Ace the Zombie: The Motion Picture

Jesse:
Oh sh*t, vampires!

Mr. Chompsky:
Be the bean! Be... Be the bean!

Preacher:
The wicked say that this is proof of a non-existent God. But brothers and sisters I say, who else but God could breathe life into our dead brethren so that they may walk again? Who else do we know, my brothers and sisters, who has died and risen three days later? Praise be to Jesus! Hallelujah!

Carriane DeBeers:
Z-day is here and zombies are here to stay. No matter which side of the political debate you're on, we can all agree that America, and the world, will never be the same.

Colleen Wells:
My God. I could just eat him right up.

Jesse:
Oh sh*t is right, I'd sh*t too if I saw me walking up to me. Isn't that right sweetheart? ["Sweetheart" rolls her eyes and walks away]

Sammie Smothers:
Hi, I'm Sammie Smothers. [holding a baby] We here at Zombie Hope International believe that it's never too late to do something good.

Zombie Hope Baby:
Day.

Sammie Smothers:
Day! [laughs] With your help we can give these beautiful undead children the life they once had, the life they deserve. [zombie girl comes on screen] This is Damian. For only twenty dollars a month, that's less than a cup of coffee a day, you can help- [zombie bites her and she screams] . Oh, you bit me you little b*tch.

Mr. Chompsky:
[discussing why Ace didn't get the promotion] Now Ace, Derrick's been on TV and he's in a band. And that sort of publicity is good for the store.

Ace:
But sir...

Chad:
Uggghhhhhhh!