A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy

Ariel:
Andrew, we'll get killed!

Andrew:
No, no. Don't be silly. Trust me, it's me, Andrew... Trust me anyhow.

Ariel:
How's your marriage?

Andrew:
My marriage is fine.

Ariel:
Ya?...

Andrew:
It's not working but it's fine.

Ariel:
He taught me a lot...

Andrew:
Like what?

Ariel:
Like how to listen to Mozart.

Andrew:
With your ears, right?

Dulcy:
A hammock! That's so nostalgic for me. I lost it in a hammock.

Adrian:
Pardon me?

Dulcy:
You have to have really good balance.

Andrew:
I wonder if geniuses have problems with their sex lives.

Maxwell:
Andrew, are you all right?

Andrew:
Maxwell, I think I fractured my last remaining nose

Maxwell:
You shouldn't fly. You're a mammal.

Andrew, Maxwell:
Thank you, Maxwell. A doctor with a license is no smarter.

Maxwell:
He never tires of insulting me, but when he's sick...

Andrew:
Yeah? Who overcharges me?

Maxwell:
But you always get well, don't you, Andrew?

Andrew:
I would get well anyhow, Maxwell, even without the leeches.

Andrew:
When are you gonna grow up? You're like one of those creatures in Greek mythology who's half-goat.

Andrew:
I didn't lie. I wasn't lying, Adrian. I was not lying. Do you want to know why I lied?

Maxwell:
I'm a doctor and I believe in the spirit world.

Andrew:
Oh, you have to, Maxwell, that's where all your patients end up.

Maxwell:
I never felt like this. The moment I smelled her I loved her.

Andrew:
Well, smell someone else. She's taken.

Andrew:
He's a wonderful guy and a terrific doctor. Never lost a patient. Got a couple of them pregnant, but never lost one.

Leopold:
So, you're an inventor, hey?

Andrew:
Crackpot inventor.

Adrian:
Andrew's invented a wedding present for you and Ariel. Tell 'em about that.

Andrew:
It's a silly apparatus that takes the bones out of fish, and if you prefer, although there's no point to it, it puts bones in fish.

Andrew:
I'm not a poet. I don't die for love. I work on Wall Street.

Ariel:
I don't love you.

Maxwell:
Because you don't know me. Give me ten minutes, ten lousy minutes.

Andrew:
Sex alleviates tension and love causes it.

Andrew:
Only a drunken, infantile idiot shoots himself over love, not an internist.

Ariel:
You showed me your latest invention.

Andrew:
Of course, my musical house slippers. Remember that?

Leopold:
I had the privilege of escorting Ariel through the Sistine Chapel for the first time in her life and explaining to her exactly why Michelangelo's ceiling was indeed great.

Ariel:
When Raphael first laid eyes on it, he fainted.

Andrew:
Had he eaten?

Adrian:
[Referring to sex] I can't! It's disgusting!

Andrew:
How can it be disgusting? I don't even have my clothes off.

Andrew:
It's nothing serious - just an arrow in his heart.

Andrew:
Adrian, this is the kitchen table. What are you doing?

Adrian:
Making...

Andrew:
We cannot have intercourse where we eat oatmeal!

Dulcy:
[Aroused] Leopold, bite me... hard!

Leopold:
I can't. These aren't my teeth.