Baywatch

Lt. Mitch Buchannon:
We're going to Hawaii.

Lt. Stephanie Holden:
Are you sure this is a life guard initiation thing?

Willy Gilligan:
I can't belive this. We're shipwrecked again!

Mary Ann Summers:
But at least we're all safe. That's the important thing.

Captain Don Thorpe:
Skipper, what are we going to do? I just bought my first corporation. Thorp Corp, and I so wanted to be there this morning for they're putting my name on the door.

Shauni McClain:
What about the movie? They could give my part to someone else.

Willy Gilligan:
You'll get used to that being shipwrecked.

[canned laughter from a laugh-track is heard]

Eddie Kramer:
What was that?

Willy Gilligan:
You'll get used to that too.

C.J. Parker:
It just so happens that I can act! I played Medea in high school!

Lt. Stephanie Holden:
Oh yeah? Well, I played Medea in college!

Don Brand:
Hey come on, wouldn't you rather cooperate and have an accurate portrayal of lifeguards in action?

Lt. Stephanie Holden:
Come on yourself, you're talking about television!

Entire Cast:
Merry Christmas!

[Garner arrives at Mitch's lifeguard tower riding a horse]

Garner Ellerbee:
What's the problem?

Lt. Mitch Buchannon:
Uh... we just had a serious ordinance violation committed.

Garner Ellerbee:
Wait, you called me here on an ordinance violation?

Lt. Mitch Buchannon:
No, I called you here because these ladies' purses were stolen. You commited the ordinance violation.

Garner Ellerbee:
Why?

Lt. Mitch Buchannon:
What the hell is this thing doing on the beach anyway? People could be trampled out there.

Garner Ellerbee:
Oh, never. Mitch, my dad owned a horse ranch in Georgia. I learned to ride horses before I learned to walk. You and your lifeguard trucks are far more dangerous than me and Kojak here. Now, you ladies can tell me what happened.

[there are plopping sounds as the horse is relieving himself]

Lt. Mitch Buchannon:
Ugh! Uh, your horse dropped something. Kojak, huh? Telly Savalas never did that.

Lt. Mitch Buchannon:
How dangerous is this person?

Detective Sloan:
Jacob Kilmer makes Hannibal Lector seem like Little Bo Peep.

Lt. Mitch Buchannon:
[to Stephanie about his ex wife] Gail and I spent our honey moon in Hawaii. Every time I see a volcano erupt, I think of her.

Mitch Buchannon:
[comparing best car, best guitarist etc] Best lead singer?

Matt Brody:
Are you kidding? David Hasselhoff!

Mitch Buchannon:
Well, he's big in... big in Europe.