Archie's Weird Mysteries

Archie Andrews:
[at the end of every episode] In a little town called Riverdale.

Veronica Lodge:
My pendant!

Jughead Jones:
My Peanut!

Archie Andrews:
My goodness!

Veronica Lodge:
[has been transformed into a vampire] It's your old friend, Vampronica!

Archie Andrews:
I think I just put my hand where too many hamburgers have gone before.

Dilton Doiley:
We'll be back faster than you can say, "Pythagorean Theorem."

Archie Andrews:
You sat in front of that television for 12 hours?

Jughead Jones:
That's why they call it a marathon.

Archie Andrews:
No, that's why they call it the boob tube!

Betty Cooper:
Veronica, never go running into a crowd of you!

Veronica Lodge:
I am the only one who is still me... Well, technically everyone else is me.

Jughead Jones:
Why do houses burn down but paper burns up? If "he" is a "him", why isn't "she" a "shim"?

Reggie Mantle:
Archie, Jughead! My pals! [to werewolf] Eat *them*! Eat *them*!

Archie Andrews:
One of us should get the girls to the car, while the other distracts the monster.

Jughead Jones:
Good plan. See ya.

Archie Andrews:
Wait! Aren't you going to volunteer to stay behind?

Jughead Jones:
Sorry, I'm allergic to fur and having my legs ripped off.

Reggie Mantle:
Great. I finally meet a girl who likes me, and it turns out she's the teacher who made me retake geography in summer school.

Archie Andrews:
Reggie, why do you have to always point up everyone's mistakes?

Reggie Mantle:
Because I'm better than everyone.

Archie Andrews:
[about Reggie] He's got a case of terminal jerkiositude.

Veronica Lodge:
What happened to the good old days when Jughead was the only weirdo in town?

Reggie Mantle:
[Reggie is a vampire - points to teeth] Sharp as ever!

Betty Cooper:
Unlike your brain, which is as dull as ever.

Jughead Jones:
Hi, Reggie.

Reggie Mantle:
[dressed as a werewolf] Ah, man! How did you know it was me?

Jughead Jones:
Besides the fact that you've always come to Veronica's parties dressed up as a werewolf?

Reggie Mantle:
I just kill me!

Archie Andrews:
I understand the impulse.

Reggie Mantle:
Hey, Pop, speed it up! I'm burning daylight here. I've got people to go, and places to meet!

Jughead Jones:
Bad mutated alligator!