2001 Maniacs

[first lines]

Professor Ackerman:
Unprecedented, historical categories. More Americans died in the so-called Civil War than in the two World Wars combined. 618,000. Although popular media usually portrays the Civil War as a series of epic battles for honor and glory the reality is far from either. General Sherman's march through South Carolina alone cost over 8,000 innocent Southerners their lives.

Nelson:
I love the smell of cow sh*t in the morning. Take it all in boys. Sniff it. All right, all right, all right.

Cory:
I know what I am gonna write my term paper on. "Cow Sh*t of the South: The Smell of Victory."

Nelson:
Dudes! The whole point was getting away from history class.

Cory:
[looking at a map] The way I see it... if we drive through the night we'll be quaffing beers by noon and boffing chicks by 5:00.

Gas Station Attendant:
Pushin' up daisies by midnight.

Rufus:
Any more luggage, boy?

Malcolm:
Boy? Ain't y'all motherf***ers ever heard of the Civil Rights Movement?

Rufus:
Is that like anything like a bowel movement?

Kat:
Is this some hillbilly reality show type of thing?

Harper Alexander:
You know this is Georgia, Miss Pussycat.

Harper Alexander:
My daddy proposed to my mama right here on this spot.

Kat:
My daddy proposed to my mom in the back of a '69 Chevy.

Kat:
[about to be drawn and quartered] I think this might be taking it just a little bit too far.

Harper Alexander:
Frankly, Miss P*ssy, I don't give a damn.

Rufus:
Now. Daddy. Daddy, don't mind Lester none. I got full confidence in him.

Mayor Buckman:
Son, one time I had full confidence in a fart. Sh*t all over myself.

[Ricky is about to get skewered]

Mayor Buckman:
I see our barb-a-cuties got the skewering rod raring to go.

Malcolm:
Pleasant Valley. Hmm. More like Death Valley.

Malcolm:
Either one of you inbred country f***s knows where my woman is... better tell me now.

Strolling Minstrel A, Strolling Minstrel B:
[singing] The boy wants his b*tch / Yeah, the boy wants his b*tch / Sad, sad thing / A boy without his b*tch.

Mayor Buckman:
Got any last requests, boy?

Malcolm:
Yeah. Kiss my black ass!

Anderson Lee:
I'll take your glory and honor. And I'll shove it right up your ass.

[last lines]

Hucklebilly:
Damn Yankees.

Mayor Buckman:
This ain't my first barbeque, son! And it surely won't be my last!

Milk Maiden:
I actually prefer non-smokers.

Granny Boone:
That Chinawoman had a lot of guts.

Granny Boone:
It's Ricky on a sticky!

[Harper ties a blindfold over Kat's eyes]

Kat:
Ohh, I didn't know my Southern gentleman had a touch of kink in him.

[When Harper removes her blindfold, Kat discovers her wrists and ankles have been tied to four horses]

Kat:
Harper, honey, this isn't what I had in mind.

Harper Alexander:
Well, Miss P*ssy, it's *exactly* what I had in mind.

Ricky:
For once I wish she was the one eating [holds up Kat's tattoo unknown that he has been eating it] sloppy seconds.