BearCity

Carlos:
[putting ice on Michael's knee and trying to make up with him] You have to take care of this knee, gordito. How's that feel?

Michael:
Much better now.

Carlos:
I love you Michael.

Michael:
I love you too, osito.

Carlos:
And I wanna be with you at the hospital when you go.

Michael:
Really?

Carlos:
I would be lucky to be by your side.

Michael:
Thank you. That won't be necessary.

Carlos:
Why, gordito? Please.

Michael:
Carlos, I'm not going to have the surgery.

Carlos:
Really?

Michael:
Really.

Carlos:
[relieved] Oh my god! When did you decide this?

Michael:
[breaking down into happy tears] When you put the ice on my knee.

Bar patron:
[hitting on Michael in front of Carlos] Hey baby.

Carlos:
Hey don't squeeze the Charmin, papa, ok?

Fred:
[after he let an attraction to Tyler slip] I'm sorry, Brent. It just happened.

Brent:
I know. I saw it, do you think I'm stupid?

Fred:
No, I don't. I was stoned.

Brent:
Oh, what's f***ing new?

Fred:
Why didn't you say something?

Brent:
What am I supposed to say, Fred? 'Tyler, can you please get your taint out of my husband's face?

Fred:
F***, I can't believe I did that.

Brent:
I can't believe you did it after we just talked about how you're okay with not doing it.

Fred:
That was the truth. I wasn't looking to open the relationship.

Brent:
Then what were you looking for in the crack of his ass?

Simon:
[in line waiting to enter the bear run] Grr.

Tyler:
What are you doing?

Simon:
Getting my bear on.

Tyler:
Simon, don't embarrass me.

Polar Bear:
Can I get some service over here?

Brent:
Shut up, ya polar Bear!

[to Tyler]

Brent:
I better go tend to her before she goes extinct.

Bear Cafe patron:
Hey, is anybody working here?

Brent:
Shut the f*** up, Mary, don't get your panties in a bunch!

Michael:
[Roger diplayed the set of sounds he just bought] Please tell me those are metal chopsticks.

Fred:
Well, they could be used on Chinese, just not the food per se.

Brent:
You know what those are?

Fred:
Yeah.

Brent:
[to Michael] Do you know what those are?

Michael:
They ain't for knittin'!

Brent:
[during a discussion about opening up their relationship] My mother says if you say something once, that you probably thought it twice.

Fred:
Which is complete bullshit.

Brent:
You calling my mother a liar?

Fred:
I have a few choice adjectives if you're asking. Sweetheart, you know I love your mother. Could we leave her out of this conversation, please?

Tyler:
Seriously, Brent, thank you, very much. It's really appreciated, I need this job.

Brent:
Oh, well, the job sucks. Don't worry about that. But the eye candy is compensation.

Tyler:
I'll say.

[eyeing a redhaired leather bear]

Tyler:
Hard candy by the looks of this.

Brent:
No, no, that's Robbie. We call her Ruby because of the slippers that will fall out of her mouth when she speaks.

Drag Queen:
Hey Luvah!

Robbie:
[effeminately] Girl! Honey, you look fabulous! Do a little twirl, so I can take a look atcha!

Tyler:
Can I have a search party sent out for the hard on that I just lost?

Roger:
[Carlos just revealed Michael's plans for lapband surgery] Carlos, shut the f*** up!

Carlos:
So of course you know. You can't tell me that you, of all people, approve of this.

Roger:
No, I don't. But it's not my decision, nor is it yours.

Simon:
[Tyler and Simon hadn't seen each other for a bit] Notice anything different?

Tyler:
You're now part of the rhythm nation?

Simon:
Hello! I lost five whole pounds? Thought I'd have you drooling by now.

Tyler:
Actually, gaining ten would probably put you in the right direction.

Simon:
What, you mean you want me to have a roll?

Tyler:
Twenty pounds.

Simon:
A muffin top?

Tyler:
Thirty.

Simon:
Are you suggesting... I mean, a whole belly?

Tyler:
Yeah. Throw in some hair on that belly and I think we're talking perfection.

Simon:
What happened to you? Were you dropped on your head as a child?

Tyler:
God, Simon, please don't ever change. Scratch that. Mature, but please don't ever change.

Simon:
[Tyler walked in on Simon dancing to Dance Dance Revolution] Sh*t Tyler, you scared the hell out of me. Haven't you ever heard of knocking?

Tyler:
[laughing] Oh God, you are officially whatever the PC term is for retarded.

Simon:
Hand me those shorts [Tyler tosses them to him] Hey, it's my cardio, okay? Gym memberships cost a fortune in this city.

Ted:
[seeing the 7-10 split Tyler has to spare] Whoa snake eyes! Someone's f***ed without spit!

Ted:
Looks to me if the kid makes this spare, he could take you. Ten bucks says the kid makes the impossible shot and kicks your ass!

Roger:
You remember Tyler?

Ted:
Yeah, I lost ten bucks on the kid. So, what are ya, babysitting?

Roger:
Tyler and I are together, so just watch the f***ing attitude!

Michael:
Carlos, I think I'm gonna have the surgery.

Carlos:
[not impressed] So you're getting your stomach stapled?

Michael:
They don't staple the stomach anymore. They use a rubber band, a lapband they call it. I know you wouldn't understand.

Carlos:
Of course I don't understand. That kind of procedure is for people with health problems. Health problems, Michael, not self worth problems!

Michael:
Carlos, I need a job!

Carlos:
Oh, and you think being thin is going to magically make you employable?

Michael:
[almost in tears] I think you need to stay at your apartment tonight!

Carlos:
Michael, I look at you and I see how beautiful you are. Inside and out.

Michael:
I better see the inside out of this shirt, at the foot of my bed, in about forty seconds.

Roger:
If I think I'm an a**hole, I imagine the feeling is mutual.

Tyler:
When are you going to stop caring about what other people think?

Roger:
Kid, what other people think is all I see.

Tyler:
Then close your eyes for once.

Michael:
How long have we been friends?

Roger:
That would be since the Mesozoic era.

Michael:
Uh uh. When Pangea broke apart, and I've never seen you act like this. I think you have feelings for someone, but it ain't the Spaniard.

Roger:
Michael, please don't psychoanalyze me.

Michael:
Hey, I am your oldest friend. If I don't psychoanalyze you, who's gonna do it?

Simon:
[after trying Randy's "dirty jock" shot] What the hell was that?

Brent:
Awful.

Fred:
That was Randy's dirty jock.

Tyler:
Yeah, tastes like it.

Randy:
F*** you b*tches. Die of thirst!

Roger:
[after Simon interrupts them at a tender moment] Please tell me you know this child.

Tyler:
No, I can't say that I do. Feel free to kill him.