11:14

Officer Hannagan:
How 'bout the penis?

Mark:
[after coming up with a story to tell the cops] You hear that Eddie? I never hit you.

Eddie:
Why should I lie?

Mark:
What are you talking about?

Eddie:
Why should I lie, when this is all your fault?

Mark:
My fault? How the f*** is this my fault?

Eddie:
Well if you hadn't been so worried about your paint job, my penis would be in my pants right now and not in my f***ing hand!

[first lines]

Jack:
[talking on his cell phone] I'm on my way back from Benny's. I'm almost home. Tell me where you are and I'll come get you.

Norma:
This can't be happening.

Jack:
What happened?

Norma:
Chief Garby called. My only child has been hit by a car.

Jack:
They just called?

Norma:
Right after I came home, just a few minutes after I left you.

Duffy:
Where the f***'s my bowling ball?

Officer Hannagan:
[talking to a medic] We got a human penis right there by the curb. Somebody's gotta be looking for that.

Officer Hannagan:
Don't move!

Norma:
You'll burn for what you did to my daughter!

Jack:
[confused] Daughter?

Frank:
[after Mark throws a jelly donut at his windshield] Stupid little shits!

Frank:
So is that Aaron's car outside? I thought you weren't seeing him anymore?

Cheri:
I'm not.

Frank:
Then what's he doing back here?

Cheri:
We're just hanging out.

Frank:
Cheri, Cheri. I do not trust that guy.

Cheri:
So you said.

Frank:
Look at me. If he hits you again, I'll kill him.

Cheri:
I can take care of myself.

[last lines]

Duffy:
[holding a bag of money] Cheri! I got it!

Cheri:
[yelling back to Duffy] My car won't start.

Jack:
[on Cheri's cell phone] Hello? Are you still there?

Cheri:
[talking to Jack] Listen, I might get Duffy's half after all. I'll call you back.

Eddie:
What's with the books?

[Tim holds up a book and tries to light it on fire]

Eddie:
You're gonna burn a book?

Tim:
It's not like this is great f***ing literature or anything. I'm doing the world a favor.

Tim:
Dude, you just broke my box.

Eddie:
Yeah, you're mom told me that last night.

Mark:
[referring to Eddie's penis] Tim, it's been cut off!

Tim:
So they can reattach it.

Mark:
Well how the f*** are they gonna do that?

Tim:
What am I, a surgeon? They use leeches and sh*t.

Mark:
This is so stupid! What about the cops?

Tim:
Just be here when I get back.

Eddie:
Did you get it? Did you get it?

[Tim throws Eddie's severed penis onto his lap]

Tim:
Don't say I never did anything for you.

Buzzy:
You do what you gotta do, but I'm not going to open up this drawer.

[Duffy points his pistol at her]

Duffy:
Look at me.

Buzzy:
Why, so you could shoot me in the face?

Duffy:
C'mon, just look at me.

[Buzzy still refuses]

Duffy:
Goddamnit, you're so stubborn!

Eddie:
[after Tim accidentally hits Eddie with the van's window] F*** me man, that was my head!

Duffy:
[after Buzzy accidentally shoots the glass of a refrigerator] What the f*** is wrong with you?