Asylum

Simon:
Um, did you order a Beef Magic?

Victor:
I ordered the destruction of mankind! It was late.

Dr. Lovett:
So how is everybody today? Feeling nice and friendly? Or do you want to shoot each other's mothers for a fiver?

Dr. Lovett:
Don't worry. Everyone's free here. Within the confines of the building.

Nurse McFadden:
How do you like your new outfit?

Simon:
Where's my uniform?

Nurse McFadden:
I changed you personally. Anyway, the doctor will see you now Simon. Or should I say, Mr. Bendy.

Simon:
What? What do you mean Bendy?

Dr. Lovett:
[holding up a Rorschach test] What does that remind you of?

Simon:
Uh... ink.

Martha:
I think I... I think I... I think I know what the pizza symbolizes.

Simon:
What?

Martha:
Pizza. Not very exciting, is it really?

Martha:
Basically, um, I'm here because, um, I know too much. I know the capital of Belgium, I know how to make popcorn so that it doesn't burn, I know all the words to Madonna's "Holiday," and they're just running scared.

Martha:
I sometimes adjust my hair in the reflections in other people's eyes.

Dr. Lovett:
Well, it's Christmas in a few months and I expect you're all looking forward to seeing your friends and families... someday.

Simon:
Well, yeah, I suppose I probably wouldn't have, you know, fallen for that whole Immaculate Collection, uh, Conception thing. I mean, you know, she could have thought of a better excuse, really, rather than "Oh, you know, it was an angel." You know, maybe she could have said, "Oh sorry, but I got in the bath after me brother."

Simon:
I don't remember it being like this in the Bible! You know, I don't remember it saying, "And lo, so it was that the innkeeper was wanker."

Simon:
Listen you butt munch, you can't improvise the Bible! You hit Mary!

Simon:
[reciting a poem] The first thing I ever saw/Was an image vague and wispy/A circle rich with colors spread/And a base, quite thin and crispy.

Adam:
Crap.

Victor:
Mmm, yes. Interesting. A little too few references to rancid horse piss and dead geese, but still, yes. Sweet, pithy. Mmmm.

Victor:
You see, when a man shaves his head he often finds nooks and crannies of which he was first unaware. Well imagine my surprise, doctor, when on shaving my head, I discovered another face. One which told me things. Strange things, horrible things.

Dr. Lovett:
When did you shave your head?

Victor:
Yesterday.

Dr. Lovett:
It's grown back pretty quick, hasn't it?

Victor:
Well, I'm from swarthy stalk.

Dr. Lovett:
What did your head tell you?

Victor:
It told me of the pack of dogs that live in my eyes.

Dr. Lovett:
Dogs? We don't allow dogs on the grounds. I hope they're well-trained.

Victor:
No, no. They do their dirty feces everywhere.

Dr. Lovett:
Can't you put newspaper down?

Victor:
Well, I've trained them to come out and do it in my ears.

Dr. Lovett:
They must be very tiny dogs to fit in your eyes.

Victor:
They are Irish wolfhounds. I am in a great deal of pain.

Adam:
Lenny Bruce, he nicked *my* act! He even nicked my catchphrase. "Good evening, my name's Lenny Bruce." That was mine!

Simon:
There's obviously a few sort of, uh, tricks in the trade that we use. As like a - I mean to prevent the pizza from being squashed in the box we use like a small table device, which is quite - it's very - it's like a mouse's table, really. In fact we often have a little joke at the pizza parlor about um, you know after we go home from work at night all the mice get out and they get the little tables out and they all have a little you know bit of pizza - on the - like a feast. But uh, obviously it's sort of pizza-based humor, really. It's not- it's not actually as funny outside the restaurant.

Simon:
Oh no, no, no. I'm not gonna fall for the old drugs-in-the-cupper routine. Not again. You can fool the Peggster once, twice maybe. But not three times. Do you like prison food?

Simon:
It's probably about five o' clock now. I'd usually be somewhere between maybe Houston and Kentish Town, perhaps dropping off the odd Hawaiian. His name's Jose. He's very strange.

Simon:
I am a pizza delivery boy. I am innocent. The beef *is* magic! I am magic!