200 Cigarettes

Ellie:
These matches are disappointing me!

Bartender:
So, how do you like your eggs done in the morning, scrambled or fertilized?

Bartender:
And I'm not gay, ok? I get that all the time. No, I'm not gay.

Jack:
Look, what happened between us last night is like this ongoing problem with me. It happens all the time: I meet someone, we go home together, but then the next day it's...

Cindy:
What? Next day what?

Jack:
Well, they tell me that suddenly they've developed these feelings for me.

Cindy:
What are you saying, that every woman you go home with falls in love with you or something?

Jack:
Yes! It's like a curse! It never ends!

Cindy:
A woman falls in love with you and you think that's a curse?

Jack:
You have no idea!

Cindy:
No! I don't! Because I think you're lucky! I mean, there are some people who wait their entire lives for somebody to tell them they feel that way about them, and you, you just throw it away like it's nothing, like it's a minor inconvenience! Well let me tell you something, Jack, you are cursed - just not the way you think you are.

Lucy:
You need to find somebody that likes you the way you are.

Kevin:
And who would possibly like me the way I am?

Lucy:
I have no idea.

Bartender:
Those clothes and my clothes would look good on my floor.

Stephie:
You just stay the f*** away from B!

[Lucy hands Kevin a bag]

Kevin:
What's this?

Lucy:
It's your birthday present, f*** head, open it.

Kevin:
Look, I'm just gonna go home and kill myself. You wanna share a cab?

Lucy:
So I can pass out and wake up *alone* on New Year's Day?

Ellie:
I've dated enough narcissistically neurotic men to know that you are all just a pack of roving babies in search of a giant teat from which to suck the lifeblood out of me until I am a hollow shell.

Eric:
You bring me over here, and you tell me I'm the worst lover you ever had. And now you tell me it can't be helped.

Eric:
Look, just tell me one thing. I'm not a vain person. Was the sex any good at all?

Cheryl:
No. I'm sorry. It was bad.

Disco Cabbie:
One of the ugliest b*tches I've ever seen in my life rolled up, and I'm not one to call women ugly, but I think this woman was, because she had a penis.

Disco Cabbie:
Everybody's having fun out here. They drinking, they fighting, they pissing on the streets. It's New Year's Eve. They loving the ladies.

Hillary:
I don't want to look desperate.

Monica:
Desperate? You could stand there naked with a mattress strapped to your back and still look like a vestal virgin.

Hillary:
Do you think that would work?

Monica:
Throwing a party it's like... it's like an invitation for abuse. It's like the last desperate act of someone who hasn't had a lasting relationship since Junior High.

Kevin:
Did you know that cigarettes are a shield against meaningful interaction with people?

Kevin:
You let somebody move in with you, you make all these little compromises to smooth things along, and the next thing you know, you're on some macrobiotic diet and you're listening to Joni Mitchell.

Lucy:
In the five years we've known each other, have you once even ever considered having sex with me? Apart from tonight. You don't think I'm attracted to you.

Kevin:
I don't think you're attracted to half the men you sleep with.

Lucy:
You think I'm a slut!

Kevin:
What? No.

Lucy:
Yeah, you think I'm a big slut.

Kevin:
I don't think you're a slut. A skanky little ho maybe, but never a slut.

Lucy:
The truth is, you're afraid.

Kevin:
What? I'm afraid. I'm, yeah, OK, you... I feel so naked right now. I'm totally afraid.

Lucy:
It is so obvious.

Kevin:
And so ridiculous.

Lucy:
Prove it.

Kevin:
I don't have to prove anything.

Lucy:
I dare you. Kevin, I dare you to f*** me.

Disco Cabbie:
[Ellie is riding with Disco Cabbie complaining about finding Kevin with Lucy] Uh, I'm sensing a lot of hostility coming from the back seat.

Ellie:
Oh, really? That's very astute.

Disco Cabbie:
Well, that's not good for me, man. That kind of energy damages the plush interior of my cab, right? And you're blowing a $5.00 high, mama. You need to find yourself a man who's secure enough to appreciate you for the superior woman that you are. I like a strong woman.

Ellie:
Oh... yeah. Mm-hmm.

Disco Cabbie:
And you are a strong woman. If I was you, I would pull over with me and celebrate our strength together. What do you think about that, baby?

Ellie:
This corner's great. This corner's fantastic for me.

Monica:
[Throws a drink at a romantic movie on TV] I hate you mother f***ers!

[last lines]

Disco Cabbie:
If you remember anything that I tell you, remember this: James Brown is the baddest motherf***er in show business.