Alvin & the Chipmunks

Alvin Seville:
[at employment agency] Well, I want a great job with three weeks paid vacation every sixth months, a birthday bash every year, time off for homework, and a starting salary of a thousand... no, no, make that *two* thousand dollars a week!

Receptionist:
Ah, you must be some top-notch whiz kid! What's your specialities?

Alvin Seville:
I do multiple wheelies on my bike!

Receptionist:
Any degrees?

Alvin Seville:
[puts his hand to his forehead] Eh, about 98.5!

Alvin Seville, Simon Seville, Theodore Seville:
Watch out, 'cause here we come / It's been a while, but we're back with style / So get set to have some fun / We'll bring you action and satisfaction / We're the chipmunks / C-H-I-P-M-U-N-K / We're the chipmunks / Guaranteed to brighten your day / When you feel like a laugh / Give us a call we'll give you our all / And if you feel like a song / Tune in to us and sing right along / We're the chipmunks / Coming on stronger than ever before / We're the chipmunks / Alvin, Simon, Theodore! Do, do, do-do-do-do! Do, do, do-do-do-do!

Alvin Seville:
Hi, I'm Alvin Seville! Maybe you've heard of me?

Girl:
Please go away!

Simon Seville:
She has heard of you...

Simon Seville:
Good bye, Alvin - I forgive you for everything.

Alvin Seville:
Does that include the 75 cents I owe you?

Simon Seville:
*Almost* everything.

Alvin:
[during a title card] We now return to Alvin - that's me - and the Chipmunks.

David 'Dave' Seville:
I'm really worried. Alvin's been like this all weekend.

Theodore Seville:
Friday was the worst day of his life, Dave.

Simon Seville:
First, he lost the election for class president. Then, he lost his girl.

David 'Dave' Seville:
What happened?

Simon Seville:
She left him for someone taller.

Theodore Seville:
And then, he didn't make the cover of Hot Rockers Magazine. Bruce Springsteen did. It was just too much for him.

David 'Dave' Seville:
Poor little guy. I hope we can cheer him up.

Theodore Seville:
I baked your favorite cake, Alvin. Banana coconut.

Simon Seville:
[carrying books] And I got these for you at the library. [holds one up] And this one always cheers me up when I'm down: Math Problems for Rainy Day Weekends.

Alvin Seville:
[not enthused]

Simon Seville:
[tries another book] Uh, how about The Best of Math Problems for Rainy Day Weekends? It's got some great long division.

Alvin Seville:
[still not enthused]

David 'Dave' Seville:
[whispering to Theodore] This oughta do it. Hey, Alvin. I've got two free passes to tonight's Bruce Springsteen concert. What do ya say?

Alvin Seville:
[screams]

David 'Dave' Seville:
What did I say?

Simon Seville:
Springsteen.

David 'Dave' Seville:
Oh, I forgot!

Alvin Seville:
[the house shakes from Alvin performing loud Rock music] I was born in the USA!

Alvin Seville:
I'm a new man! The world won't have Alvin Seville to kick around anymore. No more Mr. Nice Guy.

Theodore Seville, Simon Seville:
Mr. Nice Guy?

Alvin Seville:
[using a jackhammer on the driveway] Jackhammerin' in the USA!

David 'Dave' Seville:
Alvin, what are you doing?

Alvin Seville:
[with a tough voice] What a workin' man does. Building blisters.

David 'Dave' Seville:
You've ruined the driveway. How am I supposed to get the car in and out?

Alvin Seville:
[with a tough voice] Forget the car. Be a man. Get a tank.

David 'Dave' Seville:
A tank? Alvin!

Alvin Seville:
Call me The Boss.

David 'Dave' Seville:
[going into a rough place to eat dinner] Are you sure this is where you want to eat dinner, Alvin?

Alvin Seville:
[with a tough voice] It's a tough place for tough guys.

Waiter:
[serves the table] Here's your grits, gravy, and granite.

Alvin Seville:
[with a tough voice] Okay, everybody, CHOW DOWN! [falls asleep and his face lands in his plate]

David 'Dave' Seville:
I think *The Boss* has had it.

Simon Seville:
His bandana was probably on too tight.

Simon Seville:
Help1 Help! I've been robbed! My life savings, gone.

Theodore Seville:
No, it's not. Alvin borrowed it.

Simon Seville:
He borrowed it? For what?

Simon Seville:
[to Alvin] A LAMA? You spent my life savings on a LAMA?

Alvin Seville:
[dressed as and talking like Michael Jackson] Such a peaceful animal. It brings out the sensitivity in me.

Simon Seville:
Alvin, he's eating the couch!

Alvin Seville:
Call me Michael.

Alvin Seville:
[coming into the kitchen for breakfast with his lama] Good morning, family members.

David 'Dave' Seville:
Morning, Alvin.

Alvin Seville:
[still imitating Michael Jackson] David, please. Call me Michael.

David 'Dave' Seville:
Sorry, Michael. [the lama starts to eat from one of the bowls at the table] This is getting ridiculous.

Alvin Seville:
Be patient, David. I'm in search of a new me.

David 'Dave' Seville:
There been a new you everyday this week.

Simon Seville:
Based on the time travel experiments I was conducting at home, I suspect we have traveled back to 1962.

Alvin Seville:
Before MTV?

Theodore Seville:
Or frozen yogurt?

Theodore Seville, Alvin Seville:
Get us out of here!

Alvin Seville:
[sees younger Dave playing with his paddle ball toy] And he said he never played with that in the house.

Younger Dave:
My Dad just bought it. A brand new TV. Theodore, keep an eye on the door. I'm only supposed to watch after dinner.

Dave's Mother:
David, are you in there watching TV?

Younger Dave:
Tell her no.

Theodore Seville:
Yes, he is.

Younger Dave:
I told you to say no.

Theodore Seville:
But you always say not to lie.

Younger Dave:
I do?

Younger Dave:
Maybe I should give up and become an accountant like my Dad.

Theodore Seville, Simon Seville, Alvin Seville:
An accountant?

Dave's Bandmate:
Oh man, Dave, you can't quit now. The prom contest is tomorrow.

Younger Dave:
I don't think we have a chance of winning.

Simon Seville:
If Dave becomes an accountant, then that means we'll be accountants too.

Theodore Seville:
I can't be an accountant. I'm terrible at math.

Alvin Seville:
We've got to save ourselves!

Younger Dave:
[tries to sing song Alvin wrote for him] I call my baby on my cellular phone. [confused] What's that?

Younger Dave:
[continues singing] I can leave a message if there's no one home. [confused] How?

Alvin Seville:
Dave, take five. [takes the guitar away and plays the song with Simon and Theodore]

Alvin Seville:
[runs over to hug Dave] Dave, your back! You finished your song!

David 'Dave' Seville:
Actually, I ended up deciding to use a song I wrote when I was in high school.

David 'Dave' Seville, Alvin Seville:
[singing] Forget about your troubles. Who cares about the past?

David 'Dave' Seville:
Alvin, how could you know the words to that song? The last time I sang it was in my senior year of high school.

Alvin Seville:
That's when I wrote it for you. [turning to Simon and Theodore] Right?

Alvin Seville:
[directing a music video] Okay, quiet on the set! Places everybody! I want this to be the biggest, the best, most colossal video ever filmed!

Assistant Director:
Uh, where do you want the dancing camels, Mr. Alvin?

Alvin Seville:
Over by the water fountain.

Alvin Seville:
[filming] Cut! I can't get everything in the picture! I've got to move back. [starts to move camera back]

Assistant Director:
No! No! You can't do that!

Alvin Seville:
Ha! Did you tell that to Fellini? To Spielberg? [crashes into the wall]

Simon Seville:
Good job, Theodore. You got an A-.

Theodore Seville:
All right! Wait a minute. What's the minus for?

Simon Seville:
You only missed one question. Our country's bird is the bald eagle, not the stuffed turkey.

Theodore Seville:
Oh.

David 'Dave' Seville:
Good morning Alvin. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, AND YOU MUST, is to have the house spotless by this evening. No excuses Alvin. Oh, and one more thing: NO TV! This tape will self-destruct after five seconds. If you're still watching after that, YOU will self-destruct.

Simon Seville:
It's Jillian! What do I do? [drops groceries]

Alvin Seville:
What's with him?

Theodore Seville:
He likes Jillian, but she doesn't seem to like him.

Simon Seville:
She thinks I'm a loser, a reject, a... a...

Theodore Seville:
A nerd?

Simon Seville:
[sarcastically] Thanks, Theodore.

Alvin Seville:
Go talk to her, Simon. Let me see what you're doing wrong. [pushes him to Jillian]

Simon Seville:
No, Alvin.

Alvin Seville:
Go on, Simon. [shoves him]

Simon Seville:
[accidentally bangs into Jillian and knocks her over] Uh, hi, Jillian. Please accept my humble apologies.

Alvin Seville:
[turns to Theodore] That's his opening line?

Alvin Seville:
[Alvin has changed Simon to make him more macho] Okay, Simon, she's right down the aisle. GO GET HER.

Simon Seville:
[to Jillian] Hey, hot stuff.

Jillian:
[startled] Huh? [drops her library books] Simon, is that you? [Jillian is surprised to see Simon in his new macho clothes]

Simon Seville:
[trying to sound macho] Just call me Hunk, babe.

Alvin Seville:
[whispering to Simon] Tell Jillian she's a foxy mama.

Simon Seville:
Mama? That's an improper noun.

Jillian:
What did you say?

Simon Seville:
Uh, nothing. [goes to help Jillian pick up her books]

Simon Seville:
[still trying to sound macho] Here, sugar, let Hunk get those.

Alvin Seville:
[sees Jillian sitting on a park bench] There she is. Ready, Simon?

Simon Seville:
[Simon is now dressed like a jock and has all different sports equipment] This better work.

Alvin Seville:
I personally guarantee it. Jocks always get the girl. Bruce Jenner, Joe Namath...

Theodore Seville:
[trying to help] Liberace.

Alvin Seville:
You're not helping, Theodore.

Theodore Seville:
[sees Jillian from a distance talking to a guy with a motorcycle] Look, there's Jillian.

Duke:
[to Jillian] I got my bike all juiced up for the big race tomorrow.

Jillian:
I'll be there cheering for you, Duke.

Alvin Seville:
So *that's* it. Jillian's into motorcycle guys.

Simon Seville:
ALVIN, I DON'T LIKE MOTORCYCLES.

Alvin Seville:
But you do like Jillian, don't you?

Simon Seville:
[thinking about it] Well...

Alvin Seville:
Trust me. The way to her heart is on two wheels.

Duke:
[looks at Simon's bike before the race] Hey, kid. You can go faster on a bus.

Simon Seville:
I don't know how you talked me into this, Alvin.

Alvin Seville:
One word. Jillian.

Theodore Seville:
[at Simon's motorcycle race] I hope nothing goes wrong. Dave would be awfully upset.

Alvin Seville:
Don't worry. Dave doesn't even know we're here.

David 'Dave' Seville:
[back home in the yard] Fellas, it's time for the yard work!

David 'Dave' Seville:
[finds a newspaper on the ground and picks it up to read it]

David 'Dave' Seville:
[reading it] Motorcycle Race. [disbelievingly] They wouldn't.

David 'Dave' Seville:
[thinks again] They would!

David 'Dave' Seville:
[shocked to see that Simon was just in a motorcycle race] Simon, what's come over you?

Simon Seville:
Well, uh... uh...

Alvin Seville:
[referring to Jillian] Here she comes now.

Jillian:
[runs over to Simon] Simon, I'm so impressed with the modifications on your bike.

Simon Seville:
You are?

Jillian:
My cousin Duke wants to know all about them.

Simon Seville:
Your cousin? [walks over to Alvin, furious]

David 'Dave' Seville:
Well, Simon's back to his old self.

Alvin Seville:
[starts up Simon's motorcycle] So he won't be needing *this*.

Theodore Seville:
[Alvin and Theodore ride off] Bye, Dave!

David 'Dave' Seville:
ALVIN!

David 'Dave' Seville:
The way that I see it. [points to Theodore] You Theodore, shouldn't of been messing around in the kitchen.

David 'Dave' Seville:
[points to Simon] You Simon, shouldn't have tried to get the piano upstairs.

David 'Dave' Seville:
[points to Alvin] And you, Alvin...

Alvin Seville:
I know. I should never have been born.

David 'Dave' Seville:
How are we doing, boys?

Simon Seville:
Well, at the halfway point, you're leading by 6 strokes.

Theodore Seville:
Keep this up and you won't lose your autographed golf club. Oops.

David 'Dave' Seville:
MY WHAT? [putts and misses]

David 'Dave' Seville:
[to Alvin] Theodore wouldn't happen to be talking about my ARNOLD PALMER golf club, WOULD HE?

Alvin Seville:
Uh, it's possible.

Simon Seville:
Uh, Alvin bet your golf club against a date in Higgins' club.

Alvin Seville:
[laughs nervously] Nothing to do now, but play to win. Eh, Dave?

David 'Dave' Seville:
After the game we're going to have a long talk, Alvin.

Alvin Seville:
I hate long talks.

[as they are checking that they have everything]

Alvin Seville:
Popcorn?

Theodore Seville:
Check!

Alvin Seville:
3-D glasses?

Everyone:
Check! [they all put them on]

Simon Seville:
Wait a minute. Alvin, this movie isn't in 3-D!

Alvin Seville:
Yeah, but don't we look cool?

Female Reporter:
Is it true your movie will star Sylvester Stallone?

Alvin Seville:
Sly will be my co-star.

David 'Dave' Seville:
[angry] ALVIN.

Female Reporter:
And The Rolling Stones will definitely be an opening act for your world tour?

Alvin Seville:
Only if we don't decide to use Springsteen.

David 'Dave' Seville:
[angrier] ALVIN.

Male Reporter:
When will you take over officially as Johnny Letterman's permanent co-host?

Simon Seville, Theodore Seville:
What?

David 'Dave' Seville:
[very angry] ALVIN!

Alvin Seville:
[excited] I want lights, smoke bombs, I want a GIANT keyboard to lower me down to the stage. I want...

Johnny Letterman Stagehand:
Hey, why don't you relax, kid. Your only gonna be on TV for a minute.

Johnny Letterman:
And now, I'd like to announce my special guest for tomorrow night's show. The hottest rock and rollers in the country, Alvin and the Chipmunks.

David 'Dave' Seville:
[watching on TV] What did he say?

Alvin Seville:
He *said*, we're gonna be on his show tomorrow night.

David 'Dave' Seville:
Alvin, how did you ever get a booking on the Johnny Letterman Show?

Alvin Seville:
Oh, Johnny and I are like [crosses his fingers] *this*, Dave.

David 'Dave' Seville:
Since when?

Theodore Seville:
Since Alvin's been calling him everyday.

Simon Seville:
For a month.

David 'Dave' Seville:
You called Johnny Letterman everyday for a MONTH?

Alvin Seville:
Well, I never called on weekends.

Mr. T.:
[Theodore takes Mr. T.'s fries] You can't eat those fries.

Theodore Seville:
[nervous] Oh, gee... well... I...

Mr. T.:
[holds up a bottle] Without ketchup.

David 'Dave' Seville:
[have just found the baby Chipmunks on his doorstep and brought them in] There you are, all snuggy-poo! Now Daddy-Davey's gonna get some sleep. Nighty-night!

Simon Seville:
Nighty-night?

Theodore Seville:
Daddy-Davey?

Alvin Seville:
Snuggy-poo? This poor man needs help!

David 'Dave' Seville:
[about the other side of the Wall] Even rock and roll is against the law there.

Alvin Seville:
Rock and roll? Against the law? Who'd want to live there?

Simon Seville:
They don't exactly have a choice, Alvin.

David 'Dave' Seville:
The Wall was built after a war that divided the country in two; once a year this side of the wall has a concert for their friends and family on the other side, where many freedoms we take for granted are denied.

Alvin Seville:
All you're doing is staring at a stupid wall, when you could be staring at me.

Katarina:
I'm waiting for my brother. He's on the other side.

Alvin Seville:
What is he? A pole vaulter?

Katarina:
No, Eric was unable to escape when we did. Every day, he sends my family a message.

Alvin Seville:
Really? How? [gets hit with a soccer ball]

Katarina:
Oh, let me help you.

Alvin Seville:
What does he say?

Katarina:
'I'm okay, can you play Boss records tonight? Miss you. Love Eric'.

Simon Seville:
He wants you to play Springsteen?

Katarina:
Eric LOVES rock and roll. He says knowing and playing his favorite music makes him feel better.

Alvin Seville:
[captured by German guards] This is it! The long walk! The end of the line! The last goodbye!

Alvin Seville:
[singing] Far from the battlefield, far from war, we've got to look for an open door. All of us working, all of us searching for peace! We dream of a time when we all are one, clinging to hope, and the earth's bright sun. So let's get together, things will be better if we try, hear our cry!

Alvin Seville, Simon Seville, Theodore Seville:
Someday the pain of war will be healed. Someday when we can speak what we feel. Let the wall come down, tumble to the ground, and one day there'll be peace all around.

Alvin Seville:
So let's raise our voice, so they all can hear, over the Wall they will raise our cheer! All of us clinging! All of us singing the cry, we will try!

Alvin Seville, Simon Seville, Theodore Seville:
Someday the pain of war will be healed. Someday when we can speak what we feel. Let the wall come down, tumble to the ground, and one day there'll be peace all around.

Theodore Seville:
[Simon and Theodore thrown popcorn on a man in the movie theater to ruin his date at the behest of Alvin. Unfortunately, that man is Dave] Dave!

Simon Seville:
[Alvin pulls them behind the seats before they can get Dave's attention] Alvin, why didn't you tell us?

Alvin Seville:
Would you have helped me?

Simon Seville, Theodore Seville:
NO!

Alvin Seville:
I rest my case.

Simon Seville:
Behold, my Teleghost Transmitter.

Theodore Seville:
Oh.

[astonished]

Theodore Seville:
Oh!

Simon Seville:
[trying to reach the ghost] Come in. Come in, please.

Voice on Radio:
Hello? Hello?

Theodore Seville:
The ghost!

Simon Seville:
Hello out there. Please, tell us, what do you want?

Voice on Radio:
Well, I sure could go for a king size lemonade and a submarine sandwich 'bout now.

Theodore Seville:
I told you he was hungry.

Simon Seville:
[suspiciously] Who is this anyway?

Voice on Radio:
Why, this here is Jim Bob Briggs out of Waco, Texas.

Simon Seville:
SIGN OFF, JIM BOB. We're expecting a very important call.

[Teleghost Transmitter blows up]

Theodore Seville:
[after seeing Alvin being so sweet to Miss Stone] Is Alvin doing that bad in math?

Simon Seville:
I'm afraid it goes deeper than that, Theodore. I think Alvin has a crush on our teacher.

Alvin Seville:
It's true. I've found the girl, uh, *woman* of my dreams. No more immature schoolgirls for me. Miss Stone and I are launching into a beautiful relationship.

Simon Seville:
[to Theodore] I imagine it's news to her.

David 'Dave' Seville:
[lifts Alvin's bike out of Miss Stone's car] Here we go.

David 'Dave' Seville:
[Dave and Miss Stone gaze at one another] Alvin, your, uh, toys are all over the living room again.

Alvin Seville:
[embarrassed] My *toys*? They must be Theodore's.

David 'Dave' Seville:
[trying to get rid of Alvin] ALVIN.

Alvin Seville:
I'll, uh, just be a minute Miss Stone. [walks away] TOYS. How embarrassing. [Alvin overhears Dave and Miss Stone talking]

Miss Stone:
A movie? That sounds wonderful, David.

Alvin Seville:
First he HUMILIATES me. Then he steals my woman. Well I'm not gonna take this lying down.

Alvin Seville:
[to Simon and Theodore] So you're gonna help me get Miss Stone back.

Theodore Seville:
Get her back? From who?

Alvin Seville:
That's not important, Theodore.

Simon Seville:
Alvin, I don't think Miss Stone was yours to begin with.

Alvin Seville:
Oh REALLY, Simon? I wonder if Dave knows who ruined his shirts with a certain automatic iron invention.

Simon Seville:
You wouldn't.

Alvin Seville:
Oh yeah?

Simon Seville:
Okay, what do you want us to do?

Alvin Seville:
Help me make Miss Stone regret the day she met this two-timing Casanova.

Alvin Seville:
[thinking he ruined Dave's date with Miss Stone] How was your evening, Dave?

David 'Dave' Seville:
The best.

Alvin Seville:
The best? What do you mean?

David 'Dave' Seville:
Well, we got off to a slow start, but later, Linda and I really hit it off.

Alvin Seville:
Linda? You're on a first name basis?

Simon Seville:
[running to Dave thinking they ruined his date] We're sorry, Dave.

Theodore Seville:
Can you ever forgive us?

David 'Dave' Seville:
What for, fellas?

Alvin Seville:
Dave had a GREAT time on his date with LINDA last night.

Simon Seville, Theodore Seville:
You did?

David 'Dave' Seville:
Yeah. In fact, we're going out again tomorrow night.

Simon Seville, Theodore Seville:
You are?

Alvin Seville:
[to himself, angrily] Then it's time to show Miss Stone who the best man really is.

Alvin Seville:
Miss Stone.

Miss Stone:
Yes, Alvin?

Alvin Seville:
I know this is last minute, but how 'bout going out with me tonight?

Miss Stone:
I'm very flattered, Alvin, but I'm afraid you're a little young for me.

Alvin Seville:
But I'm gonna be 9 next week.

Alvin Seville:
Dave, could you bend down a minute?

[Dave bends down and Alvin slaps him with a glove]

David 'Dave' Seville:
WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

Simon Seville:
I believe Alvin just challenged you to a duel.

Theodore Seville:
To see who wins the hand of the fair Miss Stone.

David 'Dave' Seville:
What?

[calls Alvin back]

David 'Dave' Seville:
Alvin! Alvin! ALVIN!

Alvin Seville:
Yes, David?

David 'Dave' Seville:
Forget this duel nonsense. You're just a child.

Alvin Seville:
Fine. Simon, please tell that adult over there that this child is packing his meager belongings and moving to the orphanage.

David 'Dave' Seville:
Okay, Alvin, I accept you're challenge. But *I* choose the weapons.

Alvin Seville:
I'm giving up on older women. They're too much trouble. [the doorbell rings and Simon answers the door]

Theodore Seville:
Hi.

Simon Seville:
[yells upstairs to Dave] Dave, the babysitter's here!

David 'Dave' Seville:
[to the babysitter] Right on time, Sandy.

Alvin Seville:
[Alvin immediately falls for her] Sandy, a lovely name for a lovely woman. [leading her into the living room] And please, call me Alvin.

David 'Dave' Seville:
Well, we couldn't expect him to quit cold turkey, could we?