A Pinch of Snuff

Insp. Andy Dalziel:
Are you a naturalised citizen?

Maurice Arany:
Yes.

Insp. Andy Dalziel:
I bet you'd like to go back to Hungary after all these years, eh. Take a little look.

Maurice Arany:
You cannot deport me.

Insp. Andy Dalziel:
[grinning] I wouldn't dream of it. Not while I can violate your human rights over here.

[Dalziel tells Pascoe how Haggard used to get the boys in his school to beat him with a cane; Pascoe looks po-faced]

Insp. Andy Dalziel:
What's up, Inspector? Miscalculated a fart?

Sgt. Peter Pascoe:
Which side of the house do you sleep?

Alice Andover:
[looks horrified and embarrassed] Eh?

Annabelle Andover:
Don't be silly, Alice. My sister's a virgin, Inspector, and nowadays it shows.

[discussing an interview with a suspect]

Insp. Andy Dalziel:
So, Godfrey Blengdale's a member of the Cally Club. And him a clean-rectummed Alderman and Justice of the Peace with a class-act "county" wife. Well, well, well!

Det Sgt Edgar Wield:
According to Mr Arany's statement...

Insp. Andy Dalziel:
It took him long enough to deliver. You didn't bounce him off t'wall hard enough, did you?

Det Sgt Edgar Wield:
[pompously] We observed the correct procedures, Sir - at all times.

Insp. Andy Dalziel:
No wonder he messed you about. There's a moral there, Sergeant.

Det Sgt Edgar Wield:
Anyroad, according to Arany he left Mr Blengdale with Dr Haggard at about 11:15 on the night of the murder.

Insp. Andy Dalziel:
Then some stupid sod best have a word with Godfrey "Call Me God" Blengdale... hadn't he?

Det Sgt Edgar Wield:
Meaning me, Sir?

Insp. Andy Dalziel:
No, Sergeant, modestly I was alluding to myself.