Another Happy Day

[first lines]

Ben:
Do you think mom is hot?

Elliot:
No, not really.

Ben:
Why?

Elliot:
I don't know. She's not my type.

Ben:
You don't think she's pretty? Even if she wasn't mom.

Elliot:
Uh, look, every opinion is objective. You know, maybe she's pretty in a universal sense. Uh, I mean, who the f*** knows? I'm just saying, she doesn't do it for me.

Ben:
Do you think other people think she's hot?

Elliot:
I don't know, some people f***in' like McDonalds.

Ben:
I like McDonalds.

Elliot:
Right, and apparently you think mom is hot, so...

Lynn:
[increasingly upset at Paul] All I know is that my daughter has been silently slicing her arms and legs with a straight-edge razor for six years. A straight-edge razor! Now what don't you understand, you solipsistic f***!

Lynn:
Get out. Get out. You son of a b*tch.

Elliot:
Think you just insulted yourself, mom.

Lynn:
Shut up and go f*** yourself!