Armless

[first lines]

John:
[into answering machine] Hi honey, it's John. I have something to tell you. Sh*t! [clicks off]

John:
Hi honey, it's John. I have something to tell you. I have... You should probably sit down for this. [clicks off]

John:
Honey, I had a terrible accident with the car tonight. No, with a power saw. No... [clicks off]

Anna:
It's not easy taking to someone through a closet door.

Marie:
I wouldn't imagine.

Anna:
I thought about having all the closet doors removed, but that seemed excessive.

Marie:
[to dog] Shut up, Badge! I should probably get that surgery where they cut out the vocal chords. Ever since Mitch died the house has been so quiet. I miss telling someone to shut up.

Anna:
What do you think would hurt less, sleep pill overdose, or carbon monoxide poisoning?

Dr. Richard Phillips:
You want somebody to cut off your arms?

John:
Yes.

Dr. Richard Phillips:
Is there something wrong with your arms?

John:
Yes.

Dr. Richard Phillips:
What's that?

John:
I have them.

John:
This is a hard secret to carry.

Dr. Richard Phillips:
Well, it'll be hard to carry anything without arms.

Hotel Receptionist:
He said, uh, that Willard was his stage name.

Anna:
What?

Hotel Receptionist:
I know. I didn't know insurance executives had those.

Jenny:
If losing his arms makes him happier, is it really doing harm? Know what I mean?

Dr. Richard Phillips:
Of course it is. People can't do anything without their arms.

Jenny:
Yeah, but a lot of people with arms don't do anything, either.

Anna:
You have such a good life John, why would you want to destroy it?

John:
That's the problem. There are so many good things in my life, it weighs me down. There's so much to hold on to, so much I'm afraid of losing. If I say the wrong thing, if I show something to someone, if I let them see too much, I'll loose it. All that good, normal stuff: the job, house, kitchen, wife - gone. I need to know I can loose those things and be okay. That's what it means to be happy, knowing that.

Anna:
That's not what it means to be happy!

John:
Yes it is. You've never understood that, you panic whenever you think you're going to loose something, anything. You start breathing hard, and you have an attack. But just because you're afraid.

John:
No one ever thinks I'm serious, but I'm always serious. I'm not a funny guy.

[last lines]

Anna:
There's nothing there. There's nothing there. There's nothing there. There's nothing there. There's nothing there. There's nothing there.