Around the Horn

Max:
These four things I know are true. Royce Clayton is the worst batter I've ever seen. The rookie of the year was named for a reason. I've got to switch around the way my room is designed And I'm Max Kellerman, and yet all is well in my world.

Max:
Let's make it happen.

Stat Boy:
Get it? Got it? Good, let's light this candle.

Disembodied Voice:
Around... THE HOORRRRRRRNNNN.

Woody:
Let me straighten you guys out.

Max:
It's buy or sell, let's keep it movin'. First topic.

Woody:
[to Jay Mariotti] Jabronie, you just don't get it!

Woody:
A starting player should never lose his job due to industry!

Disembodied Voice:
Mark Madsen dances like a tree on crack.

Jay Mariotti:
Woody Paige is the William Hung of this show.

Woody:
[to Mariotti] I may have laryngitis but I can still talk better than you!

Woody:
[on steroids] If looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and it's bill is shrinking, then it's on something!

Woody:
Today marks the anniversary of the founding of the National Basketball Assoction... Association...

Woody:
[talking to his toy parrot] Can you say, "Mariotti is a jabroni"?

Woody:
[on Mariotti] How can a man be so wrong, so often?

Stat Boy:
Every once in awhile everyone does something wrong and you have to own up to it - right Mariotti?

Jay Mariotti:
No! [Stat Boy mutes him]

Jay Mariotti:
Two guys with bad hair: Don King and Woody Paige.

Michael Smith:
Old? Woody when God said, "Let there be light," you were there waiting to hit the light switch.

Tim Cowlishaw:
Jay, you're living proof that people under 5-foot 3 should not be allowed to express an opinion.

Woody:
Three words, Mariotti: You are a fool!

Tony Reali:
HORN!

Jay Mariotti:
[on the NFL Network] Anything with the NFL's logo on it succeeds. Have you heard of Snickers?

Woody:
[mocking] Have you ever heard of the Arizona Cardinals?

Bill Plaschke:
You know what PT Barnum said, "There's a Cowlishaw and a Mariotti born every minute." You guys are fools!

Woody:
[after Richard Justice is introduced] You know, even though Mariotti isn't here, it's still nice to have a "Richard" around.

Stat Boy:
You can't say that...

Jim Armstrong:
Oh, please, this is New Orleans you're talking about. At the grocery stores down there, they ask, "Do you want paper or plastic to wear over you head at the game on Sunday?"

Woody:
[written on his blackboard] "Pirates Arrrr Cool".

Woody:
[written on his blackboard] "Cadillac = Lack of Cattle".

Stat Boy:
Self promotion is the mating call of the mute button.

[repeated line]

Woody:
Look at the schedule, guys!

Stat Boy:
[before introducing Adande, Blackistone, Paige, and Smith] We're looking at three of America's hippest, most talented sports writers, and one old white guy.

Woody:
[to Blackistone] You know that baldness is in, so when the aliens come, they'll relate to you... Kevin!

Woody:
I really enjoyed Jay being in New York. We hung out and got to play games. We played "horse"... I was the front end and Jay played himself.

Woody:
[written on his blackboard] Geography is everywhere.

Jay Mariotti:
[about Terrell Owens] T.O. needs controversy like the rest of us need food and water.

Stat Boy:
...And boom goes the dynamite

[repeated line]

Tony Reali:
At the Dallas Morning News, Kevin Blackistone.

Kevin Blackistone:
What's happenin' Tony?

Tony Reali:
Everything is everything, KB.

Tim Cowlishaw:
Is your point thing stuck there, Tony?

Woody:
[written on his blackboard] Geology Rocks!

Woody:
Let's examine this intelligently for a change...

Michael Smith:
[Tony has deducted points away from him for self-promotion] Hey, Tony! Don't take points away from me because I'm the smartest guy on this panel!