A League of Their Own

Jimmy Dugan:
[to the Peaches' homely chaperone] By the way, I loved you in the Wizard of Oz.

Jimmy Dugan:
[to an umpire] Did anyone ever tell you, you look like a penis with that little hat on? [after the umpire throws him out] I can't believe nobody ever called you that before!

Jimmy Dugan:
"Here's a job for you, Jimmy. Managing girl ballplayers. Just go out there, wave your little hat around - but don't drink." Ah! Why would I wanna drink? I'm a goddamn Peach! [Hits a ground ball] Ah, double play! Now I'm hitting like a girl. "But be nice to them, they're good ballplayers." [Hits a deep fly ball] Ah! Catch that, blondie! Ha, ha!

Kit Keller:
[to Dottie] You ever hear Dad introduce us to people? "This is our daughter Dottie, and this is our other daughter, Dottie's sister." Should've just had you and bought a dog!

[Ernie sees Dottie and Kit vigorously milking cows]

Ernie Capadino:
Ow. Doesn't that hurt them?

Dottie Hinson:
Doesn't seem to.

Ernie Capadino:
Well, it would bruise the hell out of me.

Dottie Hinson:
Can I help you with something?

Ernie Capadino:
I'm Ernie Capadino. I'm a baseball scout. I saw you playing today. Not bad, not bad. You ever heard of Walter Harvey, makes Harvey bars - you know, the candy?

Dottie Hinson:
Yeah. We feed them to the cows when they're constipated.

Ernie Capadino:
That's the guy. He's starting a girls' baseball league, so he can make a buck while the boys are overseas. Wanna play?

Dottie Hinson:
Huh?

Ernie Capadino:
Nice retort. Tryouts are in Chicago. It's a real league, professional.

Kit Keller:
Professional - baseball?

Ernie Capadino:
Mmm-hmm. They'll pay you 75 dollars a week.

Kit Keller:
We only make 30 at the dairy.

Ernie Capadino:
Well then, this would be more, wouldn't it?

Kit Keller:
[Trying to convince Dottie to try out for the league so she can as well] Come on, Dottie. You've got the whole rest of your life to hang around here. Never go anywhere, never do anything...

Dottie Hinson:
Look, I'm married, I'm happy. That's what I want, so let's not confuse things.

Kit Keller:
Okay...But can't you do this first? Just so you can say you once did something? Something special? Huh?

Mrs. Keller:
For goodness sake, Kit! Keep your voice down! Your father's listening to the radio!

Kit Keller:
Please, Dottie. I gotta get outta here...I'm nothing here.

Mae Mordabito:
[During the league's publicity drive] What if at a key moment in the game my, my uniform bursts open and, uh, oops, my bosoms come flying out? That, that might draw a crowd, right?

Doris Murphy:
You think there are men in this country who ain't seen your bosoms?

Jimmy:
Evelyn, could you come here for a second? Which team do you play for?

Evelyn:
Well, I'm a Peach.

Jimmy:
Well I was just wonderin', 'cause I couldn't figure out why, you throw home when we got a two-run lead! You let the tying run get to second, and we lost the lead because of you. You start using your head. That's the lump that's three feet above your ass.

[Evelyn starts to cry]

Jimmy:
Are you crying? Are you crying? Are you crying?! There's no crying! There's no crying in baseball!

Doris:
Why don't you leave her alone, Jimmy?

Jimmy:
Oh, you zip it, Doris! Rogers Hornsby was my manager and he called me a talking pile of pig sh*t! And that was when my parents drove all the way down from Michigan to see me play the game! And did I cry?

Evelyn:
[in between sobs] No, no, no.

Jimmy:
No! And do you know why?

Evelyn:
No.

Jimmy:
Because there's no crying in baseball. There's no crying in baseball! No crying!

Ira Lowenstein:
Until you did that, I couldn't tell if you were... drunk or dead.

Jimmy Dugan:
It was made very clear to me what I'm supposed to do here. I smile, wave my little hat... I did that, so when do I get paid?

Ira Lowenstein:
Now, Jimmy, you have some pretty good ballplayers here. You ought to give them a little bit of your...

Jimmy Dugan:
[interrupting] Ballplayers! I don't have ballplayers, I've got girls. Girls are what you sleep with after the game, not, not what you coach during the game. [spits]

Ira Lowenstein:
If we paid you a little bit more, Jimmy, do you think you could be just a little more disgusting?

Jimmy Dugan:
Well, I could certainly use the money.

[Jimmy signs a baseball for a young fan.]

Little boy [reading the inscription]:
"Avoid the clap, Jimmy Dugan"

Jimmy Dugan:
Hey, that's good advice!

Jimmy Dugan:
Taking a little day trip?

Dottie Hinson:
No, Bob and I are driving home. To Oregon.

Jimmy Dugan:
[long pause] You know, I really thought you were a ballplayer.

Dottie Hinson:
Well, you were wrong.

Jimmy Dugan:
Was I?

Dottie Hinson:
Yeah. It is only a game, Jimmy. It's only a game, and, and, I don't need this. I have Bob; I don't need this. At all.

Jimmy Dugan:
I, I gave away five years at the end my career to drink. Five years. And now there isn't anything I wouldn't give to get back any one day of it.

Dottie Hinson:
Well, we're different.

Jimmy Dugan:
Sh*t, Dottie, if you want to go back to Oregon and make a hundred babies, great, I'm in no position to tell anyone how to live. But sneaking out like this, quitting, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Baseball is what gets inside you. It's what lights you up, you can't deny that.

Dottie Hinson:
It just got too hard.

Jimmy Dugan:
It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard... is what makes it great.

Ira Lowenstein:
This is what it's going to be like in the factories, too, I suppose, isn't it? "The men are back, Rosie, turn in your rivets." We told them it was their patriotic duty to get out of the kitchen and go to work; and now, when the men come back, we'll send them back to the kitchen.

Walter Harvey:
What should we do - send the boys returning from war back to the kitchen?

To achieve the incredible you have to attempt the impossible.

There's no crying in baseball!

This summer, Tom Hanks and the Rockford Peaches prove that a woman's place is at home...first, second & third.

Once in a lifetime you get a chance to do something different.

A woman's place is on home, first, second, and third.