Air Bud

Referee #1:
Ain't no rules says a dog can't play basketball.

Norm Snively:
[on the phone with an agent] Oh, wait, the Oprah woman... Oprah, you know, the Oprah woman, she likes dogs? I'd LOVE to do Jay Leno! [puts a can on a stack of other cans and the stack collapses. Snively notices Josh releasing Buddy from the chain] Hey! Get back here with my dog! [hangs the phone and runs after Josh and Buddy]

Norm Snively:
[on the phone] No, no, I don't want my dog doing beer commercials.

Judge Cranfield:
By the powers invested in me, I award custody of the dog to Josh Framm! [bangs his gavel] Case closed, thank God!

Andrea Framm:
[just after Josh did a light quick kiss, on her forehead, as he was about to leave the house] What's with Josh?

Arthur Chaney:
Why not let the dog choose, your honor? They say a dog is man's best friend. If that's the case, shouldn't the dog be able to choose who he wants to be friends with?

Judge Cranfield:
Who are you, Barnum or Bailey?

Arthur Chaney:
Arthur Chaney, your honor.

Judge Cranfield:
Mr. Chaney, do your reali... [stammers in shock] Arthur Chaney? New York Knicks, '56? Huh, I was at that Celtics game where you did the turn-around jumper, at the buzzer. [light chuckle] I spilled beer all over my wife.

Bailiff:
Your honor?

Judge Cranfield:
What? Oh, yes, yes, yes. [clears his throat Bangs Gavel. Buddy barks] Mr. Chaney.

Arthur Chaney:
Well, I've been thinking. This dog is what, three, four years old. That makes him an adult, in our years. I say let Buddy decide.

Judge Cranfield:
Mr. Chaney, during my 40 years on the bench, I have heard a lot of lamebrain cockamanie proposals. But this one I like.

Josh Framm:
[a day or two after Principal Pepper fired Coach Barker; knocks on her office door] Mrs. Pepper?

Principal Pepper:
Mm-hmm.

Josh Framm:
Um, have you found a basketball coach yet?

Principal Pepper:
Mm-hmm. Yes, Larry's father volunteered. Just until we find a new P.E. teacher.

Josh Framm:
[starts to leave, but then goes back to her door] Okay.

Principal Pepper:
Mm-hmm.

Josh Framm:
[opens her door, the second time] Would it be weird, if I make a suggestion?

Jackie Framm:
[just after lightly hitting Buddy's cage, and opening it, in the street] Is everyone okay?

Andrea Framm:
[in the car seat] No.

Referee #1:
Does he dribble?

Arthur Chaney:
No, but he might drool a little bit.

Musical Band Teacher (cameo):
[Josh is trying to play a trombone] No, no, no. Don't blow so hard. [Josh blows his trombone softer] Okay, blow a little harder. [Josh then blows the trombone's slide completely out; it falls to the ground, then other classmates and band members laugh at him]

Judge Cranfield:
Next case: Snively vs. Framm. This one of your high-profile divorce cases?

Bailiff:
No, sir. Custody.

Judge Cranfield:
Oh, custody. [then sees Buddy, unchained, in his courtroom] Holy Toledo! What is that dog doing in the courtroom?

Bailiff:
That's the uh, "child", sir.

Judge Cranfield:
That's a pretty ugly kid.

Bailiff:
It's a dog.

Judge Cranfield:
What?

Bailiff:
The case is about custody of a dog.

Judge Cranfield:
All right, I'll take it, but we have to do this seriously. I will not have my courtroom turned into some kind of circus. [Norman Snively walks into the courtroom, dressed as a clown, shocking Judge Cranfield] Who the hell are you?

Norman Snively:
Mr. Norman F. Snively. I'm the plaintiff.

Judge Cranfield:
You look like an idiot!

Norman Snively:
Why, thank you, sir.

Josh Framm:
[starts looking for Buddy after he wakes up Christmas morning] Buddy. [not seeing him under the bed where he expected] Buddy? [leaps out of bed alarmed by not finding him] Buddy!

Jackie Framm:
[Josh runs downstairs, finds Buddy, beside Jackie, with a Christmas ribbon on his forehead] Merry Christmas, Josh!

Josh Framm:
Buddy! [hugs Buddy, extra heavily, causing Buddy to whine] Thank you, Mom. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Jackie Framm:
That's my son!

[after Josh's 3-point field-goal, leading the Timberwolves to victory over Warriors]

Jackie Framm:
That's my son!

Jackie Framm:
[in the car, and Andera Framm crying] You okay? You okay, sweetie? You okay?

Andrea Framm:
[in the car seat] No!!

Jackie Framm:
I am concerned about him starting three months into the school year. He doesn't make friends very easily. Not that he's not friendly. It's just... Well, he doesn't talk much these days. You see, when his dad passed away last year...

Mrs. Pepper:
Oh, I'm so sorry.

Jackie Framm:
Thank you. It's been difficult. So, anyway, I used to spend a lot of time around here because my grandparents lived here. So I thought that the move would really be the best thing for us, especially for Josh.

Mrs. Pepper:
I understand. I'm sure he's going to do very well here. But tell me about extracurricular programs. Does Josh have any interests or hobbies?

Jackie Framm:
Well, he used to like to play basketball with his dad, but he's lost interest in that too.

Mrs. Pepper:
Well, let's see. We have an excellent band.

Jackie Framm:
Oh, I used to play the flute when I was his age. That was fun. I think an instrument would be just the thing!

Musical Band Teacher (cameo):
[Josh is trying to play a trombone] No, no, no. Don't blow so hard. [Josh blows his trombone softer] Okay, blow a little harder. [Josh then blows the trombone's slide completely out; it falls to the ground, then other classmates and band members laugh at him]

Arthur Chaney:
Larry, out!

Larry Willingham:
What? Why are you taking me out?

Arthur Chaney:
Josh, go on in for Larry, huh?

Buck Willingham:
What the hell do you think you're doing?

Arthur Chaney:
Time, ref!

Buck Willingham:
Why are you taking my kid out?

Arthur Chaney:
Because he's playing like a one-man team.

Buck Willingham:
This boy is the team!

Arthur Chaney:
Maybe he is to a worked-up father, but to me he's a player who's got a whole lot to learn. Now I'll kindly ask you to take your seat, Mr. Willingham. Let me get back to coaching my team.

Buck Willingham:
Come on, Larry. We're leaving.

Larry Willingham:
But, Dad?

Buck Willingham:
Now!

Arthur Chaney:
Check in, Josh.

Norm Snively:
Oh, hey. Sorry to disturb you. Name's Norm Snively. I believe you've got my dog.

Jackie Framm:
Huh, what?

Norm Snively:
My dog. You know, Old... Old... Old Blue. Uh, here. There's a picture of him. That's him and me. You see, I'm a clown by profession.

Jackie Framm:
Umm...

Norm Snively:
Maybe you would like to see his papers.

Jackie Framm:
Oh... Uh... [gasps as soon as Josh comes back home]

[dog growls]

Jackie Framm:
Josh.

Josh Framm:
No!

Norm Snively:
Blue, yes. Now you're coming home with Daddy.

Josh Framm:
No! You can't take him!

Jackie Framm:
Josh, honey, honey! Josh, there is nothing that we can do. He's got papers.

Josh Framm:
He's my dog!

[dog whines]

Jackie Framm:
Please, sir, could we pay you?

Norm Snively:
Look, lady, I just want my dog back, okay?

Josh Framm:
He hates you! He hates you!

Jackie Framm:
Baby, it's okay.

Norm Snively:
I'll tell you what, kid. On your next birthday, me and the dog, we'll come out. We'll do a show for you, cheap.

Jackie Framm:
It's okay. It's okay. Baby, it's okay. Josh! Please, just talk to me! Please wait!

Norm Snively:
A beer commercial? No, I don't want my dog to do beer commercials.

Josh Framm:
Psst, Buddy.

Norm Snively:
Look, what do you think I am anyway? I got... I'm... I got... Look, I got ethics.

Josh Framm:
Buddy.

Norm Snively:
Just for curiosity's sake, though, what are we talking about for one of those beer commercials? Would you shut up out there! What's that? We're talking about how much?

Josh Framm:
Hey, Buddy.

Norm Snively:
Oh, that kind of blows ethics right out of the water, doesn't it? I mean, hey, he's just a dog. What does he know? No, April's not good for us. We're booked on a tour. Wait! Is that Oprah woman... Oprah, you know, the Oprah woman... Does she like dogs? I'd love to do Jay Leno. Hey! Get back here with my dog!

Josh Framm:
Buddy, come on. Run!

Norm Snively:
You little darned kid! That's my dog!

Josh Framm:
Go, Buddy!

Norm Snively:
I got you, kid!

Josh Framm:
Go, Buddy, go!

Norm Snively:
Hey! Get out of my way! Hey! You can't run fast enough! I needed that! Hey! I'm gonna get you, you little...

Warriors Head Coach:
What the heck's going on here?

Arthur Chaney:
I'll handle this, Josh.

Referee #2:
Look, the Timberwolves wanna substitute a dog.

Warriors Head Coach:
What, are they nuts?

Arthur Chaney:
Dog's a registered member of the team. He practices with the team, he travels with the team. You check your rule book. Bet you won't find anything in there that says a dog can't play.

Referee #1:
He's right. Ain't no rule that says a dog can't play basketball.

Buck Willingham:
This is a joke! I mean, dogs don't play basketball!

Arthur Chaney:
What's the matter, gentlemen? Afraid your team might get beat by a dog?

Warriors Head Coach & Buck Willingham:
Put him in!

Norm Snively:
Would it be okay if I get a couple of references? Come on, get up here! I warned you! You had your chance, you flea-bitten mongrel! You're going to the pound! Do you hear me?! You're going to the pound! I hate birthday parties! I hate kids! I hate being a clown! I can't stand birthday cakes!