Affectionately Yours

'Pappy' Cullen:
Ricky, you gotta settle a bet.

'Rickey' Mayberry:
What's on your mind, Pappy?

'Pappy' Cullen:
The man standing over there says your next move is to Budapest, and I say you're going to Egypt. I win, don't I?

'Rickey' Mayberry:
You both lose. I'm going to Moscow.

'Pappy' Cullen:
You just came from Russia!

Irene Malcolm:
[facetiously] He won't give up until he finds Ninotchka.

'Pappy' Cullen:
[he and Ricky laugh hysterically] That's a good one!

Irene Malcolm:
It's not that good!

[repeated line]

'Rickey' Mayberry:
I'd marry ya in a split second if I didn't have a wife.

Irene Malcolm:
[holding out her arms to dance] Here Cullen, fill these up, will ya?

Irene Malcolm:
[sarcastically to Cullen] Thanks for dancing on your knees.

Irene Malcolm:
[Ricky just announced he has to leave.] Awfully sudden, wasn't it?

'Rickey' Mayberry:
We're both in the same racket, Irene. When an editor tells you to go...

Irene Malcolm:
I wish I was your editor, Ricky.

'Rickey' Mayberry:
Do you, darling?

Irene Malcolm:
You bet. [speaking in a double entendre] I'd love to be able to tell you where to go.

'Rickey' Mayberry:
That would be swell. [he realizes what she meant, and gets a strange look on his face]

Irene Malcolm:
Going my way?

'Rickey' Mayberry:
[suprised] What? What are you doing here?

Irene Malcolm:
Listen, Prague was wonderful. Here you are going to Moscow, I'm going to New York, and we're both on the same plane.

Sue Mayberry:
Rickey! Rickey! Rickey!

Irene Malcolm:
Uh-oh, a reception committee. You sure do get around.

'Rickey' Mayberry:
It's my wife! [pushes her out of view]

Irene Malcolm:
Oh! The ever-loving split second.

'Rickey' Mayberry:
Get back on the plane, will ya?

Irene Malcolm:
This is where I didn't come in.

Tom 'Tommy':
You're up tp your old tricks, eh? Three calls so far today.

'Rickey' Mayberry:
Who were they?

Tom 'Tommy':
All the same party. She said to tell you she was stopping at the Hanover Apartments, and to get in touch with her. Some dame named Irene Malcolm.

'Rickey' Mayberry:
Tommy, are you really glad to see me?

Tom 'Tommy':
Well, sure I am.

'Rickey' Mayberry:
Then do me a favor and call her up and try to date her up. I'll give you anything if you take her off my hands.

Tom 'Tommy':
You're a cinch. All you have to do is pay the expenses.

'Rickey' Mayberry:
I'll do better than that. Someday, if there ever is a dame that bothers you, just call me and I'll take you off the hook. [enters his boss's office, Irene is sitting across the desk; she heard the entire conversation.] Checking in chief!

Irene Malcolm:
Thanks! For fixing me up on a blind date!

'Chet' Phillips:
[Rickey looks for some help] Don't look at me. I'm not gonna dig you out.

'Rickey' Mayberry:
Irene, I was just kidding.

Irene Malcolm:
[angry] I know just what you mean, darling. You wouldn't for the world!

'Chet' Phillips:
Ever since they been married, she squawked at all his foreign assignments. And now that she divorced him...

Irene Malcolm:
Divorced him?

'Chet' Phillips:
Sure. [Irene starts laughing uncontrollably.] Hey, do you know something I don't? Come on, Irene, out with it.

Irene Malcolm:
[still laughing] Oh, Chet, everything's marvelous! You're wonderful. In fact, you're beautiful and I'd marry you in a split second.

'Chet' Phillips:
Wait a minute! Don't mean to say he tried that line on you? How that guy gets away with things- I've heard him say that so often, I tried it myself one night.

Irene Malcolm:
How'd you do?

'Chet' Phillips:
Not bad for me. All I lost was a pivot tooth.