A Little Help

Laura Pehlke:
I don't care anymore!

Dennis Pehlke:
Good! You suck, anyway!

Laura Pehlke:
You suck! YOU!

[first lines]

Parrot:
Rinse please!

[first lines]

Laura Pehlke:
[parrot repeatedly saying "earth quake" in the background] Hi, I'm Laura. Sorry I'm late. I saw you you the last time you were here, right?

Patient:
Uh, no, maybe a year or two ago. Uh, listen, I need to be at work by...

Laura Pehlke:
Don't worry, I'm gonna get you all polished up and out of here in no time.

Laura Pehlke:
How was camp?

Dennis Pehlke:
I saw a girl's tit.

Laura Pehlke:
Ouu, how was it?

Dennis Pehlke:
How was it?

Laura Pehlke:
I don't know, I just...

Dennis Pehlke:
She jumped into the pool and her bathing suit came down for a second. Besides, she's only eleven, it wasn't much of a tit.

Laura Pehlke:
Still, it's something.

Bob Pehlke:
You know, you are a delightful girl. You're paranoid and incoherent. It's a beautiful combination.

Laura Pehlke:
My dad would never pull over the car on long trips, so holding it in is kind of a skill from my childhood.

Dental Patient:
What's with that bird, anyway?

Laura Pehlke:
It's supposed to be soothing. What, you're not soothed?

Dental Patient:
It f***in' creeps me out, actually. You like that thing?

Laura Pehlke:
Yeah. In a casserole, maybe.

Kathy Helms:
Your son is failing math.

Paul Helms:
I know, but Dion is a legend. You know, his music will be around a lot longer than math.

Kathy Helms:
Do you even slightly appreciate what you got when you married Bob? What you were lucky enough to get.

Laura Pehlke:
Lucky?

Kathy Helms:
Yeah, lucky. Being pretty is luck, Laura, that's all it is.

Mel Kaminsky:
When someone says go f*** yourself, you don't go f*** yourself, do ya?

Laura Pehlke:
Sometimes.

Laura Pehlke:
[From her car] Got a message for your wife. She got what she wanted, so she can go f*** herself. Give her that message.

Paul Helms:
[Dryly] Okay, uh, should I have her call you if she has any questions, or... ?

Paul Helms:
[Referring to his porn collection to Laura] Although I guarantee you every man worries what his wife'll find in his closet if he drops dead one day.

Laura Pehlke:
[after finding that Dennis has lied and told classmates his father was a 9-11 hero] You can't just lie to people like that.

Dennis Pehlke:
Oh, my God, all you ever do is lie. You make up all these lame excuses to people for not being somewhere. You lie to Dad about how many beers you had. You say you don't smoke, but you really do.

Laura Pehlke:
Those are different. Those are tiny little things, and they don't invoke major events in world history.

Paul Helms:
Hey, 10th grade. It all counts now, right?

Kyle Helms:
School blows dogs.

Paul Helms:
Well, I don't know if it blows dogs... per se.