An Ideal Husband

Miss Mabel Chiltern, Sir Robert's sister:
But, I love London society. I think it immensely improved. It is now entirely composed of beautiful idiots and brilliant lunatics. Just what society should be!

Olivia, Countess of Basildon:
A man talked to me about his wife the whole time.

Mrs. Margaret Marchmont:
How very trivial of him.

Olivia, Countess of Basildon:
What martyrs we are, dear Margaret.

Mrs. Margaret Marchmont:
And how well it becomes us, Olivia.

Mrs. Laura Cheveley:
Do you think it is quite charming of you to be so rude to a woman in your own house?

Viscount Arthur Goring:
In the case of a very fascinating woman, sex is a challenge, not a defense.

Mrs. Laura Cheveley:
I suppose that is meant as a compliment. Oh my dear Arthur, women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That's the difference between the two sexes.

Miss Mabel Chiltern, Sir Robert's sister:
Why do you call Lord Goring a good for nothing?

Earl of Caversham, Goring's Father:
Because he leads such an ideal life.

Miss Mabel Chiltern, Sir Robert's sister:
How can you say such a thing? Why, he rides in the Row at ten o'clock in the morning, he goes to the Opera three times a week, he changes his clothes at least five times a day, and he dines out every night of the season. You don't call that leading an idle life, do you?

Mrs. Laura Cheveley:
An acquaintance that begins with a compliment, is sure to develop into a real friendship. It starts in the right manner.

Sir Robert Chiltern:
And what prizes did you get, Mrs. Cheveley?

Mrs. Laura Cheveley:
My prizes came a little later on in life. I don't think any of them were for good conduct.

Sir Robert Chiltern:
I'm sure they were for something charming.

Mrs. Laura Cheveley:
I don't know that women are always rewarded for being charming. I think they are usually punished for it.

Miss Mabel Chiltern, Sir Robert's sister:
What sort of woman is she?

Viscount Arthur Goring:
Oh, a genius by day and a beauty by night.

Miss Mabel Chiltern, Sir Robert's sister:
I dislike her already.

Viscount Arthur Goring:
That shows your admirable good taste.

Mrs. Margaret Marchmont:
Olivia, I have a curious feeling of absolute faintness. I think I should like some supper, very much. I know I should like some supper.

Olivia, Countess of Basildon:
I'm positively dying for supper, Margaret.

Mrs. Margaret Marchmont:
Men are so horribly selfish. They never think of these things.

Olivia, Countess of Basildon:
Men are grossly material. Grossly material! [Enters the Viscomte]

Viscomte de Nanjac:
Countess, may I have the honor of taking you down to supper?

Olivia, Countess of Basildon:
I never take supper, thank you, Viscomte. But, I will come down with you, with pleasure.

Viscomte de Nanjac:
You are a young girl and more beautiful than ever. How do you manage it?

Mrs. Laura Cheveley:
By making it a rule only to talk to perfectly charming people like yourself.

Viscomte de Nanjac:
Ha Ha. Ah, you flatter me. You, a, "butter" me, as they say in England.

Mrs. Laura Cheveley:
Oh, do they say that here? How dreadful of them.