Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues

Soul Brother:
I'm so lonely, I paid a hobo to spoon with me.

Ron Burgundy:
Who the hell is Julius Caesar? You know I don't follow the NBA!

Ron Burgundy:
By the hymen of Olivia Newton-John!

Champ Kind:
I believe in two things: Chicken, and that the census is a way for the UN to make your children gay.

Brick Tamland:
I can always guess how many jelly beans are in a jelly bean jar, even if it's not right.

Ron Burgundy:
I'm not trying to be funny, but are you sure he's not a midget with a learning disability?

Ron Burgundy:
If you've got an ass like the North Star, wise men are gonna want to follow it.

Ron Burgundy:
Andre the Giant gave a surprisingly nimble foot rub.

Ron Burgundy:
The Tooth Fairy's exposed breast made the child uncomfortable.

Wes Mantooth:
You made one mistake today. You messed with somebody from San Diego.

Wes Mantooth:
The greatest city in the history of the Earth.

Ron Burgundy:
It's actually pronounced Sahn Dee-aaahh-go.

Gary:
Do you know what a psychiatrist is, Ron?

Ron Burgundy:
[pause... looks like he's going to cry] F*** you...

Mack Tannen:
What are you, Finnish?

Ron Burgundy:
Oddly enough I'm full blown 100% Mexican. Straight out of the state of Oaxaca.

Veronica Corningstone:
No, you're not, Ron!

Ron Burgundy:
[shrugs]

Ron Burgundy:
No offense, but you are a stupid a**hole.

Freddie Shapp:
You're on the 2 AM to 5 AM slot.

Ron Burgundy:
What? That's the graveyard shift!

Brick Tamland:
I ain't afraid of no ghost!

Wes Mantooth:
With the things I've done in my life, oh I know I'm going to burn in hell. So I sure as sh*t ain't afraid to burn here on earth.

Ron Burgundy:
Oh my goodness! That's the most badass thing I've ever heard!

Ron Burgundy:
Let's not down play the fact that that is Stonewall Jackson ghost right there.

Ron Burgundy:
Suicide makes you hungry. I don't care what anyone says.

Ron Burgundy:
It doesn't matter whose fault the break-up was, I was stubborn, you were like a mentally ill whore from the 1800's.

Ron Burgundy:
Now I'm not trying to sound funny here, but are you sure he's just not some midget with a mental disability?

Ron Burgundy:
Which one of you pipe hittin b*tches can pass the salt?

CBC News Anchor:
There's not gonna be any fight without Scott Riles and the incredibly polite Canadian news team.

Canadian Anchor:
What about the French-speaking Quebec News? The real voice of Canada!

CBC News Anchor:
Give it a rest, eh?

Champ Kind:
Give me a break! They can't have news. Nothing happens in Canada!

Canadian Anchor:
That's not true! Sometimes people's feelings get hurt.

CBC News Anchor:
And sometimes the lake freezes.

Brick Tamland:
I like your ginger ale!

Mack Tannen:
You guys got room in this battle for an old war horse?

Ron Burgundy:
Mack Tannen! What are you doing here? You're too old for this!

Canadian Anchor:
I had a crush on him when I was a schoolgirl.

CBC News Anchor:
You like it wrinkled, huh?

CBC News Anchor:
Hey, everyone, if I happen to kill you today... sorry!

[At Madison Square Park, Ron runs into Jack Lime and his team]

Ron Burgundy:
[shocked] What the hell?

Jack Lime:
Well, hello, Ron. You out for a jog?

Ron Burgundy:
Jack Lime! [Parents and children scatter away] Where's everyone going? Please, I don't have time to talk, okay? I have to be somewhere.

Jack Lime:
Well, that's funny. 'Cause I got nowhere to be because you pretty much destroyed my career. Do you realize what it did to me, by making myself call me "Jack Lame"? [yells] It was a living hell! [panting]

Ron Burgundy:
I'm telling you, you have to let me go!

Jack Lime:
Oh, don't worry. Four against one. This'll be over fast.

Brian Fantana:
Maybe not so fast!

[Champ, Brick, and Brian appear to the rescue]

Ron Burgundy:
My news team! Thank God!

Champ Kind:
Ain't a day that will be or has been that we don't Ron Burgundy's back.

Jack Lime:
Not a problem. When I done with these mutts, I gonna wipe my shoes on the curb.

Brick Tamland:
Oh, yeah, Jack Lime? When I'm done with you, my mom's gonna pick me up and take me home.

BBC News Anchor:
Wait! [the BBC News team arrives] Here's a headline for you: "Moronic Yank Wankerman Gets a Bloody Good Hiding from News Reader from a Superior Country". For we are the BBC News Service.

[the BBC news team yells]

Ron Burgundy:
Oh, not now!

[a dune buggy arrives with the "ET" team]

Jill Janson, Entertainment Tonight Reporter:
It wouldn't be a battle without Jill Janson.

Wendy Van Peele, Entertainment Tonight Reporter:
And Wendy Van Peele from "Entertainment News".

BBC News Anchor:
Entertainment news is an abomination!

Wendy Van Peele, Entertainment Tonight Reporter:
Who are you wearing today? Oh, look, it's your own blood!

Jill Janson, Entertainment Tonight Reporter:
Today's celebrity birthday's: none. Today's celebrity deaths: All you trick-ass b*tches.

ESPN Reporter:
Jeff Bullington, ESPN, all sports. Tonight's play of the day is me, extracting you spine from your dead body.

Ron Burgundy:
All right, everyone, listen up! By virtue of being on this battlefield, there is no return. People will die.

Jill Janson, Entertainment Tonight Reporter:
I'm so horny right now.

Ron Burgundy:
Some will be disfigured. In some cases, lasting friendships will be made. And as usual, no touching of the hair and face.

CBC News Anchor:
Come on. What do we look like, rookies?

CBC News Anchor, Canadian Anchor:
Sorry.

Ron Burgundy:
When El Trousias, Maiden of the Clouds, blows the battle horn, let the battle begin!

El Trousias Maiden of the Clouds:
[on top of the Flatiron Building; yells] I am El Trousias! Hear my siren song! [plays the battle song]

ESPN Reporter:
El Trousias... The Juicies'. Hmm.

El Trousias Maiden of the Clouds:
That means you can start.

Champ Kind:
We use mainly bats.

Ron Burgundy:
I would eat dolphins if it was legal.

Brick Tamland:
I have a black man that follows me everywhere when it's sunny.

Ron Burgundy:
Actually, I think that's your shadow Brick.

Brick Tamland:
I call him Leon, he's about half as tall as I am, depending on what time of day it is. He likes to play the timpani, and he is a water color.

Ron Burgundy:
What happens to him when it gets cloudy outside?

Brick Tamland:
He goes home.

[giving the sports recap, featuring several home runs in rapid succession]

Champ Kind:
Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Back to you Ron.

Freddie Shapp:
Uh Ron, Jack Lame is wondering if he can pronounce his name "Jack Lah-may"

Freddie Shapp:
Oh, hey Linda. I wanna introduce you to Ron Burgundy.

Linda Jackson:
Hello Mr. Burgundy.

Ron Burgundy:
Oh, black. You're black.

[Linda laughs awkwardly]

Ron Burgundy:
I'm terribly sorry, I don't know why I can't stop saying: black.

Linda Jackson:
Is this for real?

Freddie Shapp:
I'm sorry.

Linda Jackson:
[angry] No it's okay. Okay. So you have a black boss. And it's freaking you out. Is it freaking you out?

Ron Burgundy:
A little bit.

Linda Jackson:
Are you freaked out?

Ron Burgundy:
To be honest

Linda Jackson:
[yells] Is it freaking you out?

Champ Kind:
Oh! She's got a knife!

[Brick hides behind a couch]

Ron Burgundy:
I think you scared him. You can't shout at Brick.

Linda Jackson:
We're not all here to hold hands and sing Kumbaya. So as long as you guys get numbers, we are gonna get along just fine. Now if you don't, I am gonna be icy and unpleasant. You dig?

Ron Burgundy:
I dig. We all dig.

Walter Burgundy:
Goodbye Doby. I hope you eat lots of fish and people.

Ron Burgundy:
If I win, you must change your name legally to Jack LAME!

Ron Burgundy:
I'm blind!

Chani Lastnam?:
Last night a bird chased me home, and I wished it was you.

Ron Burgundy:
Don't just have a great night, have an *American* night.

Brick Tamland:
The beauty of this soda machine pales in comparison to your beauty.

Ron Burgundy:
[repeated line, when he first meets Linda] Black!

Ron Burgundy:
[when coming up with name suggestions for Jack Lime] How about this one? You can call yourself Dick F***.

Brian Fantana:
[referring to Jill and Wendy] I like the way they're put together.

Champ Kind:
I like fighting girls.

Jill Janson, Entertainment Tonight Reporter:
I like to c*nt punt cowboys.

Wendy Van Peele, Entertainment Tonight Reporter:
You eat p*ssy?

Jill Janson, Entertainment Tonight Reporter:
You're gonna.

BBC Anchor:
Wait! Here's a headline for you: "Moronic Yank Wank-orman Gets a Bloody Good Hiding From Newsreader From a Superior Country." For we are the BBC News Service! [BBC news team shouts]

Ron Burgundy:
Oh, not now!

Jack Lime:
[To his news team] Fall back, fall back.

[MTV news team rappels down]

Wesley Jackson:
If y'all gonna get down, then Wesley Jackson and the MTV news crew want in!

Brian Fantana:
What's "MTV"?

Ron Burgundy:
I think it's a venereal disease.

Wesley Jackson:
The most requested video of the day: A new band called "Burgundy sucking chest wound"! [MTV news team shouts]

[Entertainment News team arrives on a dune buggy]

Jill Jansen:
It wouldn't be a battle without Jill Jansen...

Wendy Van Peel:
And Wendy Van Peel, from Entertainment News.

BBC Anchor:
Entertainment News is an abomination!

Wendy Van Peel:
Who are you wearing today? Oh, look, it's your own blood!

Jill Jansen:
Today's celebrity birthdays: None. Today's celebrity deaths: All you dick-licks!

Brian Fantana:
I like how they're put together.

Champ Kind:
I like fighting girls.

Jill Jansen:
I like to c*nt-punt cowboys.

Wendy Van Peel:
You eat p*ssy?

Jill Jansen:
You're gonna.

Scott Riles:
HEEEEYYY! There's not gonna be any fight without Scott Riles and the incredibly polite Canadian News Team. [Canada News Team shouts]

Quebec News Anchor:
What about the French-speaking Quebec News? The real voice of Canada!

Scott Riles:
Give it a rest, eh?

Champ Kind:
Give me a break! They can't have news. Nothing happens in Canada!

Scott Riles:
We're gonna mop the floor with ya! We're gonna put the boots to ya! Sorry.

Quebec News Anchor:
Sorry. We're gonna gouge yer eyes out, and kick yer head in!

Scott Riles and Quebec News Anchor:
Sorry!

Brick Tamland:
...I like your ginger ale!

[ SportsCenter theme plays]

Jeff Bullington:
Jeff Bullington, ESPN, all sports. Tonight's Play of the Day is me, extracting your spine from your dead body!

Brian Fantana:
Holy sh*t, there's a lot of news!

Ron Burgundy:
It's true, the market has become saturated.

History Network Host:
Hey! The History Network wants in on this. We're news too! Only news told much, much later! [History Network team shouts]

Ron Burgundy:
Wait a minute, is that the ghost of Stonewall Jackson with you?

History Network Host:
Yes, it is. And the mighty minotaur!

Jack Lime:
Eh, I don't know about this, man. The minotaur isn't even history. It's mythology!

Ron Burgundy:
Hey, let's not downplay the fact that that's the ghost of Stonewall Jackson!

Ghost of Stonewall Jackson:
May the Lord anoint this hallowed field of battle.

Mack Tannen:
You guys got room in this battle for an old war horse?

Ron Burgundy:
Mack Tannen? What are you doing here, you're too old for this!

Mack Tannen:
Well, you see, there's the thing: When there's an early moon, I almost feel like a stallion again!

Champ Kind:
He's on our side, right Ron?

[Tannen transforms into a werewolf]

Ron Burgundy:
He's a were-hyena!

Wesley Jackson:
I'm gonna call Michael Jackson, I got a video idea!

Ron Burgundy:
Alright, everyone, listen up! By virtue of being on this battlefield, there is no return! People will die!

Jill Jansen:
[Quietly] I'm so horny right now.

Ron Burgundy:
Some will be disfigured! In some cases, lasting friendships will be made! And as usual: No touching of the hair and face!

Scott Riles:
C'mon! What do we look like, rookies?

Scott Riles and Quebec News anchor:
Sorry.

Ron Burgundy:
When El Trousias, Maiden of the Clouds, blows the battle horn, let the battle begin!

El Trousias:
I am El Trousias! Hear my sirens song! [Blows her horn]

Jeff Bullington:
El Trousias...the juiciest, hmm!

El Trousias:
[Finishes blowing her horn]...That means you can start.

Ron Burgundy:
Brick, what the hell is that?

Brick Tamland:
It's a gun...from the future.

Wesley Jackson:
No fair, he has a gun from the future!

Ron Burgundy:
Where did you get it from?

Ron:
The best idea I've ever had was installing this deep-fryer into the bago.

Ron Burgundy:
It's pronounced Sawn Dee-Ayy-Go.

Champ Kind:
They call bats, "Chicken of the cave."

CBC Anchors (Jim Carrey and Marion Cotillard):
Sorry.

Entertainment Tonight Anchor (Tina Fey):
I'm so horny.