss. But, they know. Other people suspect or they they think I'm psychic. Most people just think I'm crazy.

Bill:
What does it sound like?

Sookie:
It's sort of like a stream of consciousness. Gets weirder when people are mad or upset. Sometimes... sometimes it's just images. I should be gettin' home. [moves to sit up, looks surprised] Wow, I feel completely healed.

Bill:
You are.

Sookie:
Do doctors know that V juice can do this?

Bill:
No, and we wanna keep it that way. I should show you to your car.

Sookie:
How old are you? Am I allowed to ask that?

Bill:
I was made vampire in 1865, when I was thirty human years old.

Sookie:
Wow, you look older than that.

Bill:
Life was harder then.

Sookie:
Were you in the Civil War?

Bill:
I was.

Sookie:
Would you be willing to come and talk to my grandmother's club? It's mostly a bunch of old people who had family in the war. They call themselves Descendants of the Glorious Dead.

Bill:
[incensed] The glorious dead? There is nothing glorious about dying in a war. A bunch of starving, freezing boys killing each other so the rich people can stay rich? Madness.

Sookie:
[pause] I'm sure it was awful.

Bill:
Would it make you happy if I did this?

Sookie:
Oh, it would make my grandmother ecstatic.

Bill:
Would it make you happy?

Sookie:
Well... yes.

Bill:
I'll do it then. I look forward to meeting your grandmother. When may I call on you?

Sookie:
I'm off work tomorrow.

Bill:
Just after dark then.

Sookie:
[standing outside her house] Well, since you're here...

[opens her door, but Bill hesitates]

Sookie:
What's wrong?

Bill:
You have to invite me in. Otherwise, it's physically impossible for me to enter a mortal's home.

Sookie:
Seriously? Well come on, try.

Bill:
I-I can't. I can't even try.

Sookie:
That is so weird! [playfully] Oh Bill, won't you please come in?

Bill:
Thank you.

Sookie:
[blocks his path] So, if I were to withdraw my invitation, would you have to leave?

[Bill nods, embarrassed]

Sookie:
I'll have to remember that.

Sookie:
You said you could glamour somebody into letting you bite them? What is that? Hypnosis?

Bill:
Kinda. It's similar. All humans are susceptible to it.

Sookie:
Have you done it to me?

Bill:
No, and I never will.

Sookie:
Really? Try it.

Bill:
No. I don't feel comfortable with that.

Sookie:
You chicken?

Bill:
[stops walking and stares intensely into her eyes, whispers] Sookie?

Sookie:
[whispers] Yes?

Bill:
Can you feel my influence?

Sookie:
[laughs] No! Not a bit! Sorry.

Bill:
[confused] Sookie, this is very strange.

Sookie:
You don't like not being able to control people, do you? That's not a very attractive trait, Bill.

Bill:
Human are usually more squeamish about vampires than you are.

Sookie:
Who am I to be squeamish about something out of the ordinary?

Bill:
[after Malcolm and his gang have left] I'm sorry you had to witness that. Your visit was unexpected.

Sookie:
What's Hep-D?

Bill:
Hepatitis D is the only blood born pathogen to which we are susceptible. Malcolm must be furious.

Sookie:
Hepatitis?

Bill:
A mutation. Relatively harmless to humans, oddly enough.

Sookie:
I've never even heard of it.

Bill:
That's because we've kept it out of the media.

Sookie:
And it makes you sick for a year?

Bill:
No. It just makes us weak for about a month or so. The biggest danger to us from Hep-D is being captured and staked during that time.

Sookie:
Yeah. You don't want your weaknesses to be public knowledge.

Bill:
Precisely.

Sookie:
And what the hell did you mean, "Sookie is mine"?

Bill:
I was communicating to the others that you are my human and therefore I was the only one who can feed on you.

Sookie:
You most certainly cannot feed on me!

Bill:
Well of course I can't, Sookie. But had they known that, they'd've considered you fair game and I wouldn't have been able to stop them from attacking you. It would be three against one, and Malcolm is much older than I am and quite strong.

Sookie:
And... you and Diane dated?

Bill:
We had sex once, just after she was made vampire back in the late 1930's.

Sookie:
What? Gross. Bill, she's so... they-they're all so mean, so ...

Bill:
Evil. Yes, they are. They share a nest and when vampires live in nests, they become more cruel, more ... vicious. They become laws unto themselves. Whereas vampires such as I, who live alone, are much more likely to hang on to some semblance of our former humanity.

Sookie:
[just getting home and seeing him suddenly] God damn it Bill! How many times do I have to tell you, do not do that!

Bill:
I'm sorry. It wasn't intentional. I just got here. I wanted to make sure that you were safe.

Sookie:
Why can't I hear your thoughts? Do you even have any thoughts?

Bill:
Oh, I have thoughts... many life times of thoughts.

Sookie:
So why can't I hear them?

Bill:
I don't know. Perhaps it's 'cause I don't have brain waves.

Sookie:
Why not?

Bill:
Because I'm dead.

Sookie:
No, you're not! You're standing here, talking to me.

Sookie:
I think we need to stop seeing each other.

Bill:
Why?!

Sookie:
Because you don't breathe. You don't have any electrical whatever it is. Your friends would like nothing more than to rip my throat out and because vampires killed that preacher from the fellowship of the sun church and his wife and baby! You look me in the eye and tell me they didn't do it?

Bill:
Human have killed millions upon millions in senseless wars. I do not hold you responsible for that.

Sookie:
Bill, night before last I had to bury my bloody clothes because I didn't want my grandmother to find out I was almost killed, and tonight I was almost killed again! Why on earth would I continue seeing you?

Bill:
Because you will never find a human man you can be yourself with.

Bill:
[in her dream] Sookie, don't ever sneak up on a vampire. What are you doing here?

Sookie:
All right, here's the deal... and this is a little embarrassing. I've never been with a man intimately, for all the reasons I told you about. But... I feel things when I'm with you that make me think and... I know this could be a huge mistake, one I will regret forever, but it feels like you're the one that I'm supposed to, you know... do it with. And... I'm really nervous about that... and frankly I'm scared to death of you. So can we just get it out of the way already so I can relax and get a good night's sleep?

[Bill draws close to kiss her]

Sookie:
Just... just don't bite me, okay?

Malcolm:
[letting Bill in] Well look. It's everyone's favorite buzz kill.

Diane:
Hey baby.

Liam:
[offers him blood] Yo mister mainstream. Thirsty?

Bill:
No.

Diane:
Hungry for something else? I remember you having a very sizable... appetite.

Bill:
The three of you will stay away from me and Sookie from now on.

Malcolm:
I'm your elder. You have no authority here.

Bill:
There are higher authorities.

Malcolm:
I'm not afraid of Eric.

Bill:
Higher'n him.

Malcolm:
Well then she can speak to me.

Diane:
She can suck on sunlight for all I care.

Bill:
You know, you are doing nothing to help our cause.

Diane:
Not everyone wants to dress up and play human, Bill.

Liam:
Yeah. Not everyone wants to live off that Japanese shit they call blood, either. As if we could.

Bill:
We have to moderate our behavior now that we are out in the open.

Malcolm:
Not everybody thinks it was such a great idea, and not everybody intends to toe the party line. [leans forward] Honey, if we can't kill people, what's the point of being a vampire?

Tara:
School is just for white people looking for other white people to read to them, I figure I'd save my money and just read to myself.

Sookie:
[while driving to Fangtasia] Penny for your thoughts?

Bill:
I thought you liked not knowing what I'm thinking.

Sookie:
Most of the time I do.

Bill:
You won't care for it.

Sookie:
That doesn't mean I don't wanna know.

Bill:
[looking at her clothes then back to the road] You look like vampire bait.

Sookie:
[laughing] What's that supposed to mean?

Bill:
I promised your grandmother no harm would come to you at Fangtasia tonight. I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to keep that promise with you dressed like this.

Sookie:
So are you sayin' you think I look nice?

Bill:
Doesn't matter what I think. This isn't a date. Remember?

Jason:
[sitting in the freezer, really worried] I think I might'a OD'd.

Tara:
Oh, my God. On what?

Jason:
V.

Tara:
You're doin' V now?

Jason:
It was my first time.

Tara:
Where on earth did you come across V in this town?

Jason:
[hesitant] Lafayette.

Tara:
My cousin is dealin' vampire blood now? God damn idiot. Well, at least that explains why I walked in on you dancin' around in that Laura Bush mask yesterday, 'cause I gotta tell you, without a reason, that was some f***ed up shit! All right, let me see it.

Jason:
Huh?

Tara:
How long have you had the erection?

Jason:
Well, how do you know?

Tara:
Um, I read. You're not the first vain-ass, body-conscious ex-jock to overdo the V and wind up with an acute case of priapism!

Pam:
[as he walks up to Fangtasia with Sookie] Bill. Haven't seen you in a while.

Bill:
I'm mainstreamin'.

Pam:
Good for you. Who's the doll?

Bill:
Pam, this is Sookie. Sookie, this is Pam.

Sookie:
[smiling, extending her hand to Pam] Pleased to meet you.

Pam:
Can I see your ID?

Sookie:
Oh. Sure. How funny. Who'd have thought? Getting carded at a vampire bar.

Pam:
I can no longer tell human ages. We must be careful we serve no minors... in any capacity. (looking at her id) Twenty-five, huh? How sweet it is.

Eric:
So, Bill, are you quite attached to your friend?

Bill:
She is mine.

Sookie:
Yes, I am his.

Eric:
Well what a pity. For me.

Tara:
[throwing items at Lafayette] Stupid! F***in! Bitch!

Lafayette:
[swinging baseball bat] Bring it on, hooker! I was all parish in high school.

Bill:
Sookie, you cannot be frightened of everythin' you don't know in this world.

Sookie:
Well my world's openin' up mighty fast! And what I got here may be boring, but it's safe! And after the past couple of nights, safe sounds good about now.

Woman on the phone:
[ranting over the phone] You will go to hell for this!

Adele Stackhouse:
Alright, same to you. Bye now.

Tara:
Why didn't you tell me you were going out with Sam?

Sookie:
Because it just happened and how did you know?

Tara:
Arlene. She works fast.

Sookie:
All he did was ask me to the DGD tonight and besides it's in a church. And why shouldn't I? He's perfectly nice, he's got a good job, and he's not a vampire! And why, why do I have to justify this to you?

Tara:
I'm entitled to know what my girl's up to, aren't I?

Lafayette:
'Scuse me. Who ordered the hamburger, [puts plate on table] with aids?

Royce:
I ordered the hamburger deluxe.

Lafayette:
In this restaurant a hamburger deluxe come with frimp fries, lettuce, tomato, mayo, AND AIDS! DO ANYBODY GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!

Royce:
Yeah! I'm an American, and I got a say in who makes my food!

Lafayette:
Well baby's it's to late for that. Faggots been breeding your cows, raising your chickens, even brewing your beer long before I walked my sexy ass up in this mother f***er. Everything on your god damn table got aids.

Royce:
You still ain't making me eat no aids burger.

Lafayette:
Well all you gotta do is say hold the aids. Here. [licks hamburger bun] Eat it. [jams in Royce's face]

Lafayette:
Bitch you come in my house, [picks up the rest of the hamburger] you gonna eat my food the way I FUCKING MAKE IT! Do you understand me? [dumps food in Royce's lap]

Lafayette:
Tip your waitress. [Walks toward kitchen; high fives Jason; goes back to kitchen]

Sam:
Sookie, you have no future with a vampire!

Sookie:
They don't die. I've got nothing but a future with one.

Bill:
[awakens, very weak and looks around seeing two bodies] The others?

Lorena:
[meekly] They all presented themselves as gentlemen. Blame the war if you like. Proved to be no more than savages once I let them into my home. They deserved no better!

Bill:
Am... Am I dying?

Lorena:
Oh yes. But I'm not keen to let you go quite so easily. I've waited a long time for a man such as you. [straddles his waist and cuts her neck] Drink... if you do not drink, you will die as certain as I am speakin' to you right now. Do you wish to see your family again? Your wife, your children... you must drink from me.

[Bill drinks with reluctance]

Lorena:
Take me in you. Feel me in you. We are together, William. Forever! You are mine!

Sam:
[walking into Sookie's room] She's asking for you.

Bill:
[turning from the window] Is there something you want to say to me?

Sam:
I want you to stay away from her.

Bill:
You know Sookie doesn't take kindly to people making decisions for her.

Sam:
[pacing the room] You don't need to tell me who Sookie is... I know who she is. I've know a long time.

Bill:
Then you'll also know this neither the time nor the place to... mark your territory.

Sookie:
[about yelling at a neighbor] I shouldn't have lost it like that.

Tara:
Don't you feel sorry for yellin' at that snoopy old bitch. She's been stickin' her nose where it don't belong for years.

Lafayette:
Say it. I mean, if she talked any more shit she'd be shaped like a toilet.

Lafayette:
[looking at all of the food brought by the town] What the f*** is it with white people and jello? I don't understand.

Tara:
What the hell we gonna do with all this?

Lafayette:
Toss it. Sookie don't need no bad juju cooking.

Tara:
Bad juju?

Lafayette:
Way to a man's heart is through his stomach. That shit true as gold. You put some love in your food and folk can taste it. [picks up the cornbread] Smell this. You can smell the fear and nastiness comin' off that cornbread.

Tara:
[takes a bit] Tastes just fine to me.

Lafayette:
See bitch. You gonna wish you ain't did that. Watch.

Jason:
[chasing her through the cemetery] Sookie... Sookie. Just hold up a sec.

Sookie:
Why? So you can hit me again? Go ahead and tell me how it's all my fault. Tell me how you wish it were me in that coffin. I deserve it?!

Jason:
I'm sorry... I'm so sorry.

Sookie:
[taking a step back] Don't touch me.

Jason:
I didn't mean to hurt you. You gotta know that.

Sookie:
You invited Uncle Bartlett! How could you do that?

Jason:
He has a right to be here. I know he and Gran had their problems. But what ever they were, it don't matter no more. That's what family does. We forgive each other.

Sookie:
You have no idea what you're talking about.

Jason:
Sookie, please... Please. We are all we've got.

Sookie:
We've got nothing.

Tara:
[about vampires] Do you think they're capable of lovin' a person?

Lafayette:
Who knows what they're capable of.

Sookie:
[Surprised as Bill wipes off the mirror] Wait a minute. I thought you're supposed to be invisible in the mirror.

Bill:
We started many of the mysteries about ourselves centuries ago.

Sookie:
What about holy water?

Bill:
[Climbing into the bath] It's just water.

Sookie:
Crucifixes?

Bill:
Geometry.

Sookie:
Garlic?

Bill:
It's irritating. That's pretty much it.

Sookie:
[Pause, smiling] Wow. I feel a little weak.

Bill:
Of course you do. I fed on your blood. You should take some vitamin B-12 to replenish.

Sookie:
Will I need to do that everyday?

Bill:
If you don't mind, yes. And no garlic.

Sookie:
Is it always like this?

Bill:
No, it is not.

Sookie:
I never thought I'd be able to...

Bill:
I am honored that you chose me.

Diane:
[walking in with Malcolm and Liam, to a patron] Well, hey there sugar.

Malcolm:
[to Sam] Get us three True Bloods.

Sam:
You all need to go somewhere else. This is a family place. Locals only.

Malcolm:
Well, we just closed on a place up the road. So that makes us official citizens of Reynard Parrish. We're the new locals.

Sam:
My place, my rules.

Malcolm:
Discrimination against vampires is punishable by law in the greater state of Louisiana. Personally, I don't give a f***. But... I... am... thirsty.

Sam:
You are not welcome here.

Diane:
[laughing] That shit only works in a private home.

Malcolm:
How nice to see you again, Sookie. You are looking delectable as always.

Sam:
[to Sookie] You know them?

Sookie:
We've met.

Malcolm:
Well, well. It looks like little Miss hold out has given up the goods. Brava. Did he leave enough for the rest of us.

Sookie:
I am his!

Malcolm:
Well, he is not here, is he? And while Bill is away, Malcolm will always play.

Sookie:
Do you think for one second I would ever have anything to do with you! I am sure you were trash while you were alive and now you're just dead trash!

Malcolm:
I am going to drain you so slowly, you're going to beg me to kill you.

Terry:
JIHAD THIS, MOTHERFUCKER! [running at Malcolm and being thrown across the room]

Malcolm:
[to Sam] You are a dead man.

Sam:
Maybe. But I'm gonna take one of y'all with me.

Sookie:
Sam!

Liam:
[after grabbing Sam] I'm gonna reach down your throat and yank you inside out by your dick.

Sookie:
Hey, leave him alone!

Bill:
[entering] Stop this! You're here for me, not them.

Malcolm:
Well, we had to get your attention and I do believe it worked.

Bill:
What do you want?

Malcolm:
You never called me back. Now if I remember what feelings were, mine might be hurt.

Diane:
Join our nest, Bill. Forget these blood sacks.

Liam:
Yeah. Mainstreaming's for pussies.

Diane:
Let's party like we used to, huh. We used to have so much fun.

Bill:
[never taking his eyes of Sookie] All right. Let go.

Sookie:
What the hell are you doing?

Bill:
I should be with my own.

Sookie:
But you're not like them. You're better than they'll ever be.

Bill:
I am not human, Sookie. I am vampire.

Sookie:
[describing her vampire experience] It felt like... It felt like every single care or worry or sadness I've ever had was just flowin' out of me and into him. And, yeah it hurt at first. But when I relaxed, it didn't hurt at all.

Lafayette:
I was always scared to let him bite me. I don't know, Sookie. I just think that when there's blood involved, a line been crossed.

Sookie:
Oh, I definitely crossed a line and glad I did.

Lafayette:
Well you go ahead on, hookah with your badass. Good for you. It ain't possible to live unless you crossin' somebody's line.

Andy:
[about their fishing] Bet you didn't do much fishin' in Iraq.

Terry:
No fish in the sandbox.

Andy:
No wonder they're so pissed off at us. We got channel cats in Shreveport's putang... I miss this. Gettin' up before dawn, like when we were kids and watch the sun comein' up.

[stops as they see a man running naked through the trees]

Andy:
That was Sam Merlotte!

Terry:
Yep, I done that before.

Bill:
[showing Sookie where he sleeps] This is where I spend my days.

Sookie:
Does anyone ever get in there with you?

Bill:
This is not a place for you.

Sookie:
So, we can never sleep beside each other?

Bill:
No one else knows where I rest.

Amy:
[entering Merlotte's] Intense! All these animals on the wall, it's like a natural history museum.

Jason:
Hah! I never noticed them.

Amy:
How could you not? Everyone of these animals lived a life full of experiences that we can't even imagine!

Jason:
Does that weird you out? We could always go someplace else!

Amy:
No, no. Everyone has to eat, right? We are all links on the universal food chain. See, squirrel eats nuts, snake eat the squirrel, gator eat the snake... and we can eat pretty much everything we want. It's the circle of life.

Jason:
Jesus Christ! I wanna lick your mind!

Amy:
Let's have lunch first.

Sookie:
[as they clean up the dining room] I've been admiring your necklace all day.

Amy:
Oh, thanks. It's a lariat. I made it.

Sookie:
You make jewelry?

Amy:
Easy way to earn extra money. I can make you one if you want.

Sookie:
Thanks, but I don't think my boyfriend much likes silver... you know my brother's a dog, don't you?

Amy:
Sorry?

Sookie:
He's all charm and smiles in the beginning. But the second he gets tired of you, he gonna stop calling. Before you know it, he's off with some other floozie. Not... not that you are one, but trust me. It's as regular as the seasons. You seem like a sweet girl, I don't want you to get hurt.

Amy:
You know, I don't think Jason's realized even half of what he's going to be. I wouldn't be so quick to judge. I think you'd be surprised at what he's capable of.

Sookie:
[after they have made love] Doesn't it get old? I mean you've been doing it for over a hundred years. Doesn't it get predictable?

Bill:
Not with you it doesn't. You're entirely different. And the beauty and the tragedy of it is that you don't know just how different you are.

Sookie:
Please tell me if I'm doing something wrong.

Bill:
There's nothing more natural than the act of making love. Who am I to try to change what come naturally to you.

Sookie:
But if you could change something...

Bill:
I wouldn't change a thing.

Sookie:
What's it like to sleep in the ground?

Bill:
Well, it's not exactly comfortable. But it is safe. Which if I recall is what the three voice mails required me to be.

Eric:
[after Bill has found him in his bathtub, with soft music playing] I texted you three times... Why didn't you reply?

Bill:
I hate using the number keys to type... what are you listening to?

Eric:
From my younger days. It's really quite beautiful if you know old Swedish. I have a favor to ask of you.

Bill:
A favor or an order?

Eric:
Depends on how you look at it... Honestly, did you think you could keep her to your self?

Bill:
[arriving at Fangtasia] You said you wanted to go out tonight.

Sookie:
I did not mean Fangtasia! I mean really, all those pathetic people who come here looking for sex with vampires.

Bill:
I know. It's despicable.

Sookie:
You know what I mean. So what? Five, ten minutes?

Bill:
As long as Eric requires us.

Sookie:
You mean as long as Eric requires me! Didn't even have the decency to ask me himself.

Bill:
You are mine. He didn't need to ask your permission.

Sookie:
He cannot check me out like a library book!

Bill:
Unfortunately Sookie, he can. Eric is sheriff of Area 5.

Sookie:
Sheriff?

Bill:
It's a position of great power among our kind. We do not want to anger him. As long as the requests are reasonable, we should accede to his wishes.

Longshadow:
You trust the skinny human to clear the fat one?

Eric:
You killed a vampire, Bill. For a human. What do I do about this?

Bill:
What did you have in mind?

Eric:
I'll take the girl.

Bill:
No!... You can have anyone you want. Why do you want her?

Eric:
Why do you want her? You're not in love with her, are you?

Bill:
[incensed] Sookie must be protected.

Eric:
That sounds like an edict. But it couldn't be, because I would know about that. Admit it... you love her.

Bill:
If I had not done what I did, would you have let his disloyalty stand? [about LongShadow]

Eric:
Whatever I would have done to LongShadow I would not have done in front of witnesses. Especially not vampire witnesses. Not smart, Bill. Not smart at all.

Pam:
[handing Sookie a leather outfit] Put these on.

Sookie:
Oh, thank you. But I'm fine really. I'm just gonna dry out my hair and be on my way.

Pam:
You're not going anywhere. Eric and your boyfriend aren't nearly done talking just yet.

Sookie:
Is... Bill is some kind of trouble?

Pam:
That's for the boys to figure out. Right now what you need to do is change out of your clothes... there's vampire in your cleavage.

Sookie:
[looks down and gasps] Okay. Eeww!

Pam:
Allow me. [takes the bloody piece out]

Sookie:
Thank you.

Pam:
I'm beginin' to understand the fuss everyone's makin' over you.

Jason:
[about Eddie] All I'm sayin' is Lafayette didn't have to kidnap him and I'm pretty sure he left with some V.

Amy:
Hey! If you wanna make the same arrangement with Eddie as Lafayette, than have at it. This was the only thing I could think of to get you out of blowin' your first vampire.

Jason:
You've done this before, haven't you?

Amy:
Done what?

Jason:
This! Kidnappin' vampires!

Amy:
Jason, baby. You're sweet but you've gotta mellow out.

Bill:
[in bed with Sookie after finding the cat dead] Aren't you tired?

Sookie:
Every time I close my eyes, I see her face.

Bill:
Your cat?

Sookie:
Gran. But now that you mention it, Tina's in there too.

Bill:
You do know I'm not going to let anything happen to you. That I am here for you, to protect you.

Sookie:
What if I don't need to be protected? What if wanting to be protected makes me feel like the helpless little girl I used to be all over again?

Bill:
Sookie... all of the things that you need to be protected from, all of the trouble you're in, you are in because of me. So you needing to be protected has nothing to do with you or who you are. All of it is my fault... So why don't you go to sleep and let me be the one to worry about it.

Sookie:
Bill, all the trouble I'm in, it's mine. I chose it. I chose it when I chose you.

Bill:
Yes, but...

Sookie:
Don't you think I wanna blame somebody else? But what happen to my gran and poor Tina is my fault and it's sweet of you to try to take it all from me. But if I let you, I'd be so mad at you, I would never be able to look at you again. And right now your face is the only thing getting me by. So why don't we just leave it on me, okay?

Bill:
[pause, accepting] Very well.

Sookie:
Night Bill.

Amy:
Hey you. Listen, are you alright?

Sookie:
Sometimes I wish I smoked, so you could sneak outside without anybody knowing something's wrong with you.

Amy:
Okay. I'm really sorry about your cat.

Sookie:
Maybe I shouldn't have come in today.

Amy:
Yeah, I was gonna say why did you?

Sookie:
I don't know. Maybe cause lately it seems like if I called in sick every time someone I love got murdered, I'd never make it in for a single day of work.

Amy:
Don't you think Sam would understand?

Sookie:
I guess. But if I went home, what would you do?

Amy:
Me? What's it got to do with me?

Sookie:
Arlene doing nothin' but showin' off her ring to anybody who will look at it, you be the only one waiting tables.

Amy:
Yeah, she's gonna be a handful, that one.

Sookie:
Don't you imagine what she was like the first time she got married?... What about you? You ever been married?

Amy:
Is this the part where the sister asks what the girls intentions are with her brother?

Sookie:
Hm-mm. Cause right now I am all about protecting Jason.

Amy:
He misses you, Sookie. He does. Between your grandma passing and what happened afterwords with you.

Sookie:
He told you about that?

Amy:
He couldn't not. He's a mess about it.

Sookie:
Well you wouldn't know it.

Amy:
Look, I know what you must think of him and I get why you're mad at him. I do and he loves you. You got people around who love you and all I can hope is that maybe one day I can be counted in among those people.

Sookie:
You are way too good for him. You know that, right?

Amy:
Of course, I know that. I'm not stupid.

Sam:
[to Arlene, about her party] What do you want it took look like?

Terry:
A débutante ball.

Arlene:
[happily] Hug your neck! You know exactly what I'm talkin' about. [walks off]

Sam :
How did you know what she wanted?

Terry:
My cousin Portia was a deb, from Shreveport when she turned 18. Every Bellefleur woman has been doin' it since they started to have 'em before the Revolutionary war.

Sam:
Must be nice to come from such an old family.

Terry:
All families are old, Sam. Some just keep better records.

Jason:
[looking at himself in the mirror] Oh my God, you are even better looking than you were yesterday.

Bill:
Longshadow was choking the girl and would have killed her.

Magister:
So you murdered a higher life form for the sake of your pet? You broke an ancient and fundamental law. You decreased our numbers at a critical time in our history. Very bad. Very very bad.

Bill:
Longshadow broke the law first. She was mine and he knew it. He would have killed her and fed from her!

Magister:
Hello! Human! Irrelevant. Happens every day!

Bill:
He was stealing from Eric.

Magister:
[to Eric] Sheriff?

Eric:
Yes, Magister. It's true. Longshadow was a thief and a liar. He was hurting my business.

Magister:
The business part. That is a serious offense.

Bill:
And it was the human who exposed Longshadow. Would you tell him, Eric?

Eric:
The only reason the girl was there was because I called her.

Bill:
To protect your wealth!

Eric:
To protect my wealth, yes. Magister, she is... valuable.

Magister:
Humans exist to serve us. That is their only value.

Bill:
There are those among us who think differently.

Magister:
Do you question my authority? I am the magister. I was trained in the Inquisition and I am the adjudicator for every vampire territory in North America! As the humans say - the humans that you love more than your own kind - back your shit down!

Eric:
Bill.

Magister:
You haven't bored me. That works in your favor and you seem to be obedient to your sheriff.

Eric:
For the most part... When it matters, yes he is.

Magister:
The usual sentence is five years in a coffin, chained with silver. During which time your body will waste to leather and sticks, and you'll probably go insane. However, I'm feeling a bit... creative.

Bill:
[while he is digging a grave for Jessica, to Pam] Would you leave her alone!

Pam:
It's your own fault. You and your insane affection for stupid cows.

Bill:
Just go away!

Pam:
I wouldn't be here if the magister could trust you.

Bill:
I fulfilled the conditions of my sentence! I murdered this innocent girl.

Pam:
It was no murder. You drained her blood and gave her yours.

Bill:
I fulfilled my loyalty!

Pam:
Yes. But you're romantic, you're sentimental. You might do something to keep the little blood bag from joinin' our ranks. I follow my orders. I won't let you stake her before she goes to ground!

Bill:
I'm not gonna stake her. I'm gonna set her free.

Pam:
You've already set her free. The same as Eric freed me.

Bill:
Everyone she's ever known will recoil from her. Everything she has ever loved has been stolen from her.

Pam:
Oh please! There's no comparison. You've given that pathetic lump of temporary flesh...

Bill:
Jessica!

Pam:
The ultimate gift. You're a maker. You're a hero.

Bill:
I find myself doubting whether you were ever truly human.

Pam:
[smiling] Thank you.

Bill:
Jessica, stop!

Jessica:
No!

Bill:
Stop!

Jessica:
Why?

Bill:
Because we need to talk.

Jessica:
Why?

Bill:
Because there are things you must learn.

Jessica:
Why?

Bill:
Because you are no longer human.

Jessica:
Why?

Bill:
Because I've been trying to explain to you at length - you have been made vampire!

Jessica:
Why?

Bill:
Because you were unlucky. Because life and death are unfair. Because of me.

...

Jessica:
I'm so hungry and all you do is talk and I'm starving and you're so mean. You're supposed to take care of me, that's what you said. You suck! [laughs] That's funny 'cause you do suck.

Lafayette:
[while shaking the senator's hand] I am so happy and proud to shake the hand of someone with your values. Too often we're governed by criminals and hypocrites. Don't you agree? But I can tell you're a man of virtues and I applaud the effort you're making against the poor and disenfranchised. Especially the vampires and the gays. So many things can happen to bring down a person such as yourself. You might wanna be careful.

Sam:
[after Bill has left] Can't you see what he's like? How can you even think about being with him?

Sookie:
Sam, my living room is wrecked! I've got a killer, a vampire and a shapeshifter on my plate. Right about now I'm not thinkin' about being with anybody!

[at Fangtasia, about Jessica]

Eric:
She's your punishment, not mine. What am I supposed to do with her?

Jessica:
Excuse me! I can hear you, mister rude! I wanna go to the bar. I wanna be one of those dancers. I'm hungry.

Bill:
She won't listen to me! It will take more time than I have to teach her obedience.

Jessica:
I don't obey anybody! Those days are over.

Eric:
Can't handle one little girl, Bill? New ones can be like this. Man up my friend. She's not even one night old.

Bill:
That is not the issue!

Eric:
[to Jessica] You want to stay with you maker, don't you?

Jessica:
No, he's a dick! Dick! Dick! Dick!... You're cute. Can I sit in your lap?

Eric:
No.

Jessica:
Why? Nobody let's me have any fun. F***ers!

Eric:
[to Jessica] Sit down and shut up! Close the door. [turning to Bill] See, you have to be tough with them or they'll walk all over you.

Bill:
I am well aware of that, but you can see how she is and there are urgent matters to which I must attend!

Eric:
Sookie Stackhouse? Haven't you done enough for her?

Bill:
If any harm were to come to her because of my absence, you would be...

Eric:
[looks at Bill threateningly] What?

Bill:
Without her helpful skills.

Jessica:
Let me out! I wanna do something bad!

Bill:
I would be in your debt. I would return the favor.

Eric:
Oh, yes you will. You most definitely will. Jessica!

Jessica:
You don't have to yell at me!

Eric:
How would you like to learn how a real vampire feeds?

Jessica:
Oh yes sir. Please sir.

Eric:
[to Bill] See? It's really quite easy.

Tara:
[about Maryann] So, collecting stray black people. That some kind of hobby of hers?

Eggs:
[laughing] She's right about you. You are funny.

Tara:
Oh, yeah? What else she tell you about me?

Eggs:
She said you crashed your car with a gallon of whiskey in your lap.

Tara:
It was vodka. Really cheap vodka.

Eggs:
Hey, I'm not judging you... Believe me. When Maryann found me, I was... let's just say I was a hell of a lot worse off than you. She's a miracle worker. You'll see.

Tara:
Yeah, well. I won't be stickin' around that long.

Eggs:
It's too bad.

Tara:
My momma, when she thought somethin' was too good to be true, she'd say, Satan in a Sunday hat. That's exactly what this is.

Eggs:
You know it took me a long time to stop looking over my shoulder too. But there's good people in this world. Sometimes, good shit happens.

Tara:
Sookie?

Sookie:
[wakes up, medicated] Tara. You look so pretty. Like someone turned on a light under your skin.

Sam:
[smiling] Hospital gave her pain meds. She's... she's a little loopy.

Tara:
[in tears] Didn't you listen when I said I'd lose my shit if anything ever happened to you?

Sookie:
Don't lose your shit. I'm fine. Did Sam tell you he saved my life? He turned into a dog and bit Rene.

Lafayette:
[laughs] Well, shit. I'm gonna need some of them drugs they gave you.

Sam:
Okay, you guys. We should let her rest.

Sookie:
Sam, you should let people see the real you. Cause you're kind, brave. There's nothin there not to love.

Sam:
[smiles and winks] Right back at you.

Arlene:
Oh sweet Jesus! Please forgive me. I had no idea, Sookie. I swear!

Sookie:
Of course you didn't.

Arlene:
I brought him around my kids. I slept in the bed every night with him and all that time, it was nothing but lies. I mean his name, his accent. God! You think you know someone. How could I not know?

Sookie:
None of us did. Don't blame yourself, honey.

Arlene:
Can't help it. I told you to stay out of my thoughts. Isn't that why you didn't listen in on Rene?

Sookie:
It was like he kept that part of himself locked away in some dark corner of his mind.

Arlene:
Sookie, I am so sorry. I want you to promise me smoethin', okay?

Sookie:
Okay.

Arlene:
Someday, if I ever find another man, I want you to look inside his head and tell me everything that's in there.

Sookie:
Uh... Arlene, it doesn't really work that way.

Arlene:
Promise me, okay? Cause I have the worst taste in men... Is, is Bill goin' to be okay?

Sookie:
I don't think so... no.

Arlene:
Oh, honey. Oh, sweet baby.

Sookie:
[opening the door and seeing Bill, all better] You're alive?

Bill:
Well, technically no. But I am healed. I've fed.

Sookie:
Would you like to come in?

Bill:
Yes. [enters as she closes the door behind him. Seeing her bruised face, he tries to bite his wrist]

Sookie:
No.

Bill:
Without my blood, it will take weeks for you to heal.

Sookie:
I don't care. After everything I just need to feel human right now.

Bill:
I failed you.

Sookie:
[smiling] You were willing to sacrifice yourself to save me.

Bill:
But if I could...

Sookie:
My life is too short for all that. [they kiss passionately]

[Jessica enters the room]

Jessica:
Hi Daddy.

[Eric and Pam enter the room]

Bill:
What is this?

Eric:
There are favors, and there are favors.

Pam:
She is extremely annoying.

Bill:
You can't do this! We had a deal!

Eric:
Yeah, well now the terms have changed. She's yours. Unless you want to give me Sookie...

[Bill and Eric bare their fangs]

Eric:
[Eric laughs] It's just a suggestion. [Eric retracts his fangs] Though a few nights with this one may change your mind.

[Eric begins to leave]

Pam:
Good luck.

Eric:
[in Swedish] O du ljuva frihet. (Oh sweet freedom)

[Pam laughs]

Tip the waitress.