All of Me

Roger:
Just because my grandfather didn't rape the environment and exploit the workers doesn't make me a peasant. And it's not that he didn't want to rape the environment and exploit the workers, I'm sure he did. It's just that as a barber, he didn't have that much opportunity.

Tyrone Wattell:
I have a lot of friends who are crazier than you. But not many friends who are better than you.

Roger:
You'll have to do it.

Edwina Cutwater:
Do what?

Roger:
You know, take it out.

Edwina Cutwater:
Take what out?

Roger:
The little fireman.

Edwina Cutwater:
The little fireman?

Roger:
You know, my penis.

Edwina Cutwater:
How dare you say penis to a dead person.

Roger:
You bought me a grave-post for my 38th birthday?

Edwina Cutwater:
Guess what I'm going to do?

Roger:
What?

Edwina Cutwater:
I'm going to come back from the dead.

Roger:
Aaahhhh. And what makes you think you can do that?

Edwina Cutwater:
Because I'm rich.

Burton Schuyler:
Are you strong enough to continue?

Edwina Cutwater:
What? Oh, I'm fine. Really. I'm fine. Tell them.

Dr. Betty Ahrens:
She could drop dead any minute...

Edwina Cutwater:
Don't mind her. She is only trying to make me feel good.

Edwina Cutwater:
I can't believe this. I can't even die right.

Tyrone Wattell:
Pretty hairy knuckles for a chick.

Peggy Schuyler:
Roger, you go to court tomorrow, we're through.

Roger:
If I don't, your father will have my balls.

Peggy Schuyler:
Then it's either me or your balls. You can't have both.

Tyrone Wattell:
Roger, exactly how do you plan pulling this off?

Roger:
Beats the heck out of me.

Tyrone Wattell:
Well, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse trouble than I thought.

Prahka Lasa:
Backinbowl. Backinbowl.

Terry Hoskins:
I love it when you talk like a beer commercial.

Edwina Cutwater:
Just tell him what happened. I'm sure he'll believe you.

Roger:
(thinks) What, are you kidding? I don't even believe it. If I tell him, he'll definitely have me put away.

Roger:
What the hell are you doing in there?

Edwina Cutwater:
Oh god, don't you guys get enough laughs up there. What have I ever done to you?

Roger:
You're like an energy vampire. You suck the life out of people and take the fun out of being a lawyer.

Roger:
(in church) You really know how to pack them in.

Edwina Cutwater:
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry I ruined your birthday.

Edwina Cutwater:
You are rude, crude, and thoroughly unattractive.

Roger:
Alright. First, loosen your GRIP.

Edwina Cutwater:
You know, you don't have to speak out loud. I can hear your thoughts.

Roger:
Great, just what I've always wanted.

Edwina Cutwater:
Well I don't see why you're getting so upset about all this.

Roger:
Because I want my body back. And I want my freedom and my privacy. And most of all, I'd like to be able to take a leak without being fondled.

Edwina Cutwater:
You may find this hard to believe, but 'fondling you' while you make pee-pee is not my idea of a good time.

Roger:
Is everyone here bananas?

Roger Cobb:
Miss Cutwater, as your attorney, I must advise you - your will can be challenged if you are deemed to be... not of sound mind.

Edwina Cutwater:
Why, you presumptious ambulance chaser. Are you implying that I am not of sound mind?

Roger Cobb:
No, I wouldn't do that. But I think everyone else in the solar system might.

Roger Cobb:
You'll have to do it.

Edwina Cutwater:
Do what?

Roger Cobb:
You know, take it out.

Edwina Cutwater:
Take what out?

Roger Cobb:
The little fireman.

Edwina Cutwater:
The little fireman?

Roger Cobb:
You know, my penis.

Edwina Cutwater:
How dare you say penis to a dead person.

Roger Cobb:
Listen lady, if you don't give Ed some big air, he's gonna piss all over your half of my body!

[Recounting her lonely, friendless life]

Edwina Cutwater:
[Tearfully] Once, my parents hired a clown to entertain me. But he didn't like me! So when my parents were in the room, he'd just sit there, and didn't lift a finger to amuse me!

Roger Cobb:
[Appalled] That's a terrible clown.

Edwina Cutwater:
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry if I ruined your birthday.

Roger Cobb:
And I'm sorry if I made your being dead an unpleasant experience.

[After Roger has been humiliated, fired and thrown out of court, largely because of Edwina]

Edwina Cutwater:
[Thrilled] Oh, Roger! I see what you mean about enjoying life! It's to be savoured!

Roger Cobb:
[Seething] I am going to kill you.

Edwina Cutwater:
[Hurt] I was just trying to help...

Roger Cobb:
You failed! Since you started helping me, in the last twenty-four hours, I've lost my girl, my job, I've alienated my dog! I broke my sunglasses! You can't even get that kind anymore. Stop helping me!!

Edwina Cutwater:
You know, you are so ungrateful. If it wasn't for me, you would get that partnership, and then you'd have to take cases like that, and kiss your father's high ideals goodbye. You'd also be married to Peggy; you call that savouring life?

Roger Cobb:
Oh, look who's talking!

Edwina Cutwater:
I spent my life in a sick bed. What's your excuse?

[Pause - Roger is lost for a reply]

Roger Cobb:
[Fuming] It's just like a dead person to say that.

Edwina Cutwater:
How dare you say 'penis' to a dead person.

Roger Cobb:
[To his dog] Don't look at me like that. I'm not going in there as a messenger boy; I'm a trained legal advisor. No more being looked down on by people who think they're better than I am because they're rich. From now on, I'm gonna be respected... by people who think they're better than I am because they're rich.