A Dirty Shame

Decency Rally Attendant:
Look, I'm not a prude, I'm married to an Italian.

Old Woman:
I seen you, Sylvia Stickles. Showin your pubic patch to the bus driver! You should move downtown where you belong, ya whore!

Cow Patty:
[upon seeing Big Ethel] Wow, a tranny bear!

Doctor:
Sylvia, you have what is known as a runaway vagina.

Paige:
Admit to God you are a whore. Make a list of all the people you've f***ed, and apologize to their parents.

Dora:
All this yelling's giving me a Swedish headache. You know what I mean? Horny! Nothing wrong with beating the beaver once in a while.

Caprice:
Let my mother's p*ssy be!

Sex Addicts Group:
HALT! Horny! Anal! Lustful! TITTIES!

Sylvia:
You were convicted of indecent exposure for the third time!

Caprice:
I was promoting the art of dance!

Sylvia:
With nude loitering? Nude and disorderly conduct? Nude drunken driving?!

Caprice:
I was not DRUNK! I was on PILLS!

Sylvia:
Something is the matter with you, Caprice!

Caprice:
You are SUCH a neuter, mother! And neuters will never understand!

Sylvia:
Something is the matter with your vagina!

Betty:
Don't you find it funny that every man in this neighborhood has a penis? [giggles]

Vaughn:
Well, not really, Betty.

Driver:
Hurry up! I've got a hot date!

Sylvia:
What, at 7 am?! What's the matter with you?

Female Driver:
You'd have a date too if you wore some makeup!

Vaughn:
Good morning Big Ethel.

Big Ethel:
What's good about a morning with d*ldos in it?

Shopper:
Amen to that! My husband's on Viagra!

Big Ethel:
Oh you poor thing!

Shopper:
Every minute he wants it!

Marge:
He has no right to be that hard!

Shopper:
I'm Viagra-vated and I'm not going to take it anymore!

Big Ethel:
We're having a decency rally.

Resident:
You'd better start in your own back yard then. I heard your daughter Sylvia picked up a bottle with her cooter in the old folks' home!

Big Ethel:
That's not true! My daughter's a good girl, she hates sex!

Officer Alvin:
I'm an adult baby, Sylvia. You want to be my Mommy?

Ray Ray:
Adult babies are into age regression. They intensely eroticize being infants, and, sometimes they like to be burped.

Officer Alvin:
I'm a big boy! And I'm beyond the law.

Papa Bear:
We're husky, we're hairy, we're homosexual, and out of the second closet!

Mama Bear:
And we can cuddle all night!

Big Ethel:
Do you know how embarrassing this is for me? One nymphomaniac in the family is bad enough, but two?!

Vaughn:
It's a disease, Big Ethel.

Big Ethel:
Bein' a whore is a disease?!

Dora:
Ever take a roofie?

Sylvia:
NO!

Dora:
Me neither. I'm afraid I'd stay home and date-rape myself all night long!