Acropolis Now

Jim:
Please Ricky, don't tell him. You know what he thinks of me. He thinks I'm stupid. Ey do you remember at school huh? On parent techer nights he'd come in holding my report card wearing black.

Ricky:
You've got to get him out of here. The painter's gonna be here any minute.

Jim:
Its OK mate. I went and told the painters not to come back for an hour.

Ricky:
When was that?

Jim:
Ahh... about an hour ago.

Manolis:
Why did she leave me?

Kostas:
Alright Jimmy, I go. But remember today you become a man. I leave you in charge of my Caf? Neo. Memo said to me "Kosta, you crazy. Don't do it!". But I say "No! He's my son! He not very clever, but hes my son."

Memo:
Why no you tell your father, ey?

Jim:
It's gonna be a surprise.

Memo:
When he hangs you in the garage, it's gonna be a surprise.

Ricky:
Memo, we're gonna make Mr. Stephanides a very, very rich man.

Memo:
Youre gonna make him a very dead man.

Jim:
There must be at least fifteen people waiting out there.

Ricky:
It's the bus stop Jim.

Memo:
This food is an old Greek delicacy. We call it "Chokalata Crakalia"... That's alright, sort of like a chocolate meatball, only crunchy.

Jim:
Ey, Liz, if this chick's coming all the way from Greece to marry me, she must be pretty desperate.

Jim:
When I was a kid at school, I use to watch all the kids whose parents were Australian and wish I had what they had.

Liz Wilson:
Blonde hair and blue eyes?

Jim:
No, two eyebrows.

Jim:
Hey, where you going? I hope you're not going off on another one of those Samurai things?

Liz Wilson:
Seminar, Jim. And yes, I'm going to spend my whole weekend going over Gilgamesh with my classic literature class.

Jim:
The whole class? Lucky guy.

Memo:
Gugumesh stupid, Gugumesh. It's not a person.

Liz Wilson:
Very good Memo.

Memo:
Of course. Everybody knows that Gugumesh is a food. Hungarian Gugumesh.

Liz Wilson:
Goulash. Gilgamesh is epic theatre.

Jim:
Aah. Epic theatre Memo... Hercules and the Seven Virgins.

Memo:
Who you calling a virgin?

Jim:
Prepare to die, you Greek dog.

Memo:
He gets me every time. Hungry?

Liz Wilson:
Why do I even bother?

Memo:
I dunno... you stupid.

[first lines]

Jim:
Hey, how are you Liz?

Liz Wilson:
Bye Jim.

Memo:
You Greek?

Ula:
No.

Jim:
Has anyone ever told you you look like Whitney Houston.

Ula:
No.

Jim:
You know Ula when I was a kid at school, I used to watch all the kids whose parents were Australian and wish I had what they had.

Ula:
Blonde hair and blue eyes, yeah?

Jim:
No, two eyebrows.

[last lines]

Memo:
Hey Jimako, what were you two talking about?

Jim:
I don't know.

[first lines]

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty one.

Effie Stephanidis:
[to Liz] Hey is my cousin here? My cousin Jim, is he around?

Effie Stephanidis:
Oh Ricky, Ricky, how are you? But Jim won't let us!

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
He's the boss.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Don't degrade yourself before a man.

Effie Stephanidis:
Why shouldn't I?

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Look. Effie, you and Sophie can help me with the games, okay? Look what I've got. Ethical Pursuit.

Effie Stephanidis:
Ethnical Pursuit. So what have you got against wogs, Liz?

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Not Ethnical. Ethical. It's a game for thinking women.

Effie Stephanidis:
How embarrassment!

Sophie:
Oh, and the girls chipped in and got you a Carlos.

Gina:
What's a Carlos.

Effie Stephanidis:
He's a stripper and he's waiting outside!

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Oh no, you don't. You tell this stripper Carlos to go home.

Effie Stephanidis:
Why should I?

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Oh no not again, you're giving me a migrant!

[last lines]

Jim Stephanidis:
Hey Effie, bring my Mannaro here, all right!

[first lines]

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Now thats a pepperez and dolmades for two, is that right?

Customer:
That's right, thank you.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Look under M.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
M?

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
M, stupid!

[last lines]

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Condiliations.

[first lines]

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Hey Spagnolo, hurry up!

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Hello baby.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
It's gonna be three men and a baby.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Hi, any news?

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
No, nothing yet.

Jim Stephanidis:
Hey Ricky, I brought you a Hellas Soccer teddy for the kid, huh?

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
We didn't want you to spend the whole night waiting for Rosie on your own so we decided to keep you company.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Oh, thanks.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
You decided to keep him company. I wanted to stay home at watch Elvis Presley in 'Fun In Acapulco'.

[last lines]

Jim Stephanidis:
All right, we'll toss for it.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
All right.

Jim Stephanidis:
Heads.

[first lines]

Effie Stephanidis:
Has anyone seen my cousin Jim? Hey, did you seen him? Jim. Jim.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Oh Effie, are you okay?

Effie Stephanidis:
Oh please Liz, not so loud, I got a terrible coat hanger.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Fancy dress night at Vibrations. And was it last night?

Effie Stephanidis:
Go as your favorite actor

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
But, but who are you?

Effie Stephanidis:
Betty from 'The Flintstones'.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Yabba dadda doo!

Jim Stephanidis:
Get lost!

Effie Stephanidis:
Why should I?

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
You know I'm sick of this whole idea that there are some men in this world who have this magical ability to seduce women. As if women are these mindless creatures who are so easily seduced. I mean it just doesn't happen that way. Effie?

Effie Stephanidis:
Sorry, Liz? I must have fallen asleep halfway through that lecture. What did you say?

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
That no man has any magical pull over women.

Effie Stephanidis:
Ezactly!

Effie Stephanidis:
Oh Ricky, how did you know I love lace.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Oh, it's Jim's idea of a joke.

Effie Stephanidis:
I think it makes you look desirable.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Oh, gee, thanks.

Effie Stephanidis:
Hey if you ever wanna try the real thing my lips are sealed.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
That's a mighty tempting offer, Eff.

Effie Stephanidis:
Trying the real thing?

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Sealing your lips.

Effie Stephanidis:
Oh... Oh... Classic, Ricky! [to Liz] Alright, I openly show my emotional, so what? I read in this highly respected medical journal that it's important for one to activate ones hormones.

Jim Stephanidis:
Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, you shoulda seen me last night, huh? I was up to my neck in Swedish chicks.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
What were their names? Go on.

Jim Stephanidis:
Inga, Ingrid... I don't know, just call them ABBA. Anyway they couldn't speak a word of English.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
So how did you communicate?

Jim Stephanidis:
I just kept on saying volvo, volvo, saab.

Effie Stephanidis:
[to Liz] Hey, what's the matter Liz? You look sicker than usual.

Effie Stephanidis:
Good morning.

Customer:
Oh, hello.

Effie Stephanidis:
Good thanks.

Effie Stephanidis:
Oh, good one Eff.

Effie Stephanidis:
[to some customers who just walked into the cafe] What do you think you're doing? Can't you see I haven't cleared this table yet? Come on, have some respect!

Effie Stephanidis:
What do you mean you want a second cup of coffee? Why didn't you ask when I got the first one and saved me the trip?

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
[to Skip] No, get back! Stupid! If you help me now, I'll never get into the guinea pigs book of records.

[first lines]

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Hey Manolis. Stupid! Hasn't anybody told you that gambling on Easter week is bad luck.

Manolis:
Don't worry about bad luck Memo.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Jesus was a Jew.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
A what?

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
A Jew!

Jim Stephanidis:
Bless you!

Effie Stephanidis:
Hey Liz, is my cousin here? My cousin Jim, is he here?

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Just a minute.

Effie Stephanidis:
Hey Liz, I don't wanna impose or nothing on your time alright. You go right ahead and work alright. I don't wanna be a resili, an embarrassment, nothing, all right? But my cousin Jim, is he here?

Effie Stephanidis:
Hey, wanna check out my new jeans? So what do you think?

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Aren't they a little too small?

Effie Stephanidis:
No way, mate, I'm fasting for Greek Easter. In one week these'll be too big, I betcha. Hey, this is my friend Sophie.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Hello Sophie.

Effie Stephanidis:
This is Liz.

Sophie:
Hi.

Effie Stephanidis:
She's a skip like you.

Effie Stephanidis:
I got you a present. Some mousse.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Chocolate mousse?

Effie Stephanidis:
Nah, hair mousse for your back.

Effie Stephanidis:
[to Sophie] Oh no, Soph. I let it slip. How embarrassment.

Effie Stephanidis:
Hi Rick. How are you. You know I haven't seen you since...

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Last night at the laundromat, when you sat there watching me watching my washing dry.

[last lines]

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
It's a brick!

[first lines]

Jim Stephanidis:
You want to go for a drive?

Jim Stephanidis:
My Ricky out with a tutor, huh. That little devil. And he was so quiet about it.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Jim, don't say the wrong thing to him.

Jim Stephanidis:
Hey Liz, relax alright. I can be really supple.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Subtle.

Jim Stephanidis:
Yeah, that too.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Jim don't.

Jim Stephanidis:
Ricky, Ricky, Ricky.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Jim, Jim, Jim.

Jim Stephanidis:
Ricky, Ricky, Ricky. So uh, you want to borrow the car tonight? I've got new seat covers on the back.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
No, I do not want to borrow the car with or without the new seat covers.

Jim Stephanidis:
Yeah. Sure, sure, sure, sure. But if you change your mind I'll be in the kitchen, huh. Ricky, Ricky, Ricky.

Gavin 'Skip' Farrell:
Ricky with a sheila? You're kidding.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Ricky, Ricky, Ricky.

[last lines]

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Right, get back to work right now.

Jim Stephanidis:
Yes, Sir.

[first lines]

Gavin 'Skip' Farrell:
[singing] And that's the story of a farmer from the bush.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
[to Con] I love my job, but too many Skippy the bush kangaroones.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Hey boys, what's for dinner? Me and Con are starving.

Gavin 'Skip' Farrell:
Ah yeah Memo, there's a container of food in the fridge mate. Just heat it up.

[last lines]

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
He makes a great lemon greyhound.

[first lines]

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Jim, what are you doing?

Jim Stephanidis:
I'm hiding.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Who from?

Jim Stephanidis:
My dumb cousin and her stupid friend.

Effie Stephanidis:
Has anyone seen my cousin Jim? Jim, is he here?

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
The lucky girl who marries will have my love, will have my heart.

Effie Stephanidis:
Will have to suicide.

Effie Stephanidis:
All right, we'll do it. Sophie and me will get a job or my name isn't...

Sophie:
Effie Stephanidis.

Effie Stephanidis:
Ezactly!

Effie Stephanidis:
You drive them to the employment office, what are you stupid?

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Hello.

Effie Stephanidis:
Good thanks.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Take a seat.

Effie Stephanidis:
Allow me to induce myself. My name is Effie Stephanidis.

Effie Stephanidis:
[to Ricky] Oh Rick, how excitement, I could kiss you all over.

Effie Stephanidis:
[to Ricky] Rick, is my cousin Jim here? Is he here?

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Excuse me. What are you doing here? You're supposed to be working.

Effie Stephanidis:
Tell him Soph, I'm too ashamed.

Sophie:
Oh, Rick, how embarrassing.

Effie Stephanidis:
Pronunciation Soph. Didn't Liz learn you nothing. How embarrassment.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Well?

Effie Stephanidis:
Well. I don't know what to say. I don't know where to say, I don't how to say it.

Sophie:
We got the sack Rick.

Effie Stephanidis:
Thank you Sophie.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Girls, you've only been working there for two hours.

Effie Stephanidis:
Hey, don't blame us, blame Arthur.

Sophie:
Arthur's MacArthur's Junior Manager.

Effie Stephanidis:
He's not a Junior Manager, the guy's a dictator. First he tells us off for wearing heaps and heaps of make ups, all right? Then he tells us off for fixing our hairs int the reflection of the thick shake machine. And then if that wasn't enough, he got so upset when a customer comes up to me and asks me for some chips, and I said "would you like fries with that?"

Sophie:
So we got the sack. We'd better tell Jim.

Effie Stephanidis:
Why should I? You're right, we better tell Jim. Where is he? Is he here?

[last lines]

Effie Stephanidis:
Jim, cousin, slave... suffer.

Jim Stephanidis:
Hey Effie, come here, will you? Eff, Effie, I'm gonna tell your mother mate. You're in big trouble Effie, all right? Did you hear that Memo, a slave. What's that, Memo?

[first lines]

Customer:
Could I have some freshly ground pepper please?

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Excuse me. [to the girl who just walked in] Hello baby, what you like?

Effie Stephanidis:
Ey, have you seen my cousin Jim, is he here? My gorgeous hunk of a cousin Jim, is he here? Hi Ricardo.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Hi Effie.

Effie Stephanidis:
Ricky my sweet, you're not the jealous type, are you?

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Not that you'd know. Why?

Effie Stephanidis:
Because I don't want you getting jealous at other men staring at my voluptuous gifts.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Effie, what are you talking about?

Effie Stephanidis:
About my new career after I win the beauty contest. Let's face it Rick, who else is Jim going to make Ms. Acropolis.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Ms. Acropolis!

Effie Stephanidis:
My fantastic cousin Jim...

Jim Stephanidis:
Oh no, what do you want?

Effie Stephanidis:
I want to be in the beauty contest.

Jim Stephanidis:
You?

Effie Stephanidis:
Why not?

Jim Stephanidis:
Because stupid, it's a beauty contest, not a horror movie!

Effie Stephanidis:
Hello Liz.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Hello Effie.

Effie Stephanidis:
Good thanks. So is that it is it?

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
What?

Effie Stephanidis:
That dress. There's no way you're gonna win. Liz, no offence but I've seen nuns dress sexier than that.

Jim Stephanidis:
Ricky, Ricky, Ricky.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
[to Effie] You very cheeky girl.

Effie Stephanidis:
[to Liz] Liz, please, have some respect. Do we ever interrupt you?

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
[about Liz] She's always interrupting.

Effie Stephanidis:
Ezactly.

Effie Stephanidis:
Oh, classic, Effie.

Effie Stephanidis:
Good one, Effie.

Effie Stephanidis:
Beauty, it's a curse and I've got it.

Effie Stephanidis:
What an emotional moment. First of all I'd like to thank my fellow contestants, but unfortunately there can only be one winner. So girls, suffer. Second of all, I'd like to thank my cousin Jim who's given me the opportunity to meet Craig McLachlan, who by the way I can't see. Hey, is he here? Is Craig here? Did anyone see Craig? Craig there? Did anyone see Craig?

[last lines]

Effie Stephanidis:
How embarrassment!

[first lines]

Jim Stephanidis:
Hey, everybody I'm back!

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
You find a husband yet?

Aphroula:
Umm. no not yet.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Why not, stupid?

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
That girl only knows how to say yes. And you know what that means.

Jim Stephanidis:
She can't say no.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Yes.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
[to Harry] Shut up! Now, now before you marry my sister who's a very nice Greek girl, not a bloody stupid skippy the bush kangaroona.

Harry the Bouncer:
Memo, is this a picture of Aphrodite when she was a little girl?

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
That's all right.

[last lines]

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Because you got the best legs in the Cafe Neo.

[first lines]

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Memo, Memo, have you seen Jim?

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Jim? You mean the big stupid who's father is going to leave for Greece in one hour and he drives off in his Mannaro.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Listen Jim. I feel really bad not telling your Father we're going to renovate his cafe as soon as he's gone.

Jim Stephanidis:
Oh please Ricky, please mate, don't tell him. You know what he thinks of me. He thinks I'm stupid. Ey do you remember at school, huh? On parent teacher nights he'd come in holding my report card wearing black.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
You've got to get him out of here. The painter's gonna be here any minute.

Jim Stephanidis:
It's okay mate. I went and told the painters not to come back for an hour.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
When was that?

Jim Stephanidis:
Ahh... about an hour ago.

[repeated line]

Manolis:
Why did she leave me?

Kostas Stephanidis:
[to Jim] Alright Jimmy, I go. But remember today you become a man. I leave you in charge of my Caf? Neo. Memo said to me "Kosta, you crazy. Don't do it!". But I say "No! He's my son! He not very clever, but he's my son."

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Why no you tell your father, ey?

Jim Stephanidis:
It's gonna be a surprise.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
When he hangs you in the garage, it's gonna be a surprise.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Memo, we're gonna make Mr. Stephanides a very, very rich man.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
You're gonna make him a very dead man.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
You stupid! I told you it wouldn't work: the Wog Bar. Before this the Cafe Neo was beautiful, re. Now we've got no bloody food, and the Cafe Neo's full of bloody Skippy the bush kangaroones.

Jim Stephanidis:
Memo, can you cook?

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
You're the boss, you cook.

Jim Stephanidis:
But my Mother always did it for me.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
This food is an old Greek delicacy. We call it "Chokalata Crakalia"...

Jason Felfy:
Let me guess, from the Greek island of Kalagos.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
That's alright, sort of like a chocolate meatball, only crunchy.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
You Greek?

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
No.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Too bad.

[last lines]

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
[to Jim] Yep, everything is going to work out just fine.

[first lines]

Jim Stephanidis:
Oh what a feeling, Mannaro!

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Oh my God, my taste buds are having an orgy!

[last lines]

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Who would write to me in crayon?

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez, Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson, Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Jim!

[first lines]

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Memo, who's playing the music?

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Music? That's Ricky doing his impersonation of a sick cow.

Jim Stephanidis:
Liz, know what they used to call me at school?

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Hey stupid. Not you stupid, the Spagnolo stupid.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
[to Jim] What a stupid! How can you fall for the oldest trick in the book?

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Okay baby, here's... here's your coffee.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
I mean, what kind of woman would go for a man with an open neck shirt and tight pants heh?

Jack:
She'd have to be a moron.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
That's all right!

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
[to Ricky] In my village in Greece everybody wanted eggs. That's all right, eggs.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
[to Jim] Ricky's gone stupid! He left with Jack.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
[to Liz] Liz, give him the note, the suspension is killing me.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
[voice over, to Jim] Most of all I'm going to miss the "Ricky, Ricky, Ricky" I've been hearing since I was a kid.

[last lines]

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
[voice over] Memo, whatever you do, just don't let him play that bloody harmonica ever again!

Jim Stephanidis:
Hey Ricky, would you believe it mate, best man and I forgot the most important thing.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
What, the rings?

Jim Stephanidis:
No mate, my hair brush. I'm gonna be in a lot of photos today.

Effie Stephanidis:
[to Memo] Is here here? My super cousin Jim is he here?

Effie Stephanidis:
Ohh, Ricky.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Effie, you look very uh...

Effie Stephanidis:
Do you think so? Aren't weddings so romantic? Don't they bring out, I don't know, the romantic side to you. Don't they make you feel like proposing to the most beautifulist girl you've ever seen in your whole entire life. Hint, hint.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Would you look at the size of that diamond.

Jim Stephanidis:
Yeah, yeah. You know my grandfather, Ricky, he sold everything he had just to get it for my grandmother.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Gee he must have really loved her, hey?

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Memo, what's going on?

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
I'm getting Elizabeth ready to become Jimako's wife. So if you excuse me Ricky, this is Greek Orthodox business.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Wife?

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
That's all right. Jimako proposed to Elizabeth with a very special ring.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Memo, I think Jim's character will probably benefit from the massive embarrassment he's about to inflect upon himself.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
[teaching Liz how to be a Greek wife] Get me a coffee, then go upstairs and get my slippers, then come down and put them on, and turn not the television so I can watch the soccer. Then go inside and fix dinner, and while you're there bring the scissors and cut my toenails. Chop, chop.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
[about Jim] Very cheeky boss!

Effie Stephanidis:
Oh yeah Rick, I caught the bridal bouquet you know what that means?

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Yeah, right now there's three other bridesmaids in hospital!

Effie Stephanidis:
Yeah so what? They were asking for it!

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Good one, Memo!

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Look Ricky, Elizabeth jumped to this concussion all by herself. If she thinks Jimako propose marriage, she's a bigger stupid than him!

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
If I remember correctly you jumped to the same concussion when you saw Jim's ring. Doesn't that make you an even bigger stupid.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
I'm not stupid, I'm Greek.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Yeah, well listen.

Effie Stephanidis:
Boys, boys. I hate to stop this intellectually stimulating conversation, but I just need a few details. Now Jim gave Liz my grandmother's ring?

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Yep.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
That's all right.

Effie Stephanidis:
And Liz thinks it was a marriage proposal?

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
That's all right.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Yep.

Effie Stephanidis:
Classic.

Effie Stephanidis:
Think about it. Life with Liz. Vegetarian food, no T.V., just books with no pictures in them.

Jim Stephanidis:
Yeah, you're right, Effie, you know. And knowing her, she's probably the type who likes to talk afterwards.

Effie Stephanidis:
Ezactly!

Jim Stephanidis:
Eff, you're right, mate, I've pushed her too far, you know. I've used too much of my deadly charm. Oh mate, Effie you've got to help me, all right.

Effie Stephanidis:
Why should I?

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Don't they make a nice couple.

Effie Stephanidis:
Yeah, of idiots.

[first lines]

Jim Stephanidis:
Liz, Liz. Excuse me, excuse me.

Jim Stephanidis:
To be or not to be, make up your mind, ey!

Jim Stephanidis:
You're the Captain from the Love Boat.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Captain Stupid!

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
They call me wog, I call them Skippy the bush kangaroona.

Effie Stephanidis:
Romeo, Romeo, has anybody seen my cousin Romeo? Is he here? Is he here? Did you seen him? Liz, Liz, Liz... Liz.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Deny thy father and refuse thy name.

Effie Stephanidis:
Who is the Father and what is his name?

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Or if thou wilt not.

Effie Stephanidis:
Or if that will not.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Be not swore my love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet.

Effie Stephanidis:
Be not swore my love and then I'll no longer be a Capsicum.

[last lines]

Effie Stephanidis:
How about a bearded lady? I'll ask my grandmother.

Jim Stephanidis:
Get out, come on, get out of here! Bearded lady, ask my grandmother. Bearded lady, circus. Hey Effie!

[first lines]

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Elizabeth, I was baptized on this very same day many, many years ago, just like little baby Jesus. Me and him were like this.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
[to Jim] Hey stupid! Hurry up or we be late!

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Religious girls are they?

Jim Stephanidis:
Yeah, they look just like Madonna.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
[to Liz] You very cheeky girl.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Me? Agamemnon? Saint of the holy, rubber thing? You think so?

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Jimako, Jimako, you can't help that you're a big stupid.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Elizabeth we could be a team like Samson and Delilah.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Memo!

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Like Adam and Eve.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Memo!

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Like Kylie and Jason.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
I told you before put some clothes on before you catch a cold. Stupid!

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
[to Wayne] What do you know about soccer, you're a Skippy the bush kangaroona.

[last lines]

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
I'll send it out to you in the mail Uncle Wayne.

[first lines]

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Right, that should do it. New dead locks and a new alarm.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
I take it back about your being dumb.

Jim Stephanidis:
Oh thanks Liz!

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
You're not dumb, you're a cretin!

Jim Stephanidis:
But, I'm from Athens!

[last lines]

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Listen, if you haven't got a date for tonight, because you got dumped, I'm going to see a 'Rocky' movie. You wanna come?

Jim Stephanidis:
Yeah, you're on.

[first lines]

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
That's all?

Customer:
Yes, thank you. You do take credit cards.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Of course. Diners Card, Bank Card and Greek Express.

Customer:
What's Greek Express?

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Cash.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Alright everybody. From now on we all eat like Elizabeth. Two little party pies everyday.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Hang on a minute.

Gavin 'Skip' Farrell:
Memo's the one who's always stuffing himself.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
You're a convict. You're used to bread and water.

[last lines]

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Ricky, Ricky please.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Calm down.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Somebody get the ten dollar.

[first lines]

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Thank you very much.

Manolis:
[to Memo] Why did she leave me?

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
I don't believe this. I mean what makes you guys think you're so much better than this poor girl? Look, no offence Jim, but uh she hasn't even seen you yet. You may not be her idea of the perfect Adonis.

Jim Stephanidis:
Ey, Liz, come on, huh. If this chick's coming all the way out from Greece to marry me, she must be pretty desperate.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Hello baby, what do you like?

Jim Stephanidis:
Great. Just great. Thanks a lot, Ricky.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Jim, the only good idea you've ever had was renovating this cafe.

[last lines]

Jim Stephanidis:
Bye Ma. Talk to you soon. Bye Liz.

[first lines]

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Gee, Rick, we've been going great guns this week.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Sure have.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Okay baby, what do you want? And remember, everything here is nice and hot and I mean everything.

Jim Stephanidis:
Right, Rick, I've got it, you know. We throw everything to the Monaro, and we'll be in Guatemala by the weekend huh?

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Guatemala?

Jim Stephanidis:
Yeah, yeah, you speak Spanish. I think I've got an uncle there, or was that Guacamole. Anyway.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Jim, I've balanced the books to the last cent. What are they gonna get us for anyway? We've hardly made a profit.

Jim Stephanidis:
Ricky, my father never showed the books nobody, nothing, zilch, you understand? He even had a golden rule mate: "Jimako, never show the books to nobody, nothing, zilch."

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Why?

Jim Stephanidis:
I should be souvlaki. Lucky, lucky, lucky.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
I should be souvlaki in love.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
No offence but I'm gonna have some linguini. Look, we've got nothing to worry about. We've done nothing illegal and we've got all the papers here to prove it.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Is it true that in some countries they cut off your... hands for being shifty to the government.

Jim Stephanidis:
[to Liz] Liz, jealousy is a curse.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
[to Memo] Go ahead, make my day.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
All you have to do is put crook in front of it?

Fiona:
Crook - shank?

Victor Harrison:
My boss.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
And he wants to talk to you. Something about going too far this time. If seems the tax department doesn't feel too kindly about using spies to set up innocent people.

[last lines]

Jim Stephanidis:
Fiona, wait for me will ya?

[first lines]

Jim Stephanidis:
Yeah, Ma. Yeah, Ma. Yes, Ma. No, Ma. That's right, Ma. Alright, alright. Hey Skip, Skip, Skip, come here mate, come here. Yeah, Ma, yeah. Take over for me alright.

Gavin 'Skip' Farrell:
Yeah, sure mate.

Jim Stephanidis:
Yeah, Ma.

Gavin 'Skip' Farrell:
Yeah, Ma. Yeah, Ma.

Effie Stephanidis:
Hi Liz. Oh, I really like your shirt.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Thanks.

Effie Stephanidis:
Yeah, you know I should go to second hand shops more often myself.

Effie Stephanidis:
Hi Memo, have I ever told you how much I really like your hair.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Thank you, Effie.

Effie Stephanidis:
Like ten years ago when you had some.

Effie Stephanidis:
Classic!

Jim Stephanidis:
I've got a business to run.

Effie Stephanidis:
You? You couldn't even run a paper round.

Thea Voula Stephanidis:
Jimmy! I will talk to you now Jimmy. You will come over here please!

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Good luck.

Effie Stephanidis:
Suffer!

Effie Stephanidis:
[to Jim] Oh no Jim. How embarrassment. You look ridiculous.

[last lines]

Effie Stephanidis:
Come on Jim, let's practice.

[first lines]

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Hey Jimako, table number two.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
The Father is a Skippy the bush kangaroona.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
[to Skip] When I get married, my wife, he probably have triplicates.

Margo:
The fish ready Gav, darling?

Gavin 'Skip' Farrell:
Coming up sweetness.

Manolis:
Sweetness!

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
Hey Skippy, lend me twenty dollars, I'll pay you after.

Margo:
Have you organised the church?

Gavin 'Skip' Farrell:
Yes dear.

Margo:
And the suits.

Gavin 'Skip' Farrell:
Yes dear.

Margo:
And the guest list.

Gavin 'Skip' Farrell:
Yes dear.

Margo:
Do you want me to repeat anything?

Gavin 'Skip' Farrell:
No dear.

Gavin 'Skip' Farrell:
How did I do, Memo?

Margo:
You are a shame on all men! Stupid! Give me the twenty dollars.

[last lines]

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
What are you going to call him?

Margo:
Wayne.

Jim Stephanidis, Memo Hatzidimitropoulos, Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Wayne.

[first lines]

Effie Stephanidis:
Hey Rick, you seen my cousin Jim? My cousin Jim, is he here? Listen, I don't want to impose or nothing on your time all right. I don't want to be a risili, an embarrassment, nothing, but have you seen my cousin Jim?

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
He's in the toilet.

Effie Stephanidis:
What's he doing in there? How embarrassment!

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
[about Vibrations Disco] I've been thinking about seeing it. I have been considering it.

Effie Stephanidis:
Oh mate, check out Princess Di, will ya Soph. "I have been considering it." Mate, do you know how hard it is to get in? You have to wait in line for about six hours, and hope and pray that your hair doesn't go flat. And then after begging the guy at the door he finally lets you in, you know, and you feel like somebody you know. It's just tops.

Sophie:
Tops.

Jim Stephanidis:
Hey Liz, can I talk to you for a minute. Liz, I can get you in. I'm a V.I.G.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
A V.I.G.?

Jim Stephanidis:
A Very Important Greek.

Effie Stephanidis:
You are such a wog, Jim. You're so up yourself.

Jim Stephanidis:
Effie let me ask you something here. If you were me, wouldn't you be? Exactly!

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Here's your coffee.

Themmy Parkyakarkas:
Efxaristo.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
You're Greek.

Themmy Parkyakarkas:
On my Father's side.

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Oh. Are you a writer.

Themmy Parkyakarkas:
Yes, I'm a poet.

Effie Stephanidis:
[to Epsilon about Liz] Mate, what she got that I haven't got? She's not even a real blonde!

Jim Stephanidis:
Hey come on, Effie, let's go. Stop disturbing the customers.

Effie Stephanidis:
Why should I? You're just jealous.

Jim Stephanidis:
That guy wouldn't know his poetry from his poultry. He's the biggest sleaze bag I ever met. He would do anything to pick up a chick.

Ricardo 'Ricky' Martinez:
Oh sure. He writes poetry purely to pick up women.

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
They call me wog, I call them Skippy the bush kangaroones. Sometimes I phone home on I.U.D, "hello", and tell them I'm living in the lucky country because one day I win Tattslotto and make a lot of money. My mother, she's a tailor, I buy her her own factory. My father he's a gambler, I buy him his own T.A.B.

Jim Stephanidis:
E for Epsilon. Mate, you just got a big G for jerk!

Elizabeth 'Liz' Wilson:
Why don't you tell us your name.

Effie Stephanidis:
Why should I?