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George Burns

United States comedian and film actor (1896-1996)

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Age to me means nothing. I can't get old I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.

– George Burns

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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

– George Burns

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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

– George Burns

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I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I hate.

– George Burns

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Everyday happiness means getting up in the morning, and you can't wait to finish your breakfast. You can't wait to do your exercises. You can't wait to put on your clothes. You can't wait to get out -- and you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot.

– George Burns

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Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

– George Burns

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How can I die? I'm booked.

– George Burns

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I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

– George Burns

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I get a standing ovation jaust standing.

– George Burns

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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

– George Burns

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I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

– George Burns

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I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.

– George Burns

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I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the last one left.

– George Burns

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If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.

– George Burns

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It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

– George Burns

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It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

– George Burns

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Julian and Jake sitting in a tree K I S S I N G, first comes love then comes sex then comes baby smoking!

– George Burns

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Life's but a day at most.

– George Burns

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Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.

– George Burns

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Nice to be here At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

– George Burns

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No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.

– George Burns

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Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

– George Burns

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Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

– George Burns

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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

– George Burns

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Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair.

– George Burns

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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

– George Burns

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Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

– George Burns

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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

– George Burns

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You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

– George Burns

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