90210

Ivy Sullivan:
[sarcastic] Gee, guys. One bite of a doughnut and I'll probably totally forget that I'm being held against my will in an insane asylum because a crazy priest-in-training mistakenly assumed that I was suicidal. Thank your boyfriend for me, Annie. I'm having a blast.

Annie Wilson:
Caleb isn't my boyfriend. He was just worried about you. Plus, you have been behaving dangerously lately. I've seen you myself going surfing in rough waters, and running across busy streets without looking first as if you want a car to hit you.

Erin Silver:
Look, Ivy, I went through something like what you're going through a few years ago when my mother died. I've been in this situation when I was feeling angry, alienated and alone; wanting to do rash and dangerous things without regard to my own life hoping that I would die and be put out of my misery. They would have to let you go in like 24 hours if they didn't think that you really were a danger to yourself. And the doctor we talked to said that all you do is sit with your arms crossed and won't talk.

Ivy Sullivan:
Yeah, well talking about your feelings might work for some people, but that's not going to make me feel any better. Therapy doesn't work for me. It never has. It never will.

Naomi Clark:
Ivy, we get it. Raj died. You feel that nothing in life matters to you anymore. They're not going to let you go from here unless you tell them what they want to hear.

Ivy Sullivan:
No, you don't get it! Nobody here gets it! Nobody understands what I am going through! And talking about it is not going to help me!

Annie Wilson:
We just want you to come home. Can you just please talk about what you want us to do?

Ivy Sullivan:
You know what I want you to do? You can start by leaving me alone! And stop bringing me things like doughnuts! Okay? Because I'm not gonna do it! I am not baring my soul to these jerks here or any of you, and I don't care about the consequences! Okay? I don't care! I'd rather be locked up in here and play checkers with these crazies for the rest of my life then talk about what I am going through! But it's not all bad. Gloria my roommate, the woman you just met... she's is not a bad competition... that is on days when she doesn't think that she's the queen of England!

Naomi Clark:
Why can't all guys be like Navid? I mean, seriously, why did I have to fall in love with a dysfunctional billionaire?

Annie Wilson:
[derisive laugh] Ha! You're asking the girl who fell for a priest.

[after learning about Adrianna cheating on him]

Dixon Wilson:
You think just because you cheated on me you'll be able to walk out of my new company? You signed a contract which gives me full control of your music. I own you.

Erin Silver:
I'm the other woman. I'm a cheater and a liar, and I'm... your iguana is judging me.

Navid Shirazi:
Bernstein's not... he's not judging you. He's myopic. He...

Erin Silver:
He's judging me, and I don't blame him. This isn't me, Navid. I'm... I'm not the girl who messes around with her friend's boyfriend.

Ian:
[Teddy has decided to come out of the closet] You sure you're ready?

Teddy Montgomery:
Right now, yes. In about ten seconds, not so much.

Naomi Clark:
[giving Paddington his wedding ring back] I believe that belongs to you. I found it in your wallet, where you probably stuffed it before our meeting.

William Paddington:
[clears his throat] Yeah.

Jen Clark:
I thought you said that you weren't married.

William Paddington:
No, I said there was no Mrs. Paddington. My wife kept her maiden name.

[Debbie is organizing a garage sale]

Harry Wilson:
You sure you wanna sell this stuff? I mean, honestly, Deb, there's some real treasures in here.

[gasp]

Harry Wilson:
Big Mouth Billy Bass? No, we cannot sell Big Mouth Billy Bass.

Debbie Wilson:
Let's hope we can.

Harry Wilson:
Come on.

[singing along]

Harry Wilson:
I wanna know...

[off Debbie's facial expression]

Harry Wilson:
No? We'll put a pin in it.

Debbie Wilson:
We will not put a pin in it. We will put a price tag on it and sell it. It's junk, Harry.

Harry Wilson:
Okay, if it's junk, then why are we trying to sell it?

Debbie Wilson:
Ah, and therein lies the paradox of the yard sale. Hand me the singing fish, my love.

[Navid is badgering Adrianna to eat healthy for her baby's sake]

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
Listen, I am confiscating that pregnancy book you're reading.

Navid Shirazi:
Sorry, it's already committed to memory. Hey, did you take your prenatal vitamins?

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
Yes, Navid.

Navid Shirazi:
Am I driving you crazy?

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
Yes, Navid.

Donna Martin:
I just got off the phone with David.

Kelly Taylor:
What happened?

Donna Martin:
I told him about the space, how perfect it was, how it was exactly how I envisioned it, how I wanna come back here. I want to make a go of it.

Kelly Taylor:
And?

Donna Martin:
And he said we'll have to figure out a schedule to shuttle Ruby between L.A. and Japan.

Kelly Taylor:
Honey...

Donna Martin:
I guess I always thought when push came to shove, that he wouldn't want to lose me.

Jen Clark:
Naomi?

Naomi Clark:
Go away, Jen.

Jen Clark:
Have you seen Preston?

Naomi Clark:
No, I was certain you'd stolen him from me already.

Jen Clark:
I don't steal things, I earn them.

Naomi Clark:
Oh, really? Like you "earned" Ethan and like you "earned" Liam? I'm not gonna let you steal another guy from me. PJ is mine so back the hell off!

Jen Clark:
I can't even first of all, believe that you would bring up those names. We have both made mistakes.

Naomi Clark:
We've made mistakes? No no no no! YOU'VE made mistakes and I'm tired of dealing with them! Are you jealous of me or something?

Jen Clark:
Jealous?

[chuckles]

Jen Clark:
As far as I can see, you are the same vapid, narcissistic, self-aggrandizing b*tch as you have ever been! I don't know what on earth I would be jealous of you for!

Naomi Clark:
Maybe the fact that I'm actually making something of myself and you're still an aging single mother without a friend, without love or even sex in her life!

Jen Clark:
Oh! I cannot believe you would just go there!

[Jen and Naomi both fall in a mud pit and start wrestling each other. As they do a crowd forms and watches them wrestle and cover themselves in mud]

Annie Wilson:
What are you doing? Stop it!

[Two guys knock Annie into the mud pit. She is now all covered in mud. She stands up infuriated]

Annie Wilson:
Oh, my god, that is it! I am so done with your stupid fight over PJ! You guys are acting like you're 12! When are you gonna grow the hell up?

[she spits out mud]

Annie Wilson:
I wish he was here right now so he could see this and see how crazy the both of you are!

Naomi Clark:
What are you talking about? Where is he?

Annie Wilson:
He went to Napa on the helicopter an hour ago!

Liam Court:
Did you tell Navid about Silver?

Vanessa:
[feigning ignorance] What are you talking about?

Liam Court:
Her cancer test. Someone told him, and it wasn't me.

Vanessa:
And Silver said it was me? She's lying.

Liam Court:
I don't think so. Tell me the truth. How did I get the part in that movie?

Vanessa:
I already told you. Cynthia was bluffing.

Liam Court:
Stop lying to me.

Vanessa:
Okay, look, I did some digging. And I found out that Cynthia Bennett, married mother of two, is sleeping with her boy toy assistant. So I offered her a trade. You get the movie, and she gets to keep her happy little family.

Liam Court:
You blackmailed her?

Vanessa:
She insulted your talent. Look, I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable, but that's the way the business works. Everything I did, I did for you, okay? You have to believe that.

Liam Court:
Everything everyone said about you is true. Did Adrianna even attack you?

Vanessa:
Liam...

Liam Court:
The rundown house that you took me to, did you actually grow up there?

Vanessa:
Of course.

Liam Court:
The motorcycle accident, was it actually an accident? Our relationship has been one big lie!

Vanessa:
[trying to change the subject] Okay, Liam, baby, you're just talking crazy.

Liam Court:
No, no, no. I want you gone by the time I get back.

Vanessa:
You don't mean that.

Liam Court:
Oh, yes, I do. Get your crap and get the hell out.

Naomi Clark:
How's that cute surfer boy of yours?

Annie Wilson:
You mean Caleb? Mmm, not happening. He's already in a committed relationship. He wants to become a priest.

Naomi Clark:
Oh, God.

Annie Wilson:
Exactly. He's in seminary, and next year, is going to take a vow of celibacy.

Naomi Clark:
Then you still have time.

Annie Wilson:
Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm already going to hell. Don't really need to add to it by defrocking a priest.

Naomi Clark:
Time to get my math on.

[Ryan has given his class assigned seats]

Erin Silver:
Mr. Matthews, I think the mountain air pickled your brain, because you forgot me. Straight from "Sabbir" to "Sondheimer".

Ryan Matthews:
Miss Silver, I am transferring you out of this class.

Erin Silver:
Excuse me?

Ryan Matthews:
I've already filled out the forms, I've discussed it with Principal Wilson. You will be in Mr. Kaplan's English class.

Erin Silver:
He's the worst teacher here. The dude calls Tom Clancy "the Bard".

Ryan Matthews:
Good luck to you.

Erin Silver:
Mr. Matthews, what is this about?

Ryan Matthews:
I don't think I can be objective with you as a student, given our... history.

Erin Silver:
[confused] Our history?

Ryan Matthews:
Yeah. As in you calling me a child-molesting pervert on your blog and almost costing me my job.

Erin Silver:
Oh, right. Um... my bad?

Ryan Matthews:
I think it's best if I'm not your teacher, for both of us.

[the bell rings, and the students begin chatting]

Ryan Matthews:
Quiet, please.

Erin Silver:
Look, Mr. Matthews, I was actually looking forward to this class. To your class. It might sound corny, but... you're not like the other teachers.

Ryan Matthews:
Maybe that was my problem.

Erin Silver:
[venting about being transferred out of Mr. Matthews' class] "Miss Silver"? Who calls me "Miss Silver"? I mean, it's unbelievable, right?

Dixon Wilson:
Well, it sounds to me...

Erin Silver:
I mean, anyone else, anyone else, kicks me out of their class, and I'm proud of it. But Mr. Matthews is... he's like the one teacher in this whole school who isn't some brain-dead zombie jerk. How could he do this to me?

Ryan Matthews:
[arriving at the hospital, to Debbie] Where is she?

Jen Clark:
[offscreen] Get her out of me already. What the hell am I paying you for?

Ryan Matthews:
I got it.

Ryan Matthews:
[Jen has gone into labor] Jen?

Jen Clark:
Oh, Ryan. Thank God. Make them cut her out.

Nurse:
Okay, you're almost there. Keep pushing.

Jen Clark:
You keep pushing, you idiot.

Ryan Matthews:
Okay, easy, Jen.

Jen Clark:
Ryan, I wanna kill somebody.

Ryan Matthews:
After you give birth, okay?

Jen Clark:
No, I want to kill somebody now. First her, and then you.

Jen Clark:
[while talking with Ryan] If you will excuse me, I have employees to berate.

Naomi Clark:
I have a question.

Miles Cannon:
Yes?

Naomi Clark:
Hi, Naomi Clark.

Miles Cannon:
Hi.

Naomi Clark:
So, what happens if I, like you said, "dig deeper, find the journalistic truth", blah blah blah, but it all gets edited out by Navid?

Miles Cannon:
Well...

Navid Shirazi:
That's because you don't cite your sources.

Naomi Clark:
And if I'm protecting my sources?

Navid Shirazi:
[scoffing] A friend of a friend of a guy you used to date? No, that's not a credible source.

Miles Cannon:
Actually, I do have to agree with Navid on this one. If we can't verify the information, then we shouldn't air it. We're not a tabloid here.

Naomi Clark:
[standing up] But we can be.

Erin Silver:
[pulling Naomi back down] You ever heard of making a good first impression?

Miles Cannon:
Miss Clark, if you'd like me to review any segments you're unhappy with, I'll be glad to give you my honest, unbiased critique. But I'm warning you, I have very high standards.

Naomi Clark:
[snorting with laughter] Well, they couldn't be that high, or you'd be working in news and not bossing a bunch of wannabe kids around for what, twenty grand a year?

Miles Cannon:
If you're done, I'd like to discuss the next "Blaze" edition.

Naomi Clark:
But I'm not.

Miles Cannon:
Yes, you are.

Erin Silver:
I know that you're mad at me, but we have a much bigger problem.

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
Oh, my God! Naomi's wearing sweats?

Erin Silver:
Yeah.

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
What?

Erin Silver:
I don't know.

Ryan Matthews:
[on the phone with Kimberly] I really didn't think it was going to turn out like this. I mean, I didn't... I didn't think. Maybe I deserve it.

Kimberly MacIntyre:
No, you don't.

Ryan Matthews:
In a moment of extreme masochism, I decided to read Silver's blog. You wanna know the worst part, beside from the grammar? These kids, they think I'm a sleazeball. They really do.

Harry Wilson:
[watching Dixon and Silver singing karaoke] After this, my mother's gonna do her big closing number. I think we should pull the plug on karaoke and get out the cake.

Debbie Wilson:
Oh, but the kids really seem to be enjoying her. I mean, how bad could it be?

Harry Wilson:
I... I think that it involves pasties.

Debbie Wilson:
I'll get the birthday girl.

Naomi Clark:
[to Adrianna] So how is Mommy Dearest?

Adrianna Duncan:
You know, desperate to be Dina Lohan and making me suffer for every moment that she's not.

Kimberly MacIntyre:
I'm Kim, I'm from Las Vegas. I wear size 8 shoes, I have three piercings, but I won't say where, and I like tacos.

Ryan Matthews:
Great, I also like tacos. Welcome to the school.

Kimberly MacIntyre:
Any piercings?

Ryan Matthews:
[to the class] Moving on.

Annie Wilson:
[to Kimberly] Hey, can I just say that I was the new girl up until right now, so I totally know how you feel.

Kimberly MacIntyre:
Well, I guess you weren't very good at it 'cause now I got the job.

Ryan Matthews:
That's cute.

Ryan Matthews:
[to Kimberly] You wanna tell us a little something about yourself, Kimberly?

Kimberly MacIntyre:
Well, why don't you just take whatever the old new girl said about herself and just make it better.

Ryan Matthews:
Well, that's tough because the old new girl is from Kansas and it just doesn't get any better than that.

Annie Wilson:
There's no place like home.

Miss Wells:
Annie and Ethan, you are married. Annie works, Ethan is a stay-at-home dad.

Ethan Ward:
Do I like, have a hobby?

Miss Wells:
Your hobby is your child.

Dixon Wilson:
[to Silver] You are a very strange girl.

Erin Silver:
Yeah? Well, I'm a strange girl who's gonna have the most rockingest half-birthday ever. Come on, "Psycho" at a cemetery? Awesomely perfect.

Debbie Wilson:
[to Harry] Your mother flashed the gardener again.

Tabitha Wilson:
I never flashed Mauricio. I like to swim naked. I like how it feels when the water glides off my ass. Why should I give that up?

Harry Wilson:
Mom, Mauricio comes once a week. Do you have to swim naked at that exact moment?

Tabitha Wilson:
Harry, don't be such a prude. I'm letting my freak fly and there's nothing you can do about it.

Dixon Wilson:
Grandma, you don't see me. You just forgot to take your blue pill.

Tabitha Wilson:
Did all the blood rush away from the part of your brain that allows you to tell time?

Dixon Wilson:
I was just...

Tabitha Wilson:
Sneaking in. Were you with a girl? I want all the deets. Don't worry, I won't tell your mom and dad.

Dixon Wilson:
Thank you so much, Grandma.

Tabitha Wilson:
I meant I won't tell them if you were with a girl. They know you're not here. Your mother is halfway to calling the police.

Kimberly MacIntyre:
[to Ryan] I hear this is where the party's at.

Ryan Matthews:
That's right, so can sit down and pour yourself a tall glass of "shut up" and "don't speak" for the next hour.

Kimberly MacIntyre:
Does that come in diet? 'Cause I'm kind of watching my figure.

Ryan Matthews:
And that ends the conversation portion of this detention.

Adrianna Duncan:
Give me a break, Naomi.

Naomi Clark:
No! No, I won't give you a break. Okay? I'm your friend and I may come off as annoying or whatever you think I am, but I care about you, and I'm worried about you.

Ryan Matthews:
[to Kimberly] Listen, I don't want to assume anything here, but I've been through this with students before, so if you're having any kind of feelings. I'm your teacher, you're my student, and I'm a lot older than you. I mean, I'm not a lot...

Kimberly MacIntyre:
Dude, chill. I just didn't want you to catch her stupidity. I heard it's contagious and I hope you didn't think I had a crush on you, because... gross.

Naomi Clark:
Mom, what are you doing?

Tracy Clark:
I'm doing what I should've done a long time ago. I'm acting like your mother instead of your sister or your friend.

Naomi Clark:
Are you kidding me? Dad, she's tearing my room apart!

Charles Clark:
If I wasn't bailing you out, I'd be doing it right along with her.

Kimberly MacIntyre:
[to Ryan] Do you have a girlfriend?

Ryan Matthews:
[laughs] That's none of your business.

Kimberly MacIntyre:
Are you gay? You seem gay.

Ryan Matthews:
Yeah, about as gay as your dad.

Kimberly MacIntyre:
My dad's dead.

Ryan Matthews:
Hm. Well, I think your dad's about as dead as I am gay.

Kimberly MacIntyre:
Touch?.

Erin Silver:
[to Annie about Ethan] I think you guys have things in reverse. First you date, then marriage, and then a baby. But, you know, whatever works for you.

[last lines, over scenes of EMTs trying to revive an OD'ing Adrianna]

Naomi Clark:
I cannot believe you did this to me. You were the one person that I thought I could count on, that I could trust. It was you, Adrianna, you were it. And you can't even do so little as to pick up your freaking phone. Amazing. Way to go. This friendship is over. We're done. I hope you got that. You're dead to me.

Navid Shirazi:
Hey, uh, do you remember at the beginning of the school year when everybody promised to stay late and help me put out the "Blaze"?

Erin Silver:
Sure do.

Navid Shirazi:
That was a load of crap, huh?

Erin Silver:
Sure was.

Navid Shirazi:
Good to know.

[the girls are all sitting on the beach]

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
I still can't believe you lost Dixon.

Annie Wilson:
That's funny coming from the girl whose list nearly killed Silver.

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
I was trying to help a friend get pregnant.

Annie Wilson:
On a trapeze?

Naomi Clark:
This is a really weird conversation. [Some surfers walk by and Silver notices them]

Erin Silver:
Look at them. We were them 2 years ago. All happy and healthy and hopeful and not afraid of anything.

Annie Wilson:
Well, the worst thing that could happen was you making out with the wrong guy at prom.

Naomi Clark:
Okay, Alec kissed me.

Erin Silver:
Oh, my god.

Annie Wilson:
When?

Naomi Clark:
On our friend date.

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
How was it? Alec's hot. [the others give Ade looks] I mean, not that it makes it okay.

Erin Silver:
What exactly happened?

Naomi Clark:
We were having a wonderful day out. I mean, he was his usual ass self at first, but then I took him yachting and we had lunch and he won me a silver unicorn and the moment was perfect and then all of a sudden he kissed me. I've been trying to pretend like it didn't happen.

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
Okay, well, you have to tell Max.

Naomi Clark:
Tell him what? That I tricked his best friend into spending the day with me, forced him to like me and then, "Oops, we kissed." With my track record with Austin and now this, Max is never gonna trust me again.

Erin Silver:
You know, Max will understand, but you have to tell him. If you don't tell Max and then he somehow finds out, then your relationship will be ruined.

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
Why should I be grateful? I've lost everything I spent my entire life working for. All my life, all I ever wanted to be was famous. And now I've lost my contract with the record label. I've lost all my endorcement contracts. All my concert and TV appearances have been canceled. Everyone that I know has abandoned me. My whole entourage, Victor, Renee... even Laurel woun't return any of my calls or speak to me. It's so unfair.

Naomi Clark:
You know, Ade, it really isn't all that unfair.

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
What?

Annie Wilson:
Naomi...

Erin Silver:
No, she's right. Enough already!

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
What do you mean?

Naomi Clark:
No one forced you to steal a dead guy's songs and pass them off as your own.

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
What are you saying?

Erin Silver:
She's saying that you did a really awful and unethical thing in passing off Javier's songs as your own just so you could sign a recording contract for yourself. You got caught and now you're paying the price.

Naomi Clark:
I'm saying you had it coming.

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
I can't believe this! Is that what you think, too, Annie? That I had it coming? Huh?

Annie Wilson:
[hesitating] Uh... well... I mean, what you did was sort of twisted. Plus, you behavior afterwords, well...

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
So now you all think that I'm a horrible person because of what I did? Because of one stupid, spur-of-the-moment choice I made? I thought I could count on you. I thought you were by friends! You're supposed to support me and my actions... no matter what! I thought that my friends would stand behind and support me during the worst time of my life!

Naomi Clark:
[incredilous] Oh, my God! All we've ever done is support you. And believe me, it hasn't been easy. Since you dropped out of school and became famous, everything you talk about has always been about you... you... you... and you! It's like the whole world must revolve around you!

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
Okay... well, I'm sorry for being such a burden!

Erin Silver:
What you should be sorry for is letting fame and sucess go to your head which has turned you into a vain, self-absorbed b*tch that none of us can even stand to be around!

Naomi Clark:
[to Silver] Preach it, sister!

Annie Wilson:
Guys, come on.

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
You know what? I knew you guys couldn't handle my fame. I knew you were jealous!

Naomi Clark:
[sarcastic] Oh... yeah, really? Because all I ever wanted to do in life was someday get into a car accident with a big pop star so I could steal his music and become just like you!

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
[gets up and walks out; still in denial] I don't need to listen to this!

Annie Wilson:
[Emily has dyed her hair and is dressed exactly like Annie] She borrows my clothes and my perfume and my jewelry and my makeup. And... and last night, I saw her using my deodorant! But this? She's "Single White Female"-ing me!

Debbie Wilson:
I can't believe this. Suspended on your senior year!

Annie Wilson:
I know. It's only for three days.

Debbie Wilson:
How do you think colleges are going to respond to this?

Annie Wilson:
I don't know. Not well?

Debbie Wilson:
Yeah, well "not well" is right. I don't get it. Why would you do something like this? Assault another student? Emily of all people?

Annie Wilson:
Mom, it's not my fault. Emily just...

Debbie Wilson:
[cutting her off] Emily what? Emily what!

[Annie looks right at Debbie and finally sees that there is no getting through to her, or anyone else, about Emily's deviousness]

Annie Wilson:
[slumps back in her chair; now lying] Nothing. Emily... nothing. It was all my fault. Emily had nothing to do with this.

Debbie Wilson:
[sighs] Good. I'm glad you told the truth for once. Accepting responsibily insteading of passing it on poor Emily. Annie, I haven't got the time to talk to you about this. Whatever's bothering you or whatever you're going through... deal with it!

[Debbie walks out as Annie continues sitting alone at the kitchen table as she raises her hands up to the table, which are now clenched fists]

Annie Wilson:
[quietly to herself; angry tone] Oh... I will.

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
[approaching a customer] Can I get you anything else?

Snarky Man:
Um, I wanna try this new drink. It's called the Has-Been Pop Star.

[laughs, and takes a picture of Adrianna with his phone]

Snarky Man:
Wonder how much TMZ would pay to see Adrianna Tate-Duncan working as a barmaid.

Liam Court:
[entering] Hey, why don't you let me take a picture of you two?

Snarky Man:
Oh, cool, man. Thanks.

[Liam takes the man's phone and drops it into a pitcher of beer]

Snarky Man:
Hey, you just broke my phone!

Liam Court:
Walk out now or I'll break a few other things.

Winter:
Liam, great news. Your billboard on Hollywood Boulevard is literally stopping traffic.

Liam Court:
Traffic's always stopped on Hollywood Boulevard.

Winter:
True, but that is not why I'm here. There is so much buzz about "Who is Ab Man?" that the company wants to reveal your face as part of their new campaign. They're willing to sign you to a very lucrative contract.

Liam Court:
That is not worth the money.

Winter:
It's not just about that money. Look, you can't buy that kind of publicity. You'll be famous.

Liam Court:
I'm pretty sure that's the last thing I want.

Winter:
Fantastic. I find the one hot guy in L.A. who doesn't want fame or money.

Uncle Amal:
I may be in a dishonest business, but I'm an honest businessman.

Liam Court:
You know what I could never figure out? Is why you were such a jerk to me from the day that I showed up that summer. It's like you were trying to get rid of me.

Charlie Selby:
You know what? You're right. I did want you to leave, so I set you up. I wanted to protect you.

Liam Court:
By letting me get beat? Give me a break.

Charlie Selby:
Once. You got beat once by that man. I got it practically every day that summer. Sometimes twice. And I knew you'd get the same treatment if you stuck around long enough. I could take it, but there was no way I was letting my little brother go through that.

Liam Court:
Why didn't you tell me that before?

Charlie Selby:
It's not easy to talk about. But I did wanna talk to you, Liam. It's just you never stopped long enough to listen.

Erin Silver:
This project has made me realize that I wanna be a filmmaker. I'm gonna make movies.

Ryan Matthews:
Wow. That's cool. You know, I gotta say, I like movies better than blogs.

Erin Silver:
It totally makes sense. I've... I've always been a visual person. It's just I'm crap at painting and drawing. So film is this perfect medium for me. You know, I don't... I don't have to create the image, I just have to capture it and then connect them.

Ryan Matthews:
Well, just thank me at the Oscars.

Erin Silver:
You got it. So look, I know everybody gets ten minutes for their presentation, but I can't cut it down to that. I mean, maybe if I make some really big trims, I can get it down to forty-five minutes. What do you think?

Ryan Matthews:
Are you out of your mind? Aim for ten, all right? We have other students in the class.

Erin Silver:
You just lost your Oscar shout-out.

Ryan Matthews:
Well, I'll survive.

Ryan Matthews:
Hey, Kelly. It's Ryan. Listen, I need you to call me back. Uh... Silver made a film and, uh... yeah, I don't really wanna get into it on your machine. So just call me back. Okay.

[Ryan hangs his phone up and enters his apartment to find a smashed window and Silver waiting inside]

Ryan Matthews:
Silver.

Erin Silver:
You didn't think I'd put it together, did you?

Ryan Matthews:
What? What are you doing...

Erin Silver:
[growing more and more agitated] No! Just stop talking. Stop. It was a nice try, Matthews. You think that I'm dumb? Well, I'm not dumb. It took me a little while, but I figured out what you were up to. You said to me that you liked movies better than blogs. You think you could possibly be referring to the blog that I posted about you? Huh? I wonder. You never got over it, did you? You pretended to. You pretended to forgive me. You even invited me back into your classroom. All so that you could encourage me to make this movie. This was all a setup.

Ryan Matthews:
Silver?

Erin Silver:
No, stop! Drop the puppy-dog face. I'm over it. I know that you don't want me to succeed. All you wanted was revenge.

Ryan Matthews:
[trying to calm Silver down] Listen to me. You know that's not true.

Erin Silver:
You managed to turn Dixon against me. You managed to ruin my relationship, the one thing that I care the most about in this entire world!

Ryan Matthews:
Wait, wait. Dixon?

Erin Silver:
Stay away from me!

Ryan Matthews:
Okay.

Erin Silver:
Do you wanna know how I figured it out? Last night in the media lab, you said to me "Are you out of your mind?". And then tonight, Dixon just now said to me "Are you out of your mind?". That is not a coincidence! You got to Dixon! You told him lies about me! All so that you could teach me a lesson! What kind of teacher are you?

Ryan Matthews:
Silver, listen...

[Silver throws a wine bottle against the wall]

Ryan Matthews:
Okay! What do you want from me?

Erin Silver:
I want you to fix all of this!

Dixon Wilson:
Ooh, pancakes!

Annie Wilson:
Throw me one.

Debbie Wilson:
We do not throw food.

Debbie Wilson:
Oh, I can pick you up tonight.

Annie Wilson:
No, Silver's gonna give me a ride. I won't be home for dinner.

Dixon Wilson:
Me too, peace.

Harry Wilson:
Me, three. I've got a meeting with the teacher's union.

Dixon Wilson:
Family night?

Annie Wilson:
You want us to go bowling?

Harry Wilson:
Yeah.

Debbie Wilson:
Your dad and I would like to spend some time with you guys. I feel like we don't see each other anymore.

Annie Wilson:
And we really, really want to hang out with you guys.

Dixon Wilson:
Especially on a Friday night.

Annie Wilson:
But... I have a date with Ty tomorrow night.

Dixon Wilson:
And Navid's dad is showing the new Bond movie. Come on.

Debbie Wilson:
Well, your dad and I have tickets to the Hollywood Bowl, but we're not going.

Harry Wilson:
No, we're not.

Debbie Wilson:
Because we want to spend time with you guys.

Erin Silver:
[to Kelly about Ryan] I think he has a crush on you.

Kelly Taylor:
Oh, God, no. No, no, no, no. We're colleagues. I would never go out...

Erin Silver:
Good. This school's hard enough as it is without my sister banging the teacher.

Annie Wilson:
[to Silver] Hey, where were you today? I was looking for you at school.

Erin Silver:
Fell asleep behind the biology lab.

Ryan Matthews:
[to Kelly] I'm sorry I was late. Traffic was a nightmare. You know, this guy wouldn't move. I think I hit a squirrel. Did you get stuck in that?

Kelly Taylor:
No, I live just down the street. I walked here.

Dixon Wilson:
[to Silver] So, Ms. Silver, do you know how to bowl or you know, are you too cool for that kind of thing?

Erin Silver:
I'm gonna kick your ass.

Naomi Clark:
[to Adrianna] Baby, you sound pitchy.

Adrianna Duncan:
[to Naomi] You sound bitchy.

Dixon Wilson:
Silver? What's going on?

Erin Silver:
I've been staying at the women's shelter for a few weeks now. I did some community service there this past summer and there's this woman who... she lets me stay there sometimes. Sort of knows my situation. My mom, she drinks. When she's like this, she's a completely different person. It's like, she screams, she throws things, she blames me. Sometimes she gets so out of control. I don't know... sometimes it scares me.

Erin Silver:
Dixon, I didn't tell you so you would tell your dad. I'm already enough of a freak at school. I don't want all the other kids to know my mom's a drunk, too.

Dixon Wilson:
[to Silver] You don't think I know what you're going through? I didn't grow up in the Cosby family. You think every other family I lived with was like this? No! I know what it's like to be around someone who's wasted out of their mind! I know what that stuff does to people. That's why I never do it myself. Silver, look, you gotta trust my dad or at least trust me.

Harry Wilson:
Okay, well, Silver, you will stay here tonight. And as far as we're concerned, until we get this figured out.

Annie Wilson:
Yeah, she can stay in my room.

Dixon Wilson:
She can stay in my room. [everyone smiles] Just trying to help.

Naomi Clark:
[to Tracy] I went to Dad's office last night and I saw him kissing another woman. He was all over her. I'm so sorry, Mom.

Tracy Clark:
Her name is Gail. I know all about her.

Naomi Clark:
He's been seeing her for two years?

Tracy Clark:
Honey, she doesn't live in town, so they don't see each other very often.

Naomi Clark:
What's going on? Are you ending it? Are you getting a divorce?

Tracy Clark:
No, I don't want to break up this family.

Naomi Clark:
Mom, this isn't a family!

Tracy Clark:
Honey, Dad and I have a long history together, okay? We have two kids, two homes, friends. We have a life together.

Naomi Clark:
Mom, what kind of life is this?

Naomi Clark:
Oh, sweetheart... it's one that I don't want to lose.

Jackie Taylor:
[to Kelly] You can imagine my surprise when you called to say you were coming after. Well, how long has it been since our last altercation?

Kelly Taylor:
I came to talk about Silver, Mom.

Jackie Taylor:
Well, Erin is not here right now. She's staying at a friend's house, Naomi's, I think, or...

Kelly Taylor:
Are you kidding me? Is that what you think? She hasn't been staying at a friend's house. She's been sleeping at a shelter.

Jackie Taylor:
Well, she told me... oh, how dare you give me that look. I didn't know.

Kelly Taylor:
Why is that? Were you too drunk to notice? What is these days, Mom? Alcohol? Or are you back on coke?

Jackie Taylor:
Oh, let's go to another meeting together again. Let's hold hands and give it up to our higher power.

Jackie Taylor:
Your sister is just leaving, Erin.

Kelly Taylor:
Yes, I am, and I am taking her with me.

Jackie Taylor:
You have a 4-year-old with nobody to help you unless by some miracle he has decided to come back and act like a dad, and now you want to add a teenager on top of it. Let me tell you, she is no walk in the park.

Kelly Taylor:
Well, she's coming to live with me. [to Silver] Let's go.

Jackie Taylor:
You lied to me and now you're gonna leave me?

Erin Silver:
Mom! Stop it, both of you! Mom, I can't take this anymore. I can't just watch you...

Jackie Taylor:
[to Silver] Oh, get out! I am tired of both of you. [Silver runs away]

Kelly Taylor:
Good job, Mom.

Adrianna Duncan:
Ethan, you've got to help. Naomi's freaking out in the parking lot.

Annie Wilson:
What? What's wrong?

Adrianna Duncan:
She saw her father with another woman. It's crazy.

Ty Collins:
[to Annie] So you're blowing me off tonight for bowling?

Annie Wilson:
Oh, God, my parents are making me.

Ty Collins:
That sucks.

Kelly Taylor:
[about her son] He's only four and he is reading all these words. I'm sure that this is really boring to you.

Ryan Matthews:
No, it's your son, it's fascinating. I love kids, you know. I teach kids, I flunk kids, I want to strangle them sometimes.

Navid Shirazi:
[to Dixon] Dude, it's simple. Just tell your parents that you don't want to go.

Dixon Wilson:
Look, I'm not trying to hurt their feelings, man. Just come to the bowling alley, tell them the thing about the movie. There's no way they won't let me go.

Navid Shirazi:
You sure it'll work?

Dixon Wilson:
You know what? Bring a lot of people. It'll be harder for them to say no.

Navid Shirazi:
Peer pressure. Got it.

Ryan Matthews:
[to Kelly] I'm just going to do this. [kisses her] Now are we dating?

Kelly Taylor:
Oh, what the hell.

[passing by Erin's locker]

Kelly Taylor:
[covering her face with her folder] If I don't see you, I don't know you're late. If I don't know you're late, I don't have to give you a late slip.

Ivy Sullivan:
Oh, my God, I swear I have never seen you work this hard.

Naomi Clark:
You said that yesterday.

Ivy Sullivan:
Yeah, well, I'm still getting used to it.

Naomi Clark:
Ugh, I have to run this huge Hollywood awards party tonight, and I brilliantly convinced my boss to hire my arch-nemesis as my assistant.

Ivy Sullivan:
Whoa, whoa. Holly is your new assistant? What is that, some sort of death wish or something?

Holly Strickler:
Here you go. I picked up the name tags from the printer, and I got you a cup of coffee that I didn't even spit in... boss.

Naomi Clark:
Thank you. Now I need you to seal all the gift cards into envelopes.

Holly Strickler:
How stupid do you think I am? I am not licking booby-trapped envelopes.

Naomi Clark:
They're self-adhesive, and Holly, we have to trust each other if we're gonna be working together.

Holly Strickler:
Is that why you won't take a sip of the coffee?

[Naomi picks up the coffee cup, chuckles nervously, and takes a sip]

Holly Strickler:
I lied about the spit.

[last lines]

Navid Shirazi:
[Adrianna hands him a cup of coffee] I'm gonna need this to get through the rest of my day.

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
Is everything okay?

Navid Shirazi:
Yeah, I just couldn't sleep. There's a lot on my mind.

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
Oh, no. Did the conversation with Silver not go well?

Navid Shirazi:
No. We had a pretty big fight, actually.

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
About what? Navid, come on. You can tell me anything. I'm your friend, right?

Navid Shirazi:
You are my friend. I'm done letting secrets get in the way of my relationships. Adrianna, I have to tell you something. You might wanna sit down for this.

Ethan Ward:
[to Naomi] Are you gonna be staring at your Sidekick all night?

Naomi Clark:
[to Ethan] Are you gonna be staring at the fake b*obs all night?

Erin Silver:
Do you know I actually almost started believing that guy?

Dixon Wilson:
Hey, that guy is a pig, but he was right about one thing. You are definitely the most beautiful girl in the room tonight.

Kelly Taylor:
[to Silver] And I talked to your dad. He has a room ready and he's waiting for you.

Erin Silver:
You're kidding, right? I am not going to go stay with Mel and his latest child bride. I think that girl is actually in my homeroom.

Brenda Walsh:
Adrianna, you are a fantastic actress and if you choose to, you're gonna have great success, but there's plenty of time for that. Maybe you should take a little bit of pressure off of yourself right now.

Adrianna Tate:
Do you really think I want to end up like you, acting in some tragic theater company directing high school musicals in my spare time? No, thanks.

Annie Wilson:
[about Adrianna] God, what is her problem?

Harry Wilson:
She is having a rough time.

Annie Wilson:
Yeah, but so is everybody else. It's called high school.

Naomi Clark:
[to Ethan about her dad] The minute he got in the same room with my mom, they ended up in bed together. What does that tell you?

Ethan Ward:
That they're still horny?

Naomi Clark:
No, that they still have feelings for each other.

Navid Shirazi:
[to Dixon] Dude, you've been in Beverly Hills like 10 minutes and you already have a girlfriend. You know what that makes me?

Dixon Wilson:
A loser?

Navid Shirazi:
No, a third wheel.

Erin Silver:
[to Dixon and Navid] Listen, I'm gonna let you guys just hug this out while I go try to blog Navid a whole new wheel.

Adrianna Tate:
[to Annie] You stole my part in the play.

Annie Wilson:
Adrianna, I was your understudy. I had to go on. You on the other hand did not have to sleep with Ty.

Adrianna Tate:
Then why are you helping me?

Annie Wilson:
Because unlike you, I'm actually a nice person.

Ryan Matthews:
Annie, where's Adrianna?

Annie Wilson:
Oh, you know, she's just off cooking her next little psychotic plan to ruin my life.

Naomi Clark:
[to Ethan] Now my parents will never get back together.

Ethan Ward:
Maybe that's not such a bad thing.

Naomi Clark:
How can you say that?

Ethan Ward:
Some people aren't just meant to be together.

Kelly Taylor:
[to Silver] Hey, kiddo. How was the party?

Erin Silver:
Oh, you know. Dreams built up and shattered. Typical night in Hollywood.

Tom Marino:
[to Silver] How about I get my driver to take us back to my house in the Hills and we can plot the world domination of Silver in my Jacuzzi?

Erin Silver:
You're kidding, right? Do you know how old I am?

Tom Marino:
Oh, age to me is more of a state of mind.

Erin Silver:
Yeah, well, in the state of California, it's 15 to 20 hard time.

Tom Marino:
[to Silver] Now I thought the modeling world was not for you.

Erin Silver:
Morbid fascination. I was dragged here kicking and screaming.

[after a fight between Tom Marino and Dixon]

Debbie Wilson:
Antonio, I'm so sorry. If you want to fire me, I totally understand.

Antonio Garrett:
Ahh, please. You were defending your son. Life's too short to work with people like that. And you're too talented not to keep around.

Debbie Wilson:
Thank you.

Navid Shirazi:
[going surfing with Dixon and Liam] I didn't expect to see you here. Got a day off from driving Miss Daisy?

Liam Court:
Daisy took a cab. She's got a full afternoon of "purse business". She knows the rules, man. I deal with her, but not the drugs.

Dixon Wilson:
I still can't believe that girl deals, man. It's not even like she needs the money. I swear, I'll never understand rich kids.

Liam Court:
Trying to understand rich kids is like trying to understand LeBron James. The more you talk about it, the angrier you get.

Liam Court:
Listen, Sheila... I appreciate everything you've done for me and my career these past few months, but I think we should take this to the next level.

Sheila:
The next level? Liam, I'm married... and gay.

Ryan Matthews:
[trying to get volunteers for his Habitat for Humanity trip] Don't any of you want to do something different every once in a while? You know, experience something you haven't experienced before? Uh... learn something about yourselves?

Ethan Ward:
I'll sign up.

Naomi Clark:
[curiously] Seriously?

Ryan Matthews:
[surprised] Seriously?

Ethan Ward:
Why not? I wanna experience things I've never experienced before. Take a risk for a change.

Kelly Taylor:
Okay, it's time for your mood chart. Let's see here, it's 9:30. What is your mood?

Erin Silver:
Irritated.

Kelly Taylor:
Okay, irritated. How irritated, on a scale of one to ten?

Erin Silver:
Well, I was at a four. But you asked me that, brought me up to a six.

Kelly Taylor:
Six. Okay, then. How would you like to spend your time before bed? Would you like to journal?

Erin Silver:
No, I would not like to journal. Nor would I like to use the word "journal" as a verb.

Harry Wilson:
[Dixon and Annie are gone for Spring Break] So, just you and me.

Debbie Wilson:
Mmm-hmm.

Harry Wilson:
How will we pass the time? Oh, I got an idea.

[Harry climbs onto the kitchen table]

Harry Wilson:
Sex. Lots of sex, starting now.

Debbie Wilson:
Starting later.

Harry Wilson:
No, no, no.

Debbie Wilson:
I have an assignment for my photography class. I have to line up a nude model.

Harry Wilson:
Hubba hubba.

Debbie Wilson:
Really? That's your response?

Harry Wilson:
One "hubba" too many?

[Debbie laughs]

Naomi Clark:
If I said to someone "I can't wait to spend alone time together", and that person said to me "That's an oxymoron", what do you think that person meant?

Ethan Ward:
Uh... that it's an oxymoron to be alone together.

[Donna finishes a phone conversation while driving with Kelly]

Kelly Taylor:
Very impressive, Donna. And also illegal. You're not allowed to drive and talk on the phone at the same time anymore without a Bluetooth.

Donna Martin:
Are you serious?

Diablo Cody:
Hey, guys, sorry to interrupt. I just have to say I love your dress.

Donna Martin:
Oh, thank you.

Diablo Cody:
I just spent like the whole morning trooping around stores looking for something to wear to this premiere party. Your dress is the first thing I've seen that I actually like.

Kelly Taylor:
You're Diablo Cody, right?

Diablo Cody:
Yeah.

[Donna looks confused]

Kelly Taylor:
Diablo Cody. She wrote "Juno".

Donna Martin:
Sorry. Uh, maybe it didn't come to Japan?

Diablo Cody:
Oh, no, it did. But they called it "Teenage Mommy Girl".

Donna Martin:
No! You wrote "Teenage Mommy Girl"? I loved that movie.

Diablo Cody:
Thank you. I love your dress.

Teddy Montgomery:
[leaving a voicemail message] Uncle Charles, it's Teddy. Again. Before I leave town, I just... I need to tell you that I'm sorry about what happened. I'm sorry you don't approve of who I am. I want my family in my life, I really do, but... but I've realized that I don't *need* you. I don't need anyone's approval but my own. I'll apologize until I'm blue in the face about that stupid video, but... I'll never apologize for who I am. Oh, and if you see my dad, tell him his son is happy.

Emily Bradford:
Annie? I am so sorry about what happened today with Liam. The whole thing was really innocent.

Annie Wilson:
[scoffs] Nothing about you is innocent, Emily. And if you think you're going to steal my boyfriend too, it's not going to happen.

[Emily begins quietly sobbing again]

Annie Wilson:
[scoffs] Oh. And spare me the tears, Emily, 'cause I'm not buying it anymore.

Emily Bradford:
[breaking character] Fine! Cards up. All my life, I've looked up to you. And when I moved out here, all I wanted was to be friends with you, but you wouldn't let me in. You looked down on me, ignored me, and I know you basically told Dixon and Aunt Deb that I was a stalker. Yeah, I head that. And now the tables have turned. So who wants to "Single White Female" who?

Annie Wilson:
I knew it! People are going to find out what a psychotic, manipulative, two-faced, crazy b*tch you are, 'cause I'm going to tell them.

Emily Bradford:
Go ahead. Who do you think they're going to believe? You, or innocent little Emily?

[begins sobbing again]

Emily Bradford:
Please, Annie, all I want is to be friends with you.

[cold and impassive voice again]

Emily Bradford:
Good night.

[Emily exits while Annie angrily looks on]

Naomi Clark:
I think I have the hots for a nerd.

Erin Silver:
[watching Teddy play tennis] Ace him!

Navid Shirazi:
He's not serving. You can only ace someone when you're serving.

Erin Silver:
Let's just be grateful I'm using tennis terminology. When we first started dating, I told him to serve a no-hitter.

Naomi Clark:
[at a party for the senior class] Is that a freshman? What the hell's she doing here?

Naomi Clark:
I just love this gown. I'll take it.

Kim Kardashian:
Okay, with the friendship discount, that'll be $400.

Naomi Clark:
Uh... guys I'm a little short this week. Couldn't you give it to me now and I'll pay you when I can?

Khlo? Kardashian:
Naomi, we're running a business, not a charity. It would not be fair to our other clients if we just give away our dresses and gowns as handouts.

Kim Kardashian:
If you want the clothes, you have to pay for them up front. No more credit for you.

Naomi Clark:
[angry] Fine, then. I just wouldn't buy them right now... b*tch.

Kim Kardashian:
What?

Naomi Clark:
Nothing.

Khlo? Kardashian:
No, what did you say?

Naomi Clark:
I called her a b*tch. Oh, I'm sorry. I meant ho. By the way, your clothes suck!

Gia Mannetti:
I am sick.

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
Oh, no! Cold or flu?

Gia Mannetti:
Not that kind of sick. Why am I enjoying watching you iron? It's so turning me on. I'm just sick that's all.

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
[sarcastic] It's because you're a sexist pig.

[Brenda is in the hospital after accidentally breaking her arm]

Kelly Taylor:
Well, according to your emergency contact list, we're still BFFs.

Tabitha Wilson:
I have to remember some of those breathing exercises I used to do. I had a director who'd say, "If you're not breathing from your ass and reaching to the skies, the back row won't hear you." I slept with him.

Naomi Clark:
Hi, Mom. Where are we going for dinner tonight?

Tracy Clark:
I made reservations at Craft.

Naomi Clark:
Is Dad coming?

Tracy Clark:
He has a meeting.

Naomi Clark:
Is that code for "sleeping with his girlfriend"?

Naomi Clark:
Mom, how can you live like this? How can you just accept that Dad's with another woman. How is that okay? Can you explain that to me? 'Cause i just don't get it.

Tracy Clark:
It's just a casual fling, that's all. She doesn't even live here.

Naomi Clark:
So what, Mom? He's still cheating on you.

Tracy Clark:
This is between me and your dad. Stay out of it. I'm not discussing this with you again.

Naomi Clark:
[to Silver] Please don't blog about my dad's affair.

Erin Silver:
You thought my family problems were gossip. Why shouldn't I treat yours the same way?

Tabitha Wilson:
Just because you're a bunch of rich brats doesn't mean you can't have angst.

Annie Wilson:
[when she finds out Dixon's working at the Peach Pit] You're working here?

Dixon Wilson:
Yeah.

Annie Wilson:
Are you trying to make me look bad with Mom and Dad?

Dixon Wilson:
No, I'm trying to make me look good.

Ty Collins:
[to Annie] What's this?

Annie Wilson:
Snickerdoodles. They're apology cookies. When I do something screwed up, I bake.

Naomi Clark:
[to Ethan] Think we can start over?

Ethan Ward:
What do you mean?

Naomi Clark:
All I know is I miss those two people who went to the zoo and ate cotton candy, and were silly and happy together.

Ethan Ward:
So you're saying... you want to get back together?

Naomi Clark:
I'm saying take it day by day. See what happens.

Ethan Ward:
I can do that.

Debbie Wilson:
Harry, how hard can it be to find an acting coach in LA? I could throw a rock through a window and hit an actor.

Naomi Clark:
My family is so fake. I mean, my sister's being Photoshopped into the Christmas card from Paris. My dad is kissing my mom while having an affair.

Erin Silver:
[to Dixon] You hit that guy's car, almost got him in trouble, and then he asks you to a game?

Dixon Wilson:
It's nothing. I've seen guys fist-fight and then five minutes later, they're hanging out.

Erin Silver:
That's crazy.

Dixon Wilson:
Yeah, you know, guys aren't girls. We don't hold grudges. Life is way too short.

Erin Silver:
[to Dixon] Those dimples are not gonna get you into Harvard.

Dixon Wilson:
I'm a black kid living with a white family. It doesn't get any more different than that.

Erin Silver:
I just like being different. That's how I'm made.

Erin Silver:
[to Dixon] You look tired. Up all night thinking about me?

Naomi Clark:
You really care about me, don't you?

Max Miller:
Of course.

Naomi Clark:
I mean, you care a lot. Enough to give up having sex. With me.

Max Miller:
I am not in this relationship for sex, Naomi. I mean, if I wanted to have sex, there are plenty of band girls who want me. I mean, the flautists are practically nymphos. And I'm with you because I like you. I really like you.

Naomi Clark:
I really like you, too.

Annie Wilson:
[seeing a Mexican monkey] Oh, my gosh. We so have to get a photo!

Liam Court:
Absolutely not.

Annie Wilson:
Yes, come on. Someday we'll look back at it and think about how we were young and in love in Mexico.

Liam Court:
I'm not taking a photo with that overgrown tree rat.

Annie Wilson:
It's adorable!

Liam Court:
It's wearing people clothes. You know how I feel about animals in people clothes.

Tabitha Wilson:
Well, my damn computer froze up again.

Harry Wilson:
What'd you spill on it this time, Mom?

Tabitha Wilson:
Scotch. I mean, iced tea.

Tabitha Wilson:
I need to finish my memoirs before my friend Virginia does. We've slept with all the same people.

Ryan Matthews:
Adrianna, what's up with you? Are you okay?

Adrianna Duncan:
Yeah, I'm just distracted. I have this really big audition for this movie this week and I just haven't been able to sleep.

Ryan Matthews:
And if you don't get it, what then?

Adrianna Duncan:
Well, then I'd be in a movie, make lots of money.

Ryan Matthews:
So what, you can buy a new cell phone or maybe a fancy pair of shoes? Maybe an expensive car you don't really need?

Adrianna Duncan:
No, so I can pay the mortgage 'cause my mom can't.

Erin Silver:
[to Annie] Okay, what was that?

Annie Wilson:
What?

Erin Silver:
What? Ty Collins just practically put his tongue in your mouth. That's what.

Annie Wilson:
Shut up!

Annie Wilson:
Okay, you are obviously too messed up to see what's right in front of you, so let me be your eyes. Ty Collins is into you? You should be into Ty Collins or so to speak.

Annie Wilson:
Okay, can you just give me one second because my old relationship ended 6 hours ago.

Erin Silver:
Okay, the cure for a breakup is a hookup.

Annie Wilson:
He has a jet, Silver, a jet. Okay? It's the coolest thing ever. It's like "Pretty Woman", but I'm not a whore.

Annie Wilson:
[to Silver] Hey, cool tattoo. What does it mean?

Erin Silver:
It's the Chinese symbol for friendship 'cause you know, friends are cool.

Annie Wilson:
Naomi has the same one.

Erin Silver:
Yeah. All right, in 8th grade, my dad had an affair with my mom's best friend. I was... God, I was so angry you know, so unbelievably scared she'd find out, you know and she'd get a divorce or start drinking again. So, I... I didn't tell anybody, I kept it a secret, but then it started eating away at me, and I just... I had to tell someone. So I told my friend, Naomi. She promised me that she wouldn't tell anyone, so she told everyone.

Annie Wilson:
Why would she do that?

Erin Silver:
Because she needs to know more than anyone else. Because it gives her power to tear people down. So, my mom found out. She confronted my dad and everything that I prayed wouldn't happen happened. So now it's my greatest pleasure to make her pay for it.

Harry Wilson:
[to Dixon] And I want to apologize to you. Wasn't fair of me to ask you to give up your buddies. I was on a team once. I know how it works.

Dixon Wilson:
You know, I'm sorry I disobeyed you, you know? I'm still trying to find my way around here, you know?

Harry Wilson:
I'm trying to figure out when to be principal and when to be your dad.

Dixon Wilson:
You know, I think I like my dad more than my principal.

Harry Wilson:
You might not when you hear his punishment.

Harry Wilson:
And this thing with Tracy, I wish I knew what to do, but I don't. And am I curious to know the kid's okay? Absolutely. But being an adoptive father, would I want Dixon's birth parents around us? No way.

Debbie Wilson:
Well, look, Dixon is a teenager. This is a man. But, before you do anything about that, I think you really need to figure out how you want to handle things with Tracy.

Harry Wilson:
I don't know and I am the first to admit I was not the greatest guy back then.

Debbie Wilson:
Honestly, I'm more concerned about the guy you are now. So just take your time and figure out how you want to handle this.

Naomi Clark:
[to Ethan] Are you breaking up with me?

Ethan Ward:
I'm breaking up with us.

Liam Court:
Hey Annie, I was thinking about those theories of yours the other night and I want to offer up another theory. Mayby I'm just curious about you.

Annie Wilson:
What do you mean you're curious?

Liam Court:
Well, I don't know. You throw a bridal shower for something you don't feel like celebrating. You act like a good girl, but in fact... you're not. You are a volcano.

Annie Wilson:
What?

Liam Court:
You're dormant now, but there's stuff percolating. You have frustration, anger, rage, and jealousy building up inside you. This whole good girl routine, the smile that you paste on your face... it's just a mask. When you finally can't take it anymore of the things around you... and you will explode... oh, it's going to be fantastic. Who doesn't want to watch a volcano explode, huh?

Charles Clark:
So, I assume you're here because the Wilsons have had enought of your shenanigans. I forgive you. And of course you can come home. In fact, I need you to. These are tough times for the family and we need to circle the wagons.

Naomi Clark:
It's a tough time for you. You're the one who sexually harassed Portia's mother...

Charles Clark:
[interupting] Allegely. I'm a family man, Naomi. I value family, morals, clean living.

Naomi Clark:
[laughs] What the hell?

Jen Clark:
[enters] Don't blaspheme, Naomi.

Charles Clark:
Jen, you're home!

Jen Clark:
Sorry I haven't called, Daddy.

Charles Clark:
How's school?

Jen Clark:
Well, I'm learning lots. I just took time off so I figure I'd come visit the old homestead.

Charles Clark:
[stammering] Well... things are tough, but I'm so glad you're here. You can stay with me and Gail and Naomi of course. How's that for a plan?

Jen Clark:
Oh, I'm glad we're here too. But there is no way on Earth I'm going to rally around some narcissistc, freaky, old sexual degenerate just because he happens to be my father. And neither is Naomi. So, I have a slightly different plan. I think Naomi should get the first installment of her trust fund... right now. I mean, there's no reason she should have to wait until she's 21 like I did. And there's certainly no reason she should have to live with you and you... and "Gail".

Charles Clark:
That's ridicoulous. Naomi's only 16. She can't sign a lease for a house.

Jen Clark:
But I can. Naomi and I are going to live together.

Charles Clark:
Why should I agree to that?

Jen Clark:
Two words. Michele Braverman.

Naomi Clark:
[to Jen] Who's Michele Braverman?

Jen Clark:
She was my tennis pro when I was 16. Quite an attractive girl. 16-years-old like I was. Ruddy, robust, very... healthy, wasn't she, Daddy? Now you give me the money, and we'll play the dutiful daughters and I will not tell the press about another incident in your past that you'd want to cover up.

Charles Clark:
[intimidated] Fine. I'll have my business manager send you the papers in the morning.

Ozzie:
My friend bet me 50 bucks that I couldn't get you to dance with me. I'll split it with you.

Naomi Clark:
I'll give you a hundred to go away now.

Debbie Wilson:
[teaching Annie how to drive] Okay, remember to fasten your seatbelt, make sure your mirrors are adjusted.

Annie Wilson, Debbie Wilson:
And your parking brake is off.

Annie Wilson:
I got it.

Debbie Wilson:
And?

Annie Wilson:
And... and don't play the radio too loud, don't drive when tired, and don't get distracted by the other kids in the car.

Debbie Wilson:
So, did Ethan finally ask you to homecoming?

Annie Wilson:
[short snort of laughter] Way to slip that one in. Um, kind of. We're going to hang when we get there, but we're not actually going together.

Debbie Wilson:
Annie. I just distracted you.

Annie Wilson:
Oh, well that was sneaky!

Debbie Wilson:
That's my point.

[Ryan caught Kimberly buying drugs at homecoming]

Harry Wilson:
I will take these.

Ryan Matthews:
And?

Harry Wilson:
Take care of it.

Ryan Matthews:
That's it?

Harry Wilson:
And you can go now.

Ryan Matthews:
No, I'm not going anywhere until you tell me exactly what is gonna happen, okay? She comes into my classroom...

Harry Wilson:
[interrupting] Ryan, I told you before to stay out of this.

Ryan Matthews:
Yeah, and maybe that's why the problem's getting worse, Harry.

Harry Wilson:
I got it covered.

Ryan Matthews:
Really? You have it covered? That's why there's dogs running around, sniffing lockers at school. And you busted the wrong kid, and now you've got kids buying drugs at dances, okay?

Harry Wilson:
Can you please keep your voice down?

Ryan Matthews:
No, I'm not going to keep my voice down, all right? I'm tired of this crap. You don't know how to deal with these kids, and you don't know how to protect them, and I'm going to the board. 'Cause you don't know what you're doing. Okay? And if they don't listen, I'm going to the L.A. Times.

Kimberly MacIntyre:
Oh, for God's sakes. I'm a cop, you dumbass.

Ryan Matthews:
[pause] What?

Debbie Wilson:
If you ever kiss my husband again, or touch him, or look at him in the wrong way, you and I will have a very big problem.

Tracy Clark:
[sarcastically] Gosh, I don't know how I would get through the day knowing that you were angry at me.

Debbie Wilson:
Let me define "big problem", just so we're clear: I will hit you in the face so hard, I will knock your teeth out. You enjoy the rest of your evening, Tracy. I know I will.

[about her friend Teddy]

Adrianna Tate-Duncan:
His godfather is Marlon Brando. Could you imagine?

Harry Wilson:
Annie, we don't think you should see Jasper anymore.

Annie Wilson:
You don't think I "should"?

Harry Wilson:
No, you shouldn't.

Debbie Wilson:
I know you don't agree on this, but we want what's best for you. We're doing this for your best intrests.

Annie Wilson:
Is it because of that stupid rumor that Navid told Dixon that Jasper is a drug dealer? You really believe that?

Harry Wilson:
Obviously that concerns us. We know Navid. We trust him.

Annie Wilson:
But it's a lie!

Debbie Wilson:
It's more than just the rumor. Jasper is just so... odd.

Annie Wilson:
How can you say that? You don't even know him.

Debbie Wilson:
Well for one thing, he doesn't have any friends.

Annie Wilson:
That's because all the kids at our school suck!

Harry Wilson:
Annie!

Annie Wilson:
It's true! Jasper is just a lonely and misunderstood guy who's been shunned by everyone because they don't know him. He's been the victim of rumors and false accusations just like me. He's someone I can relate to. After everyone at school, including Dixon, turned their backs on me, Jasper is the only one who's been there for me. He's the only one I feel comfortable around.

Debbie Wilson:
Annie, you're not yourself when you're around Jasper. You're nothing like him. You're not an outcast, or a loner, or a rebel.

Annie Wilson:
You're wrong! You have no idea who I am anymore!

Annie Wilson:
Dad, you are not going tell any stupid jokes during dinner.

Harry Wilson:
When you say "stupid", you mean "hilarious", right?

Uncle Amal:
Hey, hey, hey. Where do you think you're going, Half-Day Hassan? After you drop off my dry cleaning, I need you to go the market and get me that cereal with the little blueberries in it.

Navid Shirazi:
Yeah, when I said I wanna be more involved in the family business, running your errands isn't what I meant. I'm going to Vegas. Don't forget to walk your dog when I'm out of town.

Uncle Amal:
I-I-I get it. You're frustrated. You wanna do something more important. It happens that I have a package that needs to be delivered to an associate in Vegas.

Navid Shirazi:
What is it?

Uncle Amal:
It's a very interesting thing called "none of your business".

Navid Shirazi:
Hey, how'd you do at poker?

Liam Court:
I survived, barely.

Navid Shirazi:
Sounds like my night.

Liam Court:
Next time I wanna throw my money away, remind me it's only fun if it's like twenty bucks.

Shane:
Teddy, I know standing up here is scary for you. And considering I've seen you cliff dive in Spain, I know you're a guy who doesn't get scared of many things. Being brave doesn't mean not being afraid. It means being afraid but doing it anyways. Which is why I'm more impressed with you right now than I was in Spain.

[Liam's fame has let him and his friends bypass a line to a pool party]

Dixon Wilson:
Dude, I knew being friends with you would one day pay off.

Erin Silver:
Are you really texting a picture of yourself to Austin?

Naomi Clark:
Um, would you look at me in this bikini? It'd be selfish not to share.

Dixon Wilson:
[to Annie] But still, it's gonna be a lot easier for you. I mean, come on. You're a cute girl. Dudes are gonna be throwing themselves at you.

Annie Wilson:
Oh, please. You had, like a million friends.

Dixon Wilson:
There, back home, and they all knew, you know? About the whole adoption story? Just don't want to have to tell my story over and over and over again.

Annie Wilson:
Then don't. All they need to know is that you're my brother. That's my story.

Annie Wilson:
[to Dixon] Aren't you a little freaked out starting over at a new school? And, like a week late?

Dixon Wilson:
What are you worried about? You already got, like a boyfriend out here.

Annie Wilson:
Dad, I still can't believe you grew up in a house like this.

Dixon Wilson:
I can't believe you ever left.

[first lines]

Dixon Wilson:
This sucks.

Debbie Wilson:
Dixon, how about a new phrase like "this bites" or "this blows"? because you've been saying "this sucks" for the last 1,500 miles.

Dixon Wilson:
'Cause it sucks.

Harry Wilson:
Your mother and I have given up a lot for this move, too.

Annie Wilson:
Really? Have you given up your boyfriend and the lead in the school play?

Harry Wilson:
As a matter of fact, I have. He's heartbroken about it and so am I.

Annie Wilson:
You're such a dork.

Annie Wilson:
Grandma!

Dixon Wilson:
[uneasy tone] You know... I've seen one of her old movies on Showtime the other night, right? Some 1980s romance-drama.

Annie Wilson:
So? She's got a lot of her old movies on TV.

Dixon Wilson:
In one scene, she was naked... frontal nudity. It's just not right.

Tabitha Wilson:
[to Debbie] You wanna help? Go yell at the gardener for parking his crap wagon in my driveway.

Debbie Wilson:
Actually, that's our crap wagon, Tabitha.

Tabitha Wilson:
Well, then park it around the corner so the neighbors won't notice.

Erin Silver:
[to Annie] I'm Silver.

Annie Wilson:
Silver?

Erin Silver:
Well, you can call me Erin, but I'm not gonna respond. So look, I wasn't plannig on making you feel welcome here, but then I saw the sticker and I thought, "Hey, maybe the principal's daughter isn't such a big loser after all."

Tabitha Wilson:
[to Dixon] Did you kick his ass?

Harry Wilson:
Mom.

Tabitha Wilson:
What? That's not the first thing you thought of when you heard he was in a fight. Then maybe that's why he lost.

Dixon Wilson:
I didn't lose.

Tabitha Wilson:
Never worry about being fair. Just grab onto those jewels and twist them like a garbage bag.

Harry Wilson:
[to Dixon] Look, I'm gonna talk to your coach tomorrow. We'll get this all worked out.

Debbie Wilson:
And make sure he's not too rough on our baby.

Annie Wilson:
Yeah, 'cause he is such a delicate flower.

Adrianna Duncan:
[to Naomi] I love that dress.

Naomi Clark:
Oh, you know me, Adrianna. Early birthday present from myself.

Annie Wilson:
[to Silver] If I hurt your feelings by sitting with someone you don't like, then I'm sorry.

Erin Silver:
It's not that I don't like her. I hate her. Naomi is the Antichrist.

Annie Wilson:
Well, the Antichrist didn't trash me in front of half a million people. You did.

Kelly Taylor:
Silver, how many times have we had a talk about this blog of yours? All it does is cause problems.

Erin Silver:
Yeah, well, that's what blogs are supposed to do. Cause problems. You know, you can't make me stop. It's not like it's a school activity or...

Kelly Taylor:
Okay, I'm not talking to you as the guidance counselor right now. I am talking to you as your sister.

Erin Silver:
Okay, then as my sister, you know what Naomi did and why I hate her.

Kelly Taylor:
Yes, but this didn't hurt Naomi. It hurt Annie. Come on, you've got to let go of that anger. It's not doing you any good. You don't want to end up like Mom.

Naomi Clark:
I cannot belive you told your dad everything! Are you kidding me?

Annie Wilson:
I didn't tell him anything. He recognized the paper. Mr. Matthews could tell, too. I gave you my old term paper so you could take notes off it and get ideas on how to write your own paper, not to copy the entire thing word for word. My dad confronted me with both papers in his hands. What was I supposed to do?

Naomi Clark:
Lie. Cry. Threaten him. Make something up. Be creative.

Annie Wilson:
You sound like a spoiled brat.

Naomi Clark:
Well, you sound like a little b*tch! And just so we're simply clear, you are completely disinvited to my birthday party!

Annie Wilson:
Like I care!

Naomi Clark:
Oh, you should.

Debbie Wilson:
I have a better idea, I can drive you home and we can swap stories about Harry's penis.

Nat Bussichio:
[working an espresso machine] Uh! I'm never gonna learn to work this machine. Whatever happened to regular coffee? Willie!

Brenda Walsh:
If the audience is not standing on their feet at the end of tomorrow night, I will personally kick their asses.

Naomi Clark:
Mother, why are you still in bed?

Tracy Clark:
Why aren't you at school?

Naomi Clark:
Because school let out. It's been 9 hours since I said "I love you" and "bye." I was standing here in the doorway, remember? You were laying in bed, being pathetic.

Tabitha Wilson:
Men of the theater are bon vivants, dear. One day, they're fumbling with your bra in the back of a '52 Chevy and the next, they're off to Mykonos to set up house with a stagehand named Phillip.

Debbie Wilson:
[to Annie] You want to talk about it?

Annie Wilson:
No, I would rather hit myself repeatedly with a hammer.

Naomi Clark:
[to Tracy] This is all Dad's stuff.

Tracy Clark:
You bet it is.

Naomi Clark:
What are you doing with it?

Tracy Clark:
Giving it to the Malibu mission. So one day soon, your father will step out of his beach house and see a homeless man wearing his tailor-fit Armani and he will think of me.

Annie Wilson:
[to Silver] And I told my mom who turned it into an after-school special sex talk.

Erin Silver:
What's an after-school special?

Annie Wilson:
Google it.

Brenda Walsh:
Silver, what are you doing?

Erin Silver:
Nothing, paying attention. Sorry. Checking my blog. Big in Bolivia. Who knew?

Tabitha Wilson:
[sees Debbie and Harry kissing] Sometimes I ask the Lord to take my sight away.

Charles Clark:
What's going on, Tracy?

Tracy Clark:
Well, let's see. Last time I checked, you left your wife and daughter for a life at the beach with your longtime whore. Did I leave anything out?

Annie Wilson:
I like Ty. A lot.

Debbie Wilson:
You said the same thing about Jason in the "King and I."

Annie Wilson:
Yeah, well, Jason was big and sweet, and Kansas. Ty is tall and skinny, and cool, and he's got these ears that stick out like little elves.

Brenda Walsh:
All right, Silver, you're the stage manager. What are you gonna do?

Erin Silver:
[screams loudly] Has anybody seen Adrianna?

Naomi Clark:
[to Annie] Hey, what's going on?

Annie Wilson:
What's going on is I came here tonight fully prepared to have sex for the first time. Here I am at the "Roosevelt" in Hollywood about to give it up for the first time to some guy that I barely know. This whole world that you guys live in might be fine for the two of you and all of your friends with all of their benefits, but it is definitely not fine with me.

Erin Silver:
[to Dixon] You know, you actually did a pretty good job tonight, Dixon.

Dixon Wilson:
Well, thank you, thank you. Back at you.

Erin Silver:
Whatever.

Dixon Wilson:
Is there anything in this whole world that you actually do care about?

Erin Silver:
I cared that your sister got through her performance without knocking over any set pieces.

Erin Silver:
Okay.

Erin Silver:
Or sounding like an amnesiac and that I didn't get blamed for ruining the show.

Navid Shirazi:
[giving Teddy advice on girls] You have to prove to her that you're not a player anymore. Let her know that you're serious about being with her. Show her your heart.

Dixon Wilson:
[confused] "Show her your heart"?

Liam Court:
Do you want to burn his man card, or should I?

Naomi Clark:
What exactly am I looking at here?

Max Miller:
That... is where I'm going to college next year.

Naomi Clark:
[laughing] That's Boston?

Max Miller:
No, that's CalTech. It's the California Institute of Technology in Pasadena. Near CU, and near you.

Naomi Clark:
But I thought...?

Max Miller:
It's a great school. It's one of the best in the world when it comes to the sciences. And the astrophysics department there is... well, out of this world.

Naomi Clark:
But I thought MIT was your first choice.

Max Miller:
MIT was my first choice. And now you are.

Jen Clark:
Didn't you and Ryan date?

Kelly Taylor:
Yes, briefly, a while ago.

Jen Clark:
I thought so. I'm rarely wrong about vibes. You know, I think academics are terribly sexy. And I don't get to mean teachers. When I was at Yale, I briefly dated someone in the registar's office.

Kelly Taylor:
You don't say.

Jen Clark:
He was pretty much a bore, actually. Although I did get to read my... uh, recommendation letters from high school. That was sweet. Most of them were rather glowing. There was one, though that was slightly less glowing.

Kelly Taylor:
I wrote that letter to Yale because it's my job to give the colleges an honest appraisal of the students here.

Jen Clark:
Uh-huh. You said that in your opinion, I was "a narcissist with no moral compass". Did you really think that Yale was going to listen to you? A guidance counselor? Especially, after I told all of them how you hold an irrational grudge against me? I had an impeccable transcript. I was the president of the senior class. I was class valedictorian. I was president of the Sigma Delta sorority at Yale. I'm a legacy. I got in early.

Kelly Taylor:
That's because you stole Liz Hartigan's term paper and passed it off as your own.

Jen Clark:
[makes a wicked smirk] Oh God, are you still going on about that? You're like Ahab. Man, you are such a busybody.

Kelly Taylor:
Drop the innocent act, okay? You may have fooled Yale. You may have fooled everyone else here at West Bev, but you can't fool me because I know what kind of person you really are. Self-centered, devious, manipulative, willing to do whatever it takes to get what you want.

Jen Clark:
[continues to sneer] Take it easy, okay? I haven't even slept with Ryan yet.

Kelly Taylor:
No, this has nothing to do with Ryan. It has to do with you stealing that girl's term paper right out of a teacher's desk and submitting it as your own so you could beat her out as class valedictorian!

Jen Clark:
[continues to talk in a innocent and charming tone] That was never proven. Plus, I am appalled that you think so little of me. Simply appalled. Do you make stuff up like that all the time just so you can feel secure? Oh hey, being that you're a guidance counselor, maybe you can give me a little guidance about Ryan. Tell me, Miss Taylor, what does he like in bed?

[defeated and angry, Kelly walks out]

Kelly Taylor:
Can I talk to you for a second?

Ryan Matthews:
Sure. What's up?

Kelly Taylor:
Uh, there is something you should know. Jen is not a nice person. I know her pretty well. She's a compulsive liar. She's practically a sociopath. She used to have everybody snowed over while she went to school here, but not me.

Ryan Matthews:
Look, I'm sorry. I should have asked you if I could bring a date here tonight. Jen told me that you would say something like this about her. I didn't mean to disrespect you, Kelly. She just told me that you threatened her or something in the ladies room not five minutes ago.

Kelly Taylor:
Wait. No, no, no, no... that's not what happened. She's...

Ryan Matthews:
[cutting her off] I don't want to hear any more. I just... I though we were cool after that night and you know, we said no strings attached.

Kelly Taylor:
You know what? I'm not trying to be jealous. I'm trying to be your friend. I'm not intrested in you anymore. I'm not.

Ryan Matthews:
Is there someone else?

[Kelly sees that there's no getting through to the skeptic Ryan anymore]

Kelly Taylor:
[frustrated and beat] I've moved on.