Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip

[from trailer]

Alvin:
[in the middle of the road] You drive like my grandmother! Whoooo-hoooo! This is awesome!

[from trailer]

Alvin:
When I say "party", you say "Alvin". Party!

Party People:
Alvin!

Alvin:
Party!

Party People:
Alvin!

Alvin:
Party!

Dave:
[unplugs the plug of the dance floor] ALVIIIIIIN!

Party Guy:
You said that in a non-party way, man.

Alvin:
Woah, buzzkill.

Alvin:
Don't you judge me, Jon Waters, I've seen Pink flamingos

[first lines; Theodore turns on the camera]

Alvin:
Are we rolling?

Theodore:
Okay, we're rolling. [Theodore move the camera to Alvin and Simon] Dave's birthday message, take 1.

Alvin and Simon:
Happy birthday, Dave!

Alvin:
We know how hard you've been working on Ashley's album... so we thought it would be fun to surprise you with a little party.

Brittany:
Hey! I thought you said this was a going-away party for us.

Alvin:
Uh...

Theodore:
Take 2.

Alvin:
[claps his hands] To celebrate your birthday... and The Chipettes leaving to guest-judge American Idol... [The Chipettes wave] ...We thought we'd throw you a small get... [The cellphone is ringing] Hold on, that's the DJ!

Simon:
Wait, "DJ"?

Alvin:
Okay, fine, so it might be a medium-sized get-together.

Simon:
Alvin, did you hire someone to build a half-pipe in the backyard?! [takes off his glasses angrily]

Alvin:
Of course not! The party planner did.

Simon:
You hired a party planner?!

Party planner:
No, he did not hire a "party planner."

Simon:
Oh, thank goodness. [He puts his glasses back on] For a minute there, I...

Party planner:
I am an event planner. Marco, I'm done giving you instructions.

Simon:
Oh, boy.

[That night in the backyard]

Alvin:
Dave, it's all good. It's just us. [chuckles nervously] Nothing too cra... [Theodore presses the flip button on the cellphone] Theodore, you hit the flip button!

Theodore:
Oops! Um, hi.

Jeanette:
Is that safe?

Simon:
No, it is absolutely not.

Alvin:
When I say "party", you say "Alvin". Party!

Party People:
Alvin!

Alvin:
Party!

Dave and the Party People:
Alvin!

Alvin:
Party!

Dave:
ALVIN!

[Dave returns with Samantha]

Simon:
Oh, Dave, thank goodness.

Alvin:
Hey, Dave.

Dave:
Hey, guys. This is Samantha. Sam, these are my boys.

Samantha:
Hi.

Theodore:
Hi.

[Dave and Samantha look up]

Dave:
That's Theodore. He might be the smallest, but he's got the biggest heart.

Samantha:
Hi.

Alvin:
Ooh, we've heard a lot about you. [Samantha comes close to Alvin] Enchant. [kisses Samantha's finger]

Samantha:
I can tell that you're trouble.

Alvin:
If by "trouble", you mean "irresistible", then guilty as charged.

Dave:
Alvin, of course, and there's Simon.

Simon:
So, you're a doctor?

Samantha:
I am. Did Dave mention that?

Simon:
No, you're wearing a stethoscope.

Samantha:
[looks at her stethoscope] Yes, I am. [takes off her Stethoscope] That's embarrassing.

Simon:
Would it be okay if I tried it?

Samantha:
Yeah, knock yourself out.

[She gives Simon the stethoscope]

Simon:
Oh, thank you. [uses a Stethoscope to listen to his heart] Heart rate is smooth and steady, 400 BPM.

Theodore:
So, it's beating?

Dave:
Of course it's beating.

Samantha:
It's so nice to finally meet you guys.

[Alvin and Miles look at the squirrels]

Miles:
I can't believe that worked.

Alvin:
It wasn't so much me as it was the peanuts dipped in cough syrup.

[3 squirrels sleeping]

Miles:
That's really messed up. Respect.

[They both do a fist bump]

Alvin:
Thank you!

Simon:
Alvin, these aren't even chipmunks. They're squirrels.

Alvin:
Beggars can't be choosers. Besides, once we put them in the shirts from the Alvin, Simon and Theodore dolls... Miss Price won't be able to tell the difference.

Miles:
Yeah, let's do it.

Theodore:
Ooh, oh... I get to change me!

Alvin:
Hello, New Orleans! Direct from our Austin to Miami Combat Tour, we're The Chipmunks! [people of New Orleans cheering]

Theodore:
Is everybody ready to get their funk on?

Alvin:
Did you guys hear that?

Miles:
Hear what?

Alvin:
Huh. Never mind.

Miles:
Guys, last night was one of the best nights of my life.

Alvin:
It was pretty crazy.

Theodore:
Even that Suggs guy hung out with us.

Alvin:
Yeah, he's not that bad after all.

Simon:
Hey! We missed a call from Dave. And a text. 27 of them.

Theodore:
Uh-oh!

Miles:
Oh-no.

Alvin:
This where they told us to meet them, right?

Theodore:
Well, yelled at us to meet them.

Miles:
Hopefully they had time to cool off on the plane.

Dave:
There you are.

Simon:
Dave!

Alvin:
Dave!

Miles:
Mom!

Dave:
Don't "Dave, Mom" us.

Samantha:
You know what, Dave? You're an artist, and you're emotional... and you follow your heart, but maybe I should take the lead one this one. You know, we keep a level head. Throw them a little Good Cop. Okay.

Dave:
Okay.

Samantha:
[to Miles and the Chipmunks] Don't you "Dave, Mom" us. Do you have any idea how terrifying it is... to find out that your children are 2,000 miles away from where they're supposed to be? You are lucky that there are witnesses, [Everyone heard everything] because I am so mad right now... that I could just spit! Right here, on this floor!

Dave:
Okay, okay, okay, okay. Nice Good Cop.

Alvin:
Dave, I swear, it wasn't as crazy as it looked on TV.

Dave:
Oh, really? Well, let me just pull up some of Theodore's tweets from last night. "Only one word to describe this night, "Crazy, crazy, crazy,crazy." Or, "if you wanna get crazy, "go to New Orleans. It's the craziest." Or, "In a New Orleans Jazz Parade, "so crazy."

Simon:
We're really sorry, Dave.

Dave:
Sorry's not gonna cut it this time, guys. If were up to me, we'd be going home, but I gotta get back to Miami. Do not smile. You guys are grounded in Miami and also when we get back to LA.

Alvin:
[scoffs] When are we not grounded?

Dave:
You'll be so old, your fur will be gray.

Samantha:
Yeah, that goes for your fur too, Miles.

Miles:
I don't have fur.

Samantha:
Well, whatever you have is grounded... for a long time. Let's go.

Alvin:
Huh. They didn't kill us after all

Miles:
Feels like a win.

[The Chipmunks enters the elevator]

Alvin:
Hurry, hurry!

Theodore:
He's coming!

[The Chipmunks climb up the elevator's bar]

Theodore:
Hurry, Alvin. Hit the button!

Simon:
Come on, Alvin! Hurry, hurry!

[Alvin pushes the button on the elevator, and the elevator's door is closing]

Theodore:
[sighs]

Simon:
Whew!

Agent James Suggs:
Ha!

[Agent James Suggs stops the elevator door, and opens it]

Agent James Suggs:
Here's Suggsy! [he does an evil laugh]

Simon:
He's like the Terminator!

Theodore:
Yeah!

[Agent James Suggs enter the elevator]

Alvin:
Oh, no.

Agent James Suggs:
This is ironic. We're gonna be going up... but I'm taking you boys down. [he snickers] Now, here's what's gonna happen... I'm gonna turn you over to Homeland Security... and they're gonna put you in a zoo prison for dangerous animals.

Simon:
[gasps] Oh, no.

Agent James Suggs:
And then, if you ever get out of there... I'm gonna pay someone to have you stuffed.

Alvin:
Right.

Agent James Suggs:
And I'm gonna give you as a gift to Anna, who will hopefully take me back.

[Simon and Theodore look at each other]

Alvin:
Dude, I'm sorry, but it's over.

Agent James Suggs:
You don't know that.

Simon:
Theo, let's go.

Agent James Suggs:
I just think there's something wrong with her phone and she's not getting my texts... or the flowers, or my candy grams. [Simon and Theodore opens the emergency hatch] And I, personally, don't think it's uncommon... for someone to move five times a year and change their number. [he laughs] Okay? It's normal.

Alvin:
Oh, yeah. Totally normal.

Simon:
Alvin!

[Agent James Suggs looks up]

Agent James Suggs:
What? What's going on?

Alvin:
And that's our cue to leave.

[Alvin pushes the red button, The elevator begins to shake]

Alvin:
It has been a treat.

[Alvin runs to his brothers]

Agent James Suggs:
No... What are you doing?

Simon:
And elevator power off.

Agent James Suggs:
[yells] No! No!

[Agent James Suggs tries to reach for the emergency hatch, But the Chipmunks closes the hatch, Agent James Suggs is now stuck in an elevator]

Dave:
The only reason we're not headed back to LA right now is because... I have to be here. As soon as the show is over, we're all going home. I don't think I've ever been more disappointed in you guys than I am right now.

Simon:
If Dave didn't wanna get rid of us before, he definitely does now.

Alvin:
All because we only cared about if we were happy. Maybe it's a chipmunk thing, like hoarding, you know? Maybe we're emotional hoarders.

Simon:
Actually, chipmunks are traditionally very caring creatures.

Alvin:
Oh, nuts. Well, that means it's us.

Theodore:
I'd do anything to fix this.

[At American Idol]

Redfoo:
[sings] Once upon a time I was fallin' in love.

Brittany:
Oh, boy.

Redfoo:
Now it's only fallin' apart.

Eleanor:
Oh, okay.

Redfoo:
Nothin' I can say A total eclipse of the heart!

Jeanette:
Ooh!

[Redfoo stops singing]

Brittany:
Um, well...

Alvin:
You're going to Hollywood!

[Redfoo looks excited]

Brittany:
Alvin!

Redfoo:
I'm going to Hollywood! I'm going to Hollywood!

[Redfoo runs away]

Alvin:
Sorry, girls, I've always wanted to say that.

Eleanor:
What are you doing here?

Jeanette:
Yeah. We're kind of in the middle of auditions.

Alvin:
I need your help. We really screwed up with Dave and we gotta fix it.

[The Chipettes look at each other]

Brittany:
Because it's for Dave, we're in.

Alvin:
Girls, thank you. We owe you one.

Brittany:
You owe us way more than one, but, you're welcome.

Jeanette:
Guys, we have to get back to auditions. Ryan's been texting me like crazy.

Brittany:
Come on, girls. Let's roll.

Eleanor:
Bye, Theodore-able.

[Eleanor giggles, she runs after Brittany and Jeanette, Simon takes off his glasses as he looks at Theodore, who shrugs]

[Dave and the chipmunks arrive home]

Alvin:
Hey, official and legal dad?

Dave':
Yes, official and legal son?

Alvin:
Thanks for being the best official and legal dad, Dad.

Dave:
Well, you three are the best official and legal sons an official and legal father could ask for.

Simon:
Aw. That's sweet of you to say, Dad.

Theodore:
Yeah.

Dave:
But seriously, guys, this is the happiest day of my life. Literally nothing could ruin it for me.

[They all enter the house, Dave finds out that the squirrels made a huge mess]

Theodore:
Oh, boy.

Simon:
[gasps] Alvin.

Alvin:
Totally forgot about this.

[One squirrel eats the table, The other rips the curtain]

Dave:
ALVIN!