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Jay Leno

James Douglas Muir "Jay" Leno (born April 28, 1950) is an Emmy Award-winning American stand-up comedian and television host, who succeeded Johnny Carson as host of The Tonight Show in 1992. Leno will continue to host The Tonight Show until May 29, 2009; Late Night host Conan O'Brien is his scheduled successor. Beginning that fall, he will have a primetime talk show, tentatively titled The Jay Leno Show on NBC

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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.

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A new medical study reports that men who eat ten pizzas a week are less likely to develop prostate problems at age 50. That's because they are usually dead by age 40.

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Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will drive you are your true friends. The rest aren't bad people they're just acquaintances.

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Here's something to think about How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'

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How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

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How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?

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I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite goodMaybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder.

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It is said that life begins when the fetus can exist apart from its mother. By this definition, many people in Hollywood are legally dead.

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The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

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There's this big pie in show business, and you physically can't eat the whole pie. If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will still have more than enough. The real trick is not to try to get the whole pie, but to keep the biggest slice.

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You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

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You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh - it's as simple as that.

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Your preoccupation should be on doing what you do as well as you can. What your co-workers say about you, what your opponent is doing -- that doesn't matter.

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Quotes from the news wire:

I think it's like any other thing, you either change or die.

Found on FOX News 3 years ago

At the time I did those jokes, I genuinely thought them to be harmless, i was making fun of our enemy North Korea, and like most jokes, there was a ring of truth to them.

Found on FOX News 3 years ago

When I do a gig in Utah and they’ll go, ‘Look, we don’t want any drug jokes, we don’t want any sex jokes, I go, ‘OK, I’ll take those out’ and I do something else.

Found on FOX News 3 years ago

We’ll pair a rapper from Chicago with an Ohio farmer lady, and they work as a team and it’s quite funny to watch, there’s no politics, there’s no Trump jokes, there’s no Biden jokes. There are jokes about Congress in that generic sort of ‘they’re idiots’ type of thing.

Found on FOX News 3 years ago

I love Gabrielle Union, shes a great girl. I really enjoyed working with her, shes really good.

Found on FOX News 5 years ago

And they all do a great job.

Found on FOX News 6 years ago

Not really. I like what I'm doing, to me, I like talking to regular people and seeing what I can draw out of them. I'm sure Dave will be excellent, he always does a good show.

Found on FOX News 6 years ago

It’s all depressing Trump stuff, and they all do a great job.

Found on FOX News 6 years ago

The trouble is that there's such negativity now, when I did the show, Bush was dumb and Clinton was horny and it was human problems. Now it's all anti-women, anti-LGBT, anti-Muslim, anti-Mexican, anti-Salvadoran; it's such a negative thing.

Found on FOX News 6 years ago

I came up in the era when Clinton was horny and Bush was dumb. It was a simpler, funny time. Now it is all race baiting and homophobia and Islamophobia.

Found on FOX News 8 years ago

Dave is as quirky as they come, god bless him. He is having fun. When I see him, he still has that twinkle, and he still seems to be having fun with it. He doesn’t look like a depressed old guy.

Found on FOX News 8 years ago

I don’t want to interview Trump, i came up in the era when Clinton was horny and Bush was dumb. It was a simpler, funny time. Now it is all race baiting and homophobia and Islamophobia.

Found on FOX News 8 years ago

I have known Caitlyn for a long time, she is still very much the same person, still very competitive.

Found on FOX News 8 years ago

Rocky Marciano never fought Muhammad Ali and you can’t pretend that they did and [predict] who would win, you live in the time that you live in. For my time [the humor] was great. It was very political. Now it is different.

Found on FOX News 9 years ago

It’s not guys throwing tools at each other, we aren’t building cars. There are a lot of personalities [including Francis Ford Coppola and Tim Allen] on the show. There are a lot of car guys in Hollywood that people don’t know are car guys.

Found on FOX News 9 years ago

I would like to do that, but Dave doesn’t really do that. He is very talented. He is really funny. [But] Dave is kind of an odd duck. He is not really that kind of guy.

Found on FOX News 9 years ago

I don't know why it's so hard to believe women, you to go Saudi Arabia and you need two women to testify against a man. Here you need 25.

Found on FOX News 9 years ago

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